Often the real reason gay men fd so difficult to fd love and happs is bee they are their own worst enemy. YourTango expert Rick Clemons, The Comg Out Coach, drops some rather blunt tth about how gay men need to get out of their own way.
Contents:
- ARE GAY MEN HAPPIER THAN STRAIGHT MEN?
- WHO ARE THE HAPPIT? STRAIGHTS AND GAYS, BUT NOT BISEXUALS
- WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT BEG GAY?: PERSPECTIV OM YOUTH
- HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
- 5 (RATHER BLUNT) REASONS WHY GAY MEN STGGLE TO FD HAPPS
- SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE FALLY UNLOCKED PUZZLE OF WHY PEOPLE ARE GAY
- WHY WOULD PEOPLE 'CHOOSE' TO BE GAY?
- GAY MEN AND AGG
- GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) AND GAY (HAPPY)
- GAYS AND BISEXUALS MORE LIKELY TO BE UNHAPPY AND ANX
- THE KEY TO A HAPPY RELATNSHIP? BE GAY. OR CHILDLS. OR MAKE TEA
- LBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE SAY THEY EXPERIENCE A LOWER QUALY OF LIFE
- AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL
- SYNONYMS FOR GAY
ARE GAY MEN HAPPIER THAN STRAIGHT MEN?
* why are gay people so happy *
While gay men the study seemed to experience ls strs and prsn than straight men, there are a variety of alternative explanatns that might expla this fact (like whether they worked out or not; whether they had children or not; e level and stabily). Bee the vast majory of dividuals who intify as bisexual are women (equently the 60% to 80% range), any study that b gays/lbians wh bisexuals and fds negative mental or physil health problems likely distorts our unrstandg of sexual mori and th tells ltle about male bisexuals, gay mal, and lbians. Addnal primary them and sub-them were intified wh each tegory that further illtrate how gay/bisexual youth were able to velop posive nceptualizatns of their sexual orientatn spe experiencg negative societal msag about beg gay/bisexual.
Keywords: Bisexual, gay, male, riliency, sexual orientatn, youthAdolcence is a velopmental perd where young people are maturg physilly, emotnally and socially as they transn to adulthood (Erikson, 1980; Hill, 1983). When the fluenc are negative, psychologil distrs among adolcents may rult, pecially for those youth who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual (Almeida, Johnson, Corliss, Molnar & Azrael, 2009; Hershberger & D’Augelli, 1995; Ueno, 2005).
WHO ARE THE HAPPIT? STRAIGHTS AND GAYS, BUT NOT BISEXUALS
Theory: Lbians get om their fathers, gay men om their mothers. * why are gay people so happy *
One study that addrsed this topic prented riliency strategi among lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) young people North Wt England and South Wal wh the ntext of hetero-normative environments (Surfield, Roen & McDermott, 2008). The thors assert that even though the young men were livg a hetero-normative Puerto Rin culture wh pervasive homophobia and cultural stigma, they veloped riliency strategi that helped them to overe potential obstacl. This was one of the few studi found to prent riliency strategi veloped by gay/bisexual adolcents to bat negative social and cultural ntug rearch is need on the velopmental challeng faced by LGB adolcents, pecially those who are also members of other opprsed groups such as youth of lor, a parallel le of scientific quiry is also need to explore the strengths and rilienci monstrated by LGB youth.
WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT BEG GAY?: PERSPECTIV OM YOUTH
When you’re a gay man, agg is plited. * why are gay people so happy *
Such limatns do not allow for a more nuanced unrstandg of the current lived experienc of LGB youth’s inty exploratn procs, as has been seen more recent qualative studi of sexual orientatn inty (Ja, Harper, Fernanz, & the ATN, 2009)The purpose of the current study is to provi sights to the posive nceptualizatns that gay/bisexual male adolcents posss regardg their sexual orientatn inty utilizg qualative phenomenologil and nstctivist ameworks. Although we did quire about the full range of perceptns and experienc related to sexual orientatn inty the larger study om which the data were extracted, we chose to foc solely on the posive aspects of posssg a gay/bisexual sexual orientatn inty for the current vtigatn given the lack of empiril data foced specifilly on riliency-related factors among gay/bisexual male adolcents. Sce prr rearch also has monstrated that sexual orientatn inty velopment for female adolcents and adults is different than that of male adolcents and adults (Diamond, 2005; Diamond & Sav-Williams, 2000; Schneir, 2001), we also foc this vtigatn exclively on gay/bisexual male adolcents.
In orr to take part the study, participants met the followg eligibily creria: 1) be blogilly male; 2) be between the ag of 14 and 22; 3) self-intify as Ain Amerin, Hispanic/Lato, or Whe non-Hispanic/European Amerin; 4) self-intify as gay, bisexual, or qutng; 5) have no knowledge of beg HIV posive; 6) live the Chigo or Miami metropolan area; and 7) read and unrstand English.
The youth reprented the qualative subsample of adolcents who participated a larger mixed-methods rearch study foced on multiple inty velopment and sexual risk/protectn among gay/bisexual male adolcents, which was nducted wh the Adolcent Trials Network for HIV/AIDS Interventns.
HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
Gay people are ls happy than heterosexuals and report lower levels of wellbeg, figur have who are bisexual, particular, have lower sat" name="scriptn * why are gay people so happy *
The ame was stratified by age (14–17, 18–20, and 21–22), level of gay/bisexual sexual orientatn inty (low and high), and race/ethnicy (Ain Amerin, European Amerin, and Lato) orr to produce a sample that reprents velopmental and inty-related variatns.
5 (RATHER BLUNT) REASONS WHY GAY MEN STGGLE TO FD HAPPS
(Sean, 21 year old, Eastern European gay male)Another participant who mented on nnectedns wh femal argued that the reason for this closens is the fact that straight men typilly beiend women for sexual purpos, while gay men do not.
SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE FALLY UNLOCKED PUZZLE OF WHY PEOPLE ARE GAY
Um, 's, 's very easy to, to, when you do fd somebody that is, that is very siar to yourself, 's very easy to fd a nnectn wh them bee they've endured a lot of the same hardships that you have and, and you, and 's easy to talk, I feel like 's very easy to talk to somebody else who is gay, bee they've experienced a lot of the same thgs that I have g and velopg their inty. (Patrick, 20 year old, Whe gay male)Riliency the Face of Gay-Related OpprsnAlthough many of the youth foced on posive nceptualizatns of beg gay/bisexual, some intified ways which they had monstrated riliency the face of opprsn.
The followg youth talks about the fun he has wh his iends who are not gay/bisexual and emphasiz that a cril aspect of his relatnship wh them is that they do not “judge” him or hold negative views of gay/bisexual people.
Emotnal self-re was discsed the ntext of acknowledgg and beg aware of the negative emotnal impact of heterosexist societal msag on them as gay/bisexual young men, and then buildg ristance strategi to such pervasive negativy. Bee there's a lot of homophobic people out there (Jose, 19 year old, Hispanic queer male)Physil self-re was typilly discsed the ntext of physil appearance and sexual health, such as rryg ndoms orr to protect one om sexually transmted fectns.
WHY WOULD PEOPLE 'CHOOSE' TO BE GAY?
This sub-theme was not directly nnected to experienc of opprsn as gay/bisexual youth, but some of the youth did note higher rat of HIV among gay/bisexual men as a motivatg factor their e of ndoms durg sexual activy. (Kev, 21 year old, Multiracial bisexual male)Gay/bisexual youth who reported the rejectn of stereotyp as another form of riliency strsed the importance of velopg a posive sense of self that is not rtricted by societal msag regardg what gay/bisexual men “should” do, thk, and feel.
GAY MEN AND AGG
Exampl of such munal efforts may clu the anizatn of polil ralli and public foms or participatn tnal enavors to discs issu primarily affectg LGBT discsg their sexual inti, many participants scribed exampl of societal margalizatn and discrimatn of gay/bisexual people that is nsistent wh prev rearch (c.
Neverthels, spe difficulti, most participants strived to bat societal forc wh the help of social works, rercg earlier fdgs on rilienci and pg strategi employed by gay/bisexual male youth (Surfield et al., 2008; Toro-Alfonso et al., 2006).
GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) AND GAY (HAPPY)
Addnally, unlike past rearch, fdgs monstrated participants’ emphasis on actively ristg discrimatn, which uld serve as another potential pg strategy or source of om this study n be ed to shed light on broar issu of social and cultural ponents of gay/bisexual male adolcents’ sense of self and self-acceptance, which may fluence healthy adolcent velopment. The study’s fdgs offer a clearer unrstandg of how societal msag play a role gay/bisexual male youths’ self perceptns and offer sight to ways to improve the healthy functng of gay/bisexual youth by challengg negative societal fdgs may also offer rmatn for the velopment of mental and physil health promotn programs that emphasize the posive aspects of gay/bisexual sexual orientatn inty, and the role that self acceptance n play promotg healthy thoughts and behavrs.
One example of such a program is the Mpowerment Project, which is a wily ed sexual health promotn terventn that clus a foc on enhancg gay/bisexual young men’s acceptance of their sexual orientatn utilizg muny mobilizatn and peer-based strategi orr to addrs unique munal needs and empower s members (Kegel, Hays, & Coat, 1996; Kegel, Hays, Pollack, Coat, 1999) orr for programs to be succsful, dividuals workg wh gay/bisexual dividuals mt be sensive to issu unique to LGB youth populatns. By unrstandg the varied msag that gay/bisexual male adolcents receive about their sexual orientatn and how they tegrate this rmatn to their self perceptn, dividuals workg wh gay/bisexual male youth will be better prepared for helpg them to velop a healthy sense of self.
GAYS AND BISEXUALS MORE LIKELY TO BE UNHAPPY AND ANX
Furthermore, social service and health re provirs should be aware of muny nnectns that support healthy inty velopment orr to assist adolcents makg cril social support rmatn prented this study advanc our unrstandg of factors that fluence the self-perceptns of sexual orientatn inty among gay/bisexual youth. In addn, this sample was rtricted to male youth; therefore, the life experienc of lbian and bisexual young women were not summary, the current data suggt that spe experienc of LGB-related opprsn and margalizatn, gay/bisexual male youth are able to synthize their experienc orr to nstct a more posive sexual orientatn inty. The data speak to the need to enurage and promote more rearch that explor the liv of gay/bisexual youth utilizg a strengths-based wellns mol orr to provi a more prehensive view of gay/bisexual youth’s velopment (Marszalek & Cashwell, 1999; Rof, 2005).
THE KEY TO A HAPPY RELATNSHIP? BE GAY. OR CHILDLS. OR MAKE TEA
While ntued rearch on the challeng that gay/bisexual youth face is still need orr to rm future terventns and public policy, the studi should be ut not to view gay/bisexual youth through a fic-foced lens which prents gay/bisexual youth as ferr to heterosexual youth.
LBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE SAY THEY EXPERIENCE A LOWER QUALY OF LIFE
Instead, rearchers should strive to ntextualize the life experienc and physil/mental health out of gay/bisexual youth by explorg the potentially negative fluence of progrsg through cril velopmental phas while livg heterosexist and opprsive environments. In addn, studi foced on negative physil and mental health out should strive not only to explore risk factors for such out, but also exame riliency-based factors which may offer sights to how some gay/bisexual youth are able to thrive the face of qualative and quantative rearch foced on the velopment of a posive sexual orientatn inty among gay/bisexual youth is need.
Harper () is Profsor the Department of Psychology and Director of the Master of Public Health Program at DePl Universy, and his rearch and muny work foc on givg voice to the social jtice needs of young people, pecially gay/bisexual male youth.
AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL
However, for gay men, the greener pasture often seems (seems beg the operative word) to have a 6-pack vers a 5-pack, and a bank acunt that's not nsistently problem that aris wh the "somethg better will e along" mentaly is you sudnly wake up one day realizg you're still wag for the green grass to grow. You will be what matters, and the amount of self-love and self-nfince will be 's a few more reasons why the problem wh gay men is themselv:We don't love ourselv enough to know how to love someone else, and then we bch bee we n't fd foc is outward-driven stead of are the total sum of the five gay men we spend most of our time wh.
But our problems aren’t over, and if anythg, livg as a gay, bi, or trans man an era of perceived equaly is even more exasperatg, bee our own experience tells the tth is que an outsir, some of the rults of the GQ 30th anniversary rear survey may sound shockg.
The study showed 45% of gay, bi, and trans men have, the last year, thought life was not worth livg, while 34% have nsired takg their own liv that same perd, wh 5% actually attemptg – dwarfg the stats of each age group. ”AlamyGay, bi, and trans children experience a higher level and ncentratn of bullyg, and if fai are reluctant to discs sexualy and genr before a child’s sexual matury, this puts a huge amount of prsure on the child to nform. ” Wh so many gay, bi and trans men’s liv revolvg around the social scene – whether a form of pism, tryg to fd a tribe to belong to, or to hook up wh somebody – alhol and dgs have their part to man Daniel knew who he was but felt the world didn’t want to accept him: “When people are nyg your existence, and actg like who you are is weird or creepy, you do what you n to blank out.
SYNONYMS FOR GAY
Sebastian’s iend was gay and killed himself four years ago, and while his suici was not related to his sexualy, his reluctance to talk about his problems uld be lked to the tradnal male tra of keepg thgs bottled up. Like straight and cisgenr men, gay, bi, and trans men experience cultural prsure to match up to a rigid, limed ial of masculy, but they’re also all posns where their masculy is qutned and unrmed public bate and personal relatnships. ”Robbie, a bisexual man his thirti, says nfn and ternalised homophobia blightg his teenage years and stggl wh his sexualy and acceptance by the world at large have ntributed to his prsn, self-harm and suicidal thoughts.