SpongeBob Squarepants gay? Nickeloon jt rerced that theory | CNN

Contents:

• HOW GAY ARE YOUR PANTS?
• BEWARE: ALL OF THE THGS ARE GAY
• SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS GAY? NICKELOON JT RERCED THAT THEORY
• IS A SIGN OF BEG GAY IF A MALE WEARS A WHE TROERS THE UK?

HOW GAY ARE YOUR PANTS?

As we found out om Joe Srborough's vis to The View this week and the backlash that ensued, your pants n apparently be gay. Real gay. Like other piec of clothg, there are variatns among gen and speci of pant rangg om pleats, cut, f, lor, and recently, and thanks to polil figur like Joe Srborough and Anthony Weer, gay or not gay has bee a termg characteristic.

BEWARE: ALL OF THE THGS ARE GAY

Srborough's sartorial choice of wearg salmon-lored chos ed people like Joy Behar and nservative blogs like Townhall to dub his pants homosexual. Siarly, Anthony Weer's choice of bright-red pant at a DOMA lg rally earlier this summer, and Weer's own ments about them prompted The New York Tim's Lawrence Down to ask: "Is he really sayg he hasn’t had time to change out of his gay pants? "Weer, gog by what he's told women the past, is obvly not gay.

But this brgs to this necsary qutn: What mak pants gay? Is the pant or the wearer that mak gay?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS GAY? NICKELOON JT RERCED THAT THEORY

In January of last year, Barney's Simon Doonan ma the assertn that animate, particularly food, n be gay.

Doonan said that gay food is lighter, brighter, more artistic, art-directed and lbian or heterosexual food is heavier, droopier, burlier.

To that, Srborough noted this morng that he believ that lor has a termg effect on the gayns of a pant and that the Nantucket Red pantone ma his pants homosexual. " Weer asked a gay mpaign staffer. "Usg those metrics: f, cut, burls, and lor, we've e up wh a pletely unscientific Ksey sle of pant homosexualy.

IS A SIGN OF BEG GAY IF A MALE WEARS A WHE TROERS THE UK?

The dad jean is the least homosexual pant on the pla. It fails to meet the gay creria on all onts—f is mimal, burls is expansive, and lor, oh that lor. Both were chastised 1: Predomantly heterosexual, only cintally homosexual.

"The Pant: The Pleated KhakiThe pleated khaki is such a heterosexual, unstylish pant that both heterosexuals and homosexuals have sworn them 2: "Predomantly heterosexual, but more than cintally homosexual. Gay pants are not 3: Equally heterosexual and homosexualThe Pant: Troers/Slacks/Drs PantsTroers are the equal opportuny pant. What term whether or not a troer is gay is f which n be eher very fivg or cel to a man's backsi.

Make no mistake, the pants n be very gay—and 's no cince that a (warng: TOTALLY NSFW) genre of gay porn dited specifilly to sus and formal work 4: Predomantly homosexual, but more than cintally Pant: The ChoThe strange thg about this pant is that n be as heterosexual as pants e—some cuts do no favors for your backsi, and they n be pretty bland. But the pant, as Srborough and Weer found, n e brighter shas like "Nantucket Red", whatever lor you want to ll Weer's pants, all the way up to yellow—which would make this pant out gay the troer any day: Anthony Weer at the #DOMA gatherg w.