Kathryn Schulz offers two secrets for a happy love life.</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Kathryn Schulz offers two secrets for a happy love life." /><meta name="scriptn" ntent=" "Pay attentn to me!" is one of the secrets to a happy love life, acrdg to “Lost & Found” thor Kathryn Schulz." /><meta name="keywords" ntent="Valente's Day, Kathryn Schulz" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Oprah Daily" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="557569598006399" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@OprahDaily" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="82jYkYSOEZ5GE7V8m8gSrd7kxTtY-J37c6dvl60N8" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Two Secrets for Makg Love Last" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent=" The acclaimed wrer of Lost & Found offers two secrets for makg love last." /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="timely" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Books" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2022-08-01T13:26:37Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2022-02-12T14:30:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="I am not an advice lumnist or upl unselor or relatnship gu, but I am firmly nvced that I know the two secrets to a happy relatnship. Sce I stumbled on them purely by accint and the odds of your dog so as well are slim, this Valente’s Day I" /><meta name="" ntent="entertament,Culture & News,books,Books" /><meta name="" ntent="2022-02-12 14:30:00" /><meta name="sailth.socialtle" ntent="Two Secrets for Makg Love Last" /><meta name="ntenttype" ntent="standard-article" /><meta id="m1" name="m1" emProp="cssSelector " ntent=".ntent-hed" /><meta id="m2" name="m2" emProp="cssSelector" ntent=".ntent-k p" /><lk href="/" emSpe emType=" emRef="m1 m2" /><lk rel="preload" as="image" image-src-set=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" image-siz="100vw" /><meta name="next-head-unt" ntent="45" /><meta name="next-font-prennect" /><script id="vice-tect" data-nscript="beforeInteractive">(()=>{nst o="ontouchstart" wdow||!!navigator.maxTouchPots||("__touch"),t=wdow.matchMedia("only screen and (max-width: 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href="/entertament/books/a39049597/relatnships-valent-day-kathryn-schulz/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Sometim Relatnships, It’s Bt to Jt Ask for What You Want" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Sometim Relatnships, It’s Bt to Jt Ask for What You Want</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css nno972">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:300;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:-0.01em;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-bottom:1rem;font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:-0.02em;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.875rem;le-height:1.05;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.875rem;le-height:1.05;}} span:first-of-type:before{-webk-background-posn:center;background-posn:center;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webk-background-size:ver;background-size:ver;ntent:'';display:block;height:1.125rem;width:1.375rem;} span:first-of-type:before{background-image:url('/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/');}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){ span:first-of-type:before{marg:1.25rem to;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span:first-of-type:before{marg:1.75rem to;}}</style><h1 class="css-nno972 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Sometim Relatnships, It’s Bt to Jt Ask for What You Want<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 157op6k">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.3125rem;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:-0.01em;le-height:1.2;marg-bottom:0;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:1.25rem;paddg-right:1.25rem;}} p{marg:0rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-157op6k exadjwu8"><p> The acclaimed wrer of <em>Lost & Found</em> reveals two secrets for makg love last.</p></div><style data-emotn="css 1t9ufoh">{display:block;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-top:1.35rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-top:1.75rem;}} addrs{marg:0rem;} span{le-height:1.6;display:le-block;marg:0rem;}</style><div class="css-1t9ufoh exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css b9totx">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;display:block;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><addrs class="css-b9totx ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 1gwutwq">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;display:block;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><span class="css-1gwutwq ehvvd9m1">By Kathryn Schulz</span><style data-emotn="css 1gryrf1">{display:le-block;text-transform:unset;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-1gryrf1 exadjwu6">Published: Feb 12, 2022</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style 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100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css hxci">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:3.8431rem;font-weight:300;le-height:1;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:7.87499rem;le-height:0.9;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-hxci et3p2gv0">I am not an advice lumnist or upl unselor or relatnship gu, but I am firmly nvced that I know the two secrets to a happy relatnship. Sce I stumbled on them purely by accint and the odds of your dog so as well are slim, this Valente’s Day I am gog to share both of them wh you, the spir of generosy—which, cintally, is also helpful to matag a happy relatnship. </p><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I learned the first secret one eveng after dner, when my partner was stg on the uch readg and I was stg on the same uch feelg bored and cled to pter her. As a le I love nothg more than to pass the time peacefully readg by her si, but that particular night I was antsy and avoidg my work and jt the mood to talk. Ocsnally I would venture a ltle nversatnal gamb—“Did you see that story the <em>Tim </em>about earworms?” “There’s somethg weird gog on wh my big toe”—to which my partner replied wh a distracted <em>mm-hmm</em>. My abily to foc on my own book renred her own absorptn imprsive, if also, the moment, somewhat alarmg: Sce she was 70 pag to a three-volume, two-thoand-page history of the Spanish Empire, seemed possible she uld be readg for the next ne or 10 years. In a f of unpremedated need, I sudnly exclaimed, “Pay attentn to <em>me!” </em></p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Th did the reign of Isabella I end, at least our hoehold. My partner looked up at me for the first time that eveng, put down her book, and lghed. It wasn’t jt that my outburst was out of character, although that was part of , sce most of the time I have a very high tolerance for hangg out alone wh my thoughts. It was the utter nakedns of the mand, my failure to drs up explanatn or diplomacy or apology. That ma funny the way that so many unexpected and abpt thgs are funny, like a man lookg down at his phone and walkg straight to a swimmg pool. And ma effective a way that my earlier and more subtle efforts had not been. I n’t rell exactly what my partner said rponse, but I thk was somethg along the l of “Come here, you nut.” </p><div data-no-id="3" data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="journey-unblur-ntent css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1ujafpv">{clear:both;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;paddg:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:25rem;float:left;marg-right:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:0;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-left:max(512px - 50vw, -5%);paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{marg-left:max(590px - 50vw, -20%);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:-40%;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1ujafpv e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css 1attflr">{text-align:left;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr:th solid #CDCDCD;borr-bottom:0;borr-image-slice:1;borr-image-source:lear-gradient(to right, #0ED2C6 0 15%, #7A3BAF, #FF3F44);borr-left:0;borr-right:0;borr-top:0.125rem solid #E61957;}</style><div class="css-1attflr e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css ck2kc1">{marg-bottom:0rem;paddg:0.625rem;paddg-left:0;paddg-right:0;paddg-bottom:1.2rem;}</style><div class="css-ck2kc1 e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css wu5q1y">{background-lor:unset;lor:#6F6F6F;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.05em;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;paddg:0rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-bottom:0.5rem;text-align:center;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{marg-bottom:0.625rem;text-align:left;}}</style><h6 class="css-wu5q1y e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">More From Oprah Daily</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css l2b97m">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;lor:#000000;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.4375rem;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:-0.01em;le-height:1.1;marg:0rem;m-height:2.4rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;text-align:center;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{-webk-box-pack:left;-ms-flex-pack:left;-webk-jtify-ntent:left;jtify-ntent:left;text-align:left;}}</style><h6 class="css-l2b97m e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in.