Ambivalence Gay and Lbian Fay Relatnships - PMC

Contents:

• MEREDH BAXTER FROM "FAY TI": I'M GAY
• 'FAY TI' MOM -- YEP, I'M GAY
• AMBIVALENCE GAY AND LBIAN FAY RELATNSHIPS
• MAKINGGAYHISTORY—THE PODCAST

MEREDH BAXTER FROM "FAY TI": I'M GAY

" Eventually, he found hoehold fame when he began a recurrg role on "Sex & The Cy" as Carrie's bt iend Stanford Blatch, a wty gay man whose love life is almost as plited as the ma four characters. March 2, 2011 — -- Meredh Baxter led a "secret life" as an emotnally abed wife for years before learng she was gay and enterg "the healthit relatnship I have ever had, " the star of the '80s show, "Fay Ti, " told Oprah Wey today while holdg the hand of her lbian, 63, also joed by her former televisn -star, Michael Gross, and her children, appeared on "Oprah" to discs her allegedly abive marriage and what led her to disver she was gay. In the prent study 60 -pth terviews were analyzed to intify what the thor lls perceived ambivalence the parent, siblg, extend k, and “-law” relatnships of gay and lbian adults.

Perceived ambivalence is revealed through gay and lbian adults’ characterizatns of fay members’ simultaneo posive and negative overt and vert beliefs and behavr. Keywords: ambivalence, gay and lbian fai, tergeneratnal relatnships, mid- to late life, qualative rearchOver the past , tergeneratnal ambivalence has emerged as a central ncept for unrstandg relatnships between adult children and their parents (Lüscher & Pillemer, 1998). This absence of non-heterosexuals is notable, as recent work shows that gay and lbian fai have unique dimensns unarticulated heterosexual fai (Cohler, 2004; Connidis, 2007; Obock, 2013; Reczek, 2014a).

For example, broar stutnal forc of homophobia and heterosexism that stcture the fay relatnships of gay and lbian adults may engenr an exceptnal view of soclogil ambivalence (Connidis, 2012), one that turn provis a lens to the , dynamics, and nsequenc of fay teractn.

'FAY TI' MOM -- YEP, I'M GAY

As such, a study of ambivalence gay and lbian fai rms a theoretil and empiril acunt of broar fay advance an unrstandg of ambivalence, gay and lbian fai, and fay systems more broadly (Bowen, 1978), the prent study I analyzed qualative terviews wh 60 gays and lbians to terme the nature of ambivalence fay-of-orig (e. G., rejectg, disapprovg) feelgs and actns (Gilligan, Suor, Feld, & Pillemer, 2015; Willson, Shuey, & Elr, 2003) wh the stctural ndns of a gay or lbian fay (Connidis, 2015). This study provis a new lens through which to view how adult gays and lbians—a margalized group—experience fay ti, turn revealg new dimensns of fay relatnships prevly undisvered by heteronormative fay rearch.

To date, Connidis (2003), who a se study approach, and Reczek (2014a) and Cohler (2004), who e -pth terviews, have provid some ial evince that analytilly suggt that parents feel ambivalent toward a gay or lbian child, particularly durg the g-out procs.

However, the studi do not provi an acunt of how and why adult children believe their parents are ambivalent the gay and lbian stctural ntext. This fic is glarg bee gay and lbian fai provi a unique vantage pot of terplay between psychologil and soclogil ambivalence given wispread stctural aspects of gay and lbian inty (Connidis, 2015). Fay ti are embedd wh the broar social stctural factors of heteronormativy, heterosexism, and homophobia (Connidis, 2012; Connidis & McMullan, 2002a; Heathergton & Lavner, 2008).

AMBIVALENCE GAY AND LBIAN FAY RELATNSHIPS

Failure to achieve heterosexualy has been shown to promote parental feelgs of disapproval, distancg, disappotment, disgt, and guilt over a perceived role raisg a gay or lbian child (Biblarz & Savci, 2010; Cohler, 2004; LaSala, 2000, 2001; Obock, 2013; Oswald, 2002a, 2002b).

Homophobia and rejectn of a gay or lbian adult is often, but not always, tied to unrlyg stctural notns of relig moral valu (Jon, Cox, & Navarro-Rivera, 2013); fai wh relig members may experience a stctural ntext that is typified by heightened homophobia. The ntradictns may be created by broar stcturally ambivalent expectatns where parents reject their adult children for failure to adhere to expectatns of heterosexualy a homophobic society while also exprsg love and support for their adult child (Cohler, 2004; Connidis, 2012).

Although siblgs and extend k may disapprove or perceive loss, they may wish to simultaneoly mata solidary wh their gay or lbian fay member (Miz, Turell, & Meier, 2004). ) Although fay members may experience more posive teractns wh their own child, siblg, or extend k, an timate partner may bee the source of blame as the embodiment of a gay or lbian inty.

MAKINGGAYHISTORY—THE PODCAST

This is nsistent wh some rearch that suggts lbian women have shorter relatnship duratns than gay men wh the ntext of mid-life adults (L, 2012) purpose of the terviews was to obta narrativ that foced on general fay dynamics; topics clud relatnship qualy and satisfactn between timate partners, g-out experienc, relatnships wh fay of orig, mental and physil health, unemployment, children, sexual behavr, and relatnship nflict.

Note that nearly all fdgs of ambivalence were related to a gay or lbian inty or relatnship; however, other s of ambivalence did arise (e. In orr to keep the foc on gay and lbian relatnships, only occurrenc of ambivalence that directly relate to a gay or lbian inty or relatnship are prented this article. Fewer than one quarter of rponnts this study had not disclosed or openly discsed their gay or lbian inty or partnership wh at least one fay member for var reasons (e.

As is nsistent wh prev rearch (Coleman, 1982), siblgs were often the first to be told of a gay or lbian inty, followed by parents and extend k. In this way, transns and events are talysts for perceivg a fay relatnship as outwardly ambivalent, as shown other ntexts outsi gay and lbian fai (Connidis, 2015). This is scribed two primary ways: (a) perceived relig and/or homophobic disapproval, and (b) the “glass closet”—the “open secret” of rponnts’ sexual inty (Sedgwick, 1990).