When Your Child Is Gay | Psychology Today

Contents:

• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD WHO IS QUTNG OR INTIFI AS LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, QUEER OR ASEXUAL (LGBTQA)
• HOW DO I KNOW IF MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD IS GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

The difficult journeyUnrstandg, acknowledgg, and sharg one's sexual orientatn wh the world, is easy for some, while for others the journey is long and out isn't easyGay youth often face their set of challeng after g out about their genr role of parentsAs parents, all you n do is provi them wh love and support. Getty-imag​Word of utnWhile the signs are generally nsired as an ditn, not all boys who play wh dolls are gay or not all girls who like to play rough are lbians.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as tipsy.After we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do. You mt not allow hateful speech, whether subtle or overt, of any kd to be tolerated."For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid," remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.3.

WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY

The bt thg you n do is to make the nversatn wele by creatg a warm and safe environment where open munitn is the norm."And when they fally are ready to talk, Owen adds, "Really listen."The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer.Genr Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement. Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median.

WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?

The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood. I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.

Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli.

Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative). Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

So cultivate your ltle prehomosexual's native talents, and your ultimate geic payoff uld, strangely enough, be even larger wh one very special gay child than would be if 10 medcre straight offsprg leaped om your los. I n say as a once prehomosexual pipsqueak that some preparatn on the part of others would have ma easier on me, rather than nstantly fearg rejectn or worryg about some rels slipup leadg to my “exposure. And another thg: mt be pretty hard to look to your prehomosexual toddler's limpid ey, bsh away the okie cmbs om her cheek and toss her out on the streets for beg article was origally published wh the tle "Is Your Child Gay?

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD WHO IS QUTNG OR INTIFI AS LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, QUEER OR ASEXUAL (LGBTQA)

Girls who play wh tcks and boys who play wh dolls) is a good predictor of whether or not a child will turn out to be a practicg homosexual. Berg, who works at Queen's Universy (serly) Belfast, says that not all children who take up the stereotypil behavr of members of the oppose sex will end up wantg to go to bed wh members of the same sex, but is a good this talk of "pre-homosexuals" and "sexed-type behavr" is way too scientific and plited, so we're gog to break down for you. )No matter what your gay party planner iends tell you, a boy askg for Broadway legend Betty Buckley to perform at his nth birthday party is not mon at dghter sists on sleepg on top of her Dora the Explorer bed spread, not unr your dghter plays "Hoe, " she pretends to be an annoyg doctor wh a pill-addictn and a though 's football, if your son has an obssn wh eher Tom Brady or Mark Sanchez, then he's totally a 'mo.

It’s what the behavrs signal to parents about their child’s cipient sexualy that mak them so unsirable—the behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy.

However, is only relatively recently that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi wh one clear aim md, which is to go beyond mere stereotyp and accurately inty the most reliable signs of later homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of now-gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of early behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD IS GAY?

And, curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of parents seem to have some genue predictive their technil wrgs, rearchers this area simply refer to pt-sized prospective gays and lbians as “prehomosexual. Michael Bailey, a psychologist om Northwtern Universy, and Canadian psychiatrist Kenh Zucker published the semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy wh their ntroversial 1995 review article Developmental Psychology.

” So one thg to keep md is that this particular work isn’t about intifyg the of homosexualy, per se, but stead ’s about xg the childhood rrelat of same-sex attractn.

In other words, nobody is disputg the geic factors unrlyg adult homosexualy or the well-tablished prenatal fluenc; but the prent work is orthogonal to those al mols.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Not surprisgly, therefore, boys naturally select other boys for playmat, and girls would much rather play wh other girls than wh on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs (ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and fatuated wh their mothers’ make-up ks; ltle girls strangely enamoured by field hockey or profsnal wrtlg…that sort of thg).