Gay Men and Their Mothers: Is There a Special Closens? | Psychology Today

qualities of a gay man

My mother, and my (gay) self.

Contents:

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

Is my hband gay? is an unthkable qutn to many wiv, and some hbands do turn out to be gay. Learn the signs of a gay hband. * qualities of a gay man *

So many gay men grow up believg there is somethg “wrong” wh bee we are different om other supposedly “normal” mal.

It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men. So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years. As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard.

How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy?

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

* qualities of a gay man *

Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected.

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

Myth: Lbian, gay and bisexual people n be intified by certa mannerisms or physil characteristics.  People who are lbian, gay or bisexual e as many different shap, lors and siz as do people who are heterosexual. * qualities of a gay man *

He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself.

Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.

The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people?

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

Kev Maxen has bee the first male ach a US men’s profsnal sports league to e out as gay. * qualities of a gay man *

Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag.

KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND

Jacksonville Jaguars associate strength ach Kev Maxen is believed to be the first openly gay male ach major North Amerin men's sports after g out publicly an terview wh Outsports. * qualities of a gay man *

In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers. Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society. He postulated that “gay people reprent a geic mutatn of nscns whose active fosterg is now required for human survival.

JAGUARS’ KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE ACH TO E OUT AS GAY US MEN’S PRO SPORTS

The current rearch examed the ntent and strength of the gay male stereotype. This foc reprents a return to the earlit issu addrsed by socia * qualities of a gay man *

Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men. He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals. In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo.

For gay men, learng to accept our “different” sexual orientatn as a posive aspect of ourselv is only part of our “g out.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own.

WHAT DO PEOPLE BELIEVE ABOUT GAY MAL? A STUDY OF STEREOTYPE NTENT AND STRENGTH

In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved.

PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS

But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye. If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner.

What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife. This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child (). Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy.

JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. The fact is that I am the mother and I was told growg up that men bee gay bee their mothers are too motherg.

For a long time, the psychiatric profsn blamed overly close maternal relatnships for g the "disease" of male homosexualy. Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* QUALITIES OF A GAY MAN

Is My Hband Gay? Signs of a Gay Hband | HealthyPlace .

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