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MATTHEW TODD ON GROWG UP GAY: "WE ARE STRAPPED SI A CULTURAL STRAJACKET"
Matthew Todd thought he had long sce alt wh the mons surroundg his sexualy. In this extract om his new book, he reveals the crisis of shame facg the gay muny – and how to solve * gay straitjacket *
On 8 April 2013, at the offic of Attu (the UK’s btsellg gay magaze, of which I am edor), as we watched the world’s reactn to the passg of a lear who had famoly attacked schoolkids beg tght they “had an alienable right to be gay”, 30 away Rob was reachg the end of his abily to was the younger brother of Attu’s advertisg manager, Andy. He was cky, bubbly, lghed a lot and he embodied what meant to be a young gay man at the turn of the lennium: physilly f, athletic, happy.
He also had that most important thg on the gay scene: sexual May 2008, I was workg more closely wh Andy, and I asked after Rob om time to time. He had suffered a homophobic attack after gettg off a b. Together the thgs sound like a huge alarm bell, but spread across years they didn’t feel like an emergency; lots of gay men, like straight people, had transient relatnships.
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A term for gay people to e when they have to hi their homosexualy for some reason." name="Dcriptn" property="og:scriptn * gay straitjacket *
Lots of gay men, like straight people, drank a lot and took dgs. Ined, gay culture seemed to celebrate partyg as a central te of our inty and Rob was sg and lghg the sexy Facebook pictur of him out clubbg, surround by day after Thatcher’s ath, Andy lled the office to tell that Rob had wrten not to his parents and a birthday rd to Andy, then gone to the seaont where he and his brothers and sister ed to play as children, and hanged himself. Culturally, homosexualy and misery have been lked so tightly by the haters over the years that they have bee an offensive cliché to the pot where any discsn is dismissed as prejudice.
The Brish Crime Survey 2009 showed that gay men ed illic dgs three tim more than heterosexual men. As therapist and thor Joe Kort stat so well his book 10 Smart Thgs Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Liv, what’s wrong is not our sexualy, but our experience of growg up a society that still do not fully accept that people n be anythg other than heterosexual and cisgenred (ie born to the physil genr you feel you are).