A person don't need to intify as eher gay OR straight — there are so many people, such as the celebs, who intify as queer, bisexual, pan, or label-ee.
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- THE STARS OF JACKASS 3D ON GOD, CANCER, AND HOMOSEXUALYBY ERIC SPZNAGELOCTOBER 14, 2010SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEJOHNNY KNOXVILLE JACKASS 3D. PHOTO URTY PARAMOUNT PICTUR.PABLO PISSO ONCE SAID, “EVERY ACT OF CREATN IS FIRST AN ACT OF STCTN.” IF YOU’VE EVER SEEN JACKASS, EHER THE MTV SERI OR THE FIRST TWO MOVI, THEN YOU’VE FELY SEEN A FEW ACTS OF STCTN, IF MOSTLY SELF-FLICTED AND THE GRO REGN. SO DO THIS MEAN JOHNNY KNOXVILLE AND HIS BAND OF GIDDY MORONS QUALIFY AS ARTISTS? PROBABLY, YEAH. IT DON’T HURT THAT THEIR LATT MOVIE, JACKASS 3D — WHICH OPENS NATNWI TOMORROW — WAS SCREENED EARLIER THIS WEEK AT NEW YORK’S MM OF MORN ART, THE VERY BUILDG THAT ALSO HO A PISSO LLECTN. YOU ULD WASTE A LOT OF K WRG ABOUT THE ARTISTRY, TEND OR NOT, OF THE JACKASS OVRE. THE NEW MOVIE PARTICULAR IS BRIMMG WH SUBTEXT, EVERYTHG OM BLISTERG HOMOSEXUAL TENSN (HAS THEIR EVER BEEN A GROUP OF STRAIGHT MEN WHO WANTED TO FUCK EACH OTHER AS SPERATELY AS THE GUYS?) TO BTERSWEET REFLECTNS ON GROWG OLD.DPE WHAT YOU MAY’VE HEARD, THE 3-D TECHNOLOGY ISN’T THE REAL SHOW HERE. SURE, ’S FASCATG AND REVOLTG TO WATCH POOP SPRAYED AT YOU THREE-DIMENSNS. BUT EVEN MORE REMARKABLE IS HOW THE PERFORMERS, AFTER OVER A OF FILMED ABE, HAVE DISVERED FLCHG. IT’S AS IF EARLY MIDDLE AGE, THEY’VE SUDNLY VELOPED A PA REFLEX. OR MAYBE ’S JT THE ANTICIPATN OF PA. THEY STILL ENDURE EVERY STUNT LIKE CHAMPS, BUT WH AGE AND EXPERIENCE, THEY SEEM MORE ACUTELY AWARE OF WHAT’S G AND HOW MUCH ’S GOG TO HURT. IF THERE’S ANY LSON THE JACKASS MOVI — AND I HIGHLY REMEND WATCHG THEM SEQUENTIALLY TO REALLY APPRECIATE THIS POT — ’S THAT WE’RE ALL DYG A LTLE MORE EVERY DAY, AND IGNORANCE REALLY IS BLISS.I LLED JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, STEVE-O, AND BAM MARGERA TO TALK ABOUT THEIR NEW MOVIE. WE END UP TALKG THEOLOGY AND SCROTUMS, BEE WHY WOULDN’T WE?ERIC SPZNAGEL: WHEN JACKASS FIRST PREMIERED ON MTV, THERE WAS A WARNG AT THE BEGNG OF EVERY EPISO THAT ALL STUNTS WERE “PERFORMED BY PROFSNALS.” IT SEEMED HILAR AT THE TIME TO THK YOU ULD BE A “PROFSNAL” AT PUTTG FOREIGN OBJECTS YOUR ASS AND ENDURG TTICLE ABE. BUT, I GUS AFTER ALL THE YEARS, YOU GUYS ACTUALLY ARE PROFSNALS.JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: WELL, WE’RE NO BETTER AT WHAT WE DO THAN WE EVER WERE. WE’VE JT BEEN DOG A LONG TIME. WE STILL SUCK.BAM MARGERA: THE FACT THAT JOHNNY’S SO UNORDATED IS WHAT MAK FUNNY. HE JT FALLS ON HIS FACE.KNOXVILLE: I AM THE LEAST SKILLED OF ANYBODY THE ST. ALL I N DO IS STAND ONE SPOT AND HOLD ONTO WHATEVER THEY GIVE ME.STEVE-O: I WAS A PROFSNAL BEFORE JACKASS EVER STARTED. I GRADUATED OM RGLG BROTHERS BARNUM & BAILEY CLOWN COLLEGE.THEY MT BE VERY PROUD.STEVE-O: NOT AT ALL. (LGHS.) I’M A PROUD VEGAN, WHISTLE-BLOWER, AND ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST. I KNOW THAT MAK ME SOUND LIKE A HYPOCRE, BEE JACKASS 3D I GET TO A PEN WH A RAM THAT CHARG TO MY NUTS. I WAS REALLY NFLICTED ABOUT THAT.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHABOUT WHICH PART? THE NUTS CHARGG OR...?STEVE-O: I REMEMBER WHEN THE MOVIE STARTED, I SAID, “I DON’T WANT TO WORK WH ANIMALS. THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M ABOUT.” BUT THEN I DID THE RAM SCENE ANYWAY, AND I JTIFIED MY HEAD, LIKE, “O.K., THIS IS FOR WORK. I’VE GOT TO PUT MY OWN PERSONAL BELIEFS ASI.” SO I GOT TO THE PEN AND MY STCTS TOOK OVER. THE RAM CHARGED TOWARDS MY NUTS, AND I PUT MY HAND DOWN TO BLOCK . THAT HAPPENED A BUNCH OF TIM, AND AS A RULT THE TENDONS MY RIGHT HAND ARE TOTALLY MSED UP. THIS WAS BACK FEBARY, AND WE’RE NOW OCTOBER AND ’S STILL NOT HEALED. I FEEL LIKE ’S A PERMANENT REMR THAT I PROMISED MY BELIEFS.I WOULDN’T FEEL BAD. THE RAM HAS PETA ON S SI. THERE ISN’T AN ADVOCY GROUP FOR YOUR NUTS.STEVE-O: YEAH, RIGHT, EXACTLY. PETA IS NOT PULLG FOR MY BALLS AT ALL.EVEL KNIEVEL HAS THE GUNS RERD FOR BONE ACTUR AT 431. HAVE ANY OF YOU E CLOSE TO BEATG THAT NUMBER?KNOXVILLE: IS THAT TE? 431? WOW. WE’VE ALL HAD OUR SHARE OF JURI, BUT NOTHG LIKE THAT.MARGERA: I’M NOWHERE NEAR THAT. BETWEEN JACKASS AND TRYG SKATEBOARD TRICKS, I’VE BROKEN MY LEFT WRIST EIGHT TIM, MY RIGHT WRIST TWICE, MY SHOULR AND MY CLAVICLE, THREE RIBS TWICE, A BROKEN FOOT THREE DIFFERENT SPOTS AT ONCE, AND A BROKEN TAILBONE. BUT THAT’S .KNOXVILLE: I THK EVEL’S RERD WILL REMA TACT.YOU MT HAVE THE RERD TTICLE JURI. HAVE YOU STARTED TO BUILD UP A RISTANCE, LIKE LL OF THE BALLS?KNOXVILLE: IT’S JT LIKE A DOG’S CHEW-TOY DOWN THERE. I BROKE MY PENIS ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO TRYG TO BACKFLIP A MOTORCYCLE. SO THAT DIDN’T HELP S APPEARANCE—ALTHOUGH ’S PRETTY CUTE. I STILL HAVE TO E A THETER TWICE A DAY AND ’S BEEN THREE YEARS NOW.YOU N’T PEE WHOUT A THETER?KNOXVILLE: NO, I N PISS WHOUT . I JT HAVE TO KEEP THE SR TISSUE OM NSTRICTG DOWN THERE. IT LOOKS LIKE A SOCK THAT’S LOST S ELASTICY. YOU KNOW THE KD THAT DROOP AROUND YOUR ANKL? THAT’S WHAT MY PENIS LOOKS LIKE.MARGERA: I THK THE ONLY ONE WHO ME OUT AHEAD THIS MOVIE IS CHRIS (PONTI). HE DID A SK LLED “THE HELICKTER” WHERE HE TIED A STRG TO HIS PENIS AND THE OTHER END WAS ATTACHED TO A REMOTE-NTROL HELIPTER. IT RIPPED OFF SO HARD, HE SAID HE GAED A FEW CH.IS SELF-MUTILATN AS MUCH FUN MIDDLE AGE AS WAS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND STUPID? IS EVER AS GOOD AS YOUR FIRST TIME?KNOXVILLE: IT DIDN’T FEEL GOOD THEN, AND DON’T FEEL GOOD NOW. I DON’T REALLY THK ABOUT . YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOG TO GET SMOKED BY SOMETHG AND ’S GOG TO HURT. BUT YOU’RE GOG TO HEAL AND ’S GOG TO BE FUNNY, SO STOP BEG A LTLE BCH ABOUT AND STAND THERE.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHDO YOU EVER PRACTICE YOUR GRIMAC ADVANCE?KNOXVILLE: I’D RATHER REHEARSE ON FILM. WE’RE ALL ABOUT METHOD ACTG.AH, O.K. SO YOU’RE OM THE LEE STRASBERG SCHOOL?KNOXVILLE: YEAH, RIGHT. EVERYTHG YOU SEE ON SCREEN IS REAL. BY DOG WHAT WE DO, THERE’S NATURALLY GOG TO BE A LOT OF GRIMACG. AND WHIMPERG. AND IF YOUR NAME IS BAM MARGERA, MAYBE A FEW TEARS.MARGERA: YEAH, I DID CRY THIS TIME. THERE’S A B VOLVG ME FALLG TO A P OF SNAK AND THAT’S PROBABLY MY WORST FEAR EVER.EVEL KNIEVEL ONCE SAID, “DYG IS A PART OF LIVG AND NONE OF IS GOG TO GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE.” IS THAT PRETTY MUCH YOUR PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY?KNOXVILLE: I LOVE EVEL KNIEVEL, BUT I DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S HOW I LOOK AT . WE’RE JT DOG STUPID STUFF TO MAKE OURSELV LGH.SO YOU DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO DIE?KNOXVILLE: HELL NO. I JT WANT TO GET GOOD FOOTAGE.MARGERA: THERE HAVE BEEN TIM BEFORE A STUNT WHEN I THOUGHT, “THIS ULD BE BAD FOREVER.” KNOXVILLE DO THIS SK THE MOVIE LLED THE INVISIBLE MAN, WHERE HE PATS HIMSELF TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THE WALL BEHD HIM. THEY RELEASE A SPANISH BULL, HOPG THAT ’LL SPOT HIM. AND DO. HE LANDS RIGHT ON HIS NECK, AND FOR A SEND LOOKED LIKE WAS OVER FOR HIM. BUT HE JT HAD A SORE NECK FOR ABOUT A MONTH.HOW EXACTLY DO YOU EXPLA THAT? BY THE LAW OF AVERAG, AT LEAST ONE OF YOU SHOULD BE AD OR PARALYZED BY NOW.KNOXVILLE: I DON’T KNOW. I THK WE’VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD SPIR GOG ON THE SET. I THK ’S BETTER NOT TO DWELL ON TOO MUCH.A GOOD SPIR? THAT’S AN TERTG WAY TO PUT . MOTHER THERA SAID SUFFERG BRGS YOU CLOSER TO GOD. HAVE YOU FOUND THAT TO BE TE?KNOXVILLE: SUFFERG WILL GET YOU GREAT FOOTAGE. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT CLOSER TO GOD. ALTHOUGH THERE HAVE BEEN TIM WHEN I’VE SUFFERED TO THE POT WHERE I THK I MIGHT BE ABOUT TO MEET HIM.STEVE-O: I WOULDN’T HAVE REALLY MTED MYSELF TO ANY KD OF SPIRUAL LIFTYLE, I DON’T THK, IF I HAD NOT ENDURED GREAT SUFFERG. I THK THAT’S THE SE WH A LOT OF PEOPLE. AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHAT BRGS YOU CLOSER TO GOD IS BEG SERVICE TO OTHERS. I THK ANY RELIGN OR SPIRUAL WAY OF LIFE WILL DITE THAT SERVICE TO OTHERS WILL LEAD TO A NNECTN WH A HIGHER POWER. (BURSTS TO LGHTER.) I LOVE THAT THIS IS A JACKASS TERVIEW AND I’M TALKG ABOUT THIS SH.IF GOD EXISTS, DO YOU THK HE OR SHE ENJOYS A GOOD PUNCH--THE-NUTS PRANK?MARGERA: OF URSE, YEAH. IF YOU DON’T FD HUMOR THAT, THAN YOU’RE DUMB. (PSE.) I MEAN WE’RE DUMB. NOT GOD. WE’RE THE ON GETTG PUNCHED THE BALLS. HE’S JT THE ONE ENJOYG . HE PROBABLY WOULDN’T ENJOY IF WAS HAPPENG TO HIM, BUT HE’D PROBABLY LIKE TO WATCH DO TO SOMEBODY ELSE.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHIT ULD ALSO BE ARGUED THAT JACKASS IS A CELEBRATN OF ATHEISM. AYAAN HIRSI ALI SAID THAT WHOUT A BELIEF GOD, “LIFE ON THIS EARTH, WH ALL S MYSTERY AND BETY AND PA, IS THEN TO BE LIVED FAR MORE TENSELY.” IS THAT MAYBE WHAT YOU WERE TRYG TO EXPRS WHEN YOU PUT ELECTRIC MCLE STIMULATORS ON YOUR TTICL?KNOXVILLE: WELL—THEY ULD PARE TO THE INDIAN ASCETICS WHO GO THROUGH SO MUCH TORTURE AND PA. I HEARD ABOUT ONE GUY WHO’S HAD HIS ARM RAISED FOR SEVEN YEARS. THAT’S GNARLY! NOT PARTICULARLY FUNNY, BUT GNARLY.I’M NOT SURE IF YOU’VE HEARD, BUT OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER AWARENS MONTH.MARGERA: IS THAT TE? I HAD NO IA.IT’S TE. IS JT A CINCE THAT YOU RELEASED YOUR MOVIE THIS MONTH?STEVE-O: LET ME TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE PK RIBBONS. I WAS WATCHG THE N.F.L. LAST WEEK, AND ALL THE PLAYERS WERE WEARG PK. I DON’T THK THEY DID ANYTHG TO TE PEOPLE ABOUT NCER PREVENTN. I DON’T THK A PK RIBBON DO ANYTHG. WHAT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW IS THAT ’S THE ATROC DIET OF AMERINS THAT’S RPONSIBLE FOR ALL YOUR NCER, ALL YOUR HEART DISEASE, ALL YOUR DIABET.WHAT ABOUT THE NCER RISKS OF PUTTG FIREWORKS YOUR RECTUM?STEVE-O: (LGHS.) OH MY GOD! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THK ABOUT . I’LL TELL YOU, MAN, MY PERSONAL LIFTYLE FOR THE LONGT TIME—’S LIKE I WAS STRIVG TO GET NCER. I REALLY WAS, MAN. I QU SMOKG CIGARETT OVER TWO YEARS AGO, BUT I SMOKED FOR 18 YEARS BEFORE THAT. I ONCE LAID DOWN ON THE NVEYER BELT OF THE X-RAY MACHE AT THE AIRPORT SECURY CHECKPOT, WHICH IS REALLY BAD. THAT WAS LIKE SOME CHERNOBYL SH.TO BE FAIR, YOU GUYS ARE LIKE SPOKPEOPLE FOR EARLY TECTN. IF YOU HAD ANY TUMORS, A DOCTOR SURELY WOULD’VE FOUND BY NOW.KNOXVILLE: THAT’S TE. WE’RE THE EMERGENCY ROOM A LOT. I HAVE A WHOLE SLEW OF DOCTORS. I N UNT EIGHT MY PHONE RIGHT NOW—EIGHT DIFFERENT DOCTORS, ALL FOR DIFFERENT PARTS OF MY BODY. I HAVE SPECIALISTS.MARGERA: I’M A REGULAR AT A HOSPAL PENNSYLVANIA. THE RIDDLE HOSPAL MEDIA, PENNSYLVANIA. I ACTUALLY HAVE A THG LLED FAST TRACK.IS THAT LIKE MEDIL EQUENT-FLYER ?MARGERA: PRETTY MUCH, YEAH. WHENEVER I GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, THEY TAKE ME RIGHT AWAY, I DON’T HAVE TO WA. IT’S LIKE, “OH BAM’S BACK, WHAT HAPPENED NOW?” I’M ON FIRST-NAME-BASIS WH THEM.SO LISTEN, I’M NOT SURE HOW TO BROACH THIS SUBJECT. THERE’S A LOT OF HALF-NAKED MEN JACKASS, AND A LOT OF ANAL PLAY AND NIPPLE TORTURE AND TTICLE TOUCHG. IS POSSIBLE THAT JACKASS IS AT LEAST A SMIDGE GAY?KNOXVILLE: I’M OFFEND YOU JT SAID A SMIDGE!IT’S MORE THAN A SMIDGE?KNOXVILLE: WE’RE OVER HERE STG ON RABOWS AND YOU SAY A SMIDGE.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHYOU’RE A GAY PRI PARA WAG TO HAPPEN?KNOXVILLE: WE’RE A GAY PRI PARA THAT’S HAPPENG! AND 3-D!IT’S NOT JT HOMOEROTIC TENSN?KNOXVILLE: NO, MAN, ’S ALL ABOUT RELEASE WH .STEVE-O: WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS FUNNY TO FORCE A HETEROSEXUAL MTV GENERATN TO AL WH ALL OF OUR THONGS AND HOMOEROTIC HUMOR. IN MANY WAYS, ALL OUR GAY HUMOR HAS BEEN A HUMANARIAN ATTACK AGAST HOMOPHOBIA. WE’VE BEEN TRYG TO RID THE WORLD OF HOMOPHOBIA FOR YEARS, AND I THK GAY PEOPLE REALLY DIG TOO.THIS WAS WAY TOO EASY. I HAD ALL OF THE QUTNS SIGNED TO LURE YOU TO ADMTG YOUR SUBNSC SIRE TO FUCK EACH OTHER. BUT APPARENTLY YOU’RE NOT SUPPRSG ANYTHG.KNOXVILLE: SUPPRSG?! WA TILL I TELL THE GUYS YOU SAID SUPPRSG! WE’RE NOT SUPPRSG ANYTHG! WE’RE OVER HERE STG ON DICKS!LET’S TALK ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR TN SYSTEM. OUT OF 30 VELOPED UNTRI, THE U.S. RANKS 25TH MATH AND 21ST SCIENCE. WHERE DO YOU THK WE RANK SELF-FLICTED NCSNS?MARGERA: WELL, I THK WE’RE PRETTY HIGH UP THERE. THERE ARE A FEW SHOWS THAT ARE SIAR TO OURS ENGLAND, FLAND, ATRALIA, AND (I THK) INDIA. BUT WE’RE PRETTY HIGH UP.BIS ABG YOUR BODY AND TORTURG YOUR PARENTS, WHAT ARE YOUR TELLECTUAL PURSUS, BAM? ARE YOU A MATH GUY? DO YOU WATCH A LOT OF DISVERY CHANNEL?MARGERA: I LIKE GEOGRAPHY. I ULD TELL YOU THE PAL OF ANY UNTRY YOU WANT.REALLY? CAN I QUIZ YOU?MARGERA: DO , MAN.BELGIUM.MARGERA: BSSELS.SWZERLAND.MARGERA: BERN.BELIZE.MARGERA: BELMOPAN.J CHRIST! AFTER TEN YEARS THIS ST, YOU SHOULD BE BORRLE BRA-AD. HOW DID YOU LEARN THIS STUFF?MARGERA: I’M JT ON A LOT OF AIRPLAN AND I GET BORED. SO I STARTED LOOKG AT THE PALS OF EVERY UNTRY, AND ONE DAY I FIGURED OUT THAT IF I JT LEARNED 20 MORE, I WOULD KNOW THE PAL OF EVERY UNTRY. SO I WROTE THEM DOWN ON A SHOEBOX AND KEPT LOOKG AT .O.K. LAST QUTN. STEVE-O, I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO DISCS YOUR PORTA-POTTY SCENE. IS THIS THE PERFORMANCE THAT WILL FALLY GET YOU AN OSR NOMATN?STEVE-O: I DON’T KNOW. THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT JACKASS: PEOPLE HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS AND ENOUGH SH WEIGHG THEM DOWN, ’S A REAL HONOR FOR ME TO DISTRACT THEM, EVEN IF ’S TEMPORARY. DO I THK I’LL GET AN OSR? NO. BUT I DO THK THERE’S SOMETHG VERY NOBLE ABOUT MAKG A SMALL SACRIFICE, OR MAYBE EVEN A SIGNIFINT SACRIFICE.DU, I SAW THE MOVIE. YOUR MOUTH WAS OPEN. THERE WAS A LOT OF POOP. YOU MA A SACRIFICE.STEVE-O: (LGHS.) THANKS, MAN. THE IA IS TO IMPROVE SOMEBODY’S DAY. THAT’S HOW I’VE ALWAYS VIEWED MY JOB. I’M A DISTRACTN THERAPIST. I MAKE PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS GO AWAY FOR JT A LTLE B.READ MORE:• FROM THE OCTOBER ISSUE: THE 3-D STOOGERIC SPZNAGEL
- PALADO AI HAD GAY OLD TIME
THE STARS OF JACKASS 3D ON GOD, CANCER, AND HOMOSEXUALYBY ERIC SPZNAGELOCTOBER 14, 2010SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEJOHNNY KNOXVILLE JACKASS 3D. PHOTO URTY PARAMOUNT PICTUR.PABLO PISSO ONCE SAID, “EVERY ACT OF CREATN IS FIRST AN ACT OF STCTN.” IF YOU’VE EVER SEEN JACKASS, EHER THE MTV SERI OR THE FIRST TWO MOVI, THEN YOU’VE FELY SEEN A FEW ACTS OF STCTN, IF MOSTLY SELF-FLICTED AND THE GRO REGN. SO DO THIS MEAN JOHNNY KNOXVILLE AND HIS BAND OF GIDDY MORONS QUALIFY AS ARTISTS? PROBABLY, YEAH. IT DON’T HURT THAT THEIR LATT MOVIE, JACKASS 3D — WHICH OPENS NATNWI TOMORROW — WAS SCREENED EARLIER THIS WEEK AT NEW YORK’S MM OF MORN ART, THE VERY BUILDG THAT ALSO HO A PISSO LLECTN. YOU ULD WASTE A LOT OF K WRG ABOUT THE ARTISTRY, TEND OR NOT, OF THE JACKASS OVRE. THE NEW MOVIE PARTICULAR IS BRIMMG WH SUBTEXT, EVERYTHG OM BLISTERG HOMOSEXUAL TENSN (HAS THEIR EVER BEEN A GROUP OF STRAIGHT MEN WHO WANTED TO FUCK EACH OTHER AS SPERATELY AS THE GUYS?) TO BTERSWEET REFLECTNS ON GROWG OLD.DPE WHAT YOU MAY’VE HEARD, THE 3-D TECHNOLOGY ISN’T THE REAL SHOW HERE. SURE, ’S FASCATG AND REVOLTG TO WATCH POOP SPRAYED AT YOU THREE-DIMENSNS. BUT EVEN MORE REMARKABLE IS HOW THE PERFORMERS, AFTER OVER A OF FILMED ABE, HAVE DISVERED FLCHG. IT’S AS IF EARLY MIDDLE AGE, THEY’VE SUDNLY VELOPED A PA REFLEX. OR MAYBE ’S JT THE ANTICIPATN OF PA. THEY STILL ENDURE EVERY STUNT LIKE CHAMPS, BUT WH AGE AND EXPERIENCE, THEY SEEM MORE ACUTELY AWARE OF WHAT’S G AND HOW MUCH ’S GOG TO HURT. IF THERE’S ANY LSON THE JACKASS MOVI — AND I HIGHLY REMEND WATCHG THEM SEQUENTIALLY TO REALLY APPRECIATE THIS POT — ’S THAT WE’RE ALL DYG A LTLE MORE EVERY DAY, AND IGNORANCE REALLY IS BLISS.I LLED JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, STEVE-O, AND BAM MARGERA TO TALK ABOUT THEIR NEW MOVIE. WE END UP TALKG THEOLOGY AND SCROTUMS, BEE WHY WOULDN’T WE?ERIC SPZNAGEL: WHEN JACKASS FIRST PREMIERED ON MTV, THERE WAS A WARNG AT THE BEGNG OF EVERY EPISO THAT ALL STUNTS WERE “PERFORMED BY PROFSNALS.” IT SEEMED HILAR AT THE TIME TO THK YOU ULD BE A “PROFSNAL” AT PUTTG FOREIGN OBJECTS YOUR ASS AND ENDURG TTICLE ABE. BUT, I GUS AFTER ALL THE YEARS, YOU GUYS ACTUALLY ARE PROFSNALS.JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: WELL, WE’RE NO BETTER AT WHAT WE DO THAN WE EVER WERE. WE’VE JT BEEN DOG A LONG TIME. WE STILL SUCK.BAM MARGERA: THE FACT THAT JOHNNY’S SO UNORDATED IS WHAT MAK FUNNY. HE JT FALLS ON HIS FACE.KNOXVILLE: I AM THE LEAST SKILLED OF ANYBODY THE ST. ALL I N DO IS STAND ONE SPOT AND HOLD ONTO WHATEVER THEY GIVE ME.STEVE-O: I WAS A PROFSNAL BEFORE JACKASS EVER STARTED. I GRADUATED OM RGLG BROTHERS BARNUM & BAILEY CLOWN COLLEGE.THEY MT BE VERY PROUD.STEVE-O: NOT AT ALL. (LGHS.) I’M A PROUD VEGAN, WHISTLE-BLOWER, AND ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST. I KNOW THAT MAK ME SOUND LIKE A HYPOCRE, BEE JACKASS 3D I GET TO A PEN WH A RAM THAT CHARG TO MY NUTS. I WAS REALLY NFLICTED ABOUT THAT.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHABOUT WHICH PART? THE NUTS CHARGG OR...?STEVE-O: I REMEMBER WHEN THE MOVIE STARTED, I SAID, “I DON’T WANT TO WORK WH ANIMALS. THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M ABOUT.” BUT THEN I DID THE RAM SCENE ANYWAY, AND I JTIFIED MY HEAD, LIKE, “O.K., THIS IS FOR WORK. I’VE GOT TO PUT MY OWN PERSONAL BELIEFS ASI.” SO I GOT TO THE PEN AND MY STCTS TOOK OVER. THE RAM CHARGED TOWARDS MY NUTS, AND I PUT MY HAND DOWN TO BLOCK . THAT HAPPENED A BUNCH OF TIM, AND AS A RULT THE TENDONS MY RIGHT HAND ARE TOTALLY MSED UP. THIS WAS BACK FEBARY, AND WE’RE NOW OCTOBER AND ’S STILL NOT HEALED. I FEEL LIKE ’S A PERMANENT REMR THAT I PROMISED MY BELIEFS.I WOULDN’T FEEL BAD. THE RAM HAS PETA ON S SI. THERE ISN’T AN ADVOCY GROUP FOR YOUR NUTS.STEVE-O: YEAH, RIGHT, EXACTLY. PETA IS NOT PULLG FOR MY BALLS AT ALL.EVEL KNIEVEL HAS THE GUNS RERD FOR BONE ACTUR AT 431. HAVE ANY OF YOU E CLOSE TO BEATG THAT NUMBER?KNOXVILLE: IS THAT TE? 431? WOW. WE’VE ALL HAD OUR SHARE OF JURI, BUT NOTHG LIKE THAT.MARGERA: I’M NOWHERE NEAR THAT. BETWEEN JACKASS AND TRYG SKATEBOARD TRICKS, I’VE BROKEN MY LEFT WRIST EIGHT TIM, MY RIGHT WRIST TWICE, MY SHOULR AND MY CLAVICLE, THREE RIBS TWICE, A BROKEN FOOT THREE DIFFERENT SPOTS AT ONCE, AND A BROKEN TAILBONE. BUT THAT’S .KNOXVILLE: I THK EVEL’S RERD WILL REMA TACT.YOU MT HAVE THE RERD TTICLE JURI. HAVE YOU STARTED TO BUILD UP A RISTANCE, LIKE LL OF THE BALLS?KNOXVILLE: IT’S JT LIKE A DOG’S CHEW-TOY DOWN THERE. I BROKE MY PENIS ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO TRYG TO BACKFLIP A MOTORCYCLE. SO THAT DIDN’T HELP S APPEARANCE—ALTHOUGH ’S PRETTY CUTE. I STILL HAVE TO E A THETER TWICE A DAY AND ’S BEEN THREE YEARS NOW.YOU N’T PEE WHOUT A THETER?KNOXVILLE: NO, I N PISS WHOUT . I JT HAVE TO KEEP THE SR TISSUE OM NSTRICTG DOWN THERE. IT LOOKS LIKE A SOCK THAT’S LOST S ELASTICY. YOU KNOW THE KD THAT DROOP AROUND YOUR ANKL? THAT’S WHAT MY PENIS LOOKS LIKE.MARGERA: I THK THE ONLY ONE WHO ME OUT AHEAD THIS MOVIE IS CHRIS (PONTI). HE DID A SK LLED “THE HELICKTER” WHERE HE TIED A STRG TO HIS PENIS AND THE OTHER END WAS ATTACHED TO A REMOTE-NTROL HELIPTER. IT RIPPED OFF SO HARD, HE SAID HE GAED A FEW CH.IS SELF-MUTILATN AS MUCH FUN MIDDLE AGE AS WAS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND STUPID? IS EVER AS GOOD AS YOUR FIRST TIME?KNOXVILLE: IT DIDN’T FEEL GOOD THEN, AND DON’T FEEL GOOD NOW. I DON’T REALLY THK ABOUT . YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOG TO GET SMOKED BY SOMETHG AND ’S GOG TO HURT. BUT YOU’RE GOG TO HEAL AND ’S GOG TO BE FUNNY, SO STOP BEG A LTLE BCH ABOUT AND STAND THERE.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHDO YOU EVER PRACTICE YOUR GRIMAC ADVANCE?KNOXVILLE: I’D RATHER REHEARSE ON FILM. WE’RE ALL ABOUT METHOD ACTG.AH, O.K. SO YOU’RE OM THE LEE STRASBERG SCHOOL?KNOXVILLE: YEAH, RIGHT. EVERYTHG YOU SEE ON SCREEN IS REAL. BY DOG WHAT WE DO, THERE’S NATURALLY GOG TO BE A LOT OF GRIMACG. AND WHIMPERG. AND IF YOUR NAME IS BAM MARGERA, MAYBE A FEW TEARS.MARGERA: YEAH, I DID CRY THIS TIME. THERE’S A B VOLVG ME FALLG TO A P OF SNAK AND THAT’S PROBABLY MY WORST FEAR EVER.EVEL KNIEVEL ONCE SAID, “DYG IS A PART OF LIVG AND NONE OF IS GOG TO GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE.” IS THAT PRETTY MUCH YOUR PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY?KNOXVILLE: I LOVE EVEL KNIEVEL, BUT I DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S HOW I LOOK AT . WE’RE JT DOG STUPID STUFF TO MAKE OURSELV LGH.SO YOU DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO DIE?KNOXVILLE: HELL NO. I JT WANT TO GET GOOD FOOTAGE.MARGERA: THERE HAVE BEEN TIM BEFORE A STUNT WHEN I THOUGHT, “THIS ULD BE BAD FOREVER.” KNOXVILLE DO THIS SK THE MOVIE LLED THE INVISIBLE MAN, WHERE HE PATS HIMSELF TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THE WALL BEHD HIM. THEY RELEASE A SPANISH BULL, HOPG THAT ’LL SPOT HIM. AND DO. HE LANDS RIGHT ON HIS NECK, AND FOR A SEND LOOKED LIKE WAS OVER FOR HIM. BUT HE JT HAD A SORE NECK FOR ABOUT A MONTH.HOW EXACTLY DO YOU EXPLA THAT? BY THE LAW OF AVERAG, AT LEAST ONE OF YOU SHOULD BE AD OR PARALYZED BY NOW.KNOXVILLE: I DON’T KNOW. I THK WE’VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD SPIR GOG ON THE SET. I THK ’S BETTER NOT TO DWELL ON TOO MUCH.A GOOD SPIR? THAT’S AN TERTG WAY TO PUT . MOTHER THERA SAID SUFFERG BRGS YOU CLOSER TO GOD. HAVE YOU FOUND THAT TO BE TE?KNOXVILLE: SUFFERG WILL GET YOU GREAT FOOTAGE. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT CLOSER TO GOD. ALTHOUGH THERE HAVE BEEN TIM WHEN I’VE SUFFERED TO THE POT WHERE I THK I MIGHT BE ABOUT TO MEET HIM.STEVE-O: I WOULDN’T HAVE REALLY MTED MYSELF TO ANY KD OF SPIRUAL LIFTYLE, I DON’T THK, IF I HAD NOT ENDURED GREAT SUFFERG. I THK THAT’S THE SE WH A LOT OF PEOPLE. AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHAT BRGS YOU CLOSER TO GOD IS BEG SERVICE TO OTHERS. I THK ANY RELIGN OR SPIRUAL WAY OF LIFE WILL DITE THAT SERVICE TO OTHERS WILL LEAD TO A NNECTN WH A HIGHER POWER. (BURSTS TO LGHTER.) I LOVE THAT THIS IS A JACKASS TERVIEW AND I’M TALKG ABOUT THIS SH.IF GOD EXISTS, DO YOU THK HE OR SHE ENJOYS A GOOD PUNCH--THE-NUTS PRANK?MARGERA: OF URSE, YEAH. IF YOU DON’T FD HUMOR THAT, THAN YOU’RE DUMB. (PSE.) I MEAN WE’RE DUMB. NOT GOD. WE’RE THE ON GETTG PUNCHED THE BALLS. HE’S JT THE ONE ENJOYG . HE PROBABLY WOULDN’T ENJOY IF WAS HAPPENG TO HIM, BUT HE’D PROBABLY LIKE TO WATCH DO TO SOMEBODY ELSE.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHIT ULD ALSO BE ARGUED THAT JACKASS IS A CELEBRATN OF ATHEISM. AYAAN HIRSI ALI SAID THAT WHOUT A BELIEF GOD, “LIFE ON THIS EARTH, WH ALL S MYSTERY AND BETY AND PA, IS THEN TO BE LIVED FAR MORE TENSELY.” IS THAT MAYBE WHAT YOU WERE TRYG TO EXPRS WHEN YOU PUT ELECTRIC MCLE STIMULATORS ON YOUR TTICL?KNOXVILLE: WELL—THEY ULD PARE TO THE INDIAN ASCETICS WHO GO THROUGH SO MUCH TORTURE AND PA. I HEARD ABOUT ONE GUY WHO’S HAD HIS ARM RAISED FOR SEVEN YEARS. THAT’S GNARLY! NOT PARTICULARLY FUNNY, BUT GNARLY.I’M NOT SURE IF YOU’VE HEARD, BUT OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER AWARENS MONTH.MARGERA: IS THAT TE? I HAD NO IA.IT’S TE. IS JT A CINCE THAT YOU RELEASED YOUR MOVIE THIS MONTH?STEVE-O: LET ME TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE PK RIBBONS. I WAS WATCHG THE N.F.L. LAST WEEK, AND ALL THE PLAYERS WERE WEARG PK. I DON’T THK THEY DID ANYTHG TO TE PEOPLE ABOUT NCER PREVENTN. I DON’T THK A PK RIBBON DO ANYTHG. WHAT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW IS THAT ’S THE ATROC DIET OF AMERINS THAT’S RPONSIBLE FOR ALL YOUR NCER, ALL YOUR HEART DISEASE, ALL YOUR DIABET.WHAT ABOUT THE NCER RISKS OF PUTTG FIREWORKS YOUR RECTUM?STEVE-O: (LGHS.) OH MY GOD! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THK ABOUT . I’LL TELL YOU, MAN, MY PERSONAL LIFTYLE FOR THE LONGT TIME—’S LIKE I WAS STRIVG TO GET NCER. I REALLY WAS, MAN. I QU SMOKG CIGARETT OVER TWO YEARS AGO, BUT I SMOKED FOR 18 YEARS BEFORE THAT. I ONCE LAID DOWN ON THE NVEYER BELT OF THE X-RAY MACHE AT THE AIRPORT SECURY CHECKPOT, WHICH IS REALLY BAD. THAT WAS LIKE SOME CHERNOBYL SH.TO BE FAIR, YOU GUYS ARE LIKE SPOKPEOPLE FOR EARLY TECTN. IF YOU HAD ANY TUMORS, A DOCTOR SURELY WOULD’VE FOUND BY NOW.KNOXVILLE: THAT’S TE. WE’RE THE EMERGENCY ROOM A LOT. I HAVE A WHOLE SLEW OF DOCTORS. I N UNT EIGHT MY PHONE RIGHT NOW—EIGHT DIFFERENT DOCTORS, ALL FOR DIFFERENT PARTS OF MY BODY. I HAVE SPECIALISTS.MARGERA: I’M A REGULAR AT A HOSPAL PENNSYLVANIA. THE RIDDLE HOSPAL MEDIA, PENNSYLVANIA. I ACTUALLY HAVE A THG LLED FAST TRACK.IS THAT LIKE MEDIL EQUENT-FLYER ?MARGERA: PRETTY MUCH, YEAH. WHENEVER I GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, THEY TAKE ME RIGHT AWAY, I DON’T HAVE TO WA. IT’S LIKE, “OH BAM’S BACK, WHAT HAPPENED NOW?” I’M ON FIRST-NAME-BASIS WH THEM.SO LISTEN, I’M NOT SURE HOW TO BROACH THIS SUBJECT. THERE’S A LOT OF HALF-NAKED MEN JACKASS, AND A LOT OF ANAL PLAY AND NIPPLE TORTURE AND TTICLE TOUCHG. IS POSSIBLE THAT JACKASS IS AT LEAST A SMIDGE GAY?KNOXVILLE: I’M OFFEND YOU JT SAID A SMIDGE!IT’S MORE THAN A SMIDGE?KNOXVILLE: WE’RE OVER HERE STG ON RABOWS AND YOU SAY A SMIDGE.MOST POPULARRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE ELVIS PRLEY WE DIDN’T SEE ELVISBY KATEY RICHRED, WHE & ROYAL BLUE: THE 6 BIGGT CHANG FROM BOOK TO MOVIEBY SAVANNAH WALSHYOU’RE A GAY PRI PARA WAG TO HAPPEN?KNOXVILLE: WE’RE A GAY PRI PARA THAT’S HAPPENG! AND 3-D!IT’S NOT JT HOMOEROTIC TENSN?KNOXVILLE: NO, MAN, ’S ALL ABOUT RELEASE WH .STEVE-O: WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS FUNNY TO FORCE A HETEROSEXUAL MTV GENERATN TO AL WH ALL OF OUR THONGS AND HOMOEROTIC HUMOR. IN MANY WAYS, ALL OUR GAY HUMOR HAS BEEN A HUMANARIAN ATTACK AGAST HOMOPHOBIA. WE’VE BEEN TRYG TO RID THE WORLD OF HOMOPHOBIA FOR YEARS, AND I THK GAY PEOPLE REALLY DIG TOO.THIS WAS WAY TOO EASY. I HAD ALL OF THE QUTNS SIGNED TO LURE YOU TO ADMTG YOUR SUBNSC SIRE TO FUCK EACH OTHER. BUT APPARENTLY YOU’RE NOT SUPPRSG ANYTHG.KNOXVILLE: SUPPRSG?! WA TILL I TELL THE GUYS YOU SAID SUPPRSG! WE’RE NOT SUPPRSG ANYTHG! WE’RE OVER HERE STG ON DICKS!LET’S TALK ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR TN SYSTEM. OUT OF 30 VELOPED UNTRI, THE U.S. RANKS 25TH MATH AND 21ST SCIENCE. WHERE DO YOU THK WE RANK SELF-FLICTED NCSNS?MARGERA: WELL, I THK WE’RE PRETTY HIGH UP THERE. THERE ARE A FEW SHOWS THAT ARE SIAR TO OURS ENGLAND, FLAND, ATRALIA, AND (I THK) INDIA. BUT WE’RE PRETTY HIGH UP.BIS ABG YOUR BODY AND TORTURG YOUR PARENTS, WHAT ARE YOUR TELLECTUAL PURSUS, BAM? ARE YOU A MATH GUY? DO YOU WATCH A LOT OF DISVERY CHANNEL?MARGERA: I LIKE GEOGRAPHY. I ULD TELL YOU THE PAL OF ANY UNTRY YOU WANT.REALLY? CAN I QUIZ YOU?MARGERA: DO , MAN.BELGIUM.MARGERA: BSSELS.SWZERLAND.MARGERA: BERN.BELIZE.MARGERA: BELMOPAN.J CHRIST! AFTER TEN YEARS THIS ST, YOU SHOULD BE BORRLE BRA-AD. HOW DID YOU LEARN THIS STUFF?MARGERA: I’M JT ON A LOT OF AIRPLAN AND I GET BORED. SO I STARTED LOOKG AT THE PALS OF EVERY UNTRY, AND ONE DAY I FIGURED OUT THAT IF I JT LEARNED 20 MORE, I WOULD KNOW THE PAL OF EVERY UNTRY. SO I WROTE THEM DOWN ON A SHOEBOX AND KEPT LOOKG AT .O.K. LAST QUTN. STEVE-O, I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO DISCS YOUR PORTA-POTTY SCENE. IS THIS THE PERFORMANCE THAT WILL FALLY GET YOU AN OSR NOMATN?STEVE-O: I DON’T KNOW. THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT JACKASS: PEOPLE HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS AND ENOUGH SH WEIGHG THEM DOWN, ’S A REAL HONOR FOR ME TO DISTRACT THEM, EVEN IF ’S TEMPORARY. DO I THK I’LL GET AN OSR? NO. BUT I DO THK THERE’S SOMETHG VERY NOBLE ABOUT MAKG A SMALL SACRIFICE, OR MAYBE EVEN A SIGNIFINT SACRIFICE.DU, I SAW THE MOVIE. YOUR MOUTH WAS OPEN. THERE WAS A LOT OF POOP. YOU MA A SACRIFICE.STEVE-O: (LGHS.) THANKS, MAN. THE IA IS TO IMPROVE SOMEBODY’S DAY. THAT’S HOW I’VE ALWAYS VIEWED MY JOB. I’M A DISTRACTN THERAPIST. I MAKE PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS GO AWAY FOR JT A LTLE B.READ MORE:• FROM THE OCTOBER ISSUE: THE 3-D STOOGERIC SPZNAGEL
Others, like Lance Hart—who produc and performs straight, gay, and bisexual porn—have cid agast raisg a fay.
PALADO AI HAD GAY OLD TIME
"A lot of my fanbase is gay guys, " Johnny Stone says. But while our society often tends to label people as eher "straight" or "gay, " 's important to regnize that sexualy isn’t always fed that way. Ahead are 26 celebri who fall outsi of the strict gay or straight bary.