Navigatg the social grac of our ever-changg society n be tricky, and perhaps trickier for gays and lbians. Many wonr how to rpond to offensive jok or how to addrs a letter to a married gay uple. Steven Petrow giv answers his new book Steven Petrow's Complete Gay and Lbian Manners. He speaks wh gut host Jacki Lyn.
Contents:
- THE SENTIAL BOOK OF GAY MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE : A HANDBOOK OF PROPER NDUCT AND GOOD BEHAVR FOR THE GAY GENTLEMAN
- WILTON MANORS: AN LGBTQ TRAVEL GUI TO FLORIDA’S GAYT CY
- DO THIS MANNERISM MAKE ME LOOK GAY?
- GAY MANNERS FOR EVERY OCSN
- GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN PREFER MASCULE-PRENTG GAY MEN FOR A HIGH-STAT ROLE: EVINCE FROM AN ELOGILLY VALID EXPERIMENT
- MISS MANNERS: ADDRSG A MARRIED GAY UPLE WH THE SAME LAST NAME
- MISS MANNERS: NOSY WOMEN AT RETIREMENT MUNY ASK RINT ‘ARE YOU GAY?’ DURG DNER
- 11 PLAC GAY MEN CAN SHED THEIR CLOTH FORT LRDALE
- THE STRIP ON WILTON MANORS SIZZL WH SOUTH FLORIDA'S BT GAY BARS
THE SENTIAL BOOK OF GAY MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE : A HANDBOOK OF PROPER NDUCT AND GOOD BEHAVR FOR THE GAY GENTLEMAN
* gay manners *
PETROW: Part of the answer is that I've been dog an advice lumns for many years now, and three years ago I started gettg jt a ton of qutns, both om gay people and om straight people about all the dilemmas sort of our social teractns and, you know, they're also all of the same sex weddg qutns. PETROW: You know, actually shocked me when I started to thk back that, really, 16 years here is like 1, 600 gay years or somethg like that, bee thk back, 1995, 1996, that was before onle datg.
And that kd of highlights, you know, a theme the book, which is there are a lot of well-tentned qutns that e om straight folks to their gay iends and fay members, and we the gay muny shouldn't...
Those who are listeng who are not so open-md a way about gays, 's not as though you need to make a donatn, 's not as though you need to raise a pri flag, but you do need to do your bt to be rpectful of your gay iends and to be civil at all tim. Expandg on his 2005 gui The Essential Book of Gay Manners & Etiquette, syndited lumnist and New York Tim weddg blogger Steven Petrow directs his diligent eye for propriety on the gay and lbian muni his Complete Gay & Lbian Manners. This month saw the publitn of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners” (Workman Publishg), a 400-page tome verg a broad range of morn issu, like g out as transgenr to your date, etiquette on sperm donatn day and survivg holidays wh homophobic Mr.
WILTON MANORS: AN LGBTQ TRAVEL GUI TO FLORIDA’S GAYT CY
As gay people and issu have bee more visible on the Amerin landspe, social etiquette has been scramblg to tch up. * gay manners *
“I don’t appreciate beg lled that, but if you’re cur about what I am, I’d be happy to tell you, ” Sister Noodle Cocktail said, voicg a mon Yoffe, who wr the Dear Pnce manners lumn at Slate, said that 5 percent to 10 percent of the queri she received were gay-oriented and fell to two mps: issu ncerng g out of the closet the face of homophobia and qutns about weddgs and other basic social time, Ms.
" FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE BOOKSteven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lbian Manners: The Defive Gui to LGBT LifeSteven is the thor of the first-ever prehensive etiquette gui for the more than 15 ln lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr people the Uned Stat and on, Barn & Noble, or an Inpennt Book SellerThe New Gay Weddg: A Practil Primer for Bris and Grooms, Their Fai and GutsIn this mt-have volume, Steven provis need advice for those planng or attendg an LGBTQ weddg or mment ceremony. Available at AmazonThe Essential Book of Gay Manners & EtiquetteWh telligence, unrstandg, and humor, a proment gay wrer expertly tails the trici of appropriate gay male on AmazonWhen Someone You Know Has AIDS: A Practil GuiA classic that is fortunately out-of-date thanks to the advanc treatg HIV/AIDS. Now, Steven Petrow, along wh wrer Nick Steele, has crafted a wty, wise, and rmative gui for gay men everywhere, om urban sgl to suburban upl, Gen X guys to baby boomers, and sweater queens to leathermen and activists.
DO THIS MANNERISM MAKE ME LOOK GAY?
Ready to vis Greater Fort Lrdale's LGBTQ pal? Then click through to learn about Florida's gayt cy, Wilton Manors! * gay manners *
"--BOOK JACKET"The Essential Book of Gay Manners and Etiquette is easy to e, fun to read, and load wh rmatn verg all aspects of gay life, both the joyo and the vastatg, wh everythg om the l of urtship to g out, planng a mment ceremony, nontg homophobia, and sayg good-bye to a dyg iend.
If our classmat and peers uld tell we were gay back then, stands to reason that everyone's gaydar go off now that we're what about those gay men who are textbook "mascule"? ” One gay man reported, “Even though my boyiend and I are exactly the same size, he’s been really clear wh me that his inty is his cloth and he don’t want me borrowg that.
GAY MANNERS FOR EVERY OCSN
Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy * gay manners *
When I first started wrg an advice lumn that foced on LGBT etiquette 2009, only two stat allowed same-sex marriage; Californians had recently passed Prop 8 banng ; and "don't ask, don't tell" still prohibed openly gay men and women om servg the ary. Like many other advice lumnists I'd long been a journalist (primarily verg gay issu), not to mentn havg served as print of the Natnal Lbian & Gay Journalists Associatn and penned a well-received book about gay manners.
I ve you to send your LGBT/straight etiquette dilemmas to me and to jo our onle chat every other other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his new lumn, Civili. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty. Whereas most studi on perceptns of feme-prentg gay men have manipulated genr nonnformy via wrten scriptns, rearch suggts that behavural cu such as voice and body-language n migate or exacerbate prejudice toward a stereotyped dividual.
For heterosexual men, the preference for mascule-prentg actors was predicted by greater anti-gay sentiment, whereas ternalised anti-gay prejudice did not predict a preference for mascule-prentatn among gay men. This associatn between masculy and stat endowment has plex implitns for gay men, given the prevailg stereotype that they are more feme pared to heterosexual men (Ke & Dx, 1987; Lippa, 2000; Mchell & Ellis, 2011; Sanchez et al., 2009) Men and the Feme StereotypeSuch a stereotype reflects, to some extent, average differenc genr-typily between gay and heterosexual men.
GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN PREFER MASCULE-PRENTG GAY MEN FOR A HIGH-STAT ROLE: EVINCE FROM AN ELOGILLY VALID EXPERIMENT
There is creased acceptance of gay men most Wtern societi. Neverthels, evince suggts that feme-prentg gay men are still disadvantage * gay manners *
Policg of masculy among gay men is not only self-directed; there is also evince of prejudice toward more feme gay men om wh the gay muny (Bailey et al., 1997; Hunt et al., 2016) Penalti for Feme Gay MenContemporary theori of effective learship have challenged the perceived virtu of masculy.
MISS MANNERS: ADDRSG A MARRIED GAY UPLE WH THE SAME LAST NAME
Letter wrer wonrs how to properly addrs a married gay uple wh the same last name. * gay manners *
Neverthels, masculy – as a central characteristic of stat potential – ntu to permeate ntemporary nscns (Koenig et al., 2011), wh negative impacts on gay male stat attament. Theoretil explanatns for the fdgs nsistently foc on the possibily that gay men elic such discrimatn bee of the stereotype that they are feme and are therefore perceived as ls equipped to occupy higher-stat posns social hierarchi, such as the workplace (Ke & Dx, 1987; Lord et al., 1984). Further support for this notn is found studi where gay men appear to avert stat-penalti when they adopt a more mascule prentatn (Glick et al., 2007; Morton, 2017; Pellegri et al., 2020).
Siarly, Clsell and Fiske (2005) found that subgroup labels for feme gay men like ‘flamboyant’ eliced higher ratgs of warmth, but lower ratgs of petence pared to more mascule subgroup labels like ‘straight-actg’. Th, the rearch appears to suggt that feme gay men are at particular risk of stat penalti, pecially om dividuals who posss anti-gay Sentiment Amongst Gay MenA further qutn regardg potential stat penalti for feme vers more mascule-prentg gay men is how plic gay men themselv may be perpetuatg such prejudice. Whereas most relevant rearch has ed heterosexual sampl, both lab and field studi on romantic partner preferenc amongst gay men highlight a monplace sire for mascule over feme tras potential partners (Bailey et al., 1997; Clarkson, 2006; Laner & Kamel, 1977; Sanchez & Vila, 2012; Tayawadep, 2002).
Such a nnectn suggts that the extent to which gay men ternalise societal stigma about beg gay may fluence their treatment of dividuals who posss stigmatised is a nsirable lerature monstratg that gay men discrimate agast more feme gay mal beyond the romantic ntext (Brooks et al., 2017; Ravenhill & Visser, 2019; Sánchez & Vila, 2012; Taywadep, 2002).
MISS MANNERS: NOSY WOMEN AT RETIREMENT MUNY ASK RINT ‘ARE YOU GAY?’ DURG DNER
(2016), when gay men received bog feedback that they had rated below-average on a masculy measure, they were more likely to show a creased sire to associate wh a feme – but not a mascule – gay male target. The perceived femy/masculy of gay male targets was manipulated g wrten scriptns of their tras, terts, and qualifitns, which tapped to tradnal, stereotypil notns of masculy (henceforth masculy for simplicy).
This effect among gay men mirrors siar fdgs observed among heterosexual participants (Aksoy et al., 2019; Frank, 2006; Pellegri et al., 2020) that also ed analogue tasks, which masculy/femy of gay male targets were manipulated via wrten scriptns. Provid important advanc offerg elogilly valid monstratns of the rctn stat btowed upon feme men by heterosexual dividuals, important unaddrsed qutns rema about whether gay dividuals also show such a bias, g d-visual stimuli, and what psychologil mechanisms might expla such bias.
11 PLAC GAY MEN CAN SHED THEIR CLOTH FORT LRDALE
Tradnally, studi vtigatg the impact of feme-prentatn on gay men’s stat have ed eher heterosexuals or gay men isolatn – to date, no study tegrated the two populatns to facilate meangful parisons. Demonstratg that gay men are as likely to discrimate agast feme gay men as heterosexuals would ntribute to the emergg awarens of tramory prejudice as an area of ncern for the gay Current StudyThe aim of this study is to explore whether a relatively feme-prentatn negatively impacts stat attament for gay men g a more elogilly valid methodology that allows meangful parisons of the reactns of gay and heterosexual men. Moreover, the study aims to tt psychologil mechanisms that may unrly the hypothised reluctance to endow stat to feme-prentg gay relevant lab studi to date have measured stat attament g direct measur, such as subjective ratgs of learship effectivens or behavural tentns.
Though not rmg primary hypoth, we also examed whether sexism may mediate preference for more mascule gay ndidat, given that Sanchez and Vila (2012) found that antifeme attus predicted a preference for mascule-prentg romantic partners.
MaterialsScript for Fictnal Ad CampaignTo monstrate the direct fluence of mascule/feme-prentatn on stat attament for gay men, a novel pennt variable was nstcted for the current study. Six cis-male, Whe-Atralian profsnal actors, 25 to 35 years old (who all intify as gay real life) were filmed performg an intil vox pop script two ways; 1) once where they were directed to manipulate their voice and body language (VBL) to be more feme, and 2) once where their VBL was to be more mascule. ” (Actor lghs)The script ma no reference to the ndidate’s qualifitns, occupatn, skills, tn, or hobbi (that is, rmatn that may be nsted as genred by participants; Lippa, 2000), while makg the ndidate’s homosexualy explic (by mentng a same-sex partner).
THE STRIP ON WILTON MANORS SIZZL WH SOUTH FLORIDA'S BT GAY BARS
Pre-ratgs om an pennt participant pool of 40 gay men were ed to validate the VBL each clip as beg mascule or feme as tend (See the onle supplement for method and rults of vio validatn study). 3Frequency of Vot for Each Actor by Heterosexual and Gay Participants (N = 256)Full size imageMeasurStat EndowmentA sgle forced-choice em askg participants to select their preferred ndidate read as follows:“Please now vote for the actor you thk should be st the Ad Campaign promotg tourism to Sydney.
Internalised Anti-Gay Attus (Gay Participants Only)The 3-em ternalised homophobia subsle of the Lbian, Gay and Bisexual Inty Sle (LGBIS; Mohr & Kendra, 2011) was ed to asss negative attus toward onelf as a gay person. Usg 5-pot Likert sle where a sre of “0” dited “Totally agree” and a sre of “5” dited “Totally disagree”, gay participants were asked to rate how much they endorsed the ems, “I wish I were heterosexual”; “If were possible I’d choose to be straight”; and “I believe is unfair that I am attracted to people of the same sex”.
The average of each participant’s three rpons were lculated to create their Internalised Homonegativy Attus (Heterosexual Participants Only)To measure anti-gay attus we ployed an adapted 6-em versn of the Morn Homonegativy Sle (MHS; Morrison & Morrison, 2002), as ed by Morton (2017), to exclively asss ntemporary negative attus toward gay men. Usg 5-pot Likert sle, where a sre of “0” dited “Totally agree” and a sre of “5” dited “Totally disagree”, heterosexual participants were asked to rate statements such as, “Gay men have all the rights they need”; and “Gay men seem to foc on the ways which they differ om heterosexuals, and ignore the ways which they are siar”. The average of each participant’s six rpons were lculated to create their Homonegativy Sexism (All Participants)A 5-em subsle om the Morn Sexism Sle (Swim et al., 1995), asssg ntemporary negative attus toward women was ed.