No, you don't need a ‘gay bt iend.’ And y, askg for one is offensive. | LAist - NPR News for Southern California - 89.3 FM

Contents:

• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI
• HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• THE REAL REASONS YOU NEED A GAY BT FRIEND
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• I FELL LOVE WH MY GAY BT IEND.
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG
• NO, YOU DON'T NEED A ‘GAY BT IEND.’ AND Y, ASKG FOR ONE IS OFFENSIVE.
• IN LOVE WH MY BT IEND, BUT HE'S GAY

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI

Outsi of LGBTQ+-specific meetups, a great way to fd LGBT iendships is actually by attendg meetups that gay people typilly like.

This stereotype has ed people to start lookg for their own GBFs, and ed some gay men to feel prsured to f themselv to that box.

HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND

Jt like straight people, gay people n be fashnable or cluels, sporty or un-athletic, sassy or straight-laced, supportive or distant, iendly or gff, and any other mix of personaly tras. Even if you believe you mt have that flamboyant gay man to be your GBF, nsir first the person si––what you are lookg for is a te iend, not a rative accsory.

Don't bee iends wh a gay person of a different genr, hopg to change them so they will "play for the other team" and start datg you. Even her Instagram profile picture is a picture of her wh the gay bt iend when me has been a picture of me and her for months.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

I’ll never fet beg 15 years old and walkg to my first ever meetg for lbian, gay, bi, queer, and trans youth at BAGLY Boston. ”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms. LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili.

Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags.

THE REAL REASONS YOU NEED A GAY BT FRIEND

Or, add your inty to your state, school, or profsn to fd #GayMichigan or #QueerMorehoe or #TransUtah or #PansexualUK and more. That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn).

Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life. ” or “What a great lor story, ” ’s extremely likely they’re sayg HELLO I AM ALSO QUEER AND/OR TRANS AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO don’t be fooled if someone don’t “look gay. We’re everywhere and we look like anyone and also please don’t ntribute to the ia that there’s one way to look gay, ol?

Some of the largt LGBTQ events clu Madrid Gay Pri, NYC Pri, the São Plo Gay Pri Para, and Sydney Gay and Lbian Mardi Gras. Volunteerg for an LGBTQ anizatn will allow you to meet other gay men that hold siar beliefs and have siar passns for activism. Article SummaryXAs a gay man, n be a stggle to fd someone special, but you n up your chanc by puttg yourself out there and approachg guys you're terted .

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

I'm not sure that every straight man needs a gay bt iend—as the Huffgton Post says—but happens, maly bee people meet each other and ci they don't suck and bee iends. Unls you're actually gay, that is, which se the universal greetg is that thg om RuPl's Drag Race: Untucked where you stick your tongue out to draw the straw of your cktail before takg a really slow, judgmental sip and you jt stare daggers until the other girl qus.

Slight amendment to this one: "You n [CALL A FEW HOURS IN ADVANCE AND ASK TO] crash at your gay bt iend's place when the need [EMERGENCY/PERSONAL DANGER/SEXUAL AWAKENING] aris. Frankly, I'm gonna be the bt gay bt iend you've ever had, bee I have no ia what that uld even possibly ultimately mean and I jt want you not to be a dick and jt be rad and let's hang out bee I'm hungry.

For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to.

I FELL LOVE WH MY GAY BT IEND.

If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge. Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together. Sometim you might assume that jt bee a guy only hangs out wh girls or jt bee his bt iend also seems gay, then he might also be gay.

Subtly brg up subjects that show him that you're okay wh your iends beg gay and that he don't need to hi his nature around you.

You n talk about another iend that is gay or even jt about someone hypothetilly g out if you don't know someone who's gay.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS

Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay? Article SummaryXTo tell if your guy iend is gay, notice whether he refers to other guys as attractive, which uld be a sign that he’s gay.

" If you want to talk about your iend to a parent or guardian, try askg "Would you be okay wh me mentng that you're gay to my parents if me up, or would you prefer that I keep quiet? Acceptance n make a huge different the liv of LGBTQIA (Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual) people. Article SummaryXIt might e as a b of a shock to fd out your bt iend is gay, but by supportg them and givg yourself time to get ed to , your iendship n be jt like was.

It probably took a lot of urage for your iend to e out as gay, so tell them that you accept them for who they are to be a good iend. Sayg that I’m unfortable wh how much she go out wh her iend and she said that he was gay and I’m jt beg secure and paranoid.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

Almost as long as rom-s and high school TV shows have existed, the Gay Bt Friend(tm) has been a source of edy and ntroversy. Often an important first step troducg queer storyl to mastream dienc, the GBF trope had a tenncy to rerce stereotyp about gay men: that their only terts are makeovers, shoppg and drama, that their stggl and relatnships fa to the background unls they're supportg a straight person's story, and that they only exist to be wise oracl about love and LGBTQ+ reprentatn Hollywood improv both onscreen and behd the mera, movi and TV shows are gettg creasgly self-aware, creatg gay characters who provi the ic relief we love while tearg down outdated ias.

Perhaps the earlit example of the classic Gay Bt Friend character is 1984 movie The Woman Red, a Gene Wilr edy about a married man who be obssed wh a mol (Kelly LeBrock) after he se her skirt get blown up by a wd grate, Marilyn Monroe-style.

I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG

A mor character wh limed screen time, Buddy do w pots for beg portrayed as jt another one of the guys, who happens to be gay -- a big al for movi the 80s.

Rickie Vasquez (Wilson Cz) of ABC's short-lived cult classic My So-Called Life (1994-1995) is one of the first exampl of a gay character a high school ensemble seri -- but what mak him pecially noteworthy is that he challenged the Gay Bt Friend trope before was even a trope. Cz, an Ao-Puerto Rin man, was the first openly gay actor to play an openly gay character a leadg role an Amerin televisn show.

NO, YOU DON'T NEED A ‘GAY BT IEND.’ AND Y, ASKG FOR ONE IS OFFENSIVE.

While Rickie was bt iends wh straight girls at his school, the way his storyle alt wh homophobia and self-acceptance was years ahead of s time. Helen Hunt stars as Carol, a sgle mom and his love tert who "mak him want to be a better man, " while former Talk Soup host Greg Knear surprised dienc wh his imprsive actg chops as Simon, the gay neighbor who be iends wh the curmudgeonly Simon, an artist, is badly beaten up by a iend of one of his mols, his agent (Cuba Goodg Jr. She enlists the help of her gay iend Gee (Rupert Everett), who drops everythg to fly to Chigo, pretends to be Jul' fiance to make Michael jealo, and trolls the hell out of her while dispensg nuggets of wisdom about her love is such a fantasy of a character that he may as well be a unirn, but Everett is jt so charmg about the whole thg.

The real gay bt iend of the seri was Jack (Sean Hay), a diva-lovg queen who cycl through men, jobs, and random fixatns. "People playg gay characters jumpg up and down screamg that they're not gay, like that would somehow be a bad thg if they were. In The Object of My Affectn, New York social worker Na (Jennifer Aniston) is roommat wh Gee (Pl Rudd), a gay elementary school teacher.

IN LOVE WH MY BT IEND, BUT HE'S GAY

The flash-forward at the end, wh all the characters beg one big happy fay, was progrsive for s time; but the ia that a gay man uld be attracted to a woman if she plays her rds right is a b unfortable. But then Abbie meets a guy who wants to get married and move to New York, and the romantic edy spirals to a bizarre urtroom drama as they fight over ctody of their Ebert gave the movie one star and lled "a garage sale of gay issu, " bombed at the box office, and Everett later revealed that led to the llapse of his iendship wh Madonna. Ta Fey's 2004 high school edy is proof that the gay bt iend don't have to be an offensive or trivial character, bee what would Mean Girls even be whout "too gay to functn" Damian (Daniel Franze) and "big lbian csh" Janis (Lizzy Caplan)?

(Y, Janis' classmat spread gay mors about her and she's datg a boy by the end of the movie, but we're not buyg for a send that she's heterosexual. Few straight actors play gay as well as Stanley Tucci 2006 film The Devil Wears Prada, about aspirg journalist Andy (Anne Hathaway) who gets a job at Vogue-spired Runway Magaze. In particular, Mo's cutthroat creative director Wilhelma Slater (Vansa Williams) and her schemg gay assistant Marc St.