Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

A mory of the men I terviewed were homophobic and held prejudice agast LGBTQ2+ people and this prejudice mak the thought of an LGBTQ2+ inty unappealg to them. My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM. One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

In tally, the men terviewed reported that if sexual activy between men was anonymo, experimental, ocsnal, or if substance e was volved, the act was not “gay.

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project.

Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. “By unrstandg their same-sex sexual practice as meangls, accintal, or even necsary, straight whe men n perform homosexual ntact heterosexual ways…Ward argu that the real reason ‘straight’ men behave the ways is to ‘reaffirm rather than challenge their genr and racial inty’ and ‘to leverage whens and masculy to thentite their heterosexualy the ntext of sex wh men. What Ward don’t addrs is whether the straight men are actually straight or some other sexual orientatn — such as mostly straight, bisexual, or gay--nial/hidg.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Though they loved the sexual experience and wanted to have a future relatnship wh the person, they had mixed attus toward homosexualy and premaral sex.

Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory.

If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men.

McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage. McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person.

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men. McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend.

WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?

So when you are sayg "foc on the more submissive aspects of " and referencg the prev post where someone suggted this was more about beg submissive than about beg gay, n you elaborate on that? Bisexual men are perceived to sound more mascule than men who are straight, acrdg to a study of Atralian subjects.Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 people.In the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual.

They were then asked to rate the men on their sexual orientatn g a sle om zero (exclively heterosexual) to 10 (exclively homosexual).Listeners were also asked to rate each man’s perceived level of femy or masculy the voic on a siar sle.The men volved the study were asked to rerd themselv on a smartphone recg the first two l of the Atralian natnal anthem.Voice sampl were then modified to remove any background noise while volume levels were ma the same to ensure nsistency.Rults om the study showed listeners uld distguish between gay and straight men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent, apparently nsistent wh prev rearch.However, the study participants uld not terme any differenc between bisexual and straight men’s voic wh any gree of accuracy. The thors said their rearch showed bisexual men’s voic were perceived as beg more exclively attracted to women pared wh both gay and straight men’s voic.Bisexual men’s voic were rated as more mascule than both gay and straight men’s voic.Rearchers claimed the abily to intify a man’s bisexual inty om his voice alone uld have cril social implitns such as helpg to rce feelgs of alienatn.‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone.“If this is the se, voice may be an important target of discrimatn on the one hand but may also unter the visibily many bisexuals feel (if their bisexual inti n be apprehend by their voice alone, whout explic disclosure required).“The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed.”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir cultur.And the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice sampl.The thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh bisexualy.As a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg straight.The study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships.

S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.

This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. In the r one afternoon, entirely unprovoked, my iend Eric, who do tech support, offered this about a bar we equent: “There were a bunch of gay upl at the Taproom. Their reasong, however skewed may be, is that ’s not gay if a girl is dog , and unr no circumstanc would they nsir actually nng a few plays for your team.

At least not out might thk the fellas are already straddlg that third rail of sexualy (I certaly do), but there are still fort issu when to gay guys flirtg wh .

The first time I mowed the lawn after our iend told he was gay, I ma sure I wore a shirt—and I might have locked the bathroom door once or twice when I took a shower. You say, “When a man and a man love each other very much … ” And eventually, after he tght all that he uld, he flew away to Key Wt, our big gay Mary mulled how to advertise for a new roommate.