Age Differenc Gay Coupl | Psychology Today

Contents:

• I’M 35 AND MY BT IEND IS 64. HERE’S WHY OUR AGE DIFFERENCE AS GAY MEN IS A GIFT
• AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL
• MY EXPERIENCE AS PART OF A GAY TERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIP
• THE INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS OF GAY MEN AND LBIAN WOMEN
• THE PROS AND NS OF TERGENERATNAL GAY RELATNSHIPS
• THE TERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS OF GAY MEN AND LBIAN WOMEN
• GAY GRANDFATHERS: INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS AND MENTAL HEALTH
• NEW TRENDS GAY MALE RELATNSHIPS: THE CHOIC STUDY

I’M 35 AND MY BT IEND IS 64. HERE’S WHY OUR AGE DIFFERENCE AS GAY MEN IS A GIFT

I was ved by some new acquatanc to stay at his beach hoe Fire Island P, a sandbar off the ast of Long Island that sce the 1950s has been a storied enclave for the LGBTQ muny of Gay Gotham. I asked Gil about this and he said there are numero benefs to beg iends wh younger gays like me — for starters, we keep him on top of all the ways the world has changed when to technology and social teractn. Gil NearyGil add that his close iendships wh younger gays give him a ont-row seat to all the social change that's happened, too.

"Younger gays, for the most part, are more fortable wh themselv than we were, " he said. So a msage to my fellow gay men: The next time you’re at a bar and someone a few s olr than you occupi the stool next to you, don’t jt turn a shoulr. Many quiri I have received over and over aga through the years beg somethg like this: “I've always liked olr men, but many gay iends close to my age are cril of me and spic of my motiv.

” One young man said to me, “If I see a handsome gay man my age, he might jt as well have a vaga. Var labels have been ascribed to tergeneratnal upl, whether straight, gay or bisexual: tergeneratnal, age-gap, age-discrepant, or, more often than not, “May-December” relatnships.

AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL

Inially, I was unnvced the relatnships were ser, but that was bee I held stereotypil views: an olr gay man who was lookg for a trophy-mate and has the money to take re of his boy toy and a younger man who was lookg for a sugar daddy. I now regnize this as a hackneyed ia that furiat men age-gap gay relatnships.

Based on the number of tim this qutn drops to my mailbox, the reasons for the age-discrepant attractns nsum a great al of bandwidth the thoughts of a lot of young gay and bisexual men. Was pletg his doctoral dissertatn, “May-December: Navigatg Life as an Intergeneratnal Gay Couple, ” he thoroughly rearched what proved to be the limed available lerature on tergeneratnal upl. They nsir discrimatn a part of beg gay.

Their work will fort men the double jeopardy of beg both gay and lovg someone much olr or younger. How the experience of beg a gay-to-December relatnship led to the creatn of a social/support group for LGBTQ+ upl. We have been what is lled an tergeneratnal relatnship, or (as n be affectnately known) a gay-to-December relatnship, for 13 years.

MY EXPERIENCE AS PART OF A GAY TERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIP

© 2021 GCN (Gay Communy News). Dpe the monstrated importance of tergeneratnal ti across the life urse, few studi exame relatnships between gay men and lbians and their later life parents and parents--law.

The prent study exam how midlife to later life gay men and lbians timate partnerships nceptualize the tergeneratnal analysis of 50 -pth terviews llected wh midlife to later life gay men and lbians (ag 40–72) long-term timate partnerships. Fdgs om this study provi empiril evince of how support, stra, and ambivalence tergeneratnal ti are intified and experienced by gay men and lbian women. This study reveals a new lens to view relatnships between midlife to later life adults and their agg parents and parents--law and further intifi lkag between solidary–nflict and ambivalence Words: Ambivalence, Gay men and lbians, In-law relatnships, Intergeneratnal relatnships, Midlife to later life, Solidary– parent–adult child tie is central to both generatns across the life urse; tergeneratnal ti have nsequenc for overall well-beg and “provi the ntext wh which dividuals age, the way [dividuals] mark their own ageg, and the relative value that is attached to that procs” (Lowenste, Katz, & Biggs, 2011, p.

Dpe the monstrated signifince of tergeneratnal ti, few studi vtigate relatnships between midlife to later life gay men and lbian women and their later life parents—a relatnship that may be typified by distct dynamics due to gay men and lbian women’s stigmatized sexual mory stat (Averett & Jenks, 2012; Connidis, 2012). Moreover, gays and lbians romantic partnerships also have relatnships wh their partner’s parents (i. The prent study analyz 50 qualative -pth terviews wh midlife to later life gay men and lbian women long-term timate partnerships (e.

THE INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS OF GAY MEN AND LBIAN WOMEN

Bee same-sex marriage is not legal ferally, nor legal the state where the study took place, there is not necsarily a legal nnectn between “-laws” and gay men and lbians. Willson, Kim, Shuey, and Elr (2003) report higher rat of ambivalence adult children’s relatnships wh -laws than relatnships wh Men and Lbian Women’s Intergeneratnal RelatnshipsThe tergeneratnal ti of gay men and lbian adult children may be typified by unique dimensns of nflict, solidary, and ambivalence, although few studi addrs this possibily. A child’s nonheterosexual inty has been shown to be associated wh negative teractns wh later life parents (D’Augelli, 2005); later life parents may be pecially unable to accept their gay or lbian child, or their child’s partner, “bee of the socpolil climate of their child-rearg years, when homosexualy was viewed as an unspeakable moral s or a ep psychologil pathology” (Sav-Williams & Cohen, 1996, p.

As evince of this tergeneratnal stra, midlife to later life gay men and lbian women appear to have fewer fay nfidants than heterosexuals (Balsam, Bechae, Rothblum, & Solomon, 2008; Dewaele, Cox, n Berghe, & Vke, 2011; Grossman, D’Augelli, & Hershberger, 2000; Rostosky et al., 2004) and tend to rank social support om iends as more nsistent and important than support om fay (Biblarz & Savci, 2010; Graham & Barnow, 2013; Kurk, 2004, 2006; Lyons, Pts, & Grierson, 2013). Gay men and lbian women are historilly unable to fulfill wily valued expectatns and valu, cludg most notably heterosexual marriage (Heath, 2012; Schulman, 2009). Th, gay and lbian tergeneratnal ti may be high on the dimensn of nflict and low on levels of solidary (Balsam et al., 2008; Kurk, 2005; Solomon, Rothblum, & Balsam, 2004).

THE PROS AND NS OF TERGENERATNAL GAY RELATNSHIPS

This may be particularly salient the -law tie; midlife to later life gays and lbians have rtricted accs to legal and socially sanctned marriage relatnships, yet parents--law are formally predited on a legally regnized relatnship (Oswald, 2002).

Notably, however, recent chang state and feral marriage laws allow for the possibily of participatn same-sex marriage (Hull, 2006; Lannutti, 2007; Ramos, Goldberg, & Badgett, 2009), and a growg body of rearch suggts that gay men and lbian women experience supportive and meangful bonds wh parents and -laws (Fredriksen-Goldsen & Mura, 2010; Goldberg & Smh, 2011; Oswald, 2002). In addn, gay men and lbians tend to mata ntact wh parents, even if parents are disapprovg of children’s sexual inty (LaSala, 2001, 2002; Obock, 2013). Dpe the possibili, few studi directly exame how tergeneratnal terpersonal dynamics are unrstood by gay men and lbian adult children as supportive, straed, or ambivalent.

ProcrThe prent study analyz 50 qualative -pth terviews nducted wh 22 lbian-intified women and 28 gay-intified men timate relatnships self-fed as mted for 7 years or longer. The origal study clud 60 terviews wh gay men and lbians; the sample analyzed the prent study clus only the 50 dividuals who were olr than 40 years at the time of the terview. Rponnts were reced through a variety of methods cludg distributn of flyers at lol ffee shops and gay and lbian muny bullets, a booth at the annual gay and lbian pri event, rmal talks at lol gay and lbian muny groups (e.

THE TERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS OF GAY MEN AND LBIAN WOMEN

G., church, gay and lbian social groups, and muny anizatns), and the postg of study rmatn on gay and lbian muny e-mail listserv (e. G., lol gay men’s chos). The average age was 50 years for gay men (range of 41–72 years) and 46 years for lbian women (range of 40–60 years); average relatnship duratn for gay upl was 21 years and 15 years for lbian upl.

E., they have never discsed their gay/lbian inty or relatnship). Addnally, outns was not an cln creria bee many current midlife to later life gay men and lbians are ls likely to be out their fay of orig due to stigma (Meyer, 2003; Fredriksen-Goldsen, Kim, Barkan, Mura, & Hoy-Ellis, 2013); excludg this group would remove a portn of the sample perhaps most likely to experience parent–child and -law nflict.

GAY GRANDFATHERS: INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS AND MENTAL HEALTH

” Siarly, G scrib that his partner Andrew’s parents have accepted their gay relatnship as evinced by language cln: “They have always been kd of like my fay, too.

” Although is possible that the e of the term “son” rather than “son--law” may fact obscure the gay partnership by placg emphasis away om the marker of gayns, G and Andrew both unrstand the e of this language private and public settgs as clive.

NEW TRENDS GAY MALE RELATNSHIPS: THE CHOIC STUDY

Rponnts (n = 7) report receivg affirmatns specifilly about their gay or lbian inty om parents and parents--law; the affirmatns are ployed as evince of support. That jt felt so affirmg and experience support via parents’ explic participatn pro-gay or lbian activi, such as Kristen: “My parents are gog to prott [gay rights]. All gay rights.

I know that beg gay is not what parents dream of, but when happens, seems to me that you are gog to almost go out of the way to make them feel wele.