They lived a 'double life' for s. Now, the gay elrs are tellg their stori.

Contents:

• CLOSETEDGAY STORI
• CLOSETED GAY MEN – WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE?
• "I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY
• THEY LIVED A 'DOUBLE LIFE' FOR S. NOW, THE GAY ELRS ARE TELLG THEIR STORI.

CLOSETEDGAY STORI

#9Blackbird // Mclennonby nowhere manTRIGGER WARNING: ntas child abe, homophobic slurs, dg/alhol e and NSFW ntent. Beg a Closeted Gay Man By the time you reached middle school or high school your hidg was probably full-blown. Much of the vlence experienced by gay men, and youth, is at the hands of other self-hatg queer men.

Even after we start beg open, once we built liv outsi the closet, we need to e to terms wh our own ternalized homophobia.

At my school, the very place that I first observed queer cursy, I was sred to e out, fearg my own physil and emotnal wasn’t jt the school locker room where I heard homophobic remarks. Image me, a young black gay Christian male, tryg to rencile my sexualy wh school, home, and church life.

CLOSETED GAY MEN – WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE?

What happens to a black gay Christian who liv a hoehold that hat him; who really believed that he was gog to Hell. Perhaps was the support of iends, nts, and those around me that ma me not want to feel ashamed about myself anymore, even if that meant God damng me to the begng of senr year, I went om “I’m gay” to whoever asked, to “Can you stop sayg faggot please?

A month later, I cid to no longer participate the mentorship program, and every time I was asked why, I ma exc about beg too time, I retreated to my fantasy world, where I was not sixteen and gay a homophobic environment, but a world where I was olr, the future, when I would arrive to a betiful home om a long day at work, and be weled by a hband who lov me and bears my burns on his shoulrs. I was thrilled to be leavg and movg on, but I uld see that many of my fellow graduat were facg siar hurdl, on that I had enuntered, and had only masked their tth wh homophobia.

"I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY

When I found out earlier this month, along wh the rt of the world, that one of my favore actors, Kal Penn, is a fellow gay man and now engaged to his long-time partner, I was so happy that he was openly livg his tth. Once the untry around me changed and I started seeg more gays the muny, felt safer, and I felt more fortable to e out.

Part of me felt rponsible for her ath, as if beg bi or gay and my feelgs of regret somehow ed . But when I moved to California and saw more gay people, then I really started to realize . I have a lot of stori about folks who were homophobic but me around to acceptg me and honorg me for beg a gay man, once they got to know me beyond what I do bed.

THEY LIVED A 'DOUBLE LIFE' FOR S. NOW, THE GAY ELRS ARE TELLG THEIR STORI.

In the meantime, I kept watchg gay porn but wouldn't accept and felt guilty after jerkg off to .

I me out to my wife many moons ago but took a long time to realize that prayg the gay away wasn’t workg. Pl the ‘80s was not a particularly good time to be gay — I thk fear of AIDS was possibly one thg that had me nial.

After spendg years dog all the manly thgs that were supposed to straighten me out, I had a particular weekend — a men-only whewater raftg trip — when I realized I did all the thgs I was aimg for that were supposed to change me, and I was still 100% gay. Once I knew the gay wasn't gog anywhere, I figured I wanted to be open and hont wh people om then on, regardls of how the rt of my life went. When I was a kid, I went through all the dumb pre-ter gay kid thgs like lgerg the JCPenny's men’s unrwear sectn.