My Son is Gay | Coachg for Parents of LGBTQ Youth

Contents:

• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• WHAT TO DO IF YOU THK YOUR CHILD IS GAYBY ANWH SAHOO APR 20, 2017SHARE I’VE WRTEN BEFORE ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT IS FOR PARENTS TO REACT SENSIVELY WHEN KIDS E OUT. I WROTE OM THE ASSUMPTN THAT THE NEWS THE CHILD IS GAY WOULD E AS A SURPRISE, IF NOT A SHOCK, AS WAS FOR MY PARENTS. BUT SOME PARENTS MIGHT GUS A CHILD’S SEXUALY BEFORE THE CHILD KNOWS (OR IS FORTABLE EXPRSG) . WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?WELL, THE MOST IMPORTANT THG IS TO SHOW THAT YOUR LOVE AND UNRSTANDG IS UNNDNAL. BEYOND THAT, HERE ARE SOME TIPS.I THK MY CHILD IS GAY. WHAT DO I DO?FIRST, LET’S TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T DO.DON’T JUMP TO NCLNS IF YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY.WHILE I LARGELY DID F TO THE STEREOTYPIL RITURE OF A GAY MAN, NOT EVERY GAY PERSON DO. STEREOTYP AREN’T NECSARILY WRONG, BUT THEY ARE PLETE; THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF BEG. GAY MIGHT BE EFFEMATE, OR GAY ULD BE STRONG, DAC, POWERFUL AND BETIFUL – JT LIKE STRAIGHT ULD BE ANY OF THOSE THGS. DON’T LET THE MOST MON REPRENTATN OF HOMOSEXUALY – OR HETEROSEXUALY — MAKE YOU JUMP TO NCLNS ABOUT THE SEXUAL ORIENTATN OF YOUR CHILD. THERE ARE NO SYMPTOMS OF GAY THAT YOU N WATCH OUT FOR, BEE BEG GAY ISN’T A DISORR; KIDS WHO ARE GAY AND KIDS WHO ARE STRAIGHT E ALL SHAP, SIZ AND PERSONALI.DON’T SPECULATE ABOUT YOUR KID’S SEXUALY TO OTHERS. YOUR KID’S SEXUALY IS A SENSIVE TOPIC AND EXTREMELY PRIVATE FOR YOUR CHILD. EVEN IF HE (OR SHE) IS FORTABLE WH HIS SEXUALY, HE WOULDN’T NECSARILY WANT TO BE OUT TO YOUR IENDS AND NEIGHBOURS. GAY KIDS – AND KIDS PEOPLE THK ARE GAY, WHETHER THEY ARE OR NOT – FACE A LOT OF SENSIVE QUTNS AND MENTS, NOT TO MENTN BULLYG. THK: WOULD YOU LIKE PEOPLE WHISPERG ABOUT WHO YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE ATTRACTED TO? LET KIDS CHOOSE WHOM THEY WISH TO E OUT TO.DON’T ASK.IT MIGHT SEEM LOGIL: HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY IF YOU DON’T ASK? BUT THAT’S NOT A GOOD MOVE. FIRST, THERE ARE A LN WAYS TO GO ABOUT MORE TACTFULLY (SEE BELOW). AND SEND, YOUR CHILD MAY NOT KNOW OR BE FULLY FORTABLE THEIR SEXUALY – SO THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE AN ANSWER, BUT STILL FEEL PRSURE TO GIVE ONE.WHEN I REALIZED I MIGHT BE GAY, AT AGE 16, I’D OFTEN VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE HOMOSEXUALY MY NVERSATNS OR BSH UNR THE RPET. THAT’S BEE I WAS REPEATG THE ATTUS I HAD BEEN NURTURED . (THE TERM ‘HOMOSEXUALY’ NEVER EXISTED MY VOBULARY TILL I WAS 13!) MOST OF HAVE LIVED OUR LIV A HETERO-NORMATIVE SOCIETY, SO MIGHT TAKE TIME FOR GAY KIDS TO E TO TERMS WH HOMOSEXUALY.WHICH BRGS ME TO THE DO’S:DO GIVE YOUR CHILD REASON TO BELIEVE YOU’D ACCEPT THEM IF/WHEN THEY E OUT TO YOU. RATHER THAN ASK IF YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY, OR WATCH FOR SIGNS YOUR CHILD IS GAY, WHAT YOU  N DO (AND WHAT MY PARENTS DID, UNKNOWGLY) IS MAKE YOUR KID BELIEVE THAT G OUT TO PARENTS WOULD BE OK.ONE WAY TO DO IS BY WATCHG GAY-IENDLY MEDIA, LIKE THE SATYAMEV JAYATE EPISO ABOUT SEXUALY, DURG OR AFTER WHICH YOU N MENTN HOW BRAVE YOU THK GAZAL WAS FOR G TO TERMS WH HER TRANS INTY AND HOW YOU APPRECIATE HER PARENTS’ EFFORTS TO STAND BY HER SI. SIARLY, YOU ULD WATCH FILMS LIKE SUMMER MY VES, PRAYERS FOR BOBBY, OR TOUCH OF PK WHICH ARE ABOUT CHILDREN G OUT TO PARENTS. (IF YOUR NEW TASTE FILM DON’T PROMPT YOUR CHILD TO NFI, DON’T EAK OUT; THE SUBTLE MSAGE OF ACCEPTANCE YOU’RE SENDG IS MORE IMPORTANT.)ANOTHER WAY TO DO THIS IS BY MDG WHAT YOU SAY. USE SENSIVE AND UP-TO-DATE TERMS WHENEVER YOU TALK ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY. (IF YOU NEED HELP, CHECK OUT MY LGBTIQ DICTNARY FOR PARENTS!) AND YET ANOTHER WAY IS TO EXPOSE YOUR CHILD OM THE START TO SPIRG STORI OF LGBTIQ INS LIKE HARVEY MILK, FREDDIE MERCURY, AND ELLEN DEGENER.THIS WILL ALL GO A LONG WAY TO NVEYG TO YOUR CHILD THAT, IF THEY’RE NOT GAY, THERE’S STILL MUCH TO EMULATE THE ROLE MOLS; AND IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY, THEY N E OUT TO YOU “BEE ’S OKAY,” AS DEGENER PUT A 1997 TERVIEW WH OPRAH. (HER WHOLE TERVIEW IS WORTH A WATCH.)DO WATCH YOUR TONE OF VOICE. GAY OR STRAIGHT, TEENS PICK UP ON HOW YOU SAY SOMETHG, FAR MORE THAN WHAT YOU SAY. TALK TO THEM ABOUT SEXUALY – GAY OR STRAIGHT — LIKE YOU’RE DISCSG WHAT THEY’D WANT TO HAVE FOR DNER, WHOUT AN OUNCE OF JUDGMENT, RISN OR EVEN AWKWARDNS. IF YOUR KID SEEMS DISTERTED, DON’T FORCE , BUT LET THEM BRG UP IF AND WHEN THEY’RE FORTABLE.DO ASK YOURSELF: WHY DO I WANT TO KNOW IF MY CHILD IS GAY? A LOT OF PARENTS DON’T EXACTLY EXPECT THEIR KIDS TO BE GAY, SO ADAPTG PERSONAL EXPECTATNS AND DREAMS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT – BUT YOU DON’T NEED YOUR CHILD’S NFIRMATN TO DO . IF YOU WANT TO ASK SO YOU N REASSURE YOUR CHILD OF YOUR ACCEPTANCE, THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO DO (SEE ABOVE).IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHETHER YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY BEE YOU’RE WORRIED THEY’RE HAVG SEX, YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WH WHAT GENR TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT SAFE SEXUAL PRACTIC AND HIV PREVENTN. IT’LL BE AWKWARD, BUT ’S IMPORTANT, SO GET OVER .IF YOU WANT TO KNOW BEE YOU’RE STGGLG TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILY THAT YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY, NOW IS THE TIME TO NONT YOUR OWN PREJUDICE. IT MAY E AS A SURPRISE TO YOU; I’VE HEARD MANY OF MY CLASSMAT SAY, “OH, I SUPPORT HOMOSEXUALY, BUT MY KID BETTER NOT BE GAY!” IT DON’T REALLY WORK THAT WAY; YOU EHER DO ACCEPT HOMOSEXUALY, OR YOU DON’T. USE THIS OPPORTUNY TO ACTUALLY LIVE UP TO HOW YOU’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOURSELF.AND NSIR THIS: YOUR CHILD MAY WELL BE STGGLG AS MUCH OR MORE THAN YOU. ASKG ABOUT THEIR SEXUALY BEFORE THEY’RE READY IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED, NOT ABOUT WHAT THEY NEED. THK OF A DIFFICULT MOMENT YOUR LIFE: DID YOU WELE OTHER PEOPLE’S QUTNS AT THAT TIME? DID YOU JT WANT TO FIGURE OUT YOURSELF AND MOVE ON?FALLY, WHETHER OR NOT YOU’RE 100% ACCEPTG, THE LAST TWO POTS ARE MOST IMPORTANT IF YOU THK YOUR CHILD IS GAY:DO MAKE SURE YOUR CHILD KNOWS THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN A PERSON’S SEXUALY. LET YOUR CHILD’S SEXUALY BE JT ONE PART OF WHO HE OR SHE IS. DO YOUR CHILD SEE YOU ONLY AS SOMEONE WHO IS ATTRACTED TO THE OPPOSE SEX? PROBABLY NOT. PROBABLY THEY SEE YOU AS A MOTHER OR FATHER, A SUCCSFUL PROFSNAL, A SUPPORTIVE IEND OR NEIGHBOUR, A GOOD CIZEN, BEE YOU ARE ALL THOSE THGS; GAY OR STRAIGHT, YOUR CHILD N BE ALL OF THOSE THGS AND MORE, TOO. DEFG KIDS BY WHOM THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO IS AS ARBRARY AND LIMG AS FG THEM BY THEIR SHOE SIZE. CELEBRATE ALL PARTS OF THEIR PERSONALY.DO TREAT THEM THE WAY YOU’VE ALWAYS TREATED THEM. YOUR CHILD DIDN’T JT TURN GAY OVERNIGHT. THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY. DEALG WH A GAY CHILD (OR ONE YOU THK MIGHT BE GAY) DON’T HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT OM ALG WH A STRAIGHT CHILD. WHY SHOULD YOUR SPECULATN – OR YOUR KNOWLEDGE, IF THEY’VE E OUT — CHANGE THE RELATNSHIP BETWEEN YOU?SHARE TAGS LGBTQIA+ | PRETEENS | SEXUALY | TEENS WRTEN BY ANWH SAHOO ANWH SAHOO IS A VORAC WRER, OPTIMIST AND A LOVER OF OLD-SCHOOL INDIAN ART, MIC AND FASHN. WHILE HE’S A FIRM BELIEVER PRACTILY, A PART OF HIM LOV LIVG A WORLD OF POSSIBILI. HE BLOGS AT THE EFFEMARE, A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE HE GETS TO ILLTRATE THE UTOPIAN WORLD HE WANTS TO BE A PART OF. HE LOOKS AT LIFE AS A THRILLG MYSTERY NOVEL WRTEN BY GOD AND, SCE HIS NOVEL HAS ONLY STARTED, HE’D GO WH: ‘I AM STILL EVOLVG!’ SEE ALL ARTICL BY ANWHLATT SCIENCE ARTICL RISE OF THE CYBSFROM HEARG COLORS TO SEEG ULTRAVLET, IS ENHANCEMENT THE FUTURE OF HUMAN SENS?
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• SO YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY? DON'T ASK. LET HIM TELL YOU
• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• MY SON THKS HE’S GAY
• WHAT TO DO IF YOU SPECT YOUR KID IS GAY OR TRANSGENR
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do. "For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU THK YOUR CHILD IS GAYBY ANWH SAHOO APR 20, 2017SHARE I’VE WRTEN BEFORE ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT IS FOR PARENTS TO REACT SENSIVELY WHEN KIDS E OUT. I WROTE OM THE ASSUMPTN THAT THE NEWS THE CHILD IS GAY WOULD E AS A SURPRISE, IF NOT A SHOCK, AS WAS FOR MY PARENTS. BUT SOME PARENTS MIGHT GUS A CHILD’S SEXUALY BEFORE THE CHILD KNOWS (OR IS FORTABLE EXPRSG) . WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?WELL, THE MOST IMPORTANT THG IS TO SHOW THAT YOUR LOVE AND UNRSTANDG IS UNNDNAL. BEYOND THAT, HERE ARE SOME TIPS.I THK MY CHILD IS GAY. WHAT DO I DO?FIRST, LET’S TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T DO.DON’T JUMP TO NCLNS IF YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY.WHILE I LARGELY DID F TO THE STEREOTYPIL RITURE OF A GAY MAN, NOT EVERY GAY PERSON DO. STEREOTYP AREN’T NECSARILY WRONG, BUT THEY ARE PLETE; THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF BEG. GAY MIGHT BE EFFEMATE, OR GAY ULD BE STRONG, DAC, POWERFUL AND BETIFUL – JT LIKE STRAIGHT ULD BE ANY OF THOSE THGS. DON’T LET THE MOST MON REPRENTATN OF HOMOSEXUALY – OR HETEROSEXUALY — MAKE YOU JUMP TO NCLNS ABOUT THE SEXUAL ORIENTATN OF YOUR CHILD. THERE ARE NO SYMPTOMS OF GAY THAT YOU N WATCH OUT FOR, BEE BEG GAY ISN’T A DISORR; KIDS WHO ARE GAY AND KIDS WHO ARE STRAIGHT E ALL SHAP, SIZ AND PERSONALI.DON’T SPECULATE ABOUT YOUR KID’S SEXUALY TO OTHERS. YOUR KID’S SEXUALY IS A SENSIVE TOPIC AND EXTREMELY PRIVATE FOR YOUR CHILD. EVEN IF HE (OR SHE) IS FORTABLE WH HIS SEXUALY, HE WOULDN’T NECSARILY WANT TO BE OUT TO YOUR IENDS AND NEIGHBOURS. GAY KIDS – AND KIDS PEOPLE THK ARE GAY, WHETHER THEY ARE OR NOT – FACE A LOT OF SENSIVE QUTNS AND MENTS, NOT TO MENTN BULLYG. THK: WOULD YOU LIKE PEOPLE WHISPERG ABOUT WHO YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE ATTRACTED TO? LET KIDS CHOOSE WHOM THEY WISH TO E OUT TO.DON’T ASK.IT MIGHT SEEM LOGIL: HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY IF YOU DON’T ASK? BUT THAT’S NOT A GOOD MOVE. FIRST, THERE ARE A LN WAYS TO GO ABOUT MORE TACTFULLY (SEE BELOW). AND SEND, YOUR CHILD MAY NOT KNOW OR BE FULLY FORTABLE THEIR SEXUALY – SO THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE AN ANSWER, BUT STILL FEEL PRSURE TO GIVE ONE.WHEN I REALIZED I MIGHT BE GAY, AT AGE 16, I’D OFTEN VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE HOMOSEXUALY MY NVERSATNS OR BSH UNR THE RPET. THAT’S BEE I WAS REPEATG THE ATTUS I HAD BEEN NURTURED . (THE TERM ‘HOMOSEXUALY’ NEVER EXISTED MY VOBULARY TILL I WAS 13!) MOST OF HAVE LIVED OUR LIV A HETERO-NORMATIVE SOCIETY, SO MIGHT TAKE TIME FOR GAY KIDS TO E TO TERMS WH HOMOSEXUALY.WHICH BRGS ME TO THE DO’S:DO GIVE YOUR CHILD REASON TO BELIEVE YOU’D ACCEPT THEM IF/WHEN THEY E OUT TO YOU. RATHER THAN ASK IF YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY, OR WATCH FOR SIGNS YOUR CHILD IS GAY, WHAT YOU  N DO (AND WHAT MY PARENTS DID, UNKNOWGLY) IS MAKE YOUR KID BELIEVE THAT G OUT TO PARENTS WOULD BE OK.ONE WAY TO DO IS BY WATCHG GAY-IENDLY MEDIA, LIKE THE SATYAMEV JAYATE EPISO ABOUT SEXUALY, DURG OR AFTER WHICH YOU N MENTN HOW BRAVE YOU THK GAZAL WAS FOR G TO TERMS WH HER TRANS INTY AND HOW YOU APPRECIATE HER PARENTS’ EFFORTS TO STAND BY HER SI. SIARLY, YOU ULD WATCH FILMS LIKE SUMMER MY VES, PRAYERS FOR BOBBY, OR TOUCH OF PK WHICH ARE ABOUT CHILDREN G OUT TO PARENTS. (IF YOUR NEW TASTE FILM DON’T PROMPT YOUR CHILD TO NFI, DON’T EAK OUT; THE SUBTLE MSAGE OF ACCEPTANCE YOU’RE SENDG IS MORE IMPORTANT.)ANOTHER WAY TO DO THIS IS BY MDG WHAT YOU SAY. USE SENSIVE AND UP-TO-DATE TERMS WHENEVER YOU TALK ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY. (IF YOU NEED HELP, CHECK OUT MY LGBTIQ DICTNARY FOR PARENTS!) AND YET ANOTHER WAY IS TO EXPOSE YOUR CHILD OM THE START TO SPIRG STORI OF LGBTIQ INS LIKE HARVEY MILK, FREDDIE MERCURY, AND ELLEN DEGENER.THIS WILL ALL GO A LONG WAY TO NVEYG TO YOUR CHILD THAT, IF THEY’RE NOT GAY, THERE’S STILL MUCH TO EMULATE THE ROLE MOLS; AND IF YOUR CHILD IS GAY, THEY N E OUT TO YOU “BEE ’S OKAY,” AS DEGENER PUT A 1997 TERVIEW WH OPRAH. (HER WHOLE TERVIEW IS WORTH A WATCH.)DO WATCH YOUR TONE OF VOICE. GAY OR STRAIGHT, TEENS PICK UP ON HOW YOU SAY SOMETHG, FAR MORE THAN WHAT YOU SAY. TALK TO THEM ABOUT SEXUALY – GAY OR STRAIGHT — LIKE YOU’RE DISCSG WHAT THEY’D WANT TO HAVE FOR DNER, WHOUT AN OUNCE OF JUDGMENT, RISN OR EVEN AWKWARDNS. IF YOUR KID SEEMS DISTERTED, DON’T FORCE , BUT LET THEM BRG UP IF AND WHEN THEY’RE FORTABLE.DO ASK YOURSELF: WHY DO I WANT TO KNOW IF MY CHILD IS GAY? A LOT OF PARENTS DON’T EXACTLY EXPECT THEIR KIDS TO BE GAY, SO ADAPTG PERSONAL EXPECTATNS AND DREAMS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT – BUT YOU DON’T NEED YOUR CHILD’S NFIRMATN TO DO . IF YOU WANT TO ASK SO YOU N REASSURE YOUR CHILD OF YOUR ACCEPTANCE, THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO DO (SEE ABOVE).IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHETHER YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY BEE YOU’RE WORRIED THEY’RE HAVG SEX, YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WH WHAT GENR TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT SAFE SEXUAL PRACTIC AND HIV PREVENTN. IT’LL BE AWKWARD, BUT ’S IMPORTANT, SO GET OVER .IF YOU WANT TO KNOW BEE YOU’RE STGGLG TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILY THAT YOUR SON IS GAY OR DGHTER IS GAY, NOW IS THE TIME TO NONT YOUR OWN PREJUDICE. IT MAY E AS A SURPRISE TO YOU; I’VE HEARD MANY OF MY CLASSMAT SAY, “OH, I SUPPORT HOMOSEXUALY, BUT MY KID BETTER NOT BE GAY!” IT DON’T REALLY WORK THAT WAY; YOU EHER DO ACCEPT HOMOSEXUALY, OR YOU DON’T. USE THIS OPPORTUNY TO ACTUALLY LIVE UP TO HOW YOU’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOURSELF.AND NSIR THIS: YOUR CHILD MAY WELL BE STGGLG AS MUCH OR MORE THAN YOU. ASKG ABOUT THEIR SEXUALY BEFORE THEY’RE READY IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED, NOT ABOUT WHAT THEY NEED. THK OF A DIFFICULT MOMENT YOUR LIFE: DID YOU WELE OTHER PEOPLE’S QUTNS AT THAT TIME? DID YOU JT WANT TO FIGURE OUT YOURSELF AND MOVE ON?FALLY, WHETHER OR NOT YOU’RE 100% ACCEPTG, THE LAST TWO POTS ARE MOST IMPORTANT IF YOU THK YOUR CHILD IS GAY:DO MAKE SURE YOUR CHILD KNOWS THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN A PERSON’S SEXUALY. LET YOUR CHILD’S SEXUALY BE JT ONE PART OF WHO HE OR SHE IS. DO YOUR CHILD SEE YOU ONLY AS SOMEONE WHO IS ATTRACTED TO THE OPPOSE SEX? PROBABLY NOT. PROBABLY THEY SEE YOU AS A MOTHER OR FATHER, A SUCCSFUL PROFSNAL, A SUPPORTIVE IEND OR NEIGHBOUR, A GOOD CIZEN, BEE YOU ARE ALL THOSE THGS; GAY OR STRAIGHT, YOUR CHILD N BE ALL OF THOSE THGS AND MORE, TOO. DEFG KIDS BY WHOM THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO IS AS ARBRARY AND LIMG AS FG THEM BY THEIR SHOE SIZE. CELEBRATE ALL PARTS OF THEIR PERSONALY.DO TREAT THEM THE WAY YOU’VE ALWAYS TREATED THEM. YOUR CHILD DIDN’T JT TURN GAY OVERNIGHT. THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY. DEALG WH A GAY CHILD (OR ONE YOU THK MIGHT BE GAY) DON’T HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT OM ALG WH A STRAIGHT CHILD. WHY SHOULD YOUR SPECULATN – OR YOUR KNOWLEDGE, IF THEY’VE E OUT — CHANGE THE RELATNSHIP BETWEEN YOU?SHARE TAGS LGBTQIA+ | PRETEENS | SEXUALY | TEENS WRTEN BY ANWH SAHOO ANWH SAHOO IS A VORAC WRER, OPTIMIST AND A LOVER OF OLD-SCHOOL INDIAN ART, MIC AND FASHN. WHILE HE’S A FIRM BELIEVER PRACTILY, A PART OF HIM LOV LIVG A WORLD OF POSSIBILI. HE BLOGS AT THE EFFEMARE, A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE HE GETS TO ILLTRATE THE UTOPIAN WORLD HE WANTS TO BE A PART OF. HE LOOKS AT LIFE AS A THRILLG MYSTERY NOVEL WRTEN BY GOD AND, SCE HIS NOVEL HAS ONLY STARTED, HE’D GO WH: ‘I AM STILL EVOLVG!’ SEE ALL ARTICL BY ANWHLATT SCIENCE ARTICL RISE OF THE CYBSFROM HEARG COLORS TO SEEG ULTRAVLET, IS ENHANCEMENT THE FUTURE OF HUMAN SENS?

PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;.

First, let’s talk about what you don’t ’t jump to nclns if you thk your son is gay or dghter is I largely did f to the stereotypil riture of a gay man, not every gay person do. Don’t let the most mon reprentatn of homosexualy – or heterosexualy — make you jump to nclns about the sexual orientatn of your child.

There are no symptoms of gay that you n watch out for, bee beg gay isn’t a disorr; kids who are gay and kids who are straight e all shap, siz and ’t speculate about your kid’s sexualy to others. Gay kids – and kids people thk are gay, whether they are or not – face a lot of sensive qutns and ments, not to mentn bullyg. And send, your child may not know or be fully fortable their sexualy – so they might not have an answer, but still feel prsure to give I realized I might be gay, at age 16, I’d often vehemently oppose homosexualy my nversatns or bsh unr the rpet.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

) Most of have lived our liv a hetero-normative society, so might take time for gay kids to e to terms wh brgs me to the do’s:Do give your child reason to believe you’d accept them if/when they e out to you. Rather than ask if your son is gay or dghter is gay, or watch for signs your child is gay, what you n do (and what my parents did, unknowgly) is make your kid believe that g out to parents would be way to do is by watchg gay-iendly media, like the Satyamev Jayate episo about sexualy, durg or after which you n mentn how brave you thk Gazal was for g to terms wh her trans inty and how you appreciate her parents’ efforts to stand by her si. ) And yet another way is to expose your child om the start to spirg stori of LGBTIQ ins like Harvey Milk, Freddie Mercury, and Ellen will all go a long way to nveyg to your child that, if they’re not gay, there’s still much to emulate the role mols; and if your child is gay, they n e out to you “bee ’s okay, ” as DeGener put a 1997 terview wh Oprah.

Talk to them about sexualy – gay or straight — like you’re discsg what they’d want to have for dner, whout an ounce of judgment, risn or even awkwardns. If your kid seems disterted, don’t force , but let them brg up if and when they’re ask yourself: Why do I want to know if my child is gay?

A lot of parents don’t exactly expect their kids to be gay, so adaptg personal expectatns and dreams might be difficult – but you don’t need your child’s nfirmatn to do .

SO YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY? DON'T ASK. LET HIM TELL YOU

If you want to ask so you n reassure your child of your acceptance, there are better ways to do (see above) you want to know whether your son is gay or dghter is gay bee you’re worried they’re havg sex, you don’t need to know wh what genr to talk to them about safe sexual practic and HIV preventn. It’ll be awkward, but ’s important, so get over you want to know bee you’re stgglg to accept the possibily that your son is gay or dghter is gay, now is the time to nont your own prejudice. It may e as a surprise to you; I’ve heard many of my classmat say, “Oh, I support homosexualy, but my kid better not be gay!

Fally, whether or not you’re 100% acceptg, the last two pots are most important if you thk your child is gay:Do make sure your child knows there’s more to life than a person’s sexualy.

Probably they see you as a mother or father, a succsful profsnal, a supportive iend or neighbour, a good cizen, bee you are all those thgs; gay or straight, your child n be all of those thgs and more, too. I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic.

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news. "This uld be his rponse whether he's straight or gay - and jt not at the pot his life where he wants to tell other words, your qutn uld create more of a problem than the good that might e of . Instead, do what you've hopefully been dog all along: showg him, through your behavur, that you believe beg gay is a pletely acceptable sexual orientatn - no way shameful.

If your child is gay, your actns and attus will be what make the biggt difference to him - and ultimately to your future relatnship wh do you act around people your life that are gay? Have your words implied or outright stated that you thk beg gay is somehow bad, somethg that you own upon or want to keep at a distance? But as the experience for lbian teens is not que the same, I have chosen to lim the foc to is one last thg that you should do, whether you spect that your teen is gay or not: Make sure that once they h adolcence, they unrstand the importance of ndom e.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

The risk of ntractg STDs, cludg HIV, are still very much prent for sexually active if you thk your son is gay, what should you do? It's really more about your attu - if your attu toward beg gay is generally posive and welg, your son, if he is ed gay, knows he will be accepted by you shouldn't do is try to fd out whether he is gay or not. So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me...

" and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt...

Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend.

MY SON THKS HE’S GAY

Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY. " and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay. Rather than emphasizg whether or not to try to cut off his terchange — there is, after all, nothg wrong wh beg gay — a more important, longer-term qutn would be, “How n I help him improve his social skills?

WHAT TO DO IF YOU SPECT YOUR KID IS GAY OR TRANSGENR

Don’t Ask Your Kid If They’re GayYou might be tempted to straight up ask your kid, says Krist Rso, an LGBTQ+ advote and -founr of the anizatns Everyone Is Gay & My Kid Is Gay. And ’s not always one that might be observable om the outsi, ” she a child, Rso’s mom asked her many tim if she was gay, and this nfed her to no end.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

”Make It Clear You’re Pro-LGBTQ+Whether or not you spect your child is part of LGBTQ+ muny, make clear that your hoehold is acceptg of all sexuali and genrs and that you will love and accept your child if they do happen to be gay or trans. Lol PFLAG chapters, such as the one Zanevsky is a part of, are a great so many children are rejected by their parents for beg gay or trans, there n be a lot of prsure to create the perfect, nurturg environment for your potentially LGBTQ+ kid.

A new study nducted by rearchers at Gee Washgton Universy found that most parents of lbian, gay, and bisexual youth have difficulty adjtg after their kids e study says is one of the first to systematilly exame the experience of parents raisg lbian, gay and bisexual children. ”The study found that Ain Amerin and Lato parents have a harr time acceptg their lbian, gay and bisexual children, as do the parents of children who e out at a later study, which surveyed a much larger sample size than prev studi, nfirmed smaller studi that showed parents’ negative reactns tend to ease over time; the first two years are the harst for were no signifint differenc reactns between mother and father, the age of the parent, or the genr of the child.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

The study did not exame the reactns for the parents of transgenr general, acceptance seems to be growg rapidly for lbian, gay and bisexual youth. Gay kids often tell their parents about their sexualy the middle of a fight bee they feel that they have nothg left to lose sce you are already upset wh them. Also, please keep md that gay teens need the opportuny to talk to their parents about relatnship issu jt as straight kids do.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

But providg support isn't always easy — pecially if you are the parent of a lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr or qutng (LGBTQ) child. Advote for a gay-straight alliance (GSA), which has been shown to make schools safer and boost amic performance among LGBTQ stunts.

Team up wh a pediatrician, a unselor at school, close fay members and even muny anizatns — for example, Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) — if you’re havg trouble gog alone. Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg. Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer.

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women. Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median.