'Return the key': the parents who reject their gay children | Society | The Guardian

Contents:

• 'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• I'M 57 YEARS OLD AND MY FATHER JT DISOWNED ME FOR BEG GAY
• DGHTER WHO WAS DISOWNED BY HER PARENTS FOR BEG GAY REF TO SUPPORT THEM FANCIALLY, WONRS IF SHE’S BEG CEL
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• “MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• FATHER'S LETTER DISOWNG GAY SON JAM AFTER COMG OUT GO VIRAL
• 5 GAY PARENTG MYTHS
• INTER BACKS WOMAN WHO DEFEND PARENTS DISOWNG GAY OLR BROTHER
• SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN

Many of the straight parents I terviewed for When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know exprsed havg felt disappotment learng that their child was LGBT. Natalie, 63, a mother om Long Island, found out that two of her three children were gay.

I'M 57 YEARS OLD AND MY FATHER JT DISOWNED ME FOR BEG GAY

" Natalie felt that was a loss to the fay geic pool and kept wonrg if beg gay was a choice.

Richard told me, "Perhaps if every parent toyed wh the possibily that any of their children uld be gay, would change the way they raise their children. Gay children are no different—so ltle of their sexual orientatn has to do wh who they are as a whole. "It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M.

Parents feel sad that their gay child has lost the possibily of havg a life whout signifint difficulty.

DGHTER WHO WAS DISOWNED BY HER PARENTS FOR BEG GAY REF TO SUPPORT THEM FANCIALLY, WONRS IF SHE’S BEG CEL

" Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals. That’s how I feel’The armageddon refers to his mum’s strong Jehovah’s Wns beliefs about the sfulns of homosexualy. ’”Chris, sadly, isn’t alone his story of parental fa of equalyAt the time I terviewed him, a Brazilian mother who killed her teenage son for beg gay is sentenced to 25 years prison.

Celebry stori of heartbreakg parental rejectn are also November, the Amerin thor and producer Robyn Crawford released a book nfirmg she had had a romantic relatnship wh Whney Hoton – but had to abandon out of fear of the repercsns om Hoton’s by Oprah Wey if would have bothered her if her dghter was gay, Cissy Hoton said “Absolutely.

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

There’s more data out there, lots of , but somewhere between l like 58% of gay homels youth sexually victimized and 44% of them beg approached to engage sex to meet basic needs [5], I h my lim for lookg at leav wh the overridg qutn: Why?

Fai who have “ltle guidance on how to support posive velopment for gay and transgenr children” [6].

From there, was only a matter of time before he joed Facebook and, I’m assumg, disvered my profile, which shows me as an out and proud gay Jan. But then, when everythg seemed gog great, her parents reached out for help after facg fancial stggl, and she was faced wh a difficult woman me out to her folks when she was 18Image creds: Pavel Danily (not the actual photo)And her biggt fears me te; her fay kicked her outImage creds: YuriArcursPeopleimag (not the actual photo)Image creds: matheirbed_aaParental support is ccial helpg children and teens pe wh adversyImage creds: Kl Media (not the actual photo)Acrdg to the Amerin Psychologil Associatn (APA), parental, fay, and regiver support is very valuable helpg children and youth pe wh adversy, pecially if they enunter stigma or prejudice associated wh factors such as their race/ethnicy, genr, disabily, sexualy, weight or socenomic example, lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr youth who are accepted by fay members and regivers are more likely to exhib healthy velopment adolcence, e. When a child first out to their parents as eher beg gay or havg same-sex attractn, their ial rpons are ually the wrong on, says Chris Doyle, a psychotherapist who specializ York Cy gay pri para crowd this undated photo.

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

"Sce homosexualy is beg more wily accepted Amerin society, an creasg number of teens who experience SSA are intifyg as gay. They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

"We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s . "Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them. "The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child.

Rachel Held Evans nclus her blog post If my son or dghter were gay wh this paragraph:. If God bls Dan and me wh a child who is gay, I would want that child to know whout a doubt that he or she is loved unndnally.

I believe Rachel’s motivatn is to create a more welg and lovg environment the church for those who intify themselv as homosexuals, or who stggle wh homosexual sire.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

I admire and agree wh her motive, and mt say that I’ve learned om her this area of beg much more reful how I speak and wre about homosexualy. First, she don’t munite any ncern about the sfulns of homosexual sir nor the immoraly of homosexual actns.

FATHER'S LETTER DISOWNG GAY SON JAM AFTER COMG OUT GO VIRAL

She seems to nvey that homosexual sir are not part of human brokenns, and that to pursue homosexual practic do not have any bearg on a person’s relatnship wh Christ. Send, Rachel seems to intify everyone who tak the view that homosexual sir are part of broken human sfulns, and that homosexual actns are s, as bulli.

However, ’s irrponsible and unfair to group all who say that homosexualy is immoral as bulli of Christ’s ltle on. Sixth, if your son agre that homosexualy is sful, and he wants to have victory over the temptatns, then there are many Gospel promis you n enurage him wh.

5 GAY PARENTG MYTHS

However, if he says that he believ homosexualy to be okay and he’s cid to pursue , then while assurg him of your ntued love and re, you mt lovgly warn him of the spirual and physil dangers of homosexualy. Seventh, I’d enurage the son not to see himself as a homosexual, not to fe himself by his sexualy.

INTER BACKS WOMAN WHO DEFEND PARENTS DISOWNG GAY OLR BROTHER

Rather I’d want him to see himself as creature ma God’s image, a man wh many parts to his inty, a person wh many gifts, a son wh a diverse character and personaly, one part of which, at least for the moment, is to have a homosexual sir. Eighth, I would ask him to keep g to church, pecially as homosexualy is sometim the rult of worshippg self rather than God (Romans 1:24-25). But I would ask his permissn to let the pastor know about his suatn bee I’d want to urge the pastor to greater sensivy towards those stgglg wh homosexualy.

Like Rachel, I too have wced and crged as preachers have nmned homosexualy as if is an unfiveable abomatn that only weird and wicked people outsi of church stggled wh.

Is somehow nceivable that there are some our church who have stggled wh homosexual sire and have fallen to s this area?

SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

Where I do disagree wh Rachel, is her refal to accept that hell and judgment are any part of the Christian msage about s, cludg homosexual s. Y, the Gospel wel sners, heterosexual and homosexual sners, but, thanks be to God, do not leave there (1 Cor. An attempt to get the kid to change, embarrassment, fear of one's manhood beg challenged for producg a gay son, and relig beliefs are all reasons someone would disown their own offsprg.

So, I gus you would disown your kid forever if he or she told you that they were gay?