What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• 5 POWERFUL THGS YOU CAN DO IF YOUR CHILD TELLS YOU, "I'M GAY."
• HOW DO I KNOW IF MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD IS GAY?
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS INTIFY AS GAY?
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median. The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

5 POWERFUL THGS YOU CAN DO IF YOUR CHILD TELLS YOU, "I'M GAY."

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood. I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD IS GAY?

Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Rearchers readily nce that there are que likely multiple—and no doubt extremely plited—velopmental rout to adult homosexualy.

WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?

Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative).

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre.

So cultivate your ltle prehomosexual's native talents, and your ultimate geic payoff uld, strangely enough, be even larger wh one very special gay child than would be if 10 medcre straight offsprg leaped om your los. I n say as a once prehomosexual pipsqueak that some preparatn on the part of others would have ma easier on me, rather than nstantly fearg rejectn or worryg about some rels slipup leadg to my “exposure. And another thg: mt be pretty hard to look to your prehomosexual toddler's limpid ey, bsh away the okie cmbs om her cheek and toss her out on the streets for beg article was origally published wh the tle "Is Your Child Gay?

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS INTIFY AS GAY?

In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

"The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

Girls who play wh tcks and boys who play wh dolls) is a good predictor of whether or not a child will turn out to be a practicg homosexual. Berg, who works at Queen's Universy (serly) Belfast, says that not all children who take up the stereotypil behavr of members of the oppose sex will end up wantg to go to bed wh members of the same sex, but is a good this talk of "pre-homosexuals" and "sexed-type behavr" is way too scientific and plited, so we're gog to break down for you.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

)No matter what your gay party planner iends tell you, a boy askg for Broadway legend Betty Buckley to perform at his nth birthday party is not mon at dghter sists on sleepg on top of her Dora the Explorer bed spread, not unr your dghter plays "Hoe, " she pretends to be an annoyg doctor wh a pill-addictn and a though 's football, if your son has an obssn wh eher Tom Brady or Mark Sanchez, then he's totally a 'mo. The difficult journeyUnrstandg, acknowledgg, and sharg one's sexual orientatn wh the world, is easy for some, while for others the journey is long and difficult.getty-imagComg out isn't easyGay youth often face their set of challeng after g out about their genr preferenc.Getty-imagThe role of parentsAs parents, all you n do is provi them wh love and support. Getty-imag​Word of utnWhile the signs are generally nsired as an ditn, not all boys who play wh dolls are gay or not all girls who like to play rough are lbians.

Over the years, Magic and Cookie have been open about their rponsibili as parents — like when Magic told Ellen DeGener that he was "so happy" when their son EJ me out as gay.

In 2014, EJ told PEOPLE that, although his parents "pretty much already knew" that he was gay, they were worried about the public's reactn.