What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• SO YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY? DON'T ASK. LET HIM TELL YOU
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS INTIFY AS GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW IF MY SON IS GAY?

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

If you jt have a feelg that your brother is gay, that's okay. If you thk your brother is gay bee he watch a "girly" TV show or his voice sounds a certa way, that's relyg on stereotyp. If you live a particularly homophobic or transphobic area, discs safety plans wh the fay member se of vlence om others.

If your fay member has e out as gay or bisexual, accept that they will end up seeg someone of their own genr, and that's perfectly okay.

Don't be aaid to rearch beg gay, bisexual, transgenr, asexual, or whatever your fay member me out as. If you saw your brother kissg another guy and he said he is not attracted to women, y, he is gay.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

They might have a lack of tert the oppose sex if they’re homosexual or asexual.

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg. Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy.

The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy.

PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY

In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon. Curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of many parents reflect some genue predictive currency.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

Zucker, both psychologists, published a semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy 1995.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Given that a small proportn of the populatn is homosexual, prospective studi require a large number of children.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median. The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children. There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood.

Not all ltle boys who like to wear drs grow up to be gay, nor do all ltle girls who spise drs bee lbians. I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn. Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Rearchers readily nce that there are que likely multiple—and no doubt extremely plited—velopmental rout to adult homosexualy. Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc. Why do parents worry so much about whether their child may or may not be gay?

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY

All else beg equal, I spect we would be hard-prsed to fd parents who would actually prefer their offsprg to be homosexual. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative). Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre.

So cultivate your ltle prehomosexual's native talents, and your ultimate geic payoff uld, strangely enough, be even larger wh one very special gay child than would be if 10 medcre straight offsprg leaped om your los.

SO YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY? DON'T ASK. LET HIM TELL YOU

I n say as a once prehomosexual pipsqueak that some preparatn on the part of others would have ma easier on me, rather than nstantly fearg rejectn or worryg about some rels slipup leadg to my “exposure. And another thg: mt be pretty hard to look to your prehomosexual toddler's limpid ey, bsh away the okie cmbs om her cheek and toss her out on the streets for beg article was origally published wh the tle "Is Your Child Gay? Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientatn.

My 17-year-old son and I got to a b of a heated argument this weekend and the midst of my son said he's gay.

My hband says that he has always thought that our son is gay and that if he's gay, he's gay. It is highly unlikely that your son told you that he is gay simply to upset you. Gay kids often tell their parents about their sexualy the middle of a fight bee they feel that they have nothg left to lose sce you are already upset wh them.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

It is probably more likely that he has known that he is gay for some time.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

I suggt that you and your hband talk to your son durg a lm moment and ask him how he is pg wh beg a gay teen. Also, please keep md that gay teens need the opportuny to talk to their parents about relatnship issu jt as straight kids do.

AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS INTIFY AS GAY?

The nversatn wh gay teens do not end after an acceptance of their sexual choic. Most prompts for gay porn, meanwhile, explibly flt to people of ambiguoly LatX scent wh an unrcut hairstyle. Is that ditive of the typ of gay porn the mols were traed on?

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY SON IS GAY?

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.