Matthew Gong, gay Mormon, reflects on his journey om ner war to ner peace

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
THE HEARTBREAKG TE STORY OF THE GAY TEEN AND HIS DAD BEHD ‘JOE BELL’
TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD
HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY
'DON'T SNEAK': DAD'S UNEXPECTED ADVICE TO HIS GAY SON IN THE '50S
SAME-SEX MARRIAGE: A GAY MAN AND HIS FATHER S DOWN TO BATE SSM
FLAWED BUT COMPLITED: ‘JOE BELL’ STARS MARK WAHLBERG AS A DAD ON A JOURNEY OF REGRET OVER HIS DEAD, GAY SON
THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS
MATTHEW GONG, GAY MORMON, REFLECTS ON HIS JOURNEY OM NER WAR TO NER PEACE

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Photographer Bart Heynen set out across the untry to make a visual archive of gay fatherhood "Dads." * gay son father *

Heynen planned to photograph for a book of photography featurg gay fathers and their children. ”Amerin culture has not been particularly starved of imag of gay fatherhood, particularly recent years. Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr.

Heynen said, are imag of gay fathers who aren’t Instagram ready — like two men bg their dghters’ hair or tossg a football the ont yard.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

Ever sce same-sex marriage beme legal across the US, there has been a baby boom the gay muny – om New York Cy to Utah – as the touchg imag show * gay son father *

It’s an unrstandable impulse, which he attribut to a sire among gay parents to feel “normal” after havg their pabili as parents ntually lled to qutn. Heynen said, but rather a celebratn of the day-to-day liv of gay Jt for the YoungCly Rose, 61, and Ryan, 12Cly Rose, who liv Manhattan, was first photographed for “Dads” three years ago after meetg Mr. Heynen at an event at the Lbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgenr Communy Center New York Cy.

Heynen “a lot of cred” for cludg a father like him — a sgle dad his 60s — sce he said there is often a lack of reprentatn of olr gay people art and media, which tends to foc on young, f men. As a Black, gay man raisg a son on his own, Mr. Such a photograph would have been extraordarily rare jt s ago, but now is one of many published the book “Dads, ” a four-year visual archive of gay fatherhood across Ameri that began 2016.

“I felt a ltle b lonely as a gay dad – although there are two of – but lonely the sense that all the other fai I knew were straight parents, ” Heynen said a vio ll, explag why he began photographg the seri. “I also thought was important for (my kids) to see other fai wh gay dads.

DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

Fathers and gay sons: A plited, vally important relatnship. * gay son father *

“For many people, the book will be an troductn to gay fatherhood. For Heynen, they reprent addnal love and re and help illtrate some of the cisn-makg that, though not exclive to them, all gay fathers mt ntend wh. “Most of the women are Mormon, and Mormons don’t believe gay marriage and gays havg kids.

Heynen, as well as the fathers he photographed, hope that the photographs “Dads” will dispel some of the hurtful stereotyp that still lger around gay fatherhood. Abplanalp never knew when he was younger that fatherhood would be possible for him as gay man. Listen: “Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podst” (2019-ongog).

Hosted by Wt Hollywood uple Yan and Alex, the dads e each episo to chat parentg and relatnships, and lately have been focg each episo on the gay rights and fatherhood pathways by untry, and vg a gay father om each lotn on as a gut. Patrick, who played a terracial gay uple who eventually marry and adopt two children. This YA g-of-age novel follows high schooler Sal, who was adopted to a lovg Mexin Amerin fay by his gay father, when he begs to qutn his inty and place the world durg his senr year.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

"Joe Bell" is a new movie that tells the heartbreakg te story of Jad Bell, a gay teen who died by suici, and his father's walk his memory. * gay son father *

This one-hour documentary followed the fay liv of four gay fai and the legal and cultural hurdl the men faced to bee fathers. The director and producer is Johnny Symons, himself a gay father of an adopted son wh his partner the Bay Area.

Savage beme an ternatnally regnized sex lumnist and activist the 1990s and ’00s for his ank cultural sight to gay relatnships and inty. Clton, MarylandThey are the first both their fai to bee gay fathers, and received a warm wele to parenthood. Asbury Park, New JerseyThe most stunng takeaway om photographg gay dads is the equaly of their partnership while raisg their children.

Brooklyn, New YorkWhile makg Dads I was surprised to fd out how many gay sgle dads there are creatg their fay through adoptn or surrogacy. It was hard to fd black fai wh gay fathers livg NYC. Province, Rho IslandArt and Jim were one of the first gay upl to bee fathers through adoptn.

THE HEARTBREAKG TE STORY OF THE GAY TEEN AND HIS DAD BEHD ‘JOE BELL’

The Men Next Door: Directed by Rob Williams. Wh Eric Dean, Heidi Rhos, Mark Cirillo, Trevor Knight. A gay man fds himself torn between two sgle lovers who happen to be father and son." data-id="ma * gay son father *

Tom and Mike wh their son Jack at a lacrosse practice at Horace Mann School, Bronx, New YorkThroughout the book the children of gay dads grow olr.

TOUCHG VIO SHOWS SON E OUT AS GAY TO MORMON DAD

A father tells his son that he's gay, and that's why he and the son's mother divorced. The son is angry about this, and receiv advice om a real ctomer. * gay son father *

Although the school and Jack’s iends know that Jack has two gay dads there was some tensn the air while posg for this photo the middle of a sports field wh all the other players around. New York CySome gay dads choose not to share who the blogil father of their children is. Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns.

They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy. Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.

To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls.

HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY

Patrick Haggerty didn't know he was gay, but spects that his father did when he told him not to hi his inty. Haggerty was 15, and his dad told him to be proud of himself. * gay son father *

Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. " "That's so gay.

'DON'T SNEAK': DAD'S UNEXPECTED ADVICE TO HIS GAY SON IN THE '50S

Rsell is gay, and wants to know why his father Harold oppos same-sex marriage. When they talk about , someone ually storms out of the room. * gay son father *

A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man.

Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. He would ll gay people nam and stuff. We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE: A GAY MAN AND HIS FATHER S DOWN TO BATE SSM

* gay son father *

Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv. Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy.

FLAWED BUT COMPLITED: ‘JOE BELL’ STARS MARK WAHLBERG AS A DAD ON A JOURNEY OF REGRET OVER HIS DEAD, GAY SON

When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other?

" Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls.

THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man. Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers). When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son.

Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance. Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships. If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future.

For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers. Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships. Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv.