This is how I really reacted when my son told me he was gay – SheKnows

Contents:

• OPN I’M GAY. AND I WANT MY KID TO BE GAY, TOO.
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• WHEN YOUR 7-YEAR-OLD SON SAYS, 'I WANT TO BE GAY'
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• I DON'T WANT MY TEEN HANGG AROUND GAY PARENTS
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

OPN I’M GAY. AND I WANT MY KID TO BE GAY, TOO.

I’m gay. And I want my kid to be gay, of my straight iends, even the most liberal, see this logic as warped.

Perhaps he jt meant that ’s easier to be straight a homophobic culture.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

But was impossible to know whether he meant to sulate me om the world’s bias or implicly ratnalize his ia that no one would choose to be gay is wily held — even the gay rights movement. In the early '90s, partly as a rponse to the stctive notn that gay people uld be changed, activists prsed the ia of sexualy as a fixed, nate state. Scientists even tried to prove that there's a "gay gene.

The ia that folks are "born gay" beme not only the theme of a Lady Gaga song, but the implic ratnale for gay rights. “I wouldn’t even choose for myself to be gay, ” a iend once told me.

WHEN YOUR 7-YEAR-OLD SON SAYS, 'I WANT TO BE GAY'

It was a sad admissn, bee she upon a time, of urse, “gay” meant “happy.

Gay beme an unfortunate, even piable stat. When the gay liberatn activist Frankl Kameny lnched a simple effort 1968 to proclaim that “gay is good, ” was bee, at the time, very much wasn’t. Until 1973, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn nsired homosexualy a form of mental illns.

And while gay-posive culture has flourished sce, our aspiratns haven’t kept pace. It’s more wily acceptable to be gay Ameri today, but that’s not the same as beg sirable.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

In my hoe, though, you might expect me to say somethg about how, if my dghter were gay, she would undoubtedly face challeng and hurdl she wouldn’t enunter if she were straight. But if my dghter wants to be an artist, I’ll enurage her all the way — and work to stroy any barriers along her path, not put them up, I’ve never for a sgle send regretted beg gay, nor saw as anythg other than an asset and a gift.

By the time my dghter of age, she’ll have even more of a support work, cludg two moms, for cryg out than that, though, beg gay opened my ey to the world around me. Learng that not every gay person had as good as I did helped me realize that a lot of people general didn’t have as good as I did.

I wouldn’t be a polilly engaged human beg, let alone an activist, wrer and TV personaly, if I weren’t my dghter is gay, I don’t worry about her havg a hard life.

I DON'T WANT MY TEEN HANGG AROUND GAY PARENTS

I want my dghter to know that beg gay is equally sirable to beg straight. The problem is not the ia that homosexualy uld be a choice but the ia that heterosexualy should be pulsory. We’ve bought every picture book featurg gay fai, even the not-very-good on, and we have most of the nontradnal-genr-role books as well — about the prcs who lik to fight dragons and the boy who lik to wear my dghter plays hoe wh her stuffed koala bears as the mom and dad, we gently remd her that they uld be a dad and dad.

It’s her I ultimately re about is that she has the choice and that whatever choice she mak is enthiastilly embraced and will tell, but so far, don’t look like my 6-year-old dghter is gay. I’m a slightly overbearg pro-gay gay mom. Correctn: An earlier versn of this article rrectly stated that the Amerin Psychologil Associatn classified homosexualy as a form of mental illns until 1973.

Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia. 'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022. Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

By now u probably have an ia of what i am about to I am gayRyan: i n’t believe i jt told youMom: Are you jokg? Ryan: i know i amRyan: i don’t like hannahRyan: ’s jt a ver-upMom: but that don’t make you gay…Ryan: i knowRyan: but u don’t unrstandRyan: i am gayMom: tell me moreRyan: ’s jt the way i am and ’s somethg i knowRyan: u r not a lbian and u know that. Ryan: i am jt gayRyan: i am thatMom: I love you no matter whatRyan: i am whe not blackRyan: i knowRyan: i am a boy not a girlRyan: i am attracted to boys not girlsRyan: u know that about yourself and i know thisMom: what about what God thks about actg on the sir?

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Not that we didn’t know and love gay people — my only brother had e out to several years before, and we adored him. I tried to pray the gay away wh my teenage son.

The feelgs you’ve had for other guys don’t make you gay.

So please don’t tell anyone that you ARE gay. Your inty is not that you are gay — is that you are a child of love you. He read all the Christian books that explaed where his gay feelgs me om and dove to unselg to further disver the orig of his unwanted attractn to other guys.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

And we lost the abily to love our gay son, bee we no longer had a gay son. What we had wished, prayed and hoped for — that we would not have a gay son — me te.

But not at all the way we had, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was.

Now, whenever Rob and I jo our gay iends for an eveng, I thk about how much I would love to be visg wh Ryan and his partner over dner. As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

I had spected at tim that he was gay. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No!

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. Mol acceptance by not g gay slurs and never tellg gay jok.