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‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

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Kyle EllttCareer ach and member of the Gay Coach AllianceI texted my parents my senr year of high school g out, and they were overwhelmgly supportive. Then, when I was between my hman and sophomore years of llege, I roomed wh someone who was out and queer and, well, we were girliends jt a uple of weeks.

Iran is not acceptg of LGBTQ people, and 's very dangero to be gay Iran. S., where beg gay was safer than Iran, I realized I didn't have to lie about who I was, so I me out to my mom.

After tellg her, she locked herself our apartment and threatened suici unls I stopped beg gay. She feared judgment om our muny, but more than anythg, she feared for my safety and the challeng I would face as a gay man.

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I remember a time when I wanted to go to this big gay Halloween party. Urty of GurzaJP BrammerAuthor of Hola Papi: How to Come Out a Walmart Parkg Lot and Other Life Lsons“I remember when I me out to my nt, whom I’ve always been close to, I said, “Auntie, I thk I’m gay.

Even though we lived Massachetts, which is a liberal state, this was the early 2000s, so still wasn't like is now that people are more ted and everyone seems to know somebody who's gay or a celebry who's nonbary. My mother’s homophobia was one of the reasons I waed to e out. Every time my mother would see a gay woman, she would say, “if one of my children be like that, I’ll kill them.

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Growg up, I thought if I got married and had a baby, I wouldn’t have to tell my mother that I was gay and uld be normal. No one ever said anythg about women likg women beg bad specifilly but I fely heard anti-gay rhetoric om some fay so I never said anythg.

Years later, bothered me how men would stigmatize gay men but sexualize gay later, bothered me how men would stigmatize gay men but sexualize gay women and I got a ltle more open wh my sexualy but wouldn’t say I was bi. However, my “nephew” (an olr ’s son) was batg g out and so sred bee of a lot of the anti-gay and bigoted rhetoric he had heard around him, his fay and the media.

Then, last summer havg a lot of nversatns around BLM and anti-racism and bigotry, my maternal grandmother ed gay slurs and I let her know was unacceptable and that she shouldn’t speak that way as a Christian and havg a gay granddghter. My mom approached me, askg about me beg gay and how she didn’t know. But I wasn’t out to any of my guy iends at all, bee I wanted my inty to be the metalhead, the funny guy, not the gay guy.

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