Myth: Lbian, gay and bisexual people n be intified by certa mannerisms or physil characteristics. People who are lbian, gay or bisexual e as many different shap, lors and siz as do people who are heterosexual.
Contents:
- WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
- IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
- GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
- KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
- KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND
- JAGUARS’ KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE ACH TO E OUT AS GAY US MEN’S PRO SPORTS
- 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
- WHAT DO PEOPLE BELIEVE ABOUT GAY MAL? A STUDY OF STEREOTYPE NTENT AND STRENGTH
- PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS
- JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY
WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
Is my hband gay? is an unthkable qutn to many wiv, and some hbands do turn out to be gay. Learn the signs of a gay hband. * qualities of a gay man *
So many gay men grow up believg there is somethg “wrong” wh bee we are different om other supposedly “normal” mal.
It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men. So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years.
As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard. How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy? Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected.
IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
My mother, and my (gay) self. * qualities of a gay man *
He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself.
GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
* qualities of a gay man *
Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds. The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag.
In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers. Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society.
He postulated that “gay people reprent a geic mutatn of nscns whose active fosterg is now required for human survival. Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men.
KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
Kev Maxen has bee the first male ach a US men’s profsnal sports league to e out as gay. * qualities of a gay man *
He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals. In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo. For gay men, learng to accept our “different” sexual orientatn as a posive aspect of ourselv is only part of our “g out.
KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND
Jacksonville Jaguars associate strength ach Kev Maxen is believed to be the first openly gay male ach major North Amerin men's sports after g out publicly an terview wh Outsports. * qualities of a gay man *
Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.
Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own. In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye.
If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner. What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife. This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child ().
JAGUARS’ KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE ACH TO E OUT AS GAY US MEN’S PRO SPORTS
The current rearch examed the ntent and strength of the gay male stereotype. This foc reprents a return to the earlit issu addrsed by socia * qualities of a gay man *
Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy.
'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. The fact is that I am the mother and I was told growg up that men bee gay bee their mothers are too motherg. For a long time, the psychiatric profsn blamed overly close maternal relatnships for g the "disease" of male homosexualy.
Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay.
WHAT DO PEOPLE BELIEVE ABOUT GAY MAL? A STUDY OF STEREOTYPE NTENT AND STRENGTH
Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post. My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought. In other words, havg a close relatnship wh your mother don't make you gay—beg gay mak you closer to your mother.
The young gay mal this study relled sharg terts mon wh their mothers, such as fashn and okg, and were also sensive to their feelgs.
PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS
I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother. Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son. However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close.
Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv.
For sure, gay men, their mothers and those who assist them need to explore and unrstand the val relatnships. People who are lbian, gay or bisexual e as many different shap, lors and siz as do people who are heterosexual. Many lbian, gay and bisexual people have early heterosexual experienc, but are still lbian, gay or bisexual; many avowed heterosexuals have had sexual ntact wh members of their own sex, but are still heterosexual.
JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY
Many lbian, gay and bisexual people know that they are attracted to members of their own sex at an early age, sometim as young as 6 or 7 years old.