Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• IS YOUR HBAND GAY? 6 SIGNS THAT COULD BE A CSE FOR CONCERN
• IS YOUR BOYIEND ACTUALLY GAY?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? 10 SIGNS THAT CAN HELP YOU FIGURE OUT
• QUIZ: IS MY HBAND GAY?
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR HBAND IS GAY
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn. This populatn is the foc of his new and much-need book: Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?

Number one is the high cince of male-female upl enterg my office bee the woman thks her man might be gay. He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been havg sex wh men.

A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me? And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

That’s unual, bee most gay men, even most gay therapists, believe that if a guy is havg gay sex, he’s gay. ” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way.

IS YOUR HBAND GAY? 6 SIGNS THAT COULD BE A CSE FOR CONCERN

Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic. The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist.

A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them.

So if a client is stgglg wh his sexual orientatn and he’s got a lot of homophobia, he’s probably gay.

IS YOUR BOYIEND ACTUALLY GAY?

A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way. He’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been hookg up wh guys he meets through Craigslist.

Even if he’s nfed and don’t want to e out as gay, this is who he is and over time that will e out.

IS MY HBAND GAY? 10 SIGNS THAT CAN HELP YOU FIGURE OUT

So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met. Then I tell them that a lot of gay men don’t do anal at all, eher givg or receivg. The reason is that the guy really is gay and he wants to exprs that sexually and romantilly.

Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh. And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy.

QUIZ: IS MY HBAND GAY?

Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay?

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

" Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men. If a hband is gay, n vastate not only the relatnship but the straight wife as well.

Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own. In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR HBAND IS GAY

Kaye has veloped the Official Gay Hband Checklist to help women know if their hbands are gay. A hband may be gay and display none of those signs or a hband may display the signs and not be gay. Kaye advis that women "follow their stcts" when cidg whether their hband may be gay.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner. (If you're thkg that you n cure the gay by havg your hband go to gay nversn therapy, read this. What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife.

FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY

The wife has not been aquate any way and likely the gay hband married her bee he tly red about her. If you have had any notn at all that this is a possibily, might help you to know the 6 signs that may suggt that your hband is gay.

Issu ncerng sexual sire alone are not a sure-fire sign your hband is gay, but women who report that their hbands turned out to be gay often say this was somethg they noticed first. But remember, there n be many reasons why sex a marriage is ls than satisfyg, other than the fact that your hband may be gay.