Lucian Frd’s gay relatnships explored new exhibn | Lucian Frd | The Guardian

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* WAS SIGMUND FREUD GAY

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23.9508L12.5 19.7312L5 23.9508V2.95081H14V3.93211H6V22.1845L12.5 18.5536L19 22.1845V8.83866H20V23.9508Z"></path><path class="in-bookmark-fill" d="M23 3H20V0H19V3H16V4H19V7H20V4H23V3Z"></path></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd bkefvo gkccfO">Save this story</span></button></div></div></div><div class="LightboxWrapper-dxsWBV hhylRt"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP imbgVA"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG lmuXQm"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa EOneK body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg">One morng my early adolcence, my father woke me up for school, and I told him a terrifyg dream I’d had about a bear. I focsed on the overwhelmg sensory dimensns of the dream, the way the bear had appeared lossal yet lifelike. “It was really hairy,” I kept repeatg, “and smelled bad.” My father, a psychologist, listened refully and then gently suggted that the dream might reflect anxiety about my changg pubcent body. “Especially,” he add, “ s <em>bare</em> form.” He lgered on the homonym until I grasped his meang, my face turng red. “I’m not sure was actually a bear,” I said quickly. “It was maybe more like a ln.” My father raised his eyebrows and sed before leavg my room.</p><p class="paywall">Growg up Manhattan the neteen-seventi and eighti, I was ed to havg my dreams terpreted by my parents, who were both Frdian psychoanalysts. They had each been through lengthy analys themselv (my mother for five years, my father for more than twenty), and they enuraged my three siblgs and me to relay our anxieti through Frdian methods, sometim pullg out a set of Rorschach rds if they thought one of seemed particularly troubled. They saw patients our Upper Wt Si apartment, a portn of which was dited to their nsultatn space. In addn to his clil work, my father was a rearcher; his primary missn was to prove, empirilly, the existence of the Frdian unnsc.</p><p class="paywall">I often wonr whether some of his ditn arose om an intifitn wh Frd himself. Like <a href=">Frd</a>, my father was a Jewish tellectual of Eastern European background who was eply mted to science and tent on expandg s reach. And, like Frd, he posssed tremendo self-nvictn, perhaps pensatn for the fact that others viewed him as somethg of an eccentric. In my father’s se, this partly had to do wh his physil prence: at six feet four, wh a full head of curly brown hair and a hearty lgh, he might have been an imposg figure, were not for a slight stoop, a distracted mien, and a drs style so negligent that often clud staed shirts and mismatched sho. Then there was the realy that my father’s ias were always jt south of normal. Preoccupied not only wh unnsc fantasy but wh s potential for harm, he terpreted everythg through a Frdian lens. He uld spend hours analyzg his own psyche or engagg self-hypnosis, and was nvced that, if he shared what he knew wh people, he uld help them to lead happier, more productive liv. He would often wre to famo athlet and policians, g his psychodynamic knowledge to expla their failur and offer advice on how to better their game.</p><p class="paywall">The ia that we are hidg om ourselv—harborg thoughts and sir that we are not aware we posss—is perhaps Frd’s greatt ntributn to morn thought. Philosophers before him, om <a href=">Drt</a> to Kant, had long celebrated the md as a source of ternal herence. But Frd imaged a md at war wh self. Frdian theory tells that the feelgs we experience most strongly our nsc life (love for our children, admiratn of our iends, satisfactn our acplishments) n be rmed, on an unnsc level, by their oppos (rentment, petn, ambivalence). Emergg through a phenomenon that Frd lled “the return of the reprsed,” the latter emotns hnt , often rultg nrotic symptoms that we don’t unrstand. Wh the help of a traed analyst, we n search for sight, but progrs is often elive and difficult to measure.</p><p class="paywall">That’s where my father’s work me . He believed that he uld tap to the unnsc the laboratory, allowg for a gree of scientific precisn unavailable a clil settg, where the terpretatns of a therapist n’t be gged for accuracy. His experiments volved the Frdian velopmental phas—the oral stage, the anal stage, the Oedipal plex, et cetera—bee the are often unrstood as the startg pots for nrosis. (Acrdg to Frd, failure to move through the psychosexual stag rults a “fixatn” that n shape adult personaly.) By my father’s logic, scientifilly provg that self-sabotage was tied to unrolved Oedipal hostily, for example, uld help therapists more effectively treat this problem. In hdsight, penis envy hardly seems like the kd of thg one n verify a ntrolled trial. But my father had a ep fah that everythg—even a phenomenon as nebulo as unnsc sire—uld be subject to data-driven vtigatn.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p class="paywall">Although he himself was beloved and rpected by his lleagu, his approach was not universally admired. Classic Frdian psychoanalysis had s heyday Ameri the fifti and early sixti, but by the seventi a shift was unr way. Psychiatrists who had prevly embraced psychodynamic trag were creasgly drawn to the fields of geics and nrochemistry, and amic psychologists, who had always been skeptil, began further distancg themselv om Frdian theory. By the last quarter of the twentieth century, psychoanalysis had largely branched off om the medil and amic tablishments, even as beme a cultural touchstone, voked relentlsly Woody Allen films and on ffee mugs marketed as “Frdian sips.” In 1975, the medil blogist Peter Medawar pronounced psychoanalysis “the most stupendo tellectual nfince trick of the twentieth century,” and 1980 the term “nrosis” was elimated om the <em>Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs</em> (<em>DSM-III</em>). In the face of this opposn, my father felt that his work was more important than ever.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">In his ee time, he soft-tted his theori on our fay. When my olr sister, an acplished athlete, began to choke durg tennis match, my father attributed her loss to Oedipal anxiety, believg that her failure to triumph over weaker players rulted om displaced guilt about aggrsive urg she was feelg toward him or my mother. So he did what any ncerned father might do: he vised an d rerdg that he secretly played her room while she slept. Its loopg msage—“Beatg Mom is O.K., beatg Dad is O.K.”—was signed to sanctn unnsc petive feelgs. If her Oedipal guilt were untered, my father reasoned, my sister would realize her full athletic potential.</p><p class="paywall">Did work? Who knows. My father claimed that did, but my mother was never so sure and remaed wary of his terventns. She unrstood as her job to keep his profsnal enthiasms check, pecially when me to experimentg on their children. As for my sister, she never even knew about the d rerdg until we disvered years later among a trove of ssette tap of a siar nature. I suppose that the episo sounds monstroly tsive now, but, to this day, ’s difficult for me to unrstand this way. As bizarre as my father’s home experiments seem, they still ronate as acts of re.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">In his laboratory trials, my father attempted to accs people’s unnsc through a procre he veloped lled Sublimal Psychodynamic Activatn (S.P.A.). In S.P.A., human subjects are exposed to wrten words and pictur for four lisends at a time—too quick for the nsc md to pick up but long enough to allow for unnsc regnn, acrdg to early rearch the field of sublimal perceptn. To flash the texts and imag, my father ed a tachistospe—an enormo rectangular vice wh a viewfr and knobs for ntrollg how long the image would be displayed. One of the earlit of the tachistospe occurred durg the Send World War, when fighter pilots were shown pictur of different aircraft mols for actns of a send to promote faster regnn of enemy plan.</p><p class="paywall">At the begng, my father chose msag that were signed to activate already existg psychopathologi, such as phobias, thought disorrs, and pulsive behavrs, which, acrdg to Frdian doctre, are the nsequence of guilt and anxiety brought on by unnsc aggrsive or libidal fantasy. Stir up the fantasy by flashg a related msage, the thkg went, and you were bound to set off fensive procs and exacerbate the symptoms. For my father, the experiments uld prove that psychologil distrs was tied to specific unnsc wish, and although aggravatg symptoms was not ial, the effects were d and short-lived (ls than fifteen mut, acrdg to one of his experiments).</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p class="paywall">In some of his early studi, my father focsed on stutterg, which Frdians believed to be lked to the anal phase of velopment. This is the perd when children ga creasg mastery over their bowels, whholdg their excrement or expellg everywhere, much to the tratn of their parents. The child’s pleasure dog this, Frd thought, is lked to an aggrsive impulse that should, the urse of normal velopment, rolve self. In a letter to the Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi, November, 1915, Frd wrote that “stutterers . . . have projected shtg onto speakg.” From that ia was born a theory (veloped prcipally by the Atrian psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel) that stutterg reprented an anally regrsive sire to assert one’s will by retag and expellg speech.</p><p class="paywall">In a 1976 paper -thored wh two other psychologists, my father scrib how he gathered a group of twenty-two people who stuttered and asked them to perform a seri of verbal tasks, such as tellg a story rponse to a picture. Next, he ed the tachistospe to expose them sublimally to different stimuli: a ntral msage (<em class="small">PEOPLE THINKING</em>, acpanied by an image of two people facg each other wh bland-lookg exprsns), an “analy stimul” (<em class="small">GO SHIT</em>, acpanied by a crouched figure fetg), and an “ct stimul” (<em class="small">FUCK MOMMY</em>, acpanied by a nu uple a sexually suggtive pose). The people who stuttered, he found, showed creased speech pathology relatn to the <em class="small">GO SHIT</em> msage but not relatn to the other two, appearg to tie stutterg to the issue of anal nflict rather than to other psychosexual stag like Oedipal fantasy.</p><p class="paywall">Related experiments likewise yield rults that seemed to rroborate classic psychoanalytic theory. A group of thirty people wh schizophrenia, for example, monstrated creased thought disorr followg sublimal exposure to the aggrsn stimul (<em class="small">DESTROY MOTHER</em>) but not rponse to the ct stimul (<em class="small">FUCK MOMMY</em>), seemg to monstrate that schizophrenia is tied to nflict over unnsc hostile, rather than libidal, wish. In short, my father’s work appeared to show that sublimal perceptn was a real and verifiable phenomenon, as were the Frdian prcipl on which diagnosed psychopathology rted.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="0pxgoa"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa EOneK body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p class="paywall">Of urse, much of this seems md-bogglg retrospect. Along wh the obv qutns the experiments now raise—Why was <em class="small">DESTROY MOTHER</em> nsired more aggrsive than <em class="small">FUCK MOMMY</em>? Don’t the msag register equal dos of hostile misogyny?—there’s the more ser issue of attributg disorrs like stutterg and schizophrenia to psychodynamic rather than bchemil, nrologic, and geic . And did the strange nclns jtify exacerbatg symptoms patients, even if the effects were d and transient?</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">Of urse, as a kid I didn’t thk about any of this. I was ne years old when my father published his 1976 paper, and, to the extent that I paid attentn at all, I was mostly trigued by the tachistospe. We had one our apartment. Affectnately referred to our fay as “the tac,” was about half the size of a tw bed and sat on a large table my father’s office, surround by all those crazy rds. Most shockg to my childish sensibily was the one that read <em class="small">GO SHIT</em>. (I have no memory of a <em class="small">FUCK MOMMY</em> rd. Perhaps my father was more discreet wh that one.) I would beg to look at the rds through the tac until my father agreed to set up the mache. Then I would adjt the speed of transmissn so as to fd the exact moment when I uld no longer read the scriptns and they blurred to a flash of light.</p><p class="paywall">In my memory, the blur is nnected to the blurred image of my father—flickerg and jt out of reach. He was always workg, even after dner and on weekends, always a b obliv to everythg gog on outsi his experiments. Plagued by somnia, he ually entered his home office around 4 <em class="small">A.M.</em> and stayed there until was time to head off for work at the Veterans Admistratn or N.Y.U., where he had laboratori. Once, I passed by his office late on a Sunday morng and found him stg, as always, his brown houndstooth reclg chair. He was still wearg his pajamas, the buttons of the shirt askew, and his ey were bloodshot wh lack of sleep. Stacks of papers encircled him, and the smell of peanuts, which he nstantly snacked on, lgered the air. I unrstood that he was dog what my mother lled “important work,” but why, I wonred, was so msy? I anized his books, brought empty plat to the kchen, even rebuttoned his shirt. Later, I overheard my mother refer to my actns as arisg om “vtigial Oedipal sire,” but, more than a love object, I thk that I yearned to be a retaker to my father, whose failure to look after himself ma him vulnerable my ey.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">Sometim on weekends he would take a break, and we would play hangman or Boggle or ask each other riddl. He had a Frdian preoccupatn wh wordplay, and I loved a pun almost as much as he did (my dream about the bear notwhstandg). But, after a few rounds, he would appear fatigued and variably propose what he lled a “sleepg ntt”—petns which we would “race” to see who uld fall asleep faster. He always won, and after two or three mut I would return to my room, wonrg at his strange notns of fun. I had iends whose fathers worked all the time and were largely absent. My father was around a lot and appeared genuely terted me, but spendg time wh him always seemed to volve exg the tangible world.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">At some pot his rearch, my father h on a new msage for the tac. This one was signed to amelrate rather than exacerbate psychopathologi. He began by g on people wh schizophrenia, and worked so well that pretty soon he was ttg out on typil populatns, who, acrdg to his data, were likewise transformed by s effects. The goln msage rponsible for all this health and felicy? <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em>. It was a phrase tend to gratify unnsc fantile wish sce, acrdg to classic psychoanalytic theory, all fants yearn for symbtic nnectn wh their primary retaker. In the fifti, the Hungarian psychiatrist Margaret Mahler theorized that the fant’s secury this symbtic bond ultimately allowed to mature and dividuate succsfully. Later theorists, buildg on Mahler’s sights, postulated that ocsnally enuragg adult patients to repture this symbsis their fantasi uld help them overe anxiety and negotiate feelgs of isolatn. In the words of the psychoanalyst Gilbert Rose, “To merge orr to reemerge may be part of the fundamental procs of psychologil growth.” Wh <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em>, my father hoped to aid patients this procs and migate their most bilatg nros.</p><p class="paywall">My father knew a thg or two about nrosis. To beg wh, he was a first-orr hypochondriac. His own father and four of his uncl had died of heart disease, the youngt at age thirty-ne. Attemptg to stave off a siar fate, my father took his pulse multiple tim a day and rerd , along wh other data about rpiratory patterns and cht tightns. The observatns filled reams of datebooks that he nsulted equently—to what end was never totally clear. In his ee time, he bed <em>Preventn</em> magaze, searchg for the latt longevy craze: Bran! Selenium! Powred k! For years, he nsumed fistfuls of garlic pills daily, which he believed promoted healthy arteri. At some pot, he add nightly glass of green bbage juice to the regimen. My siblgs and I plaed that our whole apartment smelled like rottg salad, but my father was unterred.</p><p class="paywall">Many of my father’s recreatnal activi betrayed a sire for merged experience. He began joggg Central Park the sixti—before the practice was popular—bee, he claimed, ma him feel at one wh the universe. He found relaxg to tune our analog televisn set to Channel 12 and stare at the static. He disappeared to his office for long perds to practice Transcenntal Medatn. As a young girl, I found the behavrs bafflg, but, seen through the prism of his work, they seem like attempts to achieve what Frd, vokg the French dramatist Roma Rolland, lled “oceanic feelg”—a sensatn “of somethg limls, unbound.” My father, like Frd, was not a relig man, so <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em> may have been the clost thg to spirual transcennce that he uld image.</p><p class="paywall">In any se, the phrase quickly beme a mantra our hoe—the answer to every ailment, the punch le to every joke. For a holiday prent for my father one year, I created a pillow wh <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em> stched across . (My plan was for him to keep on his analytic uch, but that ia was quickly nixed sce, as my father remd me, the phrase mt be prented sublimally to work.) Another year, my sister fashned a mock tachistospe out of a huge reigerator box, plete wh msage rds, resigned to reflect an alienated teen-age sensibily, which read somethg like <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SEPARATE</em>, <em class="small">GO SHIT AND THEN FIND ME SOME NORMAL PARENTS</em>.</p><p class="paywall">Even when the phrase was not explicly e our home, s logic hung the air. Durg my early adolcence, I went through an extend perd of somnia that my father sought to cure through an album tled “Lullaby om the Womb,” which he played for me nightly. Released 1974 by the Japane obstetrician Hajime Murooka, the rerd nsisted of the pulsatg sound of blood shg through the aorta and umbilil rd of a pregnant woman. Murooka created the album for babi born prematurely, surmisg that their ocsnal distrs was due to “homickns” for the mother’s womb. The album’s ver featured a naked fant sleepg on s mother’s breast. I don’t remember whether cured my somnia—I only remember my mortifitn when a iend me over and picked up.</p><p class="paywall">“What’s this?” she asked, holdg the album ver at a distance om her between two fgers, like a soiled diaper.</p><p class="paywall">“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s supposed to help me sleep. My dad’s ia.”</p><p class="paywall">“Of urse is,” my iend rpond sympathetilly. My father’s weirdns was legendary.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">Yet out the profsnal world his symbsis experiments proved extremely succsful. Women wh sect phobias showed fewer symptoms after beg sublimally exposed to <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em>. Smokers craved cigarett ls. In one study nducted by a graduate stunt my father’s lab, llege stunts sublimally exposed to the msage performed better on their fal exams, wh marks averagg almost eight pots higher than those who got the ntral msage <em class="small">PEOPLE ARE WALKING</em>.</p><p class="paywall">In high school, I went through a phase of beg anx about my schoolwork, and my father tried to soothe me by hummg. This, too, emerged om his obssn wh mother-fant relatns. In the early sixti, the Rsian lguist Roman Jakobson had observed that some of babi’ first sounds are open-mouthed volizatns (“ahhh”) but that soon afterward they tend to gravate to the phoneme “mmmm”—the one sound they n produce when their lips are latched to the nipple and their mouths are full. Jakobson theorized that out of this the word “mama” was born, a word that is almost intil every language of the world. My father believed that the “mmmm” sound uld lm people by unnscly remdg them of the satisfyg experience of beg breast-fed, and he began to perdilly rporate “mmmm” to our nversatns about homework or an upg exam. It was subtle—​​a prolonged ntemplative noise he would make rponse to one of my anx rants—but by high school I was attuned to his terventns and creasgly ristant, pecially when he began to enurage me to hum, too.</p><p class="paywall">Nohels, somethg about the talks mt have stuck, bee eleventh gra I entered the Wtghoe Science petn wh a rearch project lled “Effects of the Sound ‘Mm . . .’ and the Heartbeat on Emotnal Rponse and Creativy Adolcents.” It earned me a semifalist award and a ceremony hosted by the New York Cy mayor’s office, where, standg among hard-re physics and engeerg stunts, I tried to expla the hummg experiment to baffled <a href=">Ed Koch</a> ais. Whout realizg , I had bee a nvert.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">My father’s experiments were met at the time wh a mixture of excement and leers. A long profile <em>Psychology Today</em> 1982 characterized his work as pathbreakg but also nveyed crly. “His data are so surprisg that many psychologists simply nnot believe them,” the reporter, Virgia Adams, wrote. His crics were numero and far-rangg. They poted out that the notn of a sgle msage that uld work on everyone’s unnsc was prepostero. They also doubted the efficy of his sublimal-activatn method. “It is askg a great al of the human anism to expect subjects not only to take a five-word sentence but to terpret a very particular way,” the psychologist Donald Spence said. The data, crics ntend, reflected untentnal bias or were gathered by associat and doctoral stunts eager to affirm my father’s work. Some rearchers said that they were unable to replite a few of the fifty-pl studi done by my father and others the field of S.P.A.</p><p class="paywall">In the face of such cricism, my father remaed sangue. “If they’re gog to nay-say the rearch,” he would rpond, “they’ve got to e up wh a different explanatn to acunt for the rults. The data speak for themselv.” The <em>Psychology Today</em> article mataed a sphx-like ntraly about the implitns of his work. “The clost thg to a nsens about Silverman,” the article nclud, “is that fal judgment mt wa.”</p><p class="paywall">But, as turned out, there wasn’t time. Four years later, at age fifty-six, my father drowned. He had been swimmg alone a pond on Long Island. It was a few days after I had left for my sophomore year of llege. We never learned his exact e of ath, but seems likely that rdiac arrt was to blame. His prentiments had been right, but all those garlic pills and pulse rerdgs had done nothg to save him. He left behd reams of material—unfished articl, ias for future rearch scrawled on paper scraps—and a fay vastated by his loss. I remember hummg to myself durg his funeral service.</p><p class="paywall">The irony of his ath is never lost on me. All those years growg up, we were focsed on the evable disappearance of the good mother of fancy, the separatn om the primary retaker that <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em> was supposed to redrs. But we were all gazg the wrong directn, soothg ourselv wh fantasi of maternal plenu when was our father who would slip away.</p><p class="paywall">Wh his ath me the end of his rearch and, soon after , experiments S.P.A. more generally. In 1990, one of my father’s primary llaborators, Joel Weberger, helped to nduct a meta-analysis of all <em class="small">MOMMY AND I ARE ONE</em> experiments performed both the Uned Stat and abroad. He later scribed the rults as “reliable, of rpectable strength, and . . . of parable magnu whether nducted by Silverman-associated or pennt labs.” My father’s crics were unnvced—as one psychologist observed, “Dpe this strong evince, many rearchers rema skeptil about the SPA rult.” In any event, the bate petered out as S.P.A. rearch was replaced by studi implic memory and tomaticy—forms of rmatn-procsg that are unnsc whout the lurid eroticism of Frdian theory.</p><p class="paywall">When I thk of the current attentn to priste tomaticy over raw aggrsn and appete, I n’t help but feel a sense of loss. The Frdian unnsc n be c, a blunt stment wh which to make sense of everythg om a bad day to irratn at a parent. But ’s also the only tellectual amework I’ve found to expla the explible: a burst of sadism, ee-floatg anxiety, the will to self-sabotage. I miss my weird, msy father, but I also miss the thg he voted his life to—the weirdns and mss of unnsc fantasy, whose primacy the days, spe a recent rurgence some theraptic circl, has been overtaken by “problem-solvg,” gnive behavral therapy, meds.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-4 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">Perhaps that’s why, some thirty-five years after his ath, I’m still keen to fend my father’s tert Frdian theory. Not all of , of urse. Frd’s rctive velopmental stag, as well as his damng views on femy, I would happily leave behd. But the formative terra of childhood, the ncept of ambivalence, the centraly of unnsc sire and aggrsn—all still fluence the way I look at the world.</p><p class="paywall">One of my sons explibly fot the pass to his phone a while back, and we spent hours not jt tryg to rever but also tryg to unrstand why he fot the first place. Bee surely the unnsc was at play—nobody jt “fets” the pass that they’ve regularly plugged to their vice for three years nng. When my son relled that the pass was an amalgam of his grandparents’ birthdays, I believed that I had figured out. Two months earlier, my son had told our immediate fay that he was gay, but he had been reluctant to share this more wily. “Your grandparents are visg this weekend, and fettg your pass uld reflect anxiety about keepg your sexualy hidn om them,” I suggted. My son ignored me, of urse; he is about as receptive to psychodynamic terpretatns as I was at his age. But I ntue to offer them anyway. Havg been raised a hoehold where plumbg one’s unnsc was seen as sential for psychic health, I have the sense that not enuragg my kids to do the same would feel like a form of neglect.</p><p class="paywall">It’s been so long sce my father died: the photographs have all fad, and the ssette tap that he placed our rooms while we slept are mangled wh ovese. But njurg up the Frdian unnsc nversatns wh my kids keeps him close. Durg the talks, the air buzz wh obsceny—wh referenc to sex, sadism, and stology. Maybe this is my father’s legacy: not jt sublimal msag and hummg but also pla unvarnished talk. ♦</p></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS jyGBoi"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body article__body--grid-margs"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv jfHKjr"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG bGJnrW ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy fzwwkW article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="LkStackWrapper-NFLYw kgtXXB lkstack" data-ttid="LkStack"><div class="SectnTleRoot-dBGvdq hpRFVl LkStackHear-lKjbE hejl lk-stack--headg" data-ttid="SectnTle"><h2 class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SectnTleHed-dKqZet bVCFRm jfOfxc QVDXy">New Yorker Favor</h2></div><div class="LkStackContent-jyKicS gPhyME"><ul class="LkStackList-gGcjdZ dnMwpz"><li class="LkStackBullet-kQRqul iQHwiG lk-stack--lk-em" data-ttid="LkStackBullet"><div><p>The <a href="/books/unr-review/the-rebrandg-of-mdma" class="InternalLkEmbedWrapper-fhjgJW cQLtaa">rebrandg of MDMA</a>.</p></div></li><li 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class="InternalLkEmbedWrapper-fhjgJW cQLtaa">Ameri’s mental-health crisis</a>.</p></div></li><li class="LkStackBullet-kQRqul iQHwiG lk-stack--lk-em" data-ttid="LkStackBullet"><div><p>Givg away <a href="/culture/personal-history/givg-away-my-tw" class="InternalLkEmbedWrapper-fhjgJW cQLtaa">my tw at her weddg</a>.</p></div></li><li class="LkStackBullet-kQRqul iQHwiG lk-stack--lk-em" data-ttid="LkStackBullet"><div><p>Nearly a century of <a href="/rtoons/rtoon-sk/rtoons-about-therapy-om-the-past-century-well-almost" class="InternalLkEmbedWrapper-fhjgJW cQLtaa">New Yorker rtoons about therapy</a>.</p></div></li></ul><div class="LkStackFooter-KfRyO ebnmps lk-stack--footer"><div><p><a href=">Sign up</a> for our daily newsletter to receive the bt stori om <em>The New Yorker</em>.</p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div 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data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Novelist Whose Inventns Went Too Far" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Life and Letters</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div class="SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ fzzTdh summary-em__hed" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">The Novelist Whose Inventns Went Too Far</div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd kxnNhB jDyfzW summary-em__k">After the Ao-Cuban wrer H. G. Carrillo died, his hband learned that almost everythg the wrer had shared about his life was ma up—cludg his Cuban inty.</div><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY cgDBtc summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH dSEWiO byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>D. T. Max</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff hNpSyX summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm hKqhyj" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Upper Wt Si Cult That Hid Pla Sight" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Unr Review</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div class="SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ fzzTdh summary-em__hed" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">The Upper Wt Si Cult That Hid Pla Sight</div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd kxnNhB jDyfzW summary-em__k">In the sixti and seventi, the Sullivanian Instute had a wng sal pch for young New Yorkers: parti, sex, low rent, and affordable therapy.</div><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY cgDBtc summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH dSEWiO byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Jsi Wter</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff hNpSyX summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm hKqhyj" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Lows of the High Life" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">The Weekend Essay</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div class="SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ fzzTdh summary-em__hed" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">The Lows of the High Life</div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd kxnNhB jDyfzW summary-em__k">I had never had money, and then I did. 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