Fathers and gay sons: A plited, vally important relatnship.
Contents:
- GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
- JAGUARS ASSOCIATE STRENGTH ACH OUT AS GAY A FIRST FOR US-BASED PRO LEAGU
- ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
- ‘GAY BEE OF ABSENT FATHER’ THEORY MAK HEADL
GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
When two fathers and their rpective sons stay at the All Worlds Rort, a hot time is had by all! The actn begs when “the straights” check only to fd out 's an all-gay rort. * father figure 2 gay *
Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns. They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy. Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.
To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls.
JAGUARS ASSOCIATE STRENGTH ACH OUT AS GAY A FIRST FOR US-BASED PRO LEAGU
* father figure 2 gay *
Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. " "That's so gay. A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man.
Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. He would ll gay people nam and stuff. We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood.
Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv. Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy. When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other?
‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
Kev Maxen, an associate strength ach wh the Jacksonville Jaguars, has bee the first male ach a major U.S.-based profsnal league to e out as gay. * father figure 2 gay *
" Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls.
Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man. Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers). When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son.
‘GAY BEE OF ABSENT FATHER’ THEORY MAK HEADL
Father Figure: Directed by Bibi Fadlalla. For young black gay men navigatg the world n be a disturbg experience. As Kiki Hoe founr Guilliano (26) explas: 'beg black and gay means beg two steps behd life'. In this narrative llage film Guilliano and his iends share personal experienc of homophobia, racism and margalizatn everyday life and the ways which they fd solace and muny." data-id="ma * father figure 2 gay *
Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance. Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships. If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future.
For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers. Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships. Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv.