Jaguars’ Kev Maxen Is First Publicly Gay Male Coach US Men’s Pro Sports

Contents:

• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
• KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND
• JAGUARS’ KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE ACH TO E OUT AS GAY US MEN’S PRO SPORTS
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• WHAT DO PEOPLE BELIEVE ABOUT GAY MAL? A STUDY OF STEREOTYPE NTENT AND STRENGTH
• PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS
• JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

So many gay men grow up believg there is somethg “wrong” wh bee we are different om other supposedly “normal” mal. It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men. So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years.

As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard. How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy? Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected.

He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.

The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag. In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers.

Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society. He postulated that “gay people reprent a geic mutatn of nscns whose active fosterg is now required for human survival.

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men.

He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals. In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo. For gay men, learng to accept our “different” sexual orientatn as a posive aspect of ourselv is only part of our “g out.

Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own. In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye.

KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND

If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner. What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife. This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child ().

Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy. So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. The fact is that I am the mother and I was told growg up that men bee gay bee their mothers are too motherg.

JAGUARS’ KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE ACH TO E OUT AS GAY US MEN’S PRO SPORTS

For a long time, the psychiatric profsn blamed overly close maternal relatnships for g the "disease" of male homosexualy. Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay. Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post.

My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

In other words, havg a close relatnship wh your mother don't make you gay—beg gay mak you closer to your mother.

The young gay mal this study relled sharg terts mon wh their mothers, such as fashn and okg, and were also sensive to their feelgs. I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother. Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son.

However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close. Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv. For sure, gay men, their mothers and those who assist them need to explore and unrstand the val relatnships.

WHAT DO PEOPLE BELIEVE ABOUT GAY MAL? A STUDY OF STEREOTYPE NTENT AND STRENGTH

People who are lbian, gay or bisexual e as many different shap, lors and siz as do people who are heterosexual. Many lbian, gay and bisexual people have early heterosexual experienc, but are still lbian, gay or bisexual; many avowed heterosexuals have had sexual ntact wh members of their own sex, but are still heterosexual.

PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS

Many lbian, gay and bisexual people know that they are attracted to members of their own sex at an early age, sometim as young as 6 or 7 years old. Myth: Lbian, gay and bisexual people are "flntg" their sexualy when they talk about their partner, hold hands or kiss one another public.

JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN IS FIRST MALE NFL ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

Due to homophobic reactns, some lbian, gay and bisexual people are actually forced to hi their sexualy public, not flnt . In surveys of lbian, gay and bisexual people, 52-87% have been verbally harassed, 21-27% have been pelted wh objects, 13-38% have been chased or followed and 9-24% have been physilly asslted. Fact: Most lbian, gay and bisexual people are fortable wh their own blogil sex; they don't regard themselv as members of the oppose sex.

Although homosexualy was once thought to be a mental illns, the Amerin Psychiatric and Psychologil Associatns no longer nsir to be one. Psychiatric and psychologil attempts to "cure" lbians and gay men have failed to change the sexual orientatn of the patient. The most accurate generalizatn might be this: lbian, gay and bisexual people are different om one another the same ways that heterosexual people are different om one another.

Per Outsports, as of September 2022, there have only ever been 16 players NFL history to publicly e out as gay or bisexual.