When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women: Bonnie Kaye's Story | Psychology Today

Contents:

• I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• DEAR COLEEN: I'M A GAY MAN BUT I'VE FALLEN LOVE WH FEMALE BT IEND
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• CAN A GAY MAN BE ATTRACTED TO A SPECIFIC GIRL, BUT NOT WOMEN GENERAL, AND STI
• CAN A GAY MAN FALL LOVE WH A WOMAN?
• DO YOU KNOW OF A GAY MAN WHO FELL LOVE WH A WOMAN, AND TURNED TO LTR?
• ‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN
• GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?
• ‘I FELL LOVE WH A GAY MAN AND NEARLY BROKE ME’
• I INTIFIED AS A GAY MAN, THEN I FELL IN LOVE WH MY FEMALE HOEMATE IN LOCKDOWN
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND

He’s also always been hont about beg gay and has never hidn om me. Our son took the news very well and don’t re that his father was gay. I’ve asked my hband about , and he nfirms that he’s gay, not bisexual.

I have doubts that he might leave me someday for a gay relatnship like he did his ex-wife.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

I thk your hband que clearly nsirs himself gay, which is far more relevant to your marriage than my asssment of his sense of self. The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you. That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man).

” His gayns isn’t somethg you n ntralize by beg a sufficiently good or extra-lovg wife.

I asked a gay worker to set me up wh one of his girl iends, I set my Tr rults to female, I spent more time wh my lbian roommate. Confed manDear Coleen I’ve always been an openly gay man, but I’ve fallen love wh my bt iend who is a woman. But be prepared for her to be shocked ially bee she’s probably never thought of you that way, as you’ve been openly gay sce you’ve been iends.

DEAR COLEEN: I'M A GAY MAN BUT I'VE FALLEN LOVE WH FEMALE BT IEND

Why do some people bee so outspoken and judgmental about marriag wh one straight and one gay spoe? Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show).

They report they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wiv accept this.

People seem to get up arms when a man says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

In our culture, we intify ourselv via a sexual-attractn bary: gay or straight. Later, their gay sexual inti surface and here they are—heterosexually married wh children. Many straight women married to gay men nscly choose to do so wh their ey wi open.

There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men. They make this choice wh open discsns, which are very paful and emotnal for both the gay man and the straight wife. ” To the man, I say, “Consir whether you n really keep your homosexual feelgs and sir check.

You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife. I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage.

CAN A GAY MAN BE ATTRACTED TO A SPECIFIC GIRL, BUT NOT WOMEN GENERAL, AND STI

Both the gay man and the straight spoe share the risk of stayg married. Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure. Some upl try to “live straight” and image that they will be able to not acknowledge the hband’s gayns any way.

Generally, a gay man will feel a lot of emotnal distrs, grief, and prsn if he is livg so eply the closet. This will happen even if, or maybe I should say pecially if, he is nial about his gayns. If your hband says he didn’t know he was gay when he married you, he most likely didn’t know.

CAN A GAY MAN FALL LOVE WH A WOMAN?

Most of my male clients who are gay and married to women didn’t know that their inty was gay when they married.

They often don’t know their inty is gay when they first e to see me. He most likely terpreted his gay terts as sexual “kks, ” and he nvced himself they would fa away after he married. Typilly the men are homophobic and want me to reassure them and their wiv that they aren’t gay.

A gay man n tly love a woman, have satisfyg and regular sex wh her, and want to stay married to her while beg unterted other women sexually. The big qutn is: How n a gay man affirm his inty wh other gay men and at the same time rema te to his wife?

DO YOU KNOW OF A GAY MAN WHO FELL LOVE WH A WOMAN, AND TURNED TO LTR?

Matag a mixed-orientatn marriage requir endurg the strs of keepg the secrets that one of them is gay and beg discreet how they live their liv.

64posted 12 years agoCan a gay man be attracted to a specific girl, but not women general, and still be gay, not bi? As a wrer, i'm wonrg if 's possible for a gay or straight character to be attracted to a person of the genr that oppos their typil sexualy? Like, a gay person to be love wh a specific female, but not women general?

(maybe g Sanrda Bullock's character and her gay iend "My Bt Friend's Weddg" as an example) Or this se would simply be that the "gay" or "straight" person is fact bisexual? While the general sexual urg tend to fall very specific tegori (gay, straight, bi, etc.

‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN

I have seen and known several pletely gay men be " love" wh a woman, but 's the iendship that they love. As a label fn, where cross the le of no longer beg gay, but beg bi, is when a guy enjoys havg sexual relatns wh both men and women. I've known men who intify as beg gay, but they also had a long marriage (and even children) wh one specific female.

It might give you some ia of what kd of emotns might go to what you are talkg is very possible for a gay man to be love wh a woman. I'm not gog to speak for women, bee I wouldn't know how they, I know plenty of married and formerly married gay men. It is not unmon for a man to realize that he is gay after he cis to marry.

GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?

And, some marry bee they don't want anyone to know that they are gay, and really don't even want to adm to gay is more plited then people, this was kda along the l of what i was thkg. 1 would reprent the extreme of heterosexualy and 10 would reprent the extreme of homosexualy. 5 on that sle om what you a gay man married now 21+ years to a woman; my answer would be "y" apsolutlely.

‘I FELL LOVE WH A GAY MAN AND NEARLY BROKE ME’

If I am emotnally attracted to 1 man, and not physilly attracted to that man, am I gay? Possibly but not necsarily sce give the opportuny they would choose a woman over a same suatn uld be te if a gay man found himself strand on an island wh only women. He might experiment or even love a woman but once off the island return to his homosexual liftyle.

If a male character was gay, I'd say he was only terted men, as "bi" impli both/multiple genrs. But there are gay men who have loved and been attracted to women, had children, and then disvered their to answer your qutn, I'd say that a gay man n like a woman and not women general, if 's before he realiz that he is "gay".

I'm not 100% "straight", so I mata the label "bisexual", which I would nsir your character, as character may mata that he is gay, although he has feelgs/attractn for a woman, though. 75Ranziposted 9 years agoIt all pends on the person as when to love the ey don't see what the heart se and a gay man/women's heart uld sire the oppose sex. Maybe I jt haven't met the right man is off the why is that we are seeg more and more "gay" "lbian" and "bi" persons nowadays?

I INTIFIED AS A GAY MAN, THEN I FELL IN LOVE WH MY FEMALE HOEMATE IN LOCKDOWN

I believe that n, jt bee they are gay, don't mean that they fd women repulsive.

There are bound to be certa women around that n tch a gay man's, labels, labels. A gay male may advertently fall pletely -love wh a woman, and vice-versa.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

There was one time that I pletely nsired myself as gay, and I still loved a great pear of breasts! I thk someone uld nsir themselv gay and be love wh s SPECIFIC girl. Don't fet, gay and straight is often unfortunately fed by who we are attracted to romantilly, not who massag our bra In simplt terms, I'd say that if he wants to have sex wh her as an exprsn of his love, he's bisexual.

Although I am heterosexual, I work wh a largely homosexual populatn my role as an HIV preventn unselor. I have worked wh many men and women who are strictly attracted to people of the same sex, however there are also people I work wh that claim to be homosexual yet have sexual experienc wh people of the oppose sex. I would say that there is no one that is tly gay or tly straight.

If a "gay" person fds the oppose sex attractive he has found his unter part.