What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• THREAD: FLAMBOYANT GAYS VS THE AVERAGE HOMOSEXUAL MALE.
• GAY OR STRAIGHT, A MALE IS A MALE IS A MALE
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• QUEER VS. GAY: HOW THE WORDS ARE DIFFERENT, AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT
• GAYS VS. STRAIGHTS: ANY DIFFERENC SEXUAL SATISFACTN?
• DIFFERENC AND SIARI BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT DIVIDUALS VOLVED THE SADOMASOCHISTIC SUBCULTURE
• AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

THREAD: FLAMBOYANT GAYS VS THE AVERAGE HOMOSEXUAL MALE.

I'm a straight male, and lookg om the outsi , I n see at least part of the reason why homophobia still exists. I have absolutely 0 problem wh anyone's sexualy, whether gay, straight, asexual etc.

GAY OR STRAIGHT, A MALE IS A MALE IS A MALE

But there are certa behavural and personaly tras often associated wh gay mal that are slightly off-puttg. The overly enthiastic gay man wh a se om ear to ear that is flailg his arms around and speakg a high pched voice.

Now my pot is that this stereotypil gay man is what most people believe a gay man to be. As I do not have any experience to speak of wh the gay muny, I n neher nfirm nor ny this stereotype. I'm not sure if this theory is valid or not, but I feel like there is possibly a very small and loud mory of gay men that are g for all of the others.

But soon the l blur and the hate for those annoyg flamboyant INDIVIDUALS, be hate for all gay people at large, cludg the non-annoyg on. I know a straight iend who uld be scribed as flamboyant, but I also know que a few gay iends who are. OT: I pretty much agree wh what you have said regards to the false equivalency between gay and flamboyant the media, one of my pet peev actually.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Shows are gettg better at portrayg gay 'liftyl' more realistilly, certaly dog a better job than the 90's. Flamboyant is often ed for gays only, but I thk 's someone who really flnts their sexualy/emotns and who shows a lot of movg around. I bet every sgle person on this fom knows a gay man that they don't know about bee they act straight.

And, of urse, marked discrepanci do exist between the sexual aroal cu distguishg gays om straights.

But as I’ll be monstratg, the major (and ltle regnized) siari between them ultimately suggt that a gay’s “sexual psyche” is much more plementary to a heterosexual male’s than ntrastg to . Although I’ll be focg on the siari that profoundly lk gays and straights what sexually turns them on, I’ll start by enumeratg some differenc that do fact separate them.

QUEER VS. GAY: HOW THE WORDS ARE DIFFERENT, AND WHY IT’S IMPORTANT

One key assumptn about gays is that they’re somehow ls manly than straight men—that they’re effemate, even “girlish, ” their behavr and preferenc.

Although this may be te of some gays, jt how do we expla the p evince that they’re, if anythg, more terted masculy than straight mal are?

GAYS VS. STRAIGHTS: ANY DIFFERENC SEXUAL SATISFACTN?

It’s certaly signifint that on the Alexa Adult List, the tegory Straight Men is the fifth most popular of gay s. As the two thors put : “The vast majory of gay men prefer to masturbate while thkg about wboys, firemen, or David Beckham stead of drag queens, ballet dancers, or Elton John.

” And further: “On the televisn show Glee, the football player Fn and mohawked bad boy Puck are bigger turn-ons for gay men than the effemate gay character Kurt” (p. Ogas and Gaddam also observe that terms of excg the passn of gay mal, many of them need to know whether the porn mol or actor they’re watchg is gay or straight.

Adaptg to the preferenc, some Web s now offer gays straight porn exprsly signed to appeal to them. And as opposed to porn for straight mal, where the man’s body is rarely highlighted, what we might term “gay heterosexual porn, ” ’s the woman’s body that’s almost cintal.

DIFFERENC AND SIARI BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT DIVIDUALS VOLVED THE SADOMASOCHISTIC SUBCULTURE

This, of urse, mak perfect sense sce gays jt aren’t wired to rpond to feme sexual cu.

On the ntrary, many women n be turned on by heterosexual porn tailor-ma for gays.

But returng to gay preferenc, is not cur—not to say, untertuive—that, overall, gays’ aroal would be more strongly activated by heterosexual mal than by fellow gays (where their attractn would much more likely be reciproted)? And do appear that to be sexually turned on, the gay bra may be stctured to search for masculy cu que as psychologil as physil.

AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL

Most gays’ preference for takg the submissive role sexual teractns also ns unter to the domance a clear majory of heterosexual men favor. But here, too, the dynamic would seem to dite that gays’ bras are “preload” to genr cu that (if anythg) are hyper-mascule, sce they’re generally attracted to mal more mascule than they are.

Gay porn, viewed terms of “tops” and “bottoms” (or “doms” and “subs”), reveals that most gays prefer the bottom posn. A somewhat illy exaggerated quote that Ogas and Gaddam offer to illtrate this suatn is om a 37-year-old gay man, who laments: “‘Tops have so easy. And the thors further observe that though bottoms strongly outnumber tops gay porn, the tops “are the biggt stars wh the biggt fan bas and the biggt paychecks” (p.

So, unsurprisgly, the genr cu operatg gays e them to be drawn toward other men and (also siar to most women) make them more fortable a sexually submissive, rather than domant, role. What is , then, that fally renrs a gay man’s sexual bra far more siar to that of a straight male’s than to a female’s? One thg that strikgly nnects straights and gays is the nature of the porn films they fd arog.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

In ntrast to most women—who fd graphic pictns of sex and private part close-ups a turn-off—heterosexual and gay mal are siarly tillated by such explic pictns of lt--acton. As Ogas and Gaddam remark: “Except for the fact that the male body is the star, gay porn looks and feels exactly like straight porn. ” Also siar to nventnal heterosexual porn (and unlike porn tailor-signed for women), gay vios show very ltle tert prentg a narrative, or romantic prelu to the actual sex portrayed.

In short, by addrsg the likelihood that gay men posss the same bra software targetg youth cu as do straight mal (and, once aga, distguishg both of them om women—who typilly sire their partners to be olr and more experienced).

Gays also search the Inter much more for athletic, full-bodied actors than for skny on, addnally parallelg a preference on the part of straight mal that’s unter to what much popular culture might have believe. Moreover, jt as straights reveal a penchant for BBWs (“big, betiful women”), so do gays show a strong tert Bears—hairy, olr, oversized gay men, who are yet warm and accsible. And if massive Web evince monstrat jt how fascated heterosexual men are wh large penis, gay men seem even more preoccupied wh the size of the male an.