When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women: Bonnie Kaye's Story | Psychology Today

Contents:

• I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• HOW TO TELL A FRIEND YOU'RE GAY AND YOU LOVE THEM

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

But do really make a difference if they are straight or gay, if at the end of the day they are someone who is not attracted to you? Those lov are like fallg love wh a teacher, or a straight fallg love wh a gay, or fallg love wh a married person, or fallg love wh a sger or an actor. But you need to know that if the person dont want to do somethg wh you, you need to pass no matter have to rpect that the person you like is straight jt like how he rpect and accept you beg Gay.

Fallg love wh a straight guy n be a paful experience, pecially for gay men who yearn for a romantic nnectn wh someone who is not terted them romantilly. And as a Gay Datg & Relatnship Coach, I’ve worked wh many clients who have experienced the pa of fallg for straight guys.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

Is bee you’re not ready to e out, or bee you’re aaid of beg rejected by someone who is gay? Once you’ve intified your patterns, start askg yourself why you’re not allowg yourself to fall for gay guys. While fallg for straight guys n be a paful experience, some gay men might feel like there are benefs to as well.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

For example, if you’re fallg love wh a straight guy, means you don’t have to put yourself out there and risk rejectn om someone who is gay. As a Gay Datg & Relatnship Coach, I’ve worked wh many clients who have experienced the pa of fallg for straight guys. Many gay men who have fallen for straight guys might wonr if ’s possible for a straight guy to fall love wh a guy.

While some people might intify as gay, straight, or bisexual, there are also people who fall somewhere between or who don’t intify wh any particular label. Homophobia, transphobia, and other forms of bigotry are still prevalent many parts of the world, and n make difficult for people to be their thentic selv. And if you keep the feelgs to yourself out of shame — maybe you're not out yet or you hate feelg like a gay trope — 's even harr.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Cast & crewUser reviewsVio2005Not Rated1h 31mA llectn of shorts that explor the relatnships between gay men and straight men. The llectn clus Espac Dos (Spa) In the Name of the Father (Brazil), My Straight Boyiend (US), Tth or Consequenc (Brazil), Coffee Date (US), Poprn & Coke (UK), and productn, box office & pany PhotosMore like thisReview Half hearted llectn of gay short filmsThis is by far the poort llectn of gay shorts that I've seen marketed.

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri.

Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men. A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men.

McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend. Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage.

McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men also reported unique advantag to havg a straight wgman when pursug their own datg goals. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn.

For gay men, iendship qualy wh a straight male iend was particularly high when the iendship pre-dated the gay man g out. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend.

But tim are changg quickly, and McKie’s rearch unrsr the special bond that n velop between gay and straight iends to the benef of both. That's what this guy is tryg to figure a pretty tense Redd post, er ProbablyGay1 shar wh fellow Redd ers the story of his iendship and possible romance wh his bt iend, two formed an unlikely iendship high school when Ian was a "ol" guy who was "geilly blsed the facial partment, " and ProbablyGay1 was a self-proclaimed then, their iendship has really lated to what's fely a bt iendship, and what's also que possibly a very betiful fact, ProbablyGay1 explas that there are all sorts of signs that pot toward the directn of a "very betiful romance.

"ProbablyGay1 even admted that Ian sends him "cute" texts while they're both away at llege, "like 'I miss you, ' 'Somethg remd me of you, ' etc. "Fally, what I fd as possibly the most plsible evince leang toward the two of them beg more than iends is that ProbablyGay1 is totally head-over-heels love wh Ian:I thk about Ian a lot. I don't really re how ProbablyGay1 choos to go about askg Ian about their relatnship, but I sure hope that he do me tell you, for starters, I thk all signs here pot to Ian feelg the same way.

HOW TO TELL A FRIEND YOU'RE GAY AND YOU LOVE THEM

But even the off chance that Ian don't feel the same way, ProbablyGay1 serv the chance to know that for a fact and move on. Do you thk 's worth for ProbablyGay1 to brg up and possibly risk his entire relatnship wh his bt iend? I thk your hband que clearly nsirs himself gay, which is far more relevant to your marriage than my asssment of his sense of self.

The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you. That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man).