Is It Possible to Pray the Gay Away? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS IT POSSIBLE TO PRAY THE GAY AWAY?
• 5 THGS I LEARNED AT A 'PRAY AWAY THE GAY' CAMP
• ‘PRAY AWAY THE GAY’ HAS GONE AWAY. WHY ARE GOVERNMENTS TRYG TO STOP IT?
• FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY
• ‘PRAY AWAY’ REVIEW: ATONG FOR AN ANTI-GAY STANCE
• CAN CATHOLICS “PRAY AWAY THE GAY?”
• NETFLIX'S 'PRAY AWAY' LOOKS BEHD THE CURTA OF THE 'EX-GAY' MOVEMENT
• PRAYG THE GAY AWAY, ONE AWAY MSAGE AT A TIME
• PRAY THE GAY AWAY: THE EXTRAORDARY LIV OF BIBLE BELT GAYS HARDVER – OCTOBER 1, 2012
• PRAY THE GAY AWAY PAPERBACK – NOVEMBER 27, 2017
• PRAY AWAY: THE HARROWG TE STORY OF THE "EX-GAY" MUNY THE FILM
• I TRIED TO 'PRAY THE GAY AWAY', AND END UP A HOSPAL BED

IS IT POSSIBLE TO PRAY THE GAY AWAY?

The revelatns surroundg Marc Bachmann's psychotherapy practice along wh his statements equatg gay people to barbarians reflect the eply held view among too many people that homosexualy is a psychologil or moral choice that n be altered and ed should be. There are several nservative relig anizatns, like Exod Internatnal and Homosexuals Anonymo, that claim to have helped people change their sexual orientatn through prayer, unselg, or a batn of both. Moreover, there are licensed mental health profsnals who practice what are lled reparative or nversn therapi signed to make gay people heterosexual.

The bt-known group of such clicians is the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy (NARTH), led by psychologist Joseph Nilosi. He and his followers claim that gays and lbians suffer om a damagg blend of childhood trma, shamg their fai of orig, and chronic unmet needs for love and affectn om their same-sex parents. Reparative therapy supposedly helps gay clients bee heterosexual by workg wh them to amelrate toxic feelgs stemmg om their damaged childhoods.

Robert Spzer, a proment psychiatrist who, oddly enough, led the charge to remove homosexualy as a disease om the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual, had unrtaken rearch wh 200 women and men who unrwent reparative therapy and believed themselv to be "cured" of homosexualy, as evinced by their abily to engage sexual relatns wh the oppose sex, marry heterosexually, and nceive children. In fact, there are many reports of people unrgog treatments offered by ex-gay mistri who not only return to homosexualy but have also been trmatized by this so-lled therapy. It is important to regnize that the great majory of psychotherapy profsnals argue vociferoly that such "treatment" is uhil bee homosexualy is not an illns — rather the "illns" is our tolerance of sexual and genr behavrs fallg outsi rtrictive societal norms.

5 THGS I LEARNED AT A 'PRAY AWAY THE GAY' CAMP

I also tell clients that reparative and nversn therapi, bis beg effective, are psychologilly harmful to gays and lbians, which is another reason I do not remend them and will not assist clients procurg such treatment. People like Marc and Michele Bachmann believe that acceptg and even celebratg gay and lbian people will evably lead to the moral cle of our society.

How n we effectively pray for our gay fay and iends while keepg rpect, kdns, and love uppermost our efforts? Pray First That You Always Defe Others as Children of GodProbably the first and most important nsiratn when we pray for gay iends and fay members is the state of our own hearts.

Ask God to keep your gay loved one healthy physilly and mentally, pray for their growg discernment and wisdom, and for them to grow love for Him—jt as you would pray for anyone else you Bible tells to pray for others, and that pleas the Lord. Both of the circumstanc take away personal that your gay loved one to ntact wh wise people who affirm their personhood full while offerg biblil tth.

‘PRAY AWAY THE GAY’ HAS GONE AWAY. WHY ARE GOVERNMENTS TRYG TO STOP IT?

Your gay iend or fay member needs to be rpected as a child of God, and sometim is not you, but another, who creat active pathways to real spirual change.

God is jtice, and all His sir for our life are for our good; His boundari on our behavr allow te eedom, livg full liv that are pleasg to are several plac the Bible where homosexualy is discsed.

We mt also affirm the tth of the Bible wh nfince and obedience to God, not strayg away om Biblil tth prayer, word, or That Homosexual Friends and Fay Rpect Their Christian Loved OnYears ago, a gay iend shared wh me her hop of someday gettg married.

FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY

I affirmed my fah and what, my unrstandg, disallows—I do not believe gay marriage is somethg God bls—but I honored her dream, too.

We are not tolerant if we do not thk gay marriage is God’s bt, but society today is quick to ame our beliefs this way. Most Christians I know want gay members of society to have every legal benef available—to be allowed to arrange fanc together, make health cisns for one another, and partner on other important life issu. Rpect for this om the gay muny whout risn or the mon label of “tolerant” is very sence, we are to tst God changg hearts and liv, and our prayers for loved on is a very important part of that.

By the end of the so-lled 'treatments, ' I believed the ernment was lookg for me bee the gays had brought AIDS to Ameri and that I now had this disease ragg through me.

‘PRAY AWAY’ REVIEW: ATONG FOR AN ANTI-GAY STANCE

" That is, they assumed that bee he was gay, 's bee his ntrollg mother and adbeat dad had nfed and irreparably trmatized his genals. Later ssns would clu pper heatg ils, needl my fgers, and electric shocks, " all while Sam was shown gay porn. In fact, he got so ed to reprsg his te self that, even after he me out, he wasn't entirely sure how to be: When he got to llege and first enuntered the gay muny, he immediately "me out a ball of glter.

" He embraced a sparkly, Freddy Mercury-stage-show-liftyle bee he saw a bunch of out-and-proud homosexuals and thought that was how was done. Go to a hardware store on the day of the gay pri para and you might hear an old du wh a beer gut lament, "Why do them gays have to be so flamboyant? But if you see somebody sportg an outlandish stume, 's not about makg homosexualy look fun to help "turn kids gay" (if Sam's gayns uld survive electroshock torture, then we're pretty sure another kid's straightns n survive a few paras and some sequ boas); 's about showg closeted gay kids that homosexualy isn't tomatilly a lifetime of misery.

For more sir perspectiv, check out 5 Reali of Beg Gay a Country Where It's Illegal and 6 Shockg Reali of the Secret 'Troubled Teen Indtry'. Exod Internatnal, evangelilism’s flagship ex-gay mistry, shut down 2013 after former lear Alan Chambers said had ed pa and harm to too many people and that more than 99 percent of those who’d sought help there hadn’t actually experienced an orientatn change. While mistri cludg Exod Internatnal and Foc on the Fay ed to preach that homosexual sire should be elimated, most evangelil church, pastors, and mental health profsnals today emphasize chasty amid sir that might last a lifetime.

CAN CATHOLICS “PRAY AWAY THE GAY?”

Even the Nashville Statement, a 14-pot manifto by the plementarian Council of Biblil Manhood and Womanhood, matas that homosexual sire may never change. It's a movement that's born out of a larger culture of homophobia and transphobia that still persists the majory of Christian church today. It wasn't until the suici of his iend, who was also part of the "ex-gay" movement, that he reevaluated everythg.

Interview highlights clu extend web-only answers and have been eded for length and clary: Interview Highlights Thomas on how he joed the "ex-gay" movement and Exod Internatnal I was out of the closet the '80s. They also had a group for the gays, and unrneath all of that olns there was this toxic theology that said that you need to overe homosexualy.

NETFLIX'S 'PRAY AWAY' LOOKS BEHD THE CURTA OF THE 'EX-GAY' MOVEMENT

Stolakis on what the ex-gay and nversn therapy movement looks like today Conversn therapy and the ex-LGBTQ movement has always been practiced lolly. It's bee very lennial-driven bee there are younger people who've grown up homophobic and transphobic environments who are ready and willg to take the place of people like Randy.

Disregardg all evince that the ex-gay movement is credibly damagg to more than 90% of those who unrgo "treatment" (bee they clearly jt didn't believe God enough), Settg Captiv Free wants you to know that you were not "born this way. " Homosexualy is a s that you need to purge om your system, and the only way to do is to follow their three-parts-a-day the app is only downloadable om Google Play (iTun and the 69, 822+ people who petned them don't believe nversn therapy for some reason), there is an abridged versn available on the mistry’s webse. But Hont About Your S (But Not TOO Hont): Adm that you have homosexual tennci, but don’t say anythg else about .

Stop Callg Your Homosexualy an "Alternative Liftyle": It's "Wicked, " "Evil, " and a "S": The are the only thgs you should ever ll om now on, preferably hhed ton. Even better, feel ee to refer to your homosexualy wh water-based metaphors: It's a "broken cistern" that will never satisfy your thirst. Change For the Right Reasons (the Glory Of God): After all, homosexualy is nothg but "lt, porn, and sexual immoraly, " ss that are applible only to gay people and never to straight on.

PRAYG THE GAY AWAY, ONE AWAY MSAGE AT A TIME

Always Read Scripture, But Only the Parts We Tell You to: Who knew curg homosexualy uld be so much like dog high school homework?

PRAY THE GAY AWAY: THE EXTRAORDARY LIV OF BIBLE BELT GAYS HARDVER – OCTOBER 1, 2012

Remove Yourself From Anythg Even Remotely Gay: Don't watch porn (aga, 's only a gay thg), don't go on gay webs, and most of all, certaly don't associate wh gay people. Any of those thgs might make you feel like your homosexualy is a natural part of your inty and n be accepted by those around you. Realize That Beg Homosexual Mak You Feel Alone Fet that we told you to shut yourself away om most of the world, and ignore the ia that maybe gay people feel so alone bee of the discrimatory and hateful attus that they face, helped by people like .

Rencile Wh Those Who Tried to Help You Stop Beg Gay: All those people who lled you "faggot" and told you that you were gog to Hell? But if at the end of this 60-day therapy, you still have homosexual tennci, then you didn't really believe and you didn't really want to change.

Movi|‘Pray Away’ Review: Atong for an Anti-Gay Stance ADVERTISEMENTIn this documentary, people who had promoted the ia that sexual orientatn uld be changed exprs their AwayDirected by Kriste StolakisDocumentaryPG-131h 41mThe Netflix documentary “Pray Away” profil several people who, the public sphere and the ntext of Christiany-cloaked “nversn therapy, ” peddled the ia that homosexualy uld be changed, and who now regret the sufferg they ed. Michael Bsee, a founr of Exod Internatnal, nsired one of the major anizatns that preached that sexual orientatn uld be changed, was both an early promoter and an early harms nversn therapy , and the tactics , aren’t news at this pot, and “Pray Away” is more tertg when foc on how most of s subjects eventually embraced gay and bisexual inti spe havg formerly been so public their homophobia. We s down wh Andrew and Mar om Dert Stream Mistri to discs the falsehood of the emotnally charged reactn to “pray away the gay.

PRAY THE GAY AWAY PAPERBACK – NOVEMBER 27, 2017

When Amerin documentarian Kriste Stolakis set out to make her but feature film, she knew she wanted to she a light on the “ex-gay” movement, which nsists of those that believe a person’s genr inty or sexual orientatn n be changed. Really is a movement of hurt people hurtg other people, of what ternalized homophobia and transphobia looks like when is wield outward.

Shot before the Covid-19 panmic, the film chronicl the rise — and subsequent fall — of Exod Internatnal, a nversn therapy anizatn that, acrdg to the team behd the the film, began as a Bible study group the 1970s nsistg of five evangelil men who were lookg to help one another leave the “homosexual liftyle. But years after risg to stardom the relig right, many of the “ex-gay” lears, whose own same-sex attractns never went away, have sce e out as LGBTQ and disavowed the very movement that they helped to grow. Stolakis’ list of terviewe “Pray Away” clus Randy Thomas, the fal vice print of Exod Internatnal; Yvette Cantu Schneir, the former head of Exod’ women’s mistri; and John Plk, one of the most bt-known “ex-gay” people the world.

“Somethg my team and I talked about a lot makg this film is, this really is a movement of hurt people hurtg other people, of what ternalized homophobia and transphobia looks like when is wield outward, ” said Stolakis, whose other directorial creds clu “The Typist” and “Where We Stand. ”While many former lears have renounced and spoken out agast the “pray the gay away” movement, Stolakis said “the larger culture of homophobia and transphobia, ” particularly relig muni, has allowed the movement to ntue wh younger lears, even wh the dissolutn of Exod Internatnal 2013 and the legalizatn of same-sex marriage the U.

PRAY AWAY: THE HARROWG TE STORY OF THE "EX-GAY" MUNY THE FILM

Alone, nearly 700, 000 lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr adults have been subjected to some form of nversn therapy durg their lifetime, acrdg to a 2019 report om the Williams Instute at the UCLA School of Law. ”Wh “Pray Away” set to but more than 190 untri on Netflix this week, Stolakis wants to make one thg clear to every prospective viewer: The “ex-gay” movement was never led by jt “a uple of bad appl.

”“As long as that larger culture of homophobia and transphobia exists — be our church, any relig muny, our polil sphere or our culture — some versn of nversn therapy and the ex-LGBTQ movement will ntue, ” she explaed. I didn’t have anyone I uld talk to about my dilemma but I did have a dial-up nnectn 1997, the same year AOL lnched Instant a closeted kid the '90s, AIM was like a crawlspace om your home to a gay bar.

I TRIED TO 'PRAY THE GAY AWAY', AND END UP A HOSPAL BED

I was ready to block her when she replied < then there was watchg an episo of Ricki Lake featurg men who claimed to be ex-gay, I searched AOL profil for guys who were part of this gay-turned-straight movement. In fact, the overwhelmg majory of search rults read "ex-ex-gay" and belonged to men who had qu anizatns that promised a cure. Sean wasn’t one of was his late 20s, raised the Midwt, and studyg to be a therapist at an Evangelil universy while workg for an undisclosed but proment ex-gay anizatn.

When I had no luck, I applied what ltle I knew about him to 2003, several months after we stopped talkg, ex-gay activist Michael Johnston, a poster boy for the movement and an adviser to Jerry Falwell, had what associat scribed as a “moral fall” and checked to a Christian rehab Kentucky. I'd tell him about all the moments that led me to the happs I experience he'd let me, I'd share the story of that time I slammed this boy, whose Czech name I uldn't pronounce, agast the wall of a gay bar durg my first kiss.