Black, Gay And Sred Of Sex : NPR

Contents:

• MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY
• GAYS SRED OF SEX
• 5 THGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT GAY SEX
• "WE'RE DISGTED WH QUEERS, NOT FEARFUL OF THEM": THE INTERRELATNSHIPS AMONG DISGT, GAY MEN'S SEXUAL BEHAVR, AND HOMONEGATIVY
• BLACK, GAY AND SRED OF SEX
• I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY
• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

There are many gay men who say "I'm not part of the scene" -- men who hate gay bars and, prumably, crowds of queer people general.

Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant. But you mt spend time wh others, whether that means havg a group of gay movie iends or queer gamers or playg on a gay sports team. This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci.

Read the numbers: In four years, more than 5, 596 people the Uned Stat had died of AIDS, many of them gay men and transgenr women. Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make.

GAYS SRED OF SEX

There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr.

5 THGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT GAY SEX

Darren says he grew up a "liberal-ish" hoehold and believ that homosexualy would have been accepted by his fay and iends, but 's easy to see how a ls tolerant upbrgg uld turn homosexualy to a e for anxiety. "Rose Bretécher, btsellg thor of OCD memoir Pure O, also experienced tsive doubts about homosexualy, nstantly fearg that her life as a straight woman was a lie. Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise.

"My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"In November 2015, BuzzFeed UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD" the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers. "If you are experiencg HOCD … and the thoughts , " the se read, "you are not gay and when you do my Method to elimate this and your other anxieti you'll fd out why you thk you might be and why you certaly are NOT!

They terviewed a number of proment mental health profsnals on the matter, who echoed the argument that the ncept of 'HOCD' was seeped homophobia and psdo psychology. Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg. "Peel's reference to gay nversn therapy - the wholly discreded and dangero effort to 'cure' homosexualy - certaly darkens the tone of the nversatn.

"WE'RE DISGTED WH QUEERS, NOT FEARFUL OF THEM": THE INTERRELATNSHIPS AMONG DISGT, GAY MEN'S SEXUAL BEHAVR, AND HOMONEGATIVY

And an age where even the Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods.

After all, spe recent headways by LGBT groups and nunciatn om former Print Barrack Obama, gay nversn therapy is still legal across the US and only six stat have banned the practice relatn to mors. "If a client who is gay but anx about the nsequenc of acceptg themselv or g out go to a therapist who has an agenda about homosexualy, then of urse that therapist isn't workg the bt tert of their clients. "Rose Bretécher believ the accatn HOCD is jt 'ternalised homophobia' is rrect, but don't blame anyone for leapg to such a ncln: "People's unrstandg is only as good as the rmatn available out there – and awarens is still pretty poor.

"Joseph tells me that he has never had a gay person e to him wh tsive thoughts about heterosexualy, but ttimony exists on Inter foms, and the OCD Center of Los Angel stat that do happen. "Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty, " stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt. […] If the asssment is that the person is not gay, bee you believe as a therapist that there is no evince, that do not mean they have ternalised homophobia.

BLACK, GAY AND SRED OF SEX

"If someone is fearful of beg gay bee beg gay reprents to them abandonment by their fay, or rejectn, or experiencg vlence or abe, then you would help them to accept themselv unndnally as a gay man.

I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY

" Ten years and two psychologists after that first, ght experiment wh gay porn, Darren still suffers recurrg bouts of OCD, but not around his inty as a straight man. What 's like to attend a 'pick up artist' class n by a womanIt's time to nont porn's biggt tattooMeet the straight men who are terrified they are gayWhy n't men stop sendg dick pics? Twenty years after rearchers announced they had isolated file retrovis that was eventually named HIV, a percentage of gay men and lbians are still so sred of AIDS and STDs that they're hant to have sex, even wh protectn.

"There are people who grow up hearg that homosexualy is evil, and they're told there is some trsic nnectn between AIDS and beg gay, which there isn't, " says psychoanalyst Mark Blechner, thor of Hope and Mortaly: Psychodynamic Approach to AIDS and HIV.

Rather than clare their abstence, they e up wh exc for their lack of sexual tert — like the llege sophomore Orenste terviewed who equently faked “whiskey d–k” to avoid hookups, or Mchell Los Angel, who avoid sex wh his high-school girliend for years bee he was terrified that his sexual abily “would jt be … sufficient. Gay men also are more likely to have body image problems and eatg disorrs, such as anorexia and bulimia, than are other men. Many health re and mental health anizatns foced on the lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr muny also offer substance e treatment or may be able to provi rmatn about lol rourc.

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

And rearch has shown that gay men and other men who have sex wh men experience timate partner vlence at a higher rate than do other men.

A lack of shelters and other facili equipped to offer gay men a safe, supportive place to get help also may make dntg to seek re. Concern about homophobia and the stigma sometim associated wh homosexualy may prevent some gay men om gettg route health re. Gay people general are much more well-versed heterosexual sexual practic due to the tnal and cultural bias toward straight people this area.

It’s worth notg that I am speakg om the perspective of a gay man, not the entire LGBTQ muny, and I aim to enlighten members of the straight muny on how gay men prepare, engage and enjoy sex between ourselv.

Our heterosexual iends might assume that gay sex is fairly straightforward when to posns and preferenc the bedroom, but this is not the se. When to anal sex you may have heard the terms top and bottom: a top is a term ed to scribe a gay man whose preference is to act as the sertive sexual partner, whereas a bottom is a gay man who prefers to act as the receptive partner. I’m sure that for many straight people the first thg that sprgs to md when asked about gay sex is anal, and there is a misnceptn that every gay man tak part and enjoys anal sex.

This might lead straight people to wonr if a gay person who don’t enjoy anal sex n fully enjoy a sexual experience wh other gay people, and the answer is of urse y, they n. (Picture: Mmuff for)Referrg to sex the homosexual muny as ‘gay sex’ is ed to differentiate sexual activy between heterosexual and gay people. This label n perpetuate the sometim damagg ia that gay sex is a somehow foreign or unual activy, but ’s worth notg that to gay people, gay sex is simply jt sex.

Gay people enjoy the same timate pleasur sex has to offer and are turned on by the excement and physily wh our sexual partners the same way straight people are. In an environment of growg acceptance, we nmn homophobic feelgs, particularly men, bee we thk they e om si the dividual and are th his full rponsibily. However, the ntued existence of homophobia—spe the obv downsis—rais qutns about s basic nature: Do psychologil theori like those above really expla why gayns, specifilly, evok such fear, the kd that n sometim even lead to vlent speech and actn?