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data-activy-map="le-byle-article-top">By <span class="byle-name"><a href=">Marc Caputo</a></span></div></sectn><div class="article-body__ntent article-body-font--loadg"><p class="">Two leadg Republin Senate hopefuls Pennsylvania are savagg each other TV ads over who supported transgenr surgery more. In Missouri, another GOP ndidate for Senate surged when she cricized transgenr swimmer Lia Thomas a mercial. And Alabama, a charter school for transgenr kids has been voked ads as an issue the Republin primary for ernor. </p><p class="">Like never before, Republins primari across the untry have ma attackg transgenr rights central to their paid media mpaigns and stump speech — focg on issu of tn, genr transng and sports, acrdg to the ad trackg firm AdImpact.</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><div id="taboolaReadMoreBelow"></div><p class="">In all, 21 ndidat and polil mte have so far spent at least $4.5 ln on TV ads that have n var media markets of 16 stat, acrdg to AdImpact. The firm<strong> </strong>also found that Democratic ndidat spent nothg on TV advertisg to rebut the attacks. Two transgenr ally groups aired ads opposg laws Texas and Florida, and advot limed more of their paid media to relatively small Facebook buys. </p><p class="">The explosn of mpaign advertisg cis wh a <a href=">dramatic crease</a> legislatn limg LGBTQ rights — mostly regard to transgenr people, sports and medil treatments, known as genr-affirmg re, for youths<strong> </strong>— stat led by Republins, makg the issue a ont le the natn’s culture wars fought lol, state and feral electns this year and urts throughout the natn for years to e. </p><p class="">On Friday, <a href=" target="_blank">a feral judge blocked an Alabama law</a> banng transgenr children om receivg puberty blockers and hormon. The judge left place a ban on genr-affirmg surgeri for mors, which doctors have said aren't performed the state anyway. On the same day, the Texas Supreme Court <a href=">allowed</a> state officials to vtigate parents and doctors for potential child abe if they’re given the medil treatments or surgeri.</p><p class="">Fifteen stat began nsirg rtrictns on genr-affirmg re after the first such law was passed last year Arkansas, where the GOP-led Legislature overro Republin Gov. Asa Hutchson’s veto to enact . The law has been on hold for a year ever sce a feral judge blocked .</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><p class="">In Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis recently signaled his tert banng trans children om receivg puberty blockers or unrgog surgery. Florida beme the eighth state last year to sign a ban on transgenr athlet petg girls and women’s sports sendary schools and llege. At least<a href=" target="_blank"> 15 stat so far</a> have a siar transgenr sports ban.</p><p class="">Republin nsultants say the GOP will ntue prsg the issue general electn ntts and state pals across the natn. The sports bans, which began wily surfacg 2021 followg an early Print Joe Bin <a href=" target="_blank">orr </a>ncerng genr inty or sexual orientatn protectns, generally garner majory support om Republins and pennts most public opn surveys, wh jt Democrats and the youngt voters opposed. </p><p class="">"Voters overall are nowhere near Democrats on this and the hard woke left. There’s a blogil difference between men and women," said Curt Anrson, a top nsultant for the Natnal Republin Senatorial Commtee, potg to <a href=" target="_blank">pollg </a>om his firm, OnMsage Inc. </p><p class="">“Once a while, you fd an issue that is your opponent’s Achill' heel, where they’re way over their skis," Anrson add. "Democrats are stuck on this, bee if they step out of le, they get smacked as transphobic.” </p><p class="">Rodrigo Heng-Lehten, executive director of the Natnal Center for Transgenr Equaly, acknowledged the challeng of negative public opn when to advotg for the rights of trans people — pecially athlet — and characterized the Republin onslght as an example of "anti-LGBT iologu who are takg advantage of people's naïveté [about transgenr people]<strong> </strong>as an opportuny to take sre them."</p><p class="">But, he predicted, lims on transgenr athlet and other civil rights will go the way of racial segregatn sports and bans on gay marriage.</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><p class="">“It go to show that thgs that are shockg — or maybe even seem unacceptable at first — really dissolve and turn out to be no big al the end,” he said.</p><p class="">Public opposn to transgenr rights vari by the <a href=" target="_blank">poll</a>, wh some showg <a href=" target="_blank">closer margs</a> and others <a href=" target="_blank">wir spls</a> <a href="http:// PBS News Hour-NPR" target="_blank">opn</a>. A PBS Newshour-NPR-Marist College <a href=" target="_blank">poll </a>last year found most voters opposed laws limg transgenr rights.</p><p class="">But Republins have paid ltle price public-opn pollg as they've limed transgenr rights, and they see few reasons to stop phg forward wh the bans, which ptured <a href=" target="_blank">headl </a> March<strong> </strong>when swimmer Lia Thomas of the Universy of Pennsylvania blew away petors to bee the first transgenr woman to pture an NCAA Divisn 1 tle.</p><p class="">Wh a week of Thomas’ w, Rep. Vicky Hartzler, a client of Anrson’s who is nng the GOP primary for Senate Missouri, beme the first Senate ndidate the natn to make the swimmer a mpaign issue <strong> </strong>a <a href=" target="_blank">statewi ad</a> that juxtaposed the athlete's w-loss rerds.</p><p class="">DeSantis promptly issued a <a href=" target="_blank">proclamatn </a>clarg Thomas’ opponent, Floridian Emma Weyant, the real wner.<strong> </strong></p><p class="">Robert Cahaly, a Republin pollster who’s ntral the Missouri race, told NBC News that his pollg dited Hartzler ially surged to <a href=" target="_blank">top ntentn</a> the crowd primary bee of the ad but has now slipped to <a href=" target="_blank">third</a>.</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><p class="">Stephen Webber, polil director of the AFL-CIO Missouri, said he unrstands why Democrats may be reticent to speak out agast Republins on the issu: The pollg isn’t on their si, and 's ght wh rhetoril landm.</p><p class="">“I thk everybody’s nervo about the right way to talk about . It’s a sensive issue. And when you’re beg supportive, you don’t want to e the wrong word and set off a trip wire,” Webber said. “So some people have termed that the easit thg to do is not talk about .”</p><p class="">That relative<strong> </strong>silence — both paid media and public disurse — ncerns Chase Strang, puty director for transgenr jtice wh the ACLU’s LGBT & HIV Project.</p><p class="">“I am worried that we’re not rpondg aggrsively enough. As someone who’s an anizer and a longtime advote, ’s not a polil rponse need necsarily. It’s not necsarily the Democrats firg back,” Strang said. “It’s a massive cultural rponse, which is what I’m tryg to do: to mobilize people to say, and as women athlet are out here now sayg, ‘This isn’t about me. Don’t e my name for this.’”</p><p class="">To that end, the ACLU partnered a <a href=">social media mpaign</a> wh women’s soccer legend Megan Rapoe and her partner, profsnal basketball player Sue Bird.</p><p class="">On Facebook, however, pro-transgenr rights groups outspent opponents by 84-16 percent om January through April, acrdg to the Democratic ad-trackg firm Bully Pulp Interactive, which intified nearly $231,000 spendg on the platform over the issue.  </p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><div class="remend-tersectn-ref" data-activy-map="remend-article-body-remend" data-ttid="remend-wrapper"></div><p class="">The firm found that the ACLU and the Human Rights Campaign anized opposn to the mov by Texas and Florida, built lists of followers and fundraised. One of the biggt spenrs: Facebook self, which dropped $47,500 to celebrate visibily for trans people.</p><div class="remend-tersectn-ref" data-activy-map="remend-article-body-remend" data-ttid="remend-wrapper"></div><p class="">On the other si, the nservative Daily Wire publitn spent about $33,000 promotg what Bully Pulp classified as anti-trans stori.</p><p class="">“Trans-supportive groups are g this moment to urge actn, while the digal spend on the Right om dividual rightwg personali lookg to palize and draft behd a hot button moment,” Jsi Reis, Bully Pulp’s managg director, said a statement.</p><p class="">When Florida lawmakers prepared to pass their law this sprg hibg teachers om discsg LGBTQ issu wh stunts, the AIDS Health Care Foundatn spent a most $63,000 on <a href=" target="_blank">advertisg </a>agast the "hateful" proposal.</p><p class="">The only other TV ad fendg transgenr people began airg last month, when the Gay & Lbian Alliance Agast Defamatn lnched a 60-send public service <a href=" target="_blank">announcement</a>. It featured Texas mom Amber Briggle, who cricized “some policians who are tryg to tear my fay apart simply bee my son is transgenr.” It was aired wh donated time om Comst NBCUniversal, NBC News' parent pany, along wh donated time om Paramount, WarnerMedia, The Walt Disney Co. and the Ad Council, acrdg to the LGBTQ advocy group GLAAD.</p><p class="">Weeks before the ad was released, Briggle <a href=" target="_blank">said</a> her fay was qutned by Texas child welfare officials,<strong> </strong><a href=" target="_blank">tasked by Gov. Greg Abbott</a>, rponse to an opn om state Attorney General Ken Paxton, to vtigate parents of transgenr children for possible child abe if their kids receive genr “reassignment surgeri that n e sterilizatn, mastectomi, removals of otherwise healthy body parts" or are admistered "puberty-blockg dgs or … dos of ttosterone or trogen.”</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><p class="">The orr, issued by Abbott the wang days of his primary mpaign and opposed by medil and psychologil associatns who say genr-affirmg re protects the mental well-beg of transgenr children, was blocked by a urt March that said the vtigatns uld e “irreparable harm.” </p><p class="">On Friday, the Texas Supreme Court led the vtigatns uld ntue, but said that neher Abbott nor Paxton had the thory to orr the vtigatns.<strong> </strong>Paxton, who fac a primary noff March 24, hailed the lg <a href=" target="_blank">on Twter.</a><strong> </strong>Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, meanwhile, was the first ndidate this cycle to <a href=" target="_blank">advertise </a>his opposn to transgenr athlet women’s sports by airg a mercial early Febary.</p><figure class="styl_leImage__yAWZ0 styl_medium__OMa6x"><picture class="styl_image__1qciH"><source media="(m-width: 1000px)" srcSet=" 2x, 1x"/><source srcSet=" 2x, 1x"/><img loadg="lazy" src=" alt="Image: Mehmet Oz" height="1666" width="2500"/></picture><figptn class="ptn styl_ptn__Pe5JC"><span class="ptn__ntaer" data-ttid="ptn__ntaer">Dr. Mehmet Oz speaks at the 'Save Ameri' rally Greensburg, Pa, May 6, 2022.</span><span class="ptn__source">Tayfun Coskun / Anadolu Agency via Getty Imag</span></figptn></figure><p class="">In the wang days of Pennsylvania’s Senate primary, a super PAC backg Republin Mehmet Oz <a href=" target="_blank">swiped at</a> Dave McCormick, a venture palist, for nng a pany that “vered transgenr surgeri.” McCormick h back at the celebry TV doctor wh clips om his show of Oz ntrally discsg those who would “surgilly change the genr of their child.”</p><p class="">Those old Oz shows have now been removed om the ter. GLAAD <a href=">praised</a> Oz at the time. Oz now sounds more negative, notg at a recent town hall event that “we’re already seeg ligatn kids who have been treated wh different approach to transgenr health wh meditns as well as surgery.” </p><p class="">In all of the four ads Oz has n ncerng transgenr issu, all <a href=" target="_blank">foc </a>on<strong> </strong>transgenr athlet women’s sports. A Frankl & Marshall College <a href="unsafe:about:blank">Poll</a> released last month showed that 64 percent of Pennsylvania voters were opposed to trans women petg women’s sports; 29 percent approved. </p><p class="">Tony Fabriz, who polls for former Print Donald Tmp and other top Republins, said his survey work suggts voters oppose trans athlet women’s sports — even California last year when he surveyed for GOP gubernatorial ndidate Calyn Jenner, the former Olympic athlete and TV celebry who is transgenr but <a href=" target="_blank">opposed Thomas </a>petg agast women.</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><p class="">“This is an issue of fundamental fairns,” Fabriz said. “I don’t see that changg.”</p><p class="">In Utah, the GOP Legislature passed a bill barrg transgenr athlet high school and middle school girls’ sports and overro the veto of Republin Gov. Spencer Cox. Cox wrote a letter explag his veto that those born male have athletic advantag over girls, but he etted about monizg trans children, who have high suici rat, and noted only four of them play high school sports.</p><p class="">“That’s what all of this is about. Four kids who aren’t domatg or wng trophi or takg scholarships,” he wrote his <a href=">veto</a> msage. “Four kids who are jt tryg to fd some iends and feel like they are a part of somethg. Four kids tryg to get through each day. Rarely has so much fear and anger been directed at so few.” </p><p class="">In Alabama, the Republin primary for ernor has seen 11 ads vokg transgenr-related issu. A ndidate the state's GOP Senate primary ran one as well. That’s more than any other state, acrdg to AdImpact. </p><p class="">Gov. Kay Ivey has n two ads that mentn she signed a ban on transgenr athlet women and girls sports, wh <a href=" target="_blank">one mercial</a> emphasizg she ma “transgenr surgery on children Alabama” a felony, whout mentng those procr aren’t done the state. </p><p class="">The law’s ban on genr-affirmg meditns for kids was blocked Friday.</p><div class="ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer boxleAd dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxle" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[]],[[758,1],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[728,90],[360,360]]],[[0,0],[[300,250],[700,50],[5,5],[360,360]]]]" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-offset-viewport="100" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div><p class="">Dpe Ivey's rerd limg trans rights, her two Republin opponents, Ldy Blanchard and Tim Jam, have attacked her bee of the existence of the Magic Cy Acceptance Amy, a Birmgham charter school that bills self as an LGBTQ-affirmg learng environment. The school says about 10 percent of the stunts intify as transgenr.</p><p class="">After Jam featured the school one of his <a href=" target="_blank">attack ads</a><strong> — </strong>misleadgly scribg as “the first transgenr public school the South" — foundg prcipal Michael Wilson told lol media that he had to hire extra secury and that one man yelled slurs at stunts while another person a separate cint was vio-rerdg the school. </p><p class="">“I jt uld not believe that someone would e a school and misreprent ,” Wilson <a href=">told CBS42</a>, notg that most stunts who attend do not intify as LGBTQ.</p><p class="">But veteran polil operators like Webber Missouri acknowledge that ’s probably good short-term polics for Republins for now, pecially durg this midterm electn season when Democrats are bracg for wispread loss and Republins are on offense.</p><p class="endmark">“That’s the whole story of civil rights: Somethg that seems impossible 40 years ago now seems mastream,” he said. “But you may pay an electoral price gettg there.”</p></div><div class="article-body__ntent article-body-font--loadg"><div class="expand-byle-ntributors articleByleContaer"><div class="expand-byle article-expand-byle" data-activy-map="expand-byle-article-bottom"><span class="byle-thumbnail byle-thumbnail--no-image expand-byle__thumbnail"></span><span class="byle-name expand-byle__name"><a href=">Marc Caputo</a></span><span class="byle-social expand-byle__social"><a href="" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="byle-social--lk"><span class="in in-email"></span></a></span><div class="expand-byle__b-wrapper"><p class="byle-b expand-byle__b">Marc Caputo is a senr natnal polil reporter for NBC News.</p></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body--right-rail-ntaer"><div class="article-body__right-rail layout-grid-em grid-l-4_5-l grid-l-3_5-xl grid-l-ph-half-xl"><div class="ad article-body__right-rail--ad ad--text-alignment ad-ntaer dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="boxrail" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[[300,250],[360,360]]],[[758,1],[]],[[0,0],[]]]" data-offset="10" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="body-bottom-remend"><div class="ad ad--midrponsive ad-ntaer dn-prt" data-ttid="ad__ntaer"><div data-mps="te" data-slot="midrponsive" data-siz="[[[1000,1],[[700,1],[5,5]]],[[758,1],[]],[[0,0],[]]]" data-offset="300" data-reh-terval="0" data-renr-on-view="te" data-targetg="{}" data-active-tab="te" data-ttid="ad__ntaer__ner"></div></div></div></div></div></article></div></div><div id="hfs-footer" class="dn-prt" data-activy-map="hfs-footer"><footer class="hfsf" ><div class="ner"><div class="logo"><a href="><svg class="peack" viewBox="578 62 67 39" xmlns=" fill="currentColor"><g fill-le="evenodd"><path d="M579.074 90.58c1.717-4.494 6.472-6.08 10.697-3.37l18.29 12.754h-22.18c-4.62 0-8.252-4.23-6.8-9.385"></path><path class="feather" d="M579.074 90.58c1.717-4.494 6.472-6.08 10.697-3.37l18.29 12.754h-22.18c-4.62 0-8.252-4.23-6.8-9.385"></path><path class="feather" d="M597.563 75.863l9.442 21.613-19.478-13.35c-4.887-3.24-3.896-8.79-1.19-11.237 3.83-3.24 9.245-2.12 11.226 2.97"></path><path class="feather" d="M610.57 70.93l-3.433 24.19-9.772-23c-2.113-5.75 2.64-9.516 5.81-9.583 3.632-.396 8.188 2.38 7.396 8.394"></path><path class="feather" d="M625.494 72.103l-9.707 23.067-3.102-20.82c-.265-3.17 1.716-3.237 2.443-3.832-.133-.463-1.124-.463-1.124-.463h-1.848c-.198-5.42 4.028-7.8 7.462-7.535 3.697.132 7.856 4.428 5.876 9.583"></path><path class="feather" d="M635.338 84.167L615.86 97.584l9.177-21.348c2.775-6.742 9.245-5.42 11.556-2.842 2.51 2.51 3.235 7.6-1.255 10.773"></path><path class="feather" d="M637.448 99.9h-22.515l18.29-12.756c4.49-2.975 9.244-.266 10.498 3.635 1.327 4.36-1.65 9.12-6.27 9.12"></path></g></svg></a></div><nav class="lks"><ul class="lks__wrap" data-l-2="14" data-l-3=15><li><a href=" target="_self">About</a></li><li><a href=" target="_self">Contact</a></li><li><a href=">Help</a></li><li><a href=">Careers</a></li><li><a href=" target="_blank" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Ad Choic</a></li><li><a href=" target="_blank" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Privacy Policy</a></li><li><a href=" target="_blank" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Do Not Sell My Personal Informatn</a></li><li><a href=" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CA Notice</a></li><li><a href=">Terms of Service (Updated JULY 7, 2023)</a></li><li><a href=">NBC News Semap</a></li><li><a href=" target="_self">Closed Captng</a></li><li><a href=">Advertise</a></li><li><a href=" target="_self">Select Shoppg</a></li><li><a href=" target="_self">Select Personal Fance</a></li></ul></nav><div class="py"><p>© 2023 NBC UNIVERSAL</p><div class="brands"><a href="><svg viewBox="0 0 120 20" fill="none" xmlns=" aria-labelledby="nbc_news_logo"><tle class="nbc_news_logo">NBC News Logo

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class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i><b>Dear Amy: </b></i><i>My signifint other, “Danny,” believ the adage that there are “no secrets” between upl. I largely agree terms of our secrets. However, when to the nfinc of my iends and fay, I won’t share tal that are not my own.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="db dn-ns mr-neg-gutter ml-neg-gutter mb-md hi-for-prt" data-qa="subscribe-promo"><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div><a class="pt-sm pb-sm flex ems-center bold font-xxxs font-xxs-ns jtify-center" href=" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="lor:#166dfc;borr:none"><svg class="ntent-box" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" xmlns=" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>Wp</tle><path d="M11.055 8.728l-1.018-1.019-.782.782v6.292l1.782 1.564.018-.019v-7.6zm-4.11.236L5.674 7.71l-.836.855v6.237l1.545 1.327.564-.636V8.964zm2.656 9.074l-2.528-2.182-1.927 2.182-2.619-2.255v-3.564h-.509c-.454 0-.672.273-.745.636H1.09a2.89 2.89 0 0 1-.091-.69c0-.473.2-1.71 1.527-1.71V7.691c0-1.073-.709-1.127-.709-2.054 0-1.037.982-2 2.782-2.637l.164.145c-.6.291-1.09.655-1.09 1.437 0 1.2 1.163.89 1.163 2.782v.727l2.127-2.236 2.237 2.2 2.109-2.2 2.036 2v6.728l-3.745 3.455zm11.108-9.625l-1.073-.982-.964 1.018v6.6c.855.11 1.491.4 2.019.964l.018-.018V8.413zm-2.382.418l-.528.545v10.237l.528.492V8.83zm1.49 9.055c-.308-.382-.69-.709-1.145-.836v3.782l-.036.018-1-.927-2.11 1.945-.036-.018V16.96c-.636.145-1.327.545-1.854 1.2l-.146-.091c.127-1.4.818-2.436 2-2.837v-3.545h-.382c-.527 0-.89.363-.963.763h-.219c-.054-.145-.127-.381-.127-.836 0-.891.6-1.564 1.582-1.564h.11V8.085l-.655-.582-.51.51-.254-.237 2.018-2.073 1.71 1.564V9.05l.527-.564v-2.09h.345v1.727l2.273-2.419L23 7.576v7.91l-3.182 2.4z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg><span class="mr-xs ml-xs gray-darkt flex ems-center">Get the full experience.<span class="ml-xs subs-theme blue">Choose your plan</span></span><svg class="ntent-box" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 16 16" xmlns=" style="fill:#166dfc" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>ArrowRight</tle><path d="M7.664 1.25l6 6a1 1 0 010 1.414l-6 6L6.25 13.25 10.499 9H2V7h8.585L6.25 2.664 7.664 1.25z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></a><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>Danny and I met through our mutual iend “Jack.” Jack and I are close (he is gay), and he often tells me thgs nfince that he do not also share wh Danny. Danny has said this mak him unfortable.</i></p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>Recently, Jack nfid a secret that he ma clear he has not shared wh anybody — except those his clost circle. That secret is very likely to e out soon and will have ripple effects our iend group. Sce this was revealed to me, I have stggled wh whether I should share this secret wh Danny, even though I still believe that is not me to share.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>My qutn is: What do I “owe” to my partner to meet his stated need to be totally open and hont our relatnship? What are my other iends and loved on entled to terms of my discretn?</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>I am aware my emotnal closens wh Jack has ma Danny feel a ltle “ls than” the past. As such, I never share anythg important wh Jack that I have not already discsed wh Danny.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>I am nfint that Danny is fe wh this iendship, but he do not like my holdg of Jack’s secrets. Is honty the bt policy?</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><b>— Wonrg</b></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><b>Wonrg:</b> Friends should unrstand that, when disclosg somethg to you, you won’t gossip to others, but you might share somethg wh your partner based on your own judgment. Your iend “Jack” seems to have a lot of secrets. Is possible that you and he are nfg the ncept of a “secret” wh that of simple discretn?</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Jack recently nfid you that he has also shared this (alleged) secret wh his “clost circle.” Do “Danny” qualify? Did Jack exprsly ask you not to tell Danny? And if so, why? If Jack often swears you to secrecy regardg events his own life, you should exame why this is so.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I agree wh Danny that when you’re a life partnership, overall you should not keep thgs om one another, but this is a judgment ll, and you should tst one another to make this ll. (You won’t disclose your sister’s diagnosis to him whout her permissn; he won’t disclose his iend’s maral problems to you whout permissn.) Friends should assume that you might discs thgs wh your partner, unls they ask you not to.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">My read on this is that Jack’s sire to ntrol rmatn might be his way of ntrollg your iendship.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i><b>Dear Amy:</b></i><i> I’m an avid garner. My fellow garners and I often give — and tra — plants to enjoy. It’s a lot of fun and enhanc all of our garns. A iend of me recently told me, que offhandly, that while I was away on vatn, she brought a spa to my hoe and helped herself to a uple of backyard plants that we had discsed prevly and that I knew she loved.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>Hontly, I would probably have happily given the plants to her, but I uld not believe that she did this whout my permissn. I genuely believe she felt the plants were on our “ee to take” list, but I don’t like the way she did this, and I’m wonrg how to rpond.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><b>— Loose Roots</b></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><b>Loose: </b>The plants your garn are your property, much the same as your livg room sofa. However, unlike your sofa, they are your yard and vulnerable to a plant snatcher. It would have been exceedgly easy for your iend to text or ll you to ask whether she uld e by and dig up the plants. She chose to steal them stead.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">You should tell her: “I don’t like the way you handled this. This is a boundary issue for me, and I’m disappoted that you didn’t wa until I was home.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="wpds-c-VkPmP hi-for-prt"><div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i><b>Dear Amy:</b></i><i> “</i><a href=" target="_blank"><i>Stuck the Middle</i></a><i>” wrote sayg their parents nstantly advise their adult son to get a gree and a “better” job, even though he has a great suatn now. Next time this up, he should ask them pot-blank, “What’s wrong wh my job now?”</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>They may not realize how elist or judgmental they sound.</i></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><b>— A Rear</b></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><b>Rear: </b>The grandparents were unrelentg; phg back might have helped.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i>© 2023 by Amy Dickson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.</i></p></div><div class="wpds-c-ipATMk wpds-c-ipATMk-hCiGAB-removeMobileStyl-te"><div class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css"><div class="wpds-c-jjHkyS wpds-c-jjHkyS-icEohIP-css hi-for-prt"><div data-qa="ntent" class="wpds-c-dgPYWO wpds-c-dgPYWO-iPJLV-css"><h3 data-qa="lkbox-headle" class="wpds-c-jtAZFm">More om Advice</h3><p class="wpds-c-eynqHn"><a href=" target=_blank>Ask Elae: What should I do after a life-changg herance?</a></p><p class="wpds-c-eynqHn"><a href=" target=_blank>Ask Sahaj: I feel guilty movg away om my immigrant parents</a></p><p class="wpds-c-eynqHn"><a href=" target=_blank>Carolyn Hax: After a breakup, regrets that his parents were able to sway him</a></p><p class="wpds-c-eynqHn"><a href=" target=_blank>Miss Manners: Mom ‘pre-returns’ son’s birthday prents</a></p><p class="wpds-c-eynqHn"><a href=" target="_blank">Ask Amy: Ghostg ‘evil’ nt is not bullyg</a></p></div><div class="wpds-c-eZxssT"></div></div></div><div class="PJLV flex mt-md tt"><div class="mb-lg-mod" data-qa="ments-btn-div"><button aria-label="Scroll to the ments sectn" data-qa="ments-btn" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-eHdizY-nsy-flt wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left ments hi-for-prt"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-fBqPWp "><path d="M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z"></path></svg><span class="ral-unt unfed" data-ral-notext="te"></span> Comments</button></div><div class="wpds-c-dXjReQ"><button id="gift-share-shortcut" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left hi-for-prt ml-sm"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf "><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg><span class="wpds-c-iSKIAI">Gift this article</span>Gift Article</button></div></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css"></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css"><div></div></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css hi-for-prt"><div></div></div><sectn class="PJLV PJLV-iipsdti-css dn-ns hi-for-prt" data-ttid="mostRead" subscriptns-sectn="ntent"><div data-ttid="lazy-most-read-parent" class=""><div style="m-height:800px"></div></div></sectn><div class="PJLV PJLV-ickXkbz-css"><div data-qa="newsletter" class="hi-for-prt relative"><div class="dib w-100"><div><div class="flex jtify-center align self-center center transn-all duratn-400 ease--out" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup" aria-label=""><svg aria-labelledby="react-aria-1-aria" role="img" viewBox="0 0 100 80"><tle id="react-aria-1-aria">Loadg... .