5 Celebri moured to be gay who are actually straight – SheKnows

Contents:

• 5 CELEBRI MOURED TO BE GAY WHO ARE ACTUALLY STRAIGHT
• EDDIE MURPHY'S OUTDATED JOKE ON GAY MUNY MAK HIM 'CRGE' NOW
• EDDIE MURPHY LLS HIS OLD STAND-UP JOK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE 'CRGEY': 'OH MY GOD, I N'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT'
• DELIR (TRANSCRIPT)EDDIE MURPHYON COMEDIAN PRODUCED BYEDDIE MURPHYOK – BEFORE YOU WATCH THIS, THIS ROUTE HAS DATED HORRIBLY. BY MORN STANDARDS IS ( PARTS) RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC AND WOULD NEVER BE AIRED TODAY. HOWEVER, THE RT OF… READ MORE AUG. 30, 19831 VIEWER39.6K VIEWS12 CONTRIBUTORSDELIR (TRANSCRIPT) LYRICSLADI AND GENTLEMEN !EDDIE MURPHY!THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.TOO KD, FAR TOO KD.BEFORE I EVEN GET STARTED HOW ABOUTA BIG ROUND OF APPLSE FOR THE B BOYS.THERE'S SOME L, I GOT SOME L WHEN I SHOWDOWN AND I DO MY STANDUP, I GOT L AND SH.FAGGOTS AREN'T ALLOWED TO LOOKAT MY ASS WHILE I'M ON STAGE !THAT'S WHY I KEEP MOVG WHILE I'M UP HERE.YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FAGGOT SECTN IS, YOU GOTTA KEEP MOVG.SO IF THEY DO SEE , QUICK, YOU SWCH, THEY DON'T GET NO LONG STAR AT YOUR THAT THEIR IMAGATN IS FLOWG ABOUT MY...I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE LOOKG, 'S MY ASS STARTS TO GET HOT.I'M AAID OF GAY PEOPLE. PETRIFIED.I HAVE NIGHTMAR ABOUT GAY PEOPLE.I HAVE THIS NIGHTMARE THAT I GO TO HOLLYWOOD AND FD OUT THAT MR. T IS A FAGGOT.REALLY, AND HE'D BE WALKG UP TO PEOPLE GOG:"HEY, BOY ! HEY, BOY !""YOU LOOK MIGHTY CUTE THEM JEANS !""NOW E ON OVER HERE, AND FUCK ME UP THE ASS !""I'M GONNA BEND OVER NOW!""HEY, BOY, SLOW DOWN ! YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE ROUND, AND E TOO FAST !""YOU MAKE ME GET GET MAD I CLENCH UP MY BUTTCHEEKS AND RIP YOUR DICK OFF!"YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE A FUNNY FAGGOT?RALPH KRAMN AND ED NORTON!RALPH KRAMN LEANG OUT THE WDOW AND:"NORTON! COME ON DOWN, I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETH'!""RALPHIE-BOY, WHADDAYA SAY THERE PAL OF ME ?""YOU KNOW NORTON, I'VE BEEN WATCHG YOU.AND I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WATCHG ME. YOU WATCH ME! I KNOW!""SO, RALPH, WHAT ARE YOU GETT' AT?""NORTON, MY IEND! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS?""I KNOW YOU WANNA FUCK ME, NORTON!""AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU WANNA FUCK ME!""NOW I'M GONNA BEND OVER, AND WHEN I DO, START FUCK'!""HERE I GO!""[GROANS] HAMANA HAMANA HAMANA""WAY TO GO THERE, RALPHIE-BOY!"I KID THE HOMOSEXUALS A LOT, BEE THEY'RE HOMOSEXUALS.I FUCK WH EVERYBODY. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY'RE...JT LIKE I'M... I DON'T MEAN ANYTHG BY .YOU N HANG OUT WH A GAY PERSON.THEM GUYS DON'T FEEL, YOU KNOW, ALIENATED, LIKE, GAY PEOPLE, BEE THEY'RE GAY.YOU N PLAY TENNIS WH A GAY PERSON.REALLY! JT AFTER THE GAME YOU SAY:"I'M GONNA GET A BEER, WHAT'S YOU GONNA DO?""I THK I'M GONNA SUCK SOME GUY'S DICK.""WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER!""YOU GO SUCK THAT DICK, I'M GONNA HAVE THE BEER."LADI ARE HIP TO TOO.LADI BE HANGG OUT WH GAY PEOPLE.LADI BE SAYG:"GAY MEN ARE THE BT IENDS TO HAVE!""BEE THEY DON'T WANT ANYTHG OM YOU, YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHG OM THEM, YOU JT HANG OUT, YOU N BE WH THEM AND GET FUN AND JT TALK TO THEM" AND ALL THAT BULLSH, AND THEY BE HANGG OUT WH THEM.YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY SRY ABOUT ? THAT NEW AIDS SH.AIDS IS SRY BEE KILLS MOTHERFUCKERS, AIDS!THAT A'T LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN VENEREAL DISEASE WAS SIMPLE. IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS, YOU GOT GONORRHEA, YOU DICK HURT, GO GET A SHOT, CLEARED RIGHT UP.THEN THEY ME OUT WH HERP, YOU KEEP THAT SH FOREVER LIKE LUGGAGE.AND NOW THEY GOT AIDS THAT JT KILLS MOTHERFUCKERS. I SAY WHAT'S NEXT, I GUS YOU JT PUT YOUR DICK AND EXPLOS!AND THE GIRL WOULD BE ON THE BED:"MAYBE I SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT ..."KILLS PEOPLE! IT PETRIFI ME BEE GIRLS BE HANGG OUT WH THEM. ONE NIGHT THEY ULD BE THE CLUB HAVG FUN WH THEIR GAY IEND, GIVE THEM A LTLE KISS. AND GO HOME WH AIDS ON THEIR LIPS!AND THEN WHEN HER HBAND, LIKE FIVE YEARS LATER, SOMEBODY SAYS;"MR. JOHNSON YOU HAVE AIDS..""AIDS?! BUT I'M NOT HOMOSEXUAL!""SURE YOU'RE NOT HOMOSEXUAL..."ALL THE DISEAS SRE ME BEE I'M LIKE ARE FUCK YEARS FOR ME, LIKE I'M...I'M MY SEXUAL PRIME, THIS, I FUCK NOW!THE ARE THE YEARS TO FUCK! THIS IS WHEN YOU DO YOUR BT FUCKG. AND YOU JT START TO LEARN YOUR BODY AND GETTG ON YOUR SHOULRS ON TO FUCK...LIKE 18 YEAR OLDS, LET ME HEAR YOU ALL THE DIENCE!SEE Y'ALL DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCK YET, SEE. YOU DON'T.YOU GET 22 YOU START MOVG ALL THIS SH.MAKG FAC, EVER MA THEM FUCK FAC. ’S A OL MOTHERFUCKG THG.YOU DON'T DO THAT WHEN YOU'RE 18. THERE'S JT ONE EXPRSN 'S YOU BE SURPRISED YOU FUCKG HER. PL YOU DON'T HAVE NO DICK NTROL WHEN YOU'RE 18!EVER BEEN STG AROUND WHEN YOU WAS YOUNG MAN, JT STG CLASS, YOUR DICK GETS HARD FOR NOTHG?YOU BE JT STG THERE AND YOUR DICK'S HERE:"HEY WHAT'S GOG ON OUT THERE?"THAT'S WHEN THE TEACHER SAY:"MR MURPHY, WOULD YOU E OVER BY THE BOARD?""NO, THAT'S ALRIGHT. I'LL TAKE THE ZERO."REALLY, NO DICK NTROL AT ALL. IT'S EVEN HARD TO FD THE PSY WHEN YOU'RE 18. EVER HAD THAT GUYS? YOU'D BE SEARCHG FOR THE PSY DOWN THERE. AND YOUR DICK BE SLIDG DOWN AND SH, AND THE GIRL BE GOG:"THAT'S NOT ...""IS THERE ANY PROBLEM?""NO, A'T NO PROBLEM, BABY.""YOU GOT A SHOE HORN OR SOME SH LIKE THAT?"AND THIS IS THE BS TO BE IF YOU WANT SOME PSY. THAT'S WHY I GOT SHOW BS, FOR PSY. I FIGURED, IF JIMMY WALKER N FUCK, I'M FUCKG EVERYBODY. FUCK THIS, AND 'S LIKE THAT TOO.WHEN YOU DO TV-SHOWS, WOMEN WOULD BE THROWG PSY AT ME ON THE STREET LIKE FRISBEE."ED!""THANK YOU! APPRECIATE THAT!"TOO MUCH PSY, PSY WOULD BE FALLG OUTTA MY POCKET. WALKG OUT THE STREET:"OH, WATCH YOUR STEP, THAT'S ME."BEG A IC THOUGH A'T LIKE BEG NO SGER. THE SGERS GET ALL THE PSY. LIKE THE B BOYS: THEY FUCK EVERYBODY.B BOYS WILL FUCK ANYTHG THAT MOV.COME TO MY HOE THE FISH STOP SWIMMG. THEY DON'T PLAY. SGERS GETS PSY. BEE YOU DON'T HAVE TO, EVEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK GOOD, YOU N SG AND GET PSY. JT BE TERTG.BEE THIS SEX SYMBOL IS GETTG PSY AND IS UGLY MOTHERFUCKER. BEE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SG, S SOMETHG ABOUT SGG THAT IS THE BS, YOU SG, WOMEN GO CRAZY.BEE, MICK JAGGER IS AN UGLY MOTHERFUCKER! WH BIG ASS LIPS!MICK JAGGER'S LIPS ARE SO BIG, BLACK PEOPLE BE GOG:"YOU GOT SOME BIG ASS LIPS!""THE SOME BIG MOTHERFUCKG LIPS!"BUT HE'S SGG! AND YOU SG YOU'LL GET OVER.LUTHER VANDROSS IS A BIG KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN EATG MOTHERFUCKER.BUT HE PUT THAT SH UP LIKE....[MIMICS LUTHER VANDROSS SIGNATURE STTG]AND WOMEN GO "AHHHH!"SG! THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS SG.MICHAEL JACKSON, WHO N SG, AND IS A GOOD LOOKG GUY. BUT A'T THE MOST MASCULE FELLOW THE WORLD. THAT'S MICHAEL'S HOOK, HIS SENSIVY!THAT'S WHEN WOMEN BE SAY:"MICHAEL'S JT SO SENSIVE..."AND THEY EAT THAT SH UP. MIKE KNOWS.HE BE G WOMEN. I'VE SEEN MIKE WALK UP TO A GIRL AND THEY'D BE THE DIENCE AND SAY:"IS ALLRIGHT IF I E DOWN THERE TO SG TO YOU..."AND WOMEN GO: "WHAAAAA!"THEN, IF YOU DON'T SCREAM, MICHAEL GETS REALLY SENSIVE AND CRY ON YOUR ASS. EVER HEAR THAT RERD "SHE'S OUT OF MY LIFE"?"SO, I'VE LEARNED THAT LOVE'S NOT POSSSNAND I'VE LEARNED THAT LOVE WON'T WANOW, I'VE LEARNED THAT LOVE NEEDS EXPRSNBUT, I'VE LEARNED TOO LATE"[CRI]"TO, GIVE ME SOME TISSUE.""JERMAE, STOP TEASG."I'M JT SAYG...I LIKE DUS WH MASCULE VOIC, LIKE TEDDY PENRGRASS. TEDDY JT OUT, TAK THE LYRICS AND:"YOU GOT, YOU GOT, YOU GOT WHAT I NEED!"AND SRE THE BCH THAT ARE LIKG HIM.THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S CRAZY, THROW YOUR PANTI ON THE STAGE. THAT'S WHATS HAPPENG. I LIKE ELVIS PRLEY!REALLY I GIVE CRED WHERE CRED IS DUE. WHEN ELVIS WAS YOUNG, HE WAS A BAD MOTHERFUCKER. HE WAS VIC. SG HIS ASS OFF. HE SANG SO GOOD, THEY LET HIM DO MOVI, HE ULDN'T ACT.THEY SAID:"FUCK ! LET HIM SG ALL HIS DIALOGU!""ELVIS, WE GOT TO W THIS RACE!""WE GOT TO W THIS RACE....""ELVIS, WANT SOME LEMONA?""LEMONA, THAT OL, REHG DRK...."LET HIM SG 'TILL HE WAS OLR TOO, ELVIS WAS 42 YEARS OLD. REMEMBER RIGHT BEFORE HE CHOKED. HE WOULD E OUT, HIS STOMACH WAS ALL FAT AND HIS BUTT BE STICKG OUT AND SH...LOOKG LIKE HE HAD TO SH, OUT WALKG ON THE STAGE LIKE THIS..."I'VE LIVED A LIFE THAT'S FULLI'VE TRAVELED EACH AND EVERY HIGHWAYAND MORE, MUCH MORE THAN THIS"[FARTS]"EXCE ME."SG! THAT'S THE KEY TO . YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TALK. JT SG AND GET FAMO. JAM BROWN'S BEEN SGG FOR 20 YEARS.I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK JAM IS TALKG ABOUT! I DON'T UNRSTAND SH JAM SAYS!I MET HIM ONCE AT SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID "JAM, I LUV YOUR STUFF". AND JAM SAID [MIMICS JAM BROWN TALK]. AND WHATEVER JAM IS SAYG IS SOME REALLY HEAVY SH TO JAM. BEE 'S REALLY MEANGFUL SH TO JAM..BEE AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCEHE ENDS OFF WH: [MIMICS JAM BROWN "HUH" GNT]HE MEANT THAT SH THAT HE JT SAID BOY! EVERYTHG JT "HUH!"AND YOU GETTG MAD YOU START PUTTG THE NEEDLE BACK "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JT MISS?"THAT'S A JAM BROWN LYRIC. HE WROTE THAT SH!HE'S WRG A SONG AND:"I NEED A WORD HERE: HEAAY!""THAT'S GOOD, I LIKE THAT!"[SGS 'SUPERBAD (PARTS 1 & 2) BY JAM BROWN'][MIMICS JAM BROWN RPONDG TO BAND MEMBERS AS SHOWN 'TALK' LOUD AND SAY' NOTHG']BAND BE GOG:"WHAT THE FUCK IS JAM TALKG ABOUT?""I DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE GETTG PAID, KEEP SGG"AND PEOPLE TAKE SGERS. THERE'S SOMETHG ABOUT SGERS THAT PEOPLE JT LOVE AND SH. BEE I... I DID STEVIE WONR ON A SHOW ONCE.AND BLACK PEOPLE LOST THEIR MOTHERFUCKG MDS! I HAVE BROTHER’S ROLLG UP ON ME GOG:"HEY! YOU THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT'D BEEN DOG STEVIE WONR?""THAT SH A'T FUNNY, MOTHERFUCKER!""DON'T YOU NEVER LET ME SEE YOU DO THAT SH AGA! I'LL FUCK YOU UP!""STEVIE WONR IS A MIL GENI!""THAT'S TERRIBLE! THAT'S TERRIBLE, MAN! YOUR MOTHER BROUGHT YOU UP WRONG, THAT'S WHAT IS.""YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU UP WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!"I GOT MAD, I WAS HANGG OUT WH STEVIE TWO MONTHS AGO, I SAID:"LOOK, STEVE, I GET TWO MONTHS FLACK OVER THIS IMPRSN.""I DON'T LIKE DO', I A'T DOG THIS SH NO MORE."STEVIE SAYS: "WELL I FEEL THAT...""SHUT THE FUCK UP !"BEE YOU GOTTA CUT STEVE OFF QUICK, BEE IF HE STARTS ROLLG HE TALKS YOUR EARS OFF. YOU EVER SEEN STEVE W A GRAMMY AND E UP TO GIVE ONE OF THOSE LONG ASS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH?"AND THE WNER IS STEVIE WONR!"".. I LIKE TO SAY ALL THE PEOPLE THE WORLD TODAY...""..;S CHILDREN AND...""JT TAKE THE MOTHERFUCKG AWARD AND GET THE FUCK OUT!"'S IF YOU DON'T SAY THAT THE CREDS WILL BE ROLLG AND STEVIE GOG:"AND I'D LIKE TO THANK..."I'VE BEEN THE R AND SAID:"JT SHUT THE FUCK UP, STEVE!""I'M TELLG YOU, GENI AND ALL THAT SH, BUT YOU'RE MY BOY, MAN, WE HANG AND, I MEAN, LIKE, 'S NICE AND SH BUT I DON'T APPRECIATE ALL THE FLACK. AND PERSONALLY, THE PIANO AND THE SGG, I TOLD YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT SGG...I A'T IMPRSED. YOU WANNA IMPRS ME? TAKE THE WHEEL FOR A LTLE WHILE, MOTHERFUCKER!""I HEARD THAT SH, MAN!""THAT SH WASN'T FUNNY!""THEN I SUPPOSE YOUR LTLE SKETCH STEVIE CRASHED A TREE, RIGHT?""HA-HA, VERY FUNNY, MOTHERFUCKER!""YOUR MOTHER GOT A WOON LEG WH A KICK STAND, MOTHERFUCKER!""YOUR MOTHER GOT A MOUTH THE BACK OF HER NECK AND THE BCH CHEWS LIKE THIS!""MOTHERFUCKER STEVIE WONR JOK AND SH!"IT'S HOT AS FUCK HERE![SOMEBODY THE DIENCE YELLS "TAKE OFF!"]NO, I N'T TAKE OFF. MAYBE LADI WOULD N UP THE PLACE HOLDG THEIR PSI GOG: "AAAAH!"WHAT'S GOG ON OVER THERE?LADI N DOWN THE STREET AND SH... N'T DO THAT.DO WE HAVE THE ICECREAM MAN AROUND HERE?REMEMBER WHEN THE ICE CREAM MAN ED TO E TO TOWN WHEN YOU WAS LTLE? AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU WAS DOG YOU WOULD STOP AND LOSE YOUR FUCKG MD! THERE'S SOMETHG ABOUT THE ICE-CREAM TCK THAT MAK KIDS LOSE .AND THEY N HEAR THAT SH OM TEN BLOCKS AWAY. THEY DON'T HEAR THEIR MOTHERS LLG BUT THEY HEAR THAT MOTHERFUCKG ICE CREAM TCK. AND NO MATTER WHAT WAS WAS GOG ON, THE ICEMAN ME, STOPPED. YOU BE GETTG SOME MARBL AND SH:"ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS G! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS G!""MOM! MOM!""THROW DOWN SOME MONEY!""THE ICE CREAM MAN IS G!"THEN YOUR MOTHER E TO THE WDOW AND BE THROWG CHANGE AND SAY:"GET YOUR FATHER TOASTED ALMOND BOY, GET YOUR BROTHER ICY, GET YOURSELF VANILLA NE AND BRG BACK MY CHANGE."CATCH ALL THAT SH AND N DOWN THE STREET, TOP SPEED. CHASG THE ICECREAM TCK AND:"ICECREAM!"ICE CREAM MAN ALWAYS DROVE EXTRA BLOCKS AWAY THOUGH. AND I KNOW HE'S SEEN AND SH, BUT I THK HE JT BE THE R WH HIS IENDS AND SAY:"WATCH ME HOW FAST I MAKE THE MOTHERFUCKERS N"YOU'D BE BEHD HIM DOG 50MPH AND GOG:"ICECREAM!"YOU STOP, YOU BE OUT OF WD SAYG:"ICECREAM MAN, N I HAVE THIS, I WANT THIS OVER THERE, TOASTED ALMOND FOR MY FATHER, AND GIVE ME THIS ICE CREAM OVER HERE AND VANILLA NE. THANK YOU, ICECREAM MAN! THANK YOU!"I'D GET MY ICE CREAM AND I DIDN'T EAT JT SG FOR A LTLE WHILE. YOU KNOW HOW KIDS ARE."I HAVE SOME ICE CREAM, I HAVE SOME ICE CREAM, AND I'M GONNA EAT ALL, I'M GONNA EAT ALL..."THE ICE CREAM BE NNG DOWN YOUR ARM AND SH"YOU DON'T HAVE NO ICECREAM!YOU DIDN'T GET NONE! YOU DIDN'T GET NONE!"'S YOU ARE ON THE WELFARE, YOU N'T AFFORD ."OTHER KIDS WOULD JO :"YOU N'T AFFORD , AND HIS FATHER IS AN ALHOLIC!""YOU DROPPED YOUR ICE CREAM, YOU DROPPED YOUR ICE CREAM..."EAT . I ULD DROP MY ICECREAM A PILE OF SH AND EAT . I WOULD BE LIKE "IT'S JT SPRKL"UNLS YOUR MOTHER TCH YOU DOG THAT NASTY SH, THOUGH. MY MOTHER UGHT ME DOG THAT, SHE MA ME PUT DOWN 1 SENTENCE:AND YOU DROPPED THAT SH, QUICK.ANYBODY GOT THEM MOTHERS THAT WOULD H YOU WH A SHOE? I HAD A MOTHER THAT WAS SO ASHOED SHE WOULD DO AT THE DROP OF A DIME. AND FUCK YOU UP, WHEREVER SHE WAS AIMG. AND BAD WH THE SHOE, RRY THAT SH LIKE A GUN, BY THE TIME I WAS LIE 10, MY MOTHER WAS LIKE CLT EASTWOOD WH THE SHOE.AND YOU FUCK UP, MY MOM WAS WALKG THE ROOM JT LIKE:[WHISTLE'S THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY THEME SONG]"WHY DID YOU EAT YOUR ICE CREAM OFF THE FLOOR?""I DIDN'T, I JT..."BAD! ACCURATE!YOU'D BE A SUPERMARKET AND SH AND BE GRABBG CEREALS OFF THE UNTER GOG:"MOM, N WE GET THIS?""I GUS NOT!"AND ULD BE DOG THREE DIFFERENT THGS, BE ON THE PHONE WH MY GRANDMOTHER, BE OKG WH THIS HAND HAVE THE PHONE LIKE THIS AND BE SAYG;"YEAH, MAMA, HOLD ON A SEND."FUCK YOU UP AND GOD FORBID, MY MOTHER BE DRSED UP AND HAD THEM HIGH HEELS ON. THEM PUMPS, 'S THEN SHE GETS BOOMERANG ACTN GOG ON YOUR ASS! AND FUCK YOU UP YOUR ROOM, YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED.THEY N HEAR YOU WHEN YOU'RE GETTG READY TO WALK OUT THE DOOR. AND HEAR YOU ON THE BUNK BEDS FUCKG AROUND. THEY GOT THAT MOTHER HEARG."WA A MUTE, BABY.""LET'S GO."SHE WAS THE ONE WHO DID ALL THE DISCIPLG AROUND THE HOE AND SH. VERY, VERY STRICT HOE I ME OM.AND I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST WENT TO MY FIRST NTACT WH A WHE FAY EAKED ME OUT AND SH.I WENT TO FRH AIR FUND, EVER WENT TO THAT? WHERE THEY TAKE A KID OM THE CY AND TAKE HIM TO THE UNTRY AND FUCK THEIR MDS UP?AND I WENT THERE, I FOUND SOME WHE KIDS N CURSE AROUND THE HOE! THAT FUCKED ME UP! WHEN I WAS LTLE I ULDN'T BELIEVE THAT SH.BEE I ULDN'T EVEN SAY "DAGG" AROUND MY HOE, MY FATHER SAID "SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE DAMN." I GOT TROUBLE FOR SAYG SH THE WRONG WAY. I WAS THE HOE WH TOM KILA.HIS MOTHER SAID "TOM YOU'RE A LTLE LATE!” HE SAID: "COME ON MOM I'M MOVG AS FAST AS I N SH."AND I WAS STANDG LIKE THIS:AND IF I TRIED TO PULL SOME SH LIKE THAT MY HOE? "ED, YOU'RE A LTLE LATE!""OH, E ON, POP, SH, WHAT IS THIS! COME ON, DAMN!"MY POP JT GO: [FIR GUN] "THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S CRAZY!"POPS DIDN'T PLAY MAN, HE DIDN'T PLAY WHEN ME TO KIDS, HE A'T FUCKG WH MY MOTHER THOUGH. MY MOTHER WOULD FUCK HIM UP. MY MOMS ONE OF THOSE SISTAS YOU DON'T H. YOU N'T H SISTAS PERD. REMEMBER THE OLD DAYS WHEN YOU ULD BEAT UP A WOMAN? REMEMBER THAT SH BACK THE 20'S, THE GUYS JT SMACKED THEIR WIV THE MOVI... AND THEY JT GO... YOU N'T DO SH LIKE THAT NO MORE. WOMEN BE TAK' AEROBICS, AND THEY'LL FUCK YOU UP NOW! IT'S SRY TOO, MAN! ESPECIALLY A BLACK WOMAN. YOU H A BLACK WOMAN SHE LOSE HER MD! SERLY. THEY GO CRAZY, YOU N HAVE A REALLY TIMID SISTER FOR A GIRL, AND SMACK BE LIKE:"I'M A KILL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! YOU DON'T H ME LIKE THAT! YOU DON'T H ME SH! YOU DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY FACE! MY FATHER DON'T PUT HIS HANDS ON MY FACE!”"BABY, PLEASE, STOP! BABY, PLEASE... STOP! BABY, HOLD ON, STOP, PLEASE!""CALM DOWN, BABY, LM DOWN!""YOU DON'T H ME, MOTHERFUCKER! SO GET THE FUCK OUT!"THROW YOU OUT YOUR OWN HOE, YOU BE SO SRED YOU GET THE FUCK OUT TOO. THAT'S SOME SH. YOU KNOW YOU'RE SRED WHEN A WOMAN SAYS GET THE FUCK OUT YOUR OWN HOE AND YOU LEAVE. I HAD A GIRLIEND ONCE, I SMACKED HER AND GOT ALL OL AND SH. AND THEN SHE GOT OL AND SRED ME MORE AND I JT LEFT."I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT SH, BABY! BUT YOU BROUGHT THAT SH ON YOURSELF. DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO DO AGA."SHE SAID: "NO, NO I DID BRG ON MYSELF. WHY DON'T YOU JT GO TO SLEEP?"GOT THE FUCK OUT. PEOPLE ARE CHANGG. MEN ARE CHANGG TOO, THIS SH THE GUYS DO NOW YOU ULDN'T DO WHAT THEY DID 30 YEARS AGO. IN THE OLD DAYS, YOU HAD AN ARGUMENT WH YOUR GIRL THE R, SHE SAY: "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" MEN WOULD SAY: "NO, NO, WE N'T HAVE ANY OF THAT." AND NOWADAYS A WOMAN SAY THAT SH, DU: "GET THE FUCK OUT!"SOMEBODY BROKE WD HERE!I'VE BEEN TRYG LIKE NOT SAY NOTHG BUT SOMEONE FARTED THIS MOTHERFUCKER. THAT'S SOME LONG-DISTANCE FART TOO, BOY. I KNOW YOU GET DOWN WH YOUR IENDS HAVE A GOOD TIME. ESPECIALLY KNOW THEY PLAY THAT GAME, THEY PLAY THE FART GAME YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW YOU FART AROUND YOUR FELLAS AND S FUNNY.DUS BE DOG THAT THEY BE GETT ELEVATORS FARTG AND LGHG AND SH. IT'S NASTY ! YOU PLAY THE FART GAME. I THK EP DOWN SI PEOPLE WANNA SMELL OTHER PEOPLE'S FARTS. 'COS YOU SMELL THEM.AND PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL YOU THEY FARTED. THEY SAY: "I FARTED." YOU DON'T LEAVE, YOU PSE A SEND."YEAH, YOU DID!"'S THE BACK OF YOUR MD YOU WANNA GRA THE FART. 'S IF SMELLS BAD ENOUGH, TWO YEARS LATER YOU BE GOG:"REMEMBER THAT FART YOU MA, TWO YEARS AGO ?"THE FART GAME YOU PLAY. STARTS OFF AROUND THE HOE WHEN YOU'RE LTLE. YOUR FATHER TRODUC YOU TO . YOU'D BE STG THE HOE ON A SATURDAY MORNG, WATCHG RTOONS AND YOUR FATHER MAKE A FART AND:"THAT WASN'T ME, THAT WAS YOUR MOTHER.""OH, BABY, BABY ! I WANT A DIVORCE, UH! YOU'RE ROTTEN, BABY, SH!"AND YOU JO , GRAB YOUR LTLE BROTHER, S ON HIS HEAD AND FART. YOU EVER DO THAT? THAT'S A FUN GAME, YOU LTLE BROTHER EAK OUT AND GO: "WAAAH"AND YOUR FATHER GO: "IT'S THE FART GAME, YOU'LL PLAY ONE DAY SON."THE FART GAME, YOU GET YOUR BT IEND ON THAT SH TOO. YOU N WALK UP TO YOUR BT IEND WHILE HE'S WATCHG A FOOTBALL GAME AND FART HIS FACE. HE WON'T EVEN GET MAD.HE JT GO: "OK, YOU GOT ME.""THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, TOO ! MY MOUTH WAS OPEN. MY MOUTH WAS OPEN ON THAT!"I GOT A SR, OVER MY EYE TILL THIS DAY OM PLAYG THE FART GAME THE BATHTUB. ME AND MY BIG BROTHER ED TO PLAY . WE WERE POOR, WE DIDN'T HAVE MR. BUBBLE, WE PLAYED THE FART GAME."I THK 'S SMELLY !""I'M G.I JOE, I'M SWIMMG ON THE WATER..."AND MY BIG BROTHER WAS STG THE OTHER END OF THE TUB, AND MA SH THE TUB. HE WANTED TO ADD SOME EXCEMENT TO THE GAME.HE SAID: "AND THEN A BIG BROWN SHARK ME."I JUMPED UP AND SAID: "AAAAAH." CUT MY EYE ON THE SOAP DISH, BLOOD GHG OUT AND SH. SCREAMG, MY MOTHER RAN THE BATHROOM. SEEG MY BIG BROTHER ST THE BATHROOM WH A PIECE OF SH HIS HAND. I WAS LAY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WATER WH BLOOD GHG OUTTA MY G.I. JOE UP MY ASS...MY MOTHER: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOG ON OVER HERE?"CAN I HOLD SOMEBODY'S MERA. ANYBODY BRG A MERA?DO S FLASH GO IMMEDIATELY? LIKE I DON'T HAVE TO BE WAG LIKE MY NT AND SH: "WA A SEND NOW !" THEY TRY TO PRS AND THE SH DON'T WORK THEY BE GOG LIKE: "THERE'S SOMETHG WRONG WH ..." AND GO IMMEDIATELY THE FLASH. ARE YOU SURE? I'LL TAKE A PICTURE OF THE CROWD, FOR MYSELF. OK, Y'ALL E OVER HERE ON THIS NOW? YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL TAKE TWO OF THEM. THIS A'T NO STAMATIC MOTHERFUCKER! I GOT TO WA FOR THE FLASH AND SH! SEE, YOU GOT ME WAG. I SHOULD BREAK YOUR SH. SEE THE BROTHERS STG THE BACK GO: "ALL THIS MONEY AND HE TAKG MOTHERFUCKG PICTUR!" "I WANT MY PICTURE TOOK, I'D STEAL A R MOTHERFUCKER!" "HEY, MAN, I SAID ONE FUCK' PICTURE!" "YOU'RE GOG TO MY FUCKG FILM, MAN. COME ON, SH!" "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THK YOU ARE, MAN!" I'LL SEE YOU EXPLA THE LAST ONE TO THE GUY AT THE PHOTOMAT."THAT'S A PICTURE OF EDDIE MURPHY'S DICK..."YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD PICTURE? CAN ALL THE BROTHERS STAND UP? ALL THE BROTHERS THE DIENCE? STRAIGHT UP! EVERYBODY UP! STRAIGHT UP ! I'M SER ! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOG?WILL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER STAND UP? UP! AND ALL THE LADI GET THE MERAS UP. WE'RE GONNA SET THE RERD STRAIGHT HERE.WHEN I SAY GO...EVERYBODY WHIP OUT THEIR DICK AND GO: "WUUUHAAA"LOOK HOW FAST THE WHE DUS SAT DOWN. SOME OF THEM STILL STANDG. Y'ALL MT BE ITALIAN!WE GOT SOME SH ON . WE GOT ALL THIS SH! WE GOT SOME DICKS HANGG DOWN! DICKS DOWN TO THIS MOTHERFUCKER! YOU DON'T BELIEVE . WHE PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE . WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT ,WHE PEOPLE ARE THE ON THAT MA UP THE MOR."YOU KNOW, BLACK PEOPLE HAVE TREMENDO DICKS, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE !"YOU KNOW REMAS OF THE FIRST DICK WAS FOUND AI? BIG ASS PIECE OF BONE DICK ON THE FLOOR."WHAT IS THIS SH ?""IT'S AN OLD DRIED UP DICK.""THAT MEANS THE FIRST DICK BELONGED TO A BLACK MAN."DICKS. WE GOT THE SH FOR . WE GOT NICE ASS, TOO. WE GOT OUR SH ON. YOU SEE A WHE DU WOULD BE THIS SU LIKE THIS."ALL RIGHT, MAN ! ALL RIGHT, MAAAN !"I GOT A IEND, DOUG, THERE GO DOUG, MY IEND, DOUG'S ASS IS WAY UP HERE ON HIS BACK. A'T , DOUG? DOUG BE GETTG SH STAS ON HIS LLAR. AND RTRANTS BE REACHG FOR HIS WALLET:"LEMME GET MY WALLET"COZ WE GOT OUR SH HOOKED, ALL THIS IS HOOKED UP WH BLACK PEOPLE. CHE PEOPLE ARE FUCKED ALL AROUND, Z THEY GOT LTLE DICKS AND LTLE ASS. THEY DO AND S FUCKED UP THE WAY THEY WALK. THEY BE WALKG ALL LIGHT Z THEY A'T GOT NO SH PULLG THEM DOWN.NOW, A BROTHER'S DICK IS TOO BIG FUCKS UP HIS BALANCE SO HE'D HAVE TO DO ALL THIS SH..EVERYTIME YOU SEE A BROTHER A WHEEL CHAIR HE A'T ALWAYS CRIPPLED. HE'S GOT BIG SH HANGG DOWN! THAT'S WHY ALL THE BROTHERS MOL THEY DRAWERS THE NEWSPAPERS. THK 'BOUT . I'VE BEEN SEEG NEWSPAPERS EVERY SUNDAY MORNG.A WHE DU HIS HAVE NO BALLS THEY DRAWERS.SG AND SH. IF I HAD NO BALLS. I WOULDN'T BE SG THIS SH."I DON'T HAVE ANY DICK !"BROTHER BE STANDG A BROTHER MOLS IS DRAWERS THEY NEED AN EXTRA FOLD THE PAGE. THEY'RE SELLG UNRWEAR BUT THIS NIGGERS DICK IS MY FFEE."WANT ME STIR FOR YOU?"THAT'S SOME TE SH.WHAT'S TODAY'S DATE?DON'T GO TO OK-OUTS. I HATE OK-OUTS MAN. STAY AWAY OM OK-OUTS, IF YOU'RE LIKE ME STAY AWAY. I DON'T LIKE MY FAY E BY THE HOE, WH THE RELATIV I A'T SEEN SCE THE LAST OK-OUT.YOU GOT CERTA RELATIV YOU JT SEE AT THE OK-OUT. AND THEY GET ON YOUR FUCK NERV EVERY YEAR. MY UNCLE G E BY THE HOE EVERY YEAR. MY UNCLE G IS THE UNCLE THAT LIK TO WORK THE GRILL. AND DON'T LET NOBODY TOUCH THE GRILL WHEN HE'S AROUND AND SH.AS AS SOON AS HE WALKS THE HOE S LIKE:"GET AWAY OM THAT GRILL YOU DUNNA KNOW HOW TO START A FIRE""YOU DUNNA START NO FIRE, PUT THIS FIRE OUT. THIS A'T NO FIRE GODDAMN.""EDDIE. EDDIE GO OVER THERE GET ALL OF THAT WOOD I NEED HALF A TREE. CHOP THAT TREE.""CHOP DOWN THAT TREE AND GIVE ME THE WOOD.""AND CHARLIE GO GET ME GALLONS OF GASOLE OUT THE SHED.""TWO GALLONS OF GASOLE, YOU KIDS ROLL UP YOUR SHIRT WE'RE GONNA START A FIRE.""COME ON, YOU WANNA EAT? YOU WANNA EAT?""THEN SHUT UP AND PUT ON THE FIRE.""O.K. PUT THAT WOOD ON THE SI THERE.""O.K. GIMME THE GASOLE CHARLIE.""HOLD THE MATCH, WHEN I TELL YOU THROW THE MATCH ON THE GASOLE ALL RIGHT?""WHEN I TELL YOU RIGHT? WE GONNA MAKE A FIRE.WE GONNA EAT."HERE WE GO POUR THE GASOLE ON LIKE THIS.""WE NEED THE HOLE .. THAT GODDAMN LIGHTER FLUID OUT OF HERE WE N'T E THAT SH.""USG ALL THE GALLONS GASOLE ON THIS WOOD.""AND MAKE A FIRE, WE'RE GONNA EAT A HAMBURGER O.K.?""HERE WE GO, CHARLIE THROW THE MATCH.""NOW THAT"S A FIRE!""THAT'S A FIRE, LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT.""HE BE ALRIGHT, ROLL CHARLIE 'ROUND, ROLL HIM AROUND."AND UNCLE G IS MARRIED TO MY NT BUNNY. MY NT BUNNY GOT A MOTACHE AND SH! YOU KNOW ONE OF THEM LADY MOTACH? IT WAS REALLY OL, BACK WHEN SHE WAS 20.LADI HAD THEM LTLE TH ON AND SH. THEN WHEN THEY GET ABOUT 40 LIKE NT BUNNY THEY BE HAV' A BILLY DEE WILLIAMS' LOOK. THE SH IS BIGGER THAN A MAN'S AND SH !AUNT BUNNY WEIGHT LIKE 300 POUNDS. LIKE REAL HEAVY LADY AND SH. AND THE KIDS WERE SRED OF HER. YOU GOT THAT KID LOGIC GOG. I REMEMBER MY NT BUNNY E BY THE HOE.IT WAS LIKE. I WAS PETRIFIED Z SHE ALWAYS WANTED TO KISS ME AND TOUCH ME AND SOME SH.SOON AS SHE WALKED ON THE DOOR WAS LIKE:"COME HERE AND GIVE NT BUNNY A KISS, BABY."THEN YOU GO: "WAAAAA!"AND MY MOM WOULD SAY:"WHY DON'T YOU GO AND KISS YOUR NT BUNNY ?"KIDS DON'T GIVE A FUCK, THEY GO:"SHE'S GOT A MOTACHE!"WHY DO KIDS MOVE SO SLOW WHEN THEY BE CRYG?"STOP MAKG ALL THAT NOISE!""I SAID SHUT UP!"YOU BE MAD Z YOUR MOTHER H YOU. YOU BE STANDG THERE WISHG HATEFUL SH ON YOUR MOTHER."GOD PLEASE KILL HER !""I HOPE SHE GETS H BY A TCK AND DIE !""I HATE HER ! I HATE HER! I HATE HER ! I HATE HER!"SHUT UP OR I'LL E AND GIVE YOU SOMETHG TO CRY ABOUT. THAN MY POP STARTS TALKG. AND MY POP IS FUCKED UP EVERY 4TH OF JULY!"BLACK MEN LIKE TO CLAIM THE HOE WHEN THEY'RE DNK. MEN PERD I THK, LIKE TO CLAIM THEIR HOE. THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU DNK AND THEY'RE DNK. AND YOU THEIR HOE, THAT 'S THEIR HOE. MY FATHER STANDG THE MIDDLE OF THE OK-OUT SAYG: "IT'S MY HOE!""YOU KNOW THAT IS ? AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE , YOU GET THE FUCK OUT !""I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!""I DON'T GIVE A... I PAY THE MOTHERFUCKER BILLS THIS MOTHERFUCKER!""AND, HEY... KISS MY ASS IF YOU DON'T LIKE !""Y ! Y, MOTHERFUCKER, Y !"'S YOU KNOW WHAT IS? I'M DNK. SO WHAT? BETIFUL ! I'M DNK. I'M DNK ! SO WHAT? I'M DNK."YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT DNK MY MOTHERFUCKG KCHEN, I WAS DRKG OUT OF MY GLASS MY MOTHERFUCKER HOE.""SO, FUCK !"THEN HE ATTACKS THE WHOLE FAY, LIKE:"G! G, N I ASK YOU A QUTN?""WHY IS THE FIRE SO BIG?""WHY YOU MA THE FIRE SO BIG? LOOK AT THIS SH! IS A MOTHERFUCKER RIDICULO, G!""THE FIRE IS TOO MOTHERFUCKER BIG! WHY? YOU'RE G EVERY MOTHERFUCK' YEAR, G..."".. YOU BURN OUT MY MOTHERFUCKER BACKYARD! WHY?""I'M OKG MOTHERFUCKER HAMBURGERS THIS BIG?""I'M NOT OK' NO MOTHERFUCKG BRONTOSS BURGERS THIS MOTHERFUCKER!""THIS A'T THE MOTHERFUCKG FLTSTON, G! IT'S MY HOE, MOTHERFUCKER!""LOOK AT CHARLIE STANDG OVER THERE WH 3RD GREE BURNS ON EM.""IT DON'T MAKE SENSE NO. BUT YOU TAKE THGS TOO FAR G.""I TELL YOU GO AN CH, YOU GO 17 CH. TELL YOU GO 17 CH YOU GO.""GIVE A NIGGA ROPE GONNA BE A WBOY G.""WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN. EDDIE, GET THAT MOTHERFUCKG DOG AWAY OM MY PLATE.""I'M GONNA SHOOT THIS DOG.""I'M GONNA SHOOT THIS MOTHER... SHUT UP. I'M GONNA SHOOT . STOP CRYG.""STOP CRYG EDDIE, CUZ YOU N GET THE FUCK OUT.""YOU'RE GETT' THE FUCK...I KNOW YOU'RE SEVEN!""BUT YOU'LL BE A SEVEN YEAR OLD WALK' THE DOG NO HOE MOTHERFUCKER! "I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKG DOG.""YOU DON'T SPEND TIME WH THE DOG EDDIE. YOU DON'T FEED THE MOTHERFUCKER. YOU DON'T PET . YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE DOGS NAME IS ANYMORE DO YOU? "THE DOG DON'T GIVE A FUCK HE DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. THE DOG IS 3 YEARS OLD, DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. WATCH THIS: CO! WHERE THE FUCK IS GOG? THE DOG'S STUPID! 'CSE YOU DON'T SPEND TIME WH THE MOTHERFUCKER. I'M SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD ALL DAY AND E HOME TO FEED THE MOTHERFUCKG DOG? FUCK NO, I'M NOT FEEDG THE MOTHERFUCKER! YOU KNOW EDDIE, WHEN NOBODY'S HOME, WHEN NOBODY'S HOME YOU KNOW WHAT I DO? I WALK TO THE DOG AND I KICK THE MOTHERFUCKER! I KICK THE MOTHERFUCKER WH EVERYTHG I GOT, EDDIE! AND THEN I GIGGLE MY MOTHERFUCKG ASS OFF 'E I HATE THE MOTHERFUCKER! 'CSE YOU DON'T CLEAN UP BEHD ! THIS A'T SOBY-DOO MOTHERFUCKER WHY N'T YOU CLEAN THE DOG? THE DOG SHS ALL OVER THE HOE. IF NO ONE TELLS YOU, EDDIE, YOU DON'T CLEAN THE SH. YOU LET THE SH STAY FOREVER. SH BEEN THE N FOR 3 MONTHS, EDDIE. IT'S BEEN THE N FOR 3 MONTHS, YOU KIDS GO PASS YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON'T SEE . AND UNLS YOU'RE TOLD YOU WON'T CLEAN THE SH. THE SH IS HARD AS A ROCK NOW! IT'S LIKE MOTHERFUCK FURNURE THERE! "I WENT THERE LAST WEEK TO WATCH THE FIGHT, AND SAID FUCK I PUT MY DRK ON TOP OF , EDDIE! IT'S A FFEE TABLE NOW! WHY N'T YOU CLEAN UP SH? MY IENDS E OVER AND THEY OH THAT'S LOVELY. IT'S NOT LOVELY 'S A PIECE OF SH. 'CSE MY CHILDREN DON'T LISTEN!"THEN MY NT BUNNY WOULD FALL DOWN THE STEPS. ALMOST EVERY YEAR. EVER HAD A HEAVY SET NT FALL DOWN THE STEPS? MAKE A WHOLE LOTTA FUCKG NOISE! IT'S SRY, TOO, 'S THEY'LL BE LLG J ON THE WAY DOWN! AND NTS DON'T LIKE TO FALL STRAIGHT DOWN THE STEPS LIKE A KID,THEY BE TRYG TO BREAK THE FALL AND HOLD AND STOP THE SH. AND THAT'S WHAT MAK THE FALL TAKE A HALF HOUR THEN. REAL LOUD, LIKE:"LORD, J CHRIST, HELP MY LORD, PLEASE, J, PLEASE!""J, GOD, HELP, MY LORD, J, HELP ME I'M FALLG DOWN THE STEPS OH LORD J CHRIST PLEASE!""MY SHOE!""OH LORD J GOD HELP !""I'M HALF WAY DOWN NOW HELP MY LORD J !""LILIAN!""WHAT IS ALL THAT FUCK' NOISE?!""LILIAN! THE BCH IS FALLG DOWN THE STEPS AGA!""LILIAN! LILIAN!""WHAT'S WRONG, BUNNY?""I FELL DOWN THE STEPS!""BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS! BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS! EDDIE, GO GET YOUR NT BUNNY SOMETHG OL FOR HER HEAD!""WHAT HAPPENED?""BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS!""HEY, CHARLIE ! AUNT BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS!""G! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WH YOUR WIFE? WHY N'T SHE WALK THE FUCKG STEPS? YOU E UP EVERY FUCK' YEAR, G, AND YOU BURN DOWN MY MOTHERFUCKER BACKYARD AND YOUR WIFE RIPS DOWN THE STEPS! WHY? I WORK HARD TO GET MY PLACE BETIFUL, AND THEN THE MOTHERFUCKER E OVER AND RIPS THE STEPS DOWN! LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKG STEPS! THEY'RE FUCKED UP, G! WHY N'T SHE WALK THE STEPS? YOU KNOW WHY SHE N'T WALK THE STEPS? 'CSE SHE'S A FAT HAIRY BCH! THAT'S WHY! THAT'S WHY, G! AND MY CHILDREN ARE AAID OF YOUR WIFE. EDDIE'S AAID OF HER! HE HAS NIGHTMAR ABOUT YOUR WIFE! I WENT TO HIS ROOM LAST WEEK, G, HE WAS THE BED SCREAMG, 'OH, HELP ME, HELP ME!' I JT WALK UP TO HIM, SHAKE HIM, ASK: 'WHAT'S WRONG?' HE SAID: 'AUNT BUNNY IS G TO GET ME!' HE'S AAID OF YOUR WIFE, 'S SHE HAS A BIGGER MTACHE THAN HIS FATHER!"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS, G! I FIGURED OUT ABOUT YOUR WIFE. AND I'M GONNA SAY . I FIGURED OUT ABOUT YOUR WIFE. I KNOW WHERE YOU MET YOUR WIFE. YOU TOLD ME YOU MET YOUR WIFE 50 YEARS AGO ON A MOTHERFUCKG MPG TRIP, AND THAT YOUR WIFE WAS PUERTO RIN. YOUR WIFE A'T NO MOTHERFUCKG PUERTO RIN! I THOUGHT SHE WASN'T OM THE FIRST MUTE 'S I WALKED UP TO HER I SAID: 'HI, MY NAME IS VERNON.' AND SHE SAID: 'HELLO, I'M BUNNY. GUNI GUGU!' WHAT THE FUCK DO 'GUNI GUGU' MEAN, G? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT SH IS AS TO THIS DAY. I THOUGHT I LEARNED SOME NEW SPANISH SH! I WENT UP TO MY IEND: "HEY, SANCHEZ! GUNI GUGU!' AND SANCHEZ SAYS: 'GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!'"I'VE BEEN WALKG AROUND FOR YEARS NFED. AND I FALLY FIGURED OUT ABOUT YOUR WIFE, WHERE YOU MET YOUR WIFE. YOU DIDN'T MEET YOUR MOTHERFUCKER WIFE ON NO MPG TRIP! .. WIFE IS A BIGFOOT, ISN'T SHE, G? YOUR WIFE IS A BIGFOOT, ISN'T SHE? THAT'S WHY THE BCH'S MTACHE IS SO MOTHERFUCKER THICK: 'E YOU SHAVED THE BCH DOWN AND TGHT TO SPEAK! I KNOW A MOTHERFUCK' BIGFOOT WHEN I SEE ONE! YOU BRG A BIGFOOT MY HOME, G? ON MY CHILDREN? THE BCH N'T TALK, SHE N'T WALK THE YER STEPS! SHE'S NOT TRAED WELL, G! SHE NNOT WALK STEPS. I BET SHE CLIMB THE FUCK OUT A TREE THOUGH, DON'T SHE, G?DON'T SHE ? DON'T SHE? BUT YOU HAD TO BRG HER OUT HERE! FUCK HER!"AND YOUR MOTHERFUCKG CHILDREN? THEY'RE BIGFEET TOO! THEY'RE HALF BIGFOOT, G, 'E THE MOTHERFUCKERS IS 6 YEARS OLD AND HAVE AOS 17 CH LONG. THEY'RE LTLE HAIRY MOTHERFUCKERS JT LIKE THEIR MOTHER. LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU KNOW HOW I FOUND OUT THEY WAS BIGFOOT? WHEN I TOOK YOUR KIDS FISHG LAST WEEK. I PUT THE MOTHERFUCKERS THE BOAT, G; AND I TOOK THE WORM AND I PUT ON THE HOOKS, AND THEY BOTH SAT THERE, AND PUT THE POL DOWN THE BOAT. AND SLAMMED THEIR FACE THE WATER, FOR 3 MS.AND I THK, 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE KIDS DO'?' THEN THEY START MOV' THEIR HEADS LIKE THIS AND THE MOTHERFUCKERS E UP WH FISH. I JUMPED BACK AND SAID, 'CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MOTHERFUCK SH?' THEN KID TOOK THE FISH OUT OF HIS MOUTH, LOOKED AT HIS BROTHER AND SAID: 'GUNI GUGU!' I SAID, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOG ON HERE?' NORMAL KIDS DON'T DO SH LIKE THAT, G! BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETH' MOTHERFUCKER: YOU N TAKE YOUR MOTHERFUCKG HAIRY FAT ASS WHE MTACHE BCH OUT THE FUCK. YOU N GO UPSTAIRS AND GET THE MOTHERFUCK' DOG AND SOP UP THE SH, AND TAKE EDDIE AND GET THE MOTHERFUCKER LONG ANGELA DAVIS AO-WARE MOTHERFUCKER KIDS OF PUT THEM THE MOTHERFUCKG GUNI GUGU-MOBILE AND GET THE FUCK OUT! AND IF MY WIFE DON'T LIKE SHE N GET THE FUCK OUT TOO!""YOU MISSED ME, BCH!"THANK YOU!OH, J.OH, SH... I'M WASHGTON D.C.!J ! CHRIST !THIS IS WHERE REAGAN LIV. NOT FAR OM HERE.HEY RON EVERYONE'S BOOG AND I A'T SAID SH.WELL, TELL SOMETHG WE DON'T KNOW, MOTHERFUCKER! IT A'T LIKE PEOPLE S AROUND GOG "REALLY DO SUCK?"SH'S CHANGG THOUGH, WE GOT BLACK POLICIANS NOW.WHO'S THAT BOY... HAROLD WASHGTON ?HAROLD WASHGTON SAID: "FUCK !"AND WON. I KNOW HE'S STILL STG AROUND GOG:"I REALLY WON THE MOTHERFUCKER?"AND JSE JACKSON SEEN THAT SH AND SAID:"FUCK , IMMA N TOO, FUCK ""JSE YOU N W" I SEE THE BROTHERS GOG. YOU N W JSE, Z YOU'RE BIGGER THAN MOTHERFUCKG HAROLD WASHGTON.""FUCK HAROLD WASHGTON.""FUCK HIM MAN, N FOR PRINT."AND JSE GOG: "YEAH, FUCK THAT SH."I'VE SEEN JSE THE GYM, WORKG THE FUCK OUT, TOO, FOR GETTG TO SHAPE. YOU KNOW HE GOT A CHANCE HE N W. WHE DUS LIKE TO DO SH LIKE FOR THE WRONG DU AS A GOOF.THEY GET DNK AND SH AND GO LIKE:"LET'S VOTE FOR JSE JACKSON!""I JT VOTED FOR JSE JACKSON !"AND NEXT DAY WOULD BE LIKE THIS: "HE FUCK' WON?"JSE KNOWS THAT SH N HAPPEN. HE GETS SHAPE. I'VE SEEN HIM NNG ROUND THE TRACK AND SH.I SAID: "WHY THE FUCK YOU GETTG SHAPE LIKE THIS?"HE SAYS: "S I'M GONNA BE THE FIRST BLACK PRINT.""I HAVE TO GIVE SPEECH LIKE THIS: MY FELLOW AMERINS!AS YOUR PRINT I FEEL AND DU BE GOG:"HE WON'T STAND STILL!"I A'T HOOKED UP TO ALL THAT RACISM SH.MY MOTTO IS, LIFE JT BE HAPPY WH THE MOTHERFUCKERS. I A'T TO ALL THAT RACISM SH. RACISM A'T AS BAD AS ED TO BE ANYWAY MAN…I MEAN S FUCKED UP BUT, THEY DON'T LL NIGGERS, NIGGERS NO MORE AND SH.WHE PEOPLE DON'T SAY . ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE'S NIGGAS AROUND. SO I GUS I WOULDN'T KNOW .I WENT TO TEXAS TO LOOK TO RACISM, ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO. I HAD A SHOW DOWN TEXAS, GOT OFF THE PLANE AND SH, WALKED UP LOOKG FOR RACISM.MY IENDS ALWAYS TOLD ME: "YOU BETTER NOT GO TO TEXAS! THEY'LL FUCK YOU UP!"AND WHEN A MORN DAY BROTHER HERE THAT SH"WHAT ! THEY A'T FUCKG NOBODY UP!"BROTHERS ACT LIKE THEY ULDN'T HAVE BEEN SLAV BACK 200 YEARS AGO. ITS LIKE MOTHERFUCKERS LIKED THAT SH."I WISH I WAS A SLAVE; I WOULD FUCK SOMEBODY UP!"" ME TO BALE SOME MOTHERFUCKG TTON.""I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE STREET AND SH.."HE WOULD ME UP AND SAY EY YO NIGGA BALE THIS TTON?""I'D SAY SUCK MY DICK MASTER.""SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKG DICK.""THAT'S RIGHT I A'T BALG A MOTHERFUCKER."THE FIRST DU THAT GOT OFF THE BOAT SAID THAT SH."BALE THAT TTON.""FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!"OTHER MOTHERFUCKERS SAY: "WE BALE THE SH, JT KEEP THAT SH AWAY.""JT KEEP THAT FUCK' SH AWAY OM ME."I GOT OF THE MOTHERFUCKG PLANE, WALKED UP, GOT UP, WALKED UP, MY BAG. ALL MY BLACK SH ON, BLACK LEATHER, BIG ASS MEDALLN AND SH ON LIKE THIS.LTLE WHE DU WALK UP AND SAY: "THIS YOUR BAG?"I SAID: "Y, MY FUCK' BAG!""WHY, MOTHERFUCKER? A BLACK MAN N'T HAVE A SUSE?"AND THE DU IS LIKE:"WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG WH THIS GUY?"WASN'T THAT BAD AT ALL. I'M WD. I'M OUT OF BREATH. SWEATG AND SH.[FEMALE DIENCE MEMBER YELLS "DO MR. ROB!"]["SHUT UP, BCH!!" OM ANOTHER MEMBER THE DIENCE]Y'ALL DIDN'T KNOW I WAS A VENTRILOQUIST TOO.SH A'T AS BAD AS ED TO BE. YOU KNOW WHO GET REAL BAD NOW? CHE PEOPLE. THEY ARE THE ON WHO BE GETTG FUCKED OVER BAD. YOU BE TEAS' THEM AND SH. EVER GO TO A RTRANT AND ORR UP SOME FOOD.CHE DU WOULD BE THERE AND WHEN HE LEAVE YOU DO LIKE THIS:EVERYBODY MAK FUN OF CHE WHEN THEY ORR SOME FOOD UP AND SH.AND THEY'RE NICE GUYS, BE ALL URTEO AND SH. YOUR IENDS AND SH BE LGHG.AND HE LOOK OUT THE BACK AND SAY:"THE FOOD IS G RIGHT UP."HE BE THE BACK WATCHG :"VERY FUNNY. VERY FUNNY.""MAKE A SPECIAL WON-TON SOUP FOR HIM..."I WONR IF THEY HAVE, LIKE A MCDONALD'S CHA?CHE PEOPLE WOULD BE WALKG AND SAY:"GIVE ME A BIG MAC AND A STRAWBERRY SHAKE, A LARGE ORR Y AND A CHERRY PIE."AND DU SAY: "BIG MAC, STRAWBERRY SHAKE, LARGE ORR Y AND A CHERRY PIE, G RIGHT UP."THAT'S A FUCKED UP LANGUAGE TOO, CHE. HARD TO LEARN.I WANNA LEARN TO SPEAK SPANISH. THAT'S THE SH. YOU KNOW WHAT I'D REALLY WANT TO SPEAK? I'D LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK ENCH, 'S THAT'S SOME OL SH, FRENCH.YOU N SAY "I GOTTA SH" ENCH AND WOULD SOUND GOOD: JT SOUNDS GOOD.I DON'T LIKE THAT SH THAT ARABIC. THAT THE MOTHERFUCKERS BE SPEAKG THE [IMAT ARABIC LANGUAG]. THAT SH'S FUCKED FOR ME. IT SOUNDS NASTY AND SH, WOULD BE GETTG LIKE:THAT'S A WORD ARABIC: THAT MEANS SOME SH TO THEM!"COULD I HAVE A HAMBURGER CHEE ROLL?""NEVER MD, MAN.""I DON'T WANT NO HAKANA ON MY BREAD, MOTHERFUCKER!"SPANISH LANGUAGE.YOU KNOW WHY I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK SPANISH? COZ I WAS ALWAYS A RICKY RIRDO BUFF.WHEN HE WOULD GET MAD OF LUCY AND BE SAYG:I'D SAY: "GO ON RICKY CURSE THE BCH OUT."RICKY WOULD LOSE HIS MD. RICKY WAS OL AND SH.FOR THE FIFTI DI ARNAZ, RICKYRIRDO WAS A OL MOTHERFUCKER.HE HAD HIS BAGGI ON, POTED SHO, THE CLUB BABALOO AND SH.REMEMBER THAT SH?YOU BE ST' THERE LIKE THIS:HE HAD A OL ASS LGH TOO, WAS LIKE:"IT'S JTA RIDICULO !""HEY, FRED ! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS ?"TV IS ALL SCREWED...ANY KIDS HERE ?I MEAN, LTLE KIDS.I DON'T LIKE YOU BRGG THOSE KIDS DOWN HERE.HOW OLD ARE YOU, MAN ?HOW OLD?OH, YOU'RE GONNA BE FUCKED UPWHEN YOU LEAVE."DAD ! WHAT'S A DICK, WHAT IS THAT ?"HOW OLD IS THE OTHER GIRL, OVER THERE?OH, Y'ALL FUCKED UP NOW !Y'ALL THOUGHT I WOULD BE GOG LIKE THIS:YOU DIDN'T KNOW I'D BE SAYG: "A DICK THIS BIG!"THE KID'S GONNA BE WAKG UP AND:"A NEGRO'S DICK'S G TO GET ME MOM!"I'MMA TELL YOU ALL A JOKE YOU N TELL SCHOOL, ALL RIGHT, 'S I'VE BEEN TELLG THIS DIRTY STUFF.HERE'S A LTLE JOKE...Y'ALL N LISTEN TO TOO.I KNOW LOTS OF TIM PEOPLE SEEN MY SHOW THEN GO TO WORK AND TRY TO TELL AND FUCK MY JOK UP ON THE JOB AND SH.".. THEN HE SAID GUNI GUGU!""AND HE HAD A G.I. JOE UP HIS ASS!""HEY, I'M MR. T, I'LL RIP YOUR CK OFF WH MY ASS !"AND DU BE STANDG ALL:"YEAH, VERY FUNNY SH, RIGHT..."HERE'S A JOKE YOU N TELL AT SCHOOL, WHEN SCHOOL STARTS.EVERYBODY BE QUIET NOW. ARE YOU LISTENG GUYS?A BEAR AND A RABB ARE TAK' A SH THE WOODS. AND THE BEAR TURNS TO THE RABB AND SAYS: "EXCE ME, YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WH SH STICKG TO YOUR FUR?" AND THE RABB SAYS: "NO."SO THE BEAR WIPED HIS ASS WH THE RABB.I LIKE THAT JOKE.OH, SH !ANYBODY GOT BLE ?I'VE BEEN WATCHG A LOT OF BLE LATELY 'S I'M SO MAD WH . ONLY GOOD TV SHOW NOW IS STAR TREK. THAT'S SOME GOOD SH!I LIKE CAPTA KIRK, 'S CAPTA KIRK WILL FUCK ANYBODY!I'VE SEEN HIM BEAMED DOWN ON A PLA, EVER SEEN THAT WHEN HE'S FUCKED THIS DREAM BCH?YOU GOTTA BE A HORNY MOTHERFUCKER TO FUCK A DREAM BCH!I MEAN, I'M NO RACIST, BUT IF THE BCH IS GREEN THERE'S SOMETHG WRONG WH THE PSY!HE'LL BE FUCKG A MUTANT AND:SHIP BE GETT' ALL FUCKED UP. MR STT, I LIKE HIM HE MA ME LGH, HE'S NEVER OL AND SH. HE'S THE OPPOSE OF SPOCK. THE SHIP BE ALL FUCKED UP AND MR. STT SAY:"CAPTA, MY SHIP N'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS SIR. SHE'S ABOUT TO BLOW!""LET SPOCK HANDLE ."AND SPOCK SAY: "MR STT, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE PHASERS AND POT THEM AT THE DYLHIUM CRYSTALS AND POT THEM PHASERS AT THEM AND THEN E THE POWER OM THE PHASERS TO REGENERATE THE DYLHIUM CRYSTALS AND WE N GET OUT ON THE IMPULSE POWER.""MR SPOCK ! IT JT MIGHT WAX !""THE SH WORKED LAST WEEK, MOTHERFUCKER !"I GOT FED UP WH TV AND SH, Z I SEEN ALL THE STAR TREKS. I START WATCHG BLE. I WAS WATCHG POLTERGEIST LAST MONTH.I GOT A QUTN.WHY DON'T WHE PEOPLE JT LEAVE THE HOE WHEN THERE'S A GHOST THE HOE?Y'ALL STAY THE HOE TOO FUCK' LONG.GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOE!VERY SIMPLE: IF THERE'S A GHOST THE HOE, GET THE FUCK OUT!AND NOT ONLY DID THEY STAY THE HOE WH THE POLTERGEIST, THEY VE MORE PEOPLE OVER! STG AROUND GOG: "OUR DGHTER CARROLL-ANN'S THE TELEVISN SET."I WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE. IF I HAD A DGHTER, WENT DOWN TO THE PRECCT AND SAY"LOOK MAN, I WENT HOME MY FUCKG DGHTER'S THE T.V. SET AND I JT FUCKG LEFT."YOU N HAVE ALL THIS, I A'T GOG BACK TO THE MOTHERFUCKER. I JT ME DOWN SO WHEN SHE A'T AT THE SCHOOL YOU DON'T THK I KILLED THE BCH OR ANYTHG LIKE THAT. BUT SHE IS SI THE TV SET YOU N HAVE ALL THAT SH. THANK YOU."MR. MURPHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO SAVE YOUR DGHTER?"YEAH, I'M A MAN, SEE I TRIED TO SAVE HER I TURNED THE CHANNELS THE SH DIDN'T WORK. I GOT THE FUCK OUT. THE KID WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD THE MOVIE, THEY ULDN'T HAVE BEEN TO ATTACHED TO HER.IN THE AMYVILLE HORROR THE GHOST TOLD THEM TO GET OUT OF THE HOE. WHE PEOPLE STAYED THERE. NOW THAT'S A HT AND A HALF FOR YOUR ASS.A GHOST SAY GET THE FUCK OUT, I WOULD JT TIP THE FUCK OUT THE DOOR!LOU WALKER LOOKED THE TOILET BOWL, THE'RE WAS BLOOD THE TOILET.AND SAID, "THAT'S PECULIAR."I WOULD’VE BEEN THE HOE SAYG:"OH BABY THIS IS BETIFUL. WE GOT A CHANLIER HANGG UP HERE, KIDS OUTSI PLAYG. IT'S A BETIFUL NEIGHBORHOOD. WE A'T GOT NUTT TO WORRY, I REALLY LOVE . THIS IS REALLY NICE.""GET OUT!""TOO BAD WE N'T STAY, BABY!"YOU KNOW, I WANNA SAY SOMETHG. I THK MAYBE LIKE 30 YEARS AGO THERE WAS A WOMAN THAT WANTED TO SG, A BLACK LADY WANTED TO SG WAS HER NAME? MARIAN ANRSON? AND THIS PLACE WAS LIKE SEGREGATED AND SHE ULDN'T SG HERE. AND SHE ULDN'T SG THE PLACE. AND HERE WE ARE, LIKE NOT EVEN 50 YEARS LATER, A 22 YEAR OLD BLACK MALE ON STAGE GETTG PAID TO HOLD HIS DICK!GOD BLS AMERI! I GOTTA GO NOW.Y'ALL TAKE EASY, BYE BYE!9EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT
• EDDIE MURPHY SAYS HIS OLD STAND-UP JOK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE MAKE HIM 'CRGE': 'I N'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT'

5 CELEBRI MOURED TO BE GAY WHO ARE ACTUALLY STRAIGHT

For years, Gill has been surround by mors that he was volved a gay love affair wh edian Eddie Murphy, and a revealg new terview, he spoke wh “omg!

"In many ways, Gill, who will be featured a new episo of TV One's "unsung, " which airs tonight, said that he se the mors to be the rult of a bygone era, and yet he himself has progrsive views about what means to be gay. "But I don't feel as bad anymore, bee when I go on the Inter everybody's gay … I've jt always been a very private person.

EDDIE MURPHY'S OUTDATED JOKE ON GAY MUNY MAK HIM 'CRGE' NOW

Whether 's beg lled gay, acced of beg gay, acced of a thief, acced of beg anythg or somebody's lyg [about] you and sayg somethg about you that's not te, jt don't feel good … I have such passn for gay people now more than ever. When we first got together – we've been together for five years – there was so much stuff floatg around why are you datg this guy, this guy, he's gay, blah, blah, blah, Eddie Murphy.

We were very spired by the latt sndal: Patrick Stewart was falsely labelled gay by The Guardian. The Guardian mt have fotten to prooead their paper before publitn, sce they mistakenly intified Patrick Stewart as a gay man their Ellen Page g out article. The third paragraph origally said ‘Some gay people, such as Sir Patrick Stewart, thk Page’s g out speech is newsworthy’.

But while on that note, let’s take a look at a few other people who have been surround by gay mours but are actually straight. Ju Law has been the centre of gay mours for a while now and for var reasons. Dpe beg married several tim and datg a handful of women, Eddie Murphy was moured to be gay for many years.

EDDIE MURPHY LLS HIS OLD STAND-UP JOK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE 'CRGEY': 'OH MY GOD, I N'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT'

Every boy band history was moured to be gay... Alas, the actor is not gay and has a very lengthy rume of past heterosexual relatnships. The Amerin actor-edian Eddie Murphy has revealed an terview that how some of his former stand-up rout, where he mocked at the gay muny, ma him 'crge' now.

A clip om Murphy's 1983 edy special 'Delir' was played the terview footage, that saw the edian performg a b about havg 'nightmar about gay people', reported the 58-year-old admted that while he has no regrets "whatsoever" life, he's aware that his former jok wouldn't translate well wh dienc today.

DELIR (TRANSCRIPT)EDDIE MURPHYON COMEDIAN PRODUCED BYEDDIE MURPHYOK – BEFORE YOU WATCH THIS, THIS ROUTE HAS DATED HORRIBLY. BY MORN STANDARDS IS ( PARTS) RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC AND WOULD NEVER BE AIRED TODAY. HOWEVER, THE RT OF… READ MORE AUG. 30, 19831 VIEWER39.6K VIEWS12 CONTRIBUTORSDELIR (TRANSCRIPT) LYRICSLADI AND GENTLEMEN !EDDIE MURPHY!THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.TOO KD, FAR TOO KD.BEFORE I EVEN GET STARTED HOW ABOUTA BIG ROUND OF APPLSE FOR THE B BOYS.THERE'S SOME L, I GOT SOME L WHEN I SHOWDOWN AND I DO MY STANDUP, I GOT L AND SH.FAGGOTS AREN'T ALLOWED TO LOOKAT MY ASS WHILE I'M ON STAGE !THAT'S WHY I KEEP MOVG WHILE I'M UP HERE.YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FAGGOT SECTN IS, YOU GOTTA KEEP MOVG.SO IF THEY DO SEE , QUICK, YOU SWCH, THEY DON'T GET NO LONG STAR AT YOUR THAT THEIR IMAGATN IS FLOWG ABOUT MY...I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE LOOKG, 'S MY ASS STARTS TO GET HOT.I'M AAID OF GAY PEOPLE. PETRIFIED.I HAVE NIGHTMAR ABOUT GAY PEOPLE.I HAVE THIS NIGHTMARE THAT I GO TO HOLLYWOOD AND FD OUT THAT MR. T IS A FAGGOT.REALLY, AND HE'D BE WALKG UP TO PEOPLE GOG:"HEY, BOY ! HEY, BOY !""YOU LOOK MIGHTY CUTE THEM JEANS !""NOW E ON OVER HERE, AND FUCK ME UP THE ASS !""I'M GONNA BEND OVER NOW!""HEY, BOY, SLOW DOWN ! YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE ROUND, AND E TOO FAST !""YOU MAKE ME GET GET MAD I CLENCH UP MY BUTTCHEEKS AND RIP YOUR DICK OFF!"YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE A FUNNY FAGGOT?RALPH KRAMN AND ED NORTON!RALPH KRAMN LEANG OUT THE WDOW AND:"NORTON! COME ON DOWN, I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETH'!""RALPHIE-BOY, WHADDAYA SAY THERE PAL OF ME ?""YOU KNOW NORTON, I'VE BEEN WATCHG YOU.AND I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WATCHG ME. YOU WATCH ME! I KNOW!""SO, RALPH, WHAT ARE YOU GETT' AT?""NORTON, MY IEND! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS?""I KNOW YOU WANNA FUCK ME, NORTON!""AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU WANNA FUCK ME!""NOW I'M GONNA BEND OVER, AND WHEN I DO, START FUCK'!""HERE I GO!""[GROANS] HAMANA HAMANA HAMANA""WAY TO GO THERE, RALPHIE-BOY!"I KID THE HOMOSEXUALS A LOT, BEE THEY'RE HOMOSEXUALS.I FUCK WH EVERYBODY. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY'RE...JT LIKE I'M... I DON'T MEAN ANYTHG BY .YOU N HANG OUT WH A GAY PERSON.THEM GUYS DON'T FEEL, YOU KNOW, ALIENATED, LIKE, GAY PEOPLE, BEE THEY'RE GAY.YOU N PLAY TENNIS WH A GAY PERSON.REALLY! JT AFTER THE GAME YOU SAY:"I'M GONNA GET A BEER, WHAT'S YOU GONNA DO?""I THK I'M GONNA SUCK SOME GUY'S DICK.""WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER!""YOU GO SUCK THAT DICK, I'M GONNA HAVE THE BEER."LADI ARE HIP TO TOO.LADI BE HANGG OUT WH GAY PEOPLE.LADI BE SAYG:"GAY MEN ARE THE BT IENDS TO HAVE!""BEE THEY DON'T WANT ANYTHG OM YOU, YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHG OM THEM, YOU JT HANG OUT, YOU N BE WH THEM AND GET FUN AND JT TALK TO THEM" AND ALL THAT BULLSH, AND THEY BE HANGG OUT WH THEM.YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY SRY ABOUT ? THAT NEW AIDS SH.AIDS IS SRY BEE KILLS MOTHERFUCKERS, AIDS!THAT A'T LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN VENEREAL DISEASE WAS SIMPLE. IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS, YOU GOT GONORRHEA, YOU DICK HURT, GO GET A SHOT, CLEARED RIGHT UP.THEN THEY ME OUT WH HERP, YOU KEEP THAT SH FOREVER LIKE LUGGAGE.AND NOW THEY GOT AIDS THAT JT KILLS MOTHERFUCKERS. I SAY WHAT'S NEXT, I GUS YOU JT PUT YOUR DICK AND EXPLOS!AND THE GIRL WOULD BE ON THE BED:"MAYBE I SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT ..."KILLS PEOPLE! IT PETRIFI ME BEE GIRLS BE HANGG OUT WH THEM. ONE NIGHT THEY ULD BE THE CLUB HAVG FUN WH THEIR GAY IEND, GIVE THEM A LTLE KISS. AND GO HOME WH AIDS ON THEIR LIPS!AND THEN WHEN HER HBAND, LIKE FIVE YEARS LATER, SOMEBODY SAYS;"MR. JOHNSON YOU HAVE AIDS..""AIDS?! BUT I'M NOT HOMOSEXUAL!""SURE YOU'RE NOT HOMOSEXUAL..."ALL THE DISEAS SRE ME BEE I'M LIKE ARE FUCK YEARS FOR ME, LIKE I'M...I'M MY SEXUAL PRIME, THIS, I FUCK NOW!THE ARE THE YEARS TO FUCK! THIS IS WHEN YOU DO YOUR BT FUCKG. AND YOU JT START TO LEARN YOUR BODY AND GETTG ON YOUR SHOULRS ON TO FUCK...LIKE 18 YEAR OLDS, LET ME HEAR YOU ALL THE DIENCE!SEE Y'ALL DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCK YET, SEE. YOU DON'T.YOU GET 22 YOU START MOVG ALL THIS SH.MAKG FAC, EVER MA THEM FUCK FAC. ’S A OL MOTHERFUCKG THG.YOU DON'T DO THAT WHEN YOU'RE 18. THERE'S JT ONE EXPRSN 'S YOU BE SURPRISED YOU FUCKG HER. PL YOU DON'T HAVE NO DICK NTROL WHEN YOU'RE 18!EVER BEEN STG AROUND WHEN YOU WAS YOUNG MAN, JT STG CLASS, YOUR DICK GETS HARD FOR NOTHG?YOU BE JT STG THERE AND YOUR DICK'S HERE:"HEY WHAT'S GOG ON OUT THERE?"THAT'S WHEN THE TEACHER SAY:"MR MURPHY, WOULD YOU E OVER BY THE BOARD?""NO, THAT'S ALRIGHT. I'LL TAKE THE ZERO."REALLY, NO DICK NTROL AT ALL. IT'S EVEN HARD TO FD THE PSY WHEN YOU'RE 18. EVER HAD THAT GUYS? YOU'D BE SEARCHG FOR THE PSY DOWN THERE. AND YOUR DICK BE SLIDG DOWN AND SH, AND THE GIRL BE GOG:"THAT'S NOT ...""IS THERE ANY PROBLEM?""NO, A'T NO PROBLEM, BABY.""YOU GOT A SHOE HORN OR SOME SH LIKE THAT?"AND THIS IS THE BS TO BE IF YOU WANT SOME PSY. THAT'S WHY I GOT SHOW BS, FOR PSY. I FIGURED, IF JIMMY WALKER N FUCK, I'M FUCKG EVERYBODY. FUCK THIS, AND 'S LIKE THAT TOO.WHEN YOU DO TV-SHOWS, WOMEN WOULD BE THROWG PSY AT ME ON THE STREET LIKE FRISBEE."ED!""THANK YOU! APPRECIATE THAT!"TOO MUCH PSY, PSY WOULD BE FALLG OUTTA MY POCKET. WALKG OUT THE STREET:"OH, WATCH YOUR STEP, THAT'S ME."BEG A IC THOUGH A'T LIKE BEG NO SGER. THE SGERS GET ALL THE PSY. LIKE THE B BOYS: THEY FUCK EVERYBODY.B BOYS WILL FUCK ANYTHG THAT MOV.COME TO MY HOE THE FISH STOP SWIMMG. THEY DON'T PLAY. SGERS GETS PSY. BEE YOU DON'T HAVE TO, EVEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK GOOD, YOU N SG AND GET PSY. JT BE TERTG.BEE THIS SEX SYMBOL IS GETTG PSY AND IS UGLY MOTHERFUCKER. BEE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SG, S SOMETHG ABOUT SGG THAT IS THE BS, YOU SG, WOMEN GO CRAZY.BEE, MICK JAGGER IS AN UGLY MOTHERFUCKER! WH BIG ASS LIPS!MICK JAGGER'S LIPS ARE SO BIG, BLACK PEOPLE BE GOG:"YOU GOT SOME BIG ASS LIPS!""THE SOME BIG MOTHERFUCKG LIPS!"BUT HE'S SGG! AND YOU SG YOU'LL GET OVER.LUTHER VANDROSS IS A BIG KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN EATG MOTHERFUCKER.BUT HE PUT THAT SH UP LIKE....[MIMICS LUTHER VANDROSS SIGNATURE STTG]AND WOMEN GO "AHHHH!"SG! THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS SG.MICHAEL JACKSON, WHO N SG, AND IS A GOOD LOOKG GUY. BUT A'T THE MOST MASCULE FELLOW THE WORLD. THAT'S MICHAEL'S HOOK, HIS SENSIVY!THAT'S WHEN WOMEN BE SAY:"MICHAEL'S JT SO SENSIVE..."AND THEY EAT THAT SH UP. MIKE KNOWS.HE BE G WOMEN. I'VE SEEN MIKE WALK UP TO A GIRL AND THEY'D BE THE DIENCE AND SAY:"IS ALLRIGHT IF I E DOWN THERE TO SG TO YOU..."AND WOMEN GO: "WHAAAAA!"THEN, IF YOU DON'T SCREAM, MICHAEL GETS REALLY SENSIVE AND CRY ON YOUR ASS. EVER HEAR THAT RERD "SHE'S OUT OF MY LIFE"?"SO, I'VE LEARNED THAT LOVE'S NOT POSSSNAND I'VE LEARNED THAT LOVE WON'T WANOW, I'VE LEARNED THAT LOVE NEEDS EXPRSNBUT, I'VE LEARNED TOO LATE"[CRI]"TO, GIVE ME SOME TISSUE.""JERMAE, STOP TEASG."I'M JT SAYG...I LIKE DUS WH MASCULE VOIC, LIKE TEDDY PENRGRASS. TEDDY JT OUT, TAK THE LYRICS AND:"YOU GOT, YOU GOT, YOU GOT WHAT I NEED!"AND SRE THE BCH THAT ARE LIKG HIM.THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S CRAZY, THROW YOUR PANTI ON THE STAGE. THAT'S WHATS HAPPENG. I LIKE ELVIS PRLEY!REALLY I GIVE CRED WHERE CRED IS DUE. WHEN ELVIS WAS YOUNG, HE WAS A BAD MOTHERFUCKER. HE WAS VIC. SG HIS ASS OFF. HE SANG SO GOOD, THEY LET HIM DO MOVI, HE ULDN'T ACT.THEY SAID:"FUCK ! LET HIM SG ALL HIS DIALOGU!""ELVIS, WE GOT TO W THIS RACE!""WE GOT TO W THIS RACE....""ELVIS, WANT SOME LEMONA?""LEMONA, THAT OL, REHG DRK...."LET HIM SG 'TILL HE WAS OLR TOO, ELVIS WAS 42 YEARS OLD. REMEMBER RIGHT BEFORE HE CHOKED. HE WOULD E OUT, HIS STOMACH WAS ALL FAT AND HIS BUTT BE STICKG OUT AND SH...LOOKG LIKE HE HAD TO SH, OUT WALKG ON THE STAGE LIKE THIS..."I'VE LIVED A LIFE THAT'S FULLI'VE TRAVELED EACH AND EVERY HIGHWAYAND MORE, MUCH MORE THAN THIS"[FARTS]"EXCE ME."SG! THAT'S THE KEY TO . YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TALK. JT SG AND GET FAMO. JAM BROWN'S BEEN SGG FOR 20 YEARS.I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK JAM IS TALKG ABOUT! I DON'T UNRSTAND SH JAM SAYS!I MET HIM ONCE AT SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID "JAM, I LUV YOUR STUFF". AND JAM SAID [MIMICS JAM BROWN TALK]. AND WHATEVER JAM IS SAYG IS SOME REALLY HEAVY SH TO JAM. BEE 'S REALLY MEANGFUL SH TO JAM..BEE AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCEHE ENDS OFF WH: [MIMICS JAM BROWN "HUH" GNT]HE MEANT THAT SH THAT HE JT SAID BOY! EVERYTHG JT "HUH!"AND YOU GETTG MAD YOU START PUTTG THE NEEDLE BACK "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JT MISS?"THAT'S A JAM BROWN LYRIC. HE WROTE THAT SH!HE'S WRG A SONG AND:"I NEED A WORD HERE: HEAAY!""THAT'S GOOD, I LIKE THAT!"[SGS 'SUPERBAD (PARTS 1 & 2) BY JAM BROWN'][MIMICS JAM BROWN RPONDG TO BAND MEMBERS AS SHOWN 'TALK' LOUD AND SAY' NOTHG']BAND BE GOG:"WHAT THE FUCK IS JAM TALKG ABOUT?""I DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE GETTG PAID, KEEP SGG"AND PEOPLE TAKE SGERS. THERE'S SOMETHG ABOUT SGERS THAT PEOPLE JT LOVE AND SH. BEE I... I DID STEVIE WONR ON A SHOW ONCE.AND BLACK PEOPLE LOST THEIR MOTHERFUCKG MDS! I HAVE BROTHER’S ROLLG UP ON ME GOG:"HEY! YOU THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT'D BEEN DOG STEVIE WONR?""THAT SH A'T FUNNY, MOTHERFUCKER!""DON'T YOU NEVER LET ME SEE YOU DO THAT SH AGA! I'LL FUCK YOU UP!""STEVIE WONR IS A MIL GENI!""THAT'S TERRIBLE! THAT'S TERRIBLE, MAN! YOUR MOTHER BROUGHT YOU UP WRONG, THAT'S WHAT IS.""YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU UP WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!"I GOT MAD, I WAS HANGG OUT WH STEVIE TWO MONTHS AGO, I SAID:"LOOK, STEVE, I GET TWO MONTHS FLACK OVER THIS IMPRSN.""I DON'T LIKE DO', I A'T DOG THIS SH NO MORE."STEVIE SAYS: "WELL I FEEL THAT...""SHUT THE FUCK UP !"BEE YOU GOTTA CUT STEVE OFF QUICK, BEE IF HE STARTS ROLLG HE TALKS YOUR EARS OFF. YOU EVER SEEN STEVE W A GRAMMY AND E UP TO GIVE ONE OF THOSE LONG ASS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH?"AND THE WNER IS STEVIE WONR!"".. I LIKE TO SAY ALL THE PEOPLE THE WORLD TODAY...""..;S CHILDREN AND...""JT TAKE THE MOTHERFUCKG AWARD AND GET THE FUCK OUT!"'S IF YOU DON'T SAY THAT THE CREDS WILL BE ROLLG AND STEVIE GOG:"AND I'D LIKE TO THANK..."I'VE BEEN THE R AND SAID:"JT SHUT THE FUCK UP, STEVE!""I'M TELLG YOU, GENI AND ALL THAT SH, BUT YOU'RE MY BOY, MAN, WE HANG AND, I MEAN, LIKE, 'S NICE AND SH BUT I DON'T APPRECIATE ALL THE FLACK. AND PERSONALLY, THE PIANO AND THE SGG, I TOLD YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT SGG...I A'T IMPRSED. YOU WANNA IMPRS ME? TAKE THE WHEEL FOR A LTLE WHILE, MOTHERFUCKER!""I HEARD THAT SH, MAN!""THAT SH WASN'T FUNNY!""THEN I SUPPOSE YOUR LTLE SKETCH STEVIE CRASHED A TREE, RIGHT?""HA-HA, VERY FUNNY, MOTHERFUCKER!""YOUR MOTHER GOT A WOON LEG WH A KICK STAND, MOTHERFUCKER!""YOUR MOTHER GOT A MOUTH THE BACK OF HER NECK AND THE BCH CHEWS LIKE THIS!""MOTHERFUCKER STEVIE WONR JOK AND SH!"IT'S HOT AS FUCK HERE![SOMEBODY THE DIENCE YELLS "TAKE OFF!"]NO, I N'T TAKE OFF. MAYBE LADI WOULD N UP THE PLACE HOLDG THEIR PSI GOG: "AAAAH!"WHAT'S GOG ON OVER THERE?LADI N DOWN THE STREET AND SH... N'T DO THAT.DO WE HAVE THE ICECREAM MAN AROUND HERE?REMEMBER WHEN THE ICE CREAM MAN ED TO E TO TOWN WHEN YOU WAS LTLE? AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU WAS DOG YOU WOULD STOP AND LOSE YOUR FUCKG MD! THERE'S SOMETHG ABOUT THE ICE-CREAM TCK THAT MAK KIDS LOSE .AND THEY N HEAR THAT SH OM TEN BLOCKS AWAY. THEY DON'T HEAR THEIR MOTHERS LLG BUT THEY HEAR THAT MOTHERFUCKG ICE CREAM TCK. AND NO MATTER WHAT WAS WAS GOG ON, THE ICEMAN ME, STOPPED. YOU BE GETTG SOME MARBL AND SH:"ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS G! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS G!""MOM! MOM!""THROW DOWN SOME MONEY!""THE ICE CREAM MAN IS G!"THEN YOUR MOTHER E TO THE WDOW AND BE THROWG CHANGE AND SAY:"GET YOUR FATHER TOASTED ALMOND BOY, GET YOUR BROTHER ICY, GET YOURSELF VANILLA NE AND BRG BACK MY CHANGE."CATCH ALL THAT SH AND N DOWN THE STREET, TOP SPEED. CHASG THE ICECREAM TCK AND:"ICECREAM!"ICE CREAM MAN ALWAYS DROVE EXTRA BLOCKS AWAY THOUGH. AND I KNOW HE'S SEEN AND SH, BUT I THK HE JT BE THE R WH HIS IENDS AND SAY:"WATCH ME HOW FAST I MAKE THE MOTHERFUCKERS N"YOU'D BE BEHD HIM DOG 50MPH AND GOG:"ICECREAM!"YOU STOP, YOU BE OUT OF WD SAYG:"ICECREAM MAN, N I HAVE THIS, I WANT THIS OVER THERE, TOASTED ALMOND FOR MY FATHER, AND GIVE ME THIS ICE CREAM OVER HERE AND VANILLA NE. THANK YOU, ICECREAM MAN! THANK YOU!"I'D GET MY ICE CREAM AND I DIDN'T EAT JT SG FOR A LTLE WHILE. YOU KNOW HOW KIDS ARE."I HAVE SOME ICE CREAM, I HAVE SOME ICE CREAM, AND I'M GONNA EAT ALL, I'M GONNA EAT ALL..."THE ICE CREAM BE NNG DOWN YOUR ARM AND SH"YOU DON'T HAVE NO ICECREAM!YOU DIDN'T GET NONE! YOU DIDN'T GET NONE!"'S YOU ARE ON THE WELFARE, YOU N'T AFFORD ."OTHER KIDS WOULD JO :"YOU N'T AFFORD , AND HIS FATHER IS AN ALHOLIC!""YOU DROPPED YOUR ICE CREAM, YOU DROPPED YOUR ICE CREAM..."EAT . I ULD DROP MY ICECREAM A PILE OF SH AND EAT . I WOULD BE LIKE "IT'S JT SPRKL"UNLS YOUR MOTHER TCH YOU DOG THAT NASTY SH, THOUGH. MY MOTHER UGHT ME DOG THAT, SHE MA ME PUT DOWN 1 SENTENCE:AND YOU DROPPED THAT SH, QUICK.ANYBODY GOT THEM MOTHERS THAT WOULD H YOU WH A SHOE? I HAD A MOTHER THAT WAS SO ASHOED SHE WOULD DO AT THE DROP OF A DIME. AND FUCK YOU UP, WHEREVER SHE WAS AIMG. AND BAD WH THE SHOE, RRY THAT SH LIKE A GUN, BY THE TIME I WAS LIE 10, MY MOTHER WAS LIKE CLT EASTWOOD WH THE SHOE.AND YOU FUCK UP, MY MOM WAS WALKG THE ROOM JT LIKE:[WHISTLE'S THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY THEME SONG]"WHY DID YOU EAT YOUR ICE CREAM OFF THE FLOOR?""I DIDN'T, I JT..."BAD! ACCURATE!YOU'D BE A SUPERMARKET AND SH AND BE GRABBG CEREALS OFF THE UNTER GOG:"MOM, N WE GET THIS?""I GUS NOT!"AND ULD BE DOG THREE DIFFERENT THGS, BE ON THE PHONE WH MY GRANDMOTHER, BE OKG WH THIS HAND HAVE THE PHONE LIKE THIS AND BE SAYG;"YEAH, MAMA, HOLD ON A SEND."FUCK YOU UP AND GOD FORBID, MY MOTHER BE DRSED UP AND HAD THEM HIGH HEELS ON. THEM PUMPS, 'S THEN SHE GETS BOOMERANG ACTN GOG ON YOUR ASS! AND FUCK YOU UP YOUR ROOM, YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED.THEY N HEAR YOU WHEN YOU'RE GETTG READY TO WALK OUT THE DOOR. AND HEAR YOU ON THE BUNK BEDS FUCKG AROUND. THEY GOT THAT MOTHER HEARG."WA A MUTE, BABY.""LET'S GO."SHE WAS THE ONE WHO DID ALL THE DISCIPLG AROUND THE HOE AND SH. VERY, VERY STRICT HOE I ME OM.AND I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST WENT TO MY FIRST NTACT WH A WHE FAY EAKED ME OUT AND SH.I WENT TO FRH AIR FUND, EVER WENT TO THAT? WHERE THEY TAKE A KID OM THE CY AND TAKE HIM TO THE UNTRY AND FUCK THEIR MDS UP?AND I WENT THERE, I FOUND SOME WHE KIDS N CURSE AROUND THE HOE! THAT FUCKED ME UP! WHEN I WAS LTLE I ULDN'T BELIEVE THAT SH.BEE I ULDN'T EVEN SAY "DAGG" AROUND MY HOE, MY FATHER SAID "SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE DAMN." I GOT TROUBLE FOR SAYG SH THE WRONG WAY. I WAS THE HOE WH TOM KILA.HIS MOTHER SAID "TOM YOU'RE A LTLE LATE!” HE SAID: "COME ON MOM I'M MOVG AS FAST AS I N SH."AND I WAS STANDG LIKE THIS:AND IF I TRIED TO PULL SOME SH LIKE THAT MY HOE? "ED, YOU'RE A LTLE LATE!""OH, E ON, POP, SH, WHAT IS THIS! COME ON, DAMN!"MY POP JT GO: [FIR GUN] "THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S CRAZY!"POPS DIDN'T PLAY MAN, HE DIDN'T PLAY WHEN ME TO KIDS, HE A'T FUCKG WH MY MOTHER THOUGH. MY MOTHER WOULD FUCK HIM UP. MY MOMS ONE OF THOSE SISTAS YOU DON'T H. YOU N'T H SISTAS PERD. REMEMBER THE OLD DAYS WHEN YOU ULD BEAT UP A WOMAN? REMEMBER THAT SH BACK THE 20'S, THE GUYS JT SMACKED THEIR WIV THE MOVI... AND THEY JT GO... YOU N'T DO SH LIKE THAT NO MORE. WOMEN BE TAK' AEROBICS, AND THEY'LL FUCK YOU UP NOW! IT'S SRY TOO, MAN! ESPECIALLY A BLACK WOMAN. YOU H A BLACK WOMAN SHE LOSE HER MD! SERLY. THEY GO CRAZY, YOU N HAVE A REALLY TIMID SISTER FOR A GIRL, AND SMACK BE LIKE:"I'M A KILL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! YOU DON'T H ME LIKE THAT! YOU DON'T H ME SH! YOU DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY FACE! MY FATHER DON'T PUT HIS HANDS ON MY FACE!”"BABY, PLEASE, STOP! BABY, PLEASE... STOP! BABY, HOLD ON, STOP, PLEASE!""CALM DOWN, BABY, LM DOWN!""YOU DON'T H ME, MOTHERFUCKER! SO GET THE FUCK OUT!"THROW YOU OUT YOUR OWN HOE, YOU BE SO SRED YOU GET THE FUCK OUT TOO. THAT'S SOME SH. YOU KNOW YOU'RE SRED WHEN A WOMAN SAYS GET THE FUCK OUT YOUR OWN HOE AND YOU LEAVE. I HAD A GIRLIEND ONCE, I SMACKED HER AND GOT ALL OL AND SH. AND THEN SHE GOT OL AND SRED ME MORE AND I JT LEFT."I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT SH, BABY! BUT YOU BROUGHT THAT SH ON YOURSELF. DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO DO AGA."SHE SAID: "NO, NO I DID BRG ON MYSELF. WHY DON'T YOU JT GO TO SLEEP?"GOT THE FUCK OUT. PEOPLE ARE CHANGG. MEN ARE CHANGG TOO, THIS SH THE GUYS DO NOW YOU ULDN'T DO WHAT THEY DID 30 YEARS AGO. IN THE OLD DAYS, YOU HAD AN ARGUMENT WH YOUR GIRL THE R, SHE SAY: "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" MEN WOULD SAY: "NO, NO, WE N'T HAVE ANY OF THAT." AND NOWADAYS A WOMAN SAY THAT SH, DU: "GET THE FUCK OUT!"SOMEBODY BROKE WD HERE!I'VE BEEN TRYG LIKE NOT SAY NOTHG BUT SOMEONE FARTED THIS MOTHERFUCKER. THAT'S SOME LONG-DISTANCE FART TOO, BOY. I KNOW YOU GET DOWN WH YOUR IENDS HAVE A GOOD TIME. ESPECIALLY KNOW THEY PLAY THAT GAME, THEY PLAY THE FART GAME YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW YOU FART AROUND YOUR FELLAS AND S FUNNY.DUS BE DOG THAT THEY BE GETT ELEVATORS FARTG AND LGHG AND SH. IT'S NASTY ! YOU PLAY THE FART GAME. I THK EP DOWN SI PEOPLE WANNA SMELL OTHER PEOPLE'S FARTS. 'COS YOU SMELL THEM.AND PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL YOU THEY FARTED. THEY SAY: "I FARTED." YOU DON'T LEAVE, YOU PSE A SEND."YEAH, YOU DID!"'S THE BACK OF YOUR MD YOU WANNA GRA THE FART. 'S IF SMELLS BAD ENOUGH, TWO YEARS LATER YOU BE GOG:"REMEMBER THAT FART YOU MA, TWO YEARS AGO ?"THE FART GAME YOU PLAY. STARTS OFF AROUND THE HOE WHEN YOU'RE LTLE. YOUR FATHER TRODUC YOU TO . YOU'D BE STG THE HOE ON A SATURDAY MORNG, WATCHG RTOONS AND YOUR FATHER MAKE A FART AND:"THAT WASN'T ME, THAT WAS YOUR MOTHER.""OH, BABY, BABY ! I WANT A DIVORCE, UH! YOU'RE ROTTEN, BABY, SH!"AND YOU JO , GRAB YOUR LTLE BROTHER, S ON HIS HEAD AND FART. YOU EVER DO THAT? THAT'S A FUN GAME, YOU LTLE BROTHER EAK OUT AND GO: "WAAAH"AND YOUR FATHER GO: "IT'S THE FART GAME, YOU'LL PLAY ONE DAY SON."THE FART GAME, YOU GET YOUR BT IEND ON THAT SH TOO. YOU N WALK UP TO YOUR BT IEND WHILE HE'S WATCHG A FOOTBALL GAME AND FART HIS FACE. HE WON'T EVEN GET MAD.HE JT GO: "OK, YOU GOT ME.""THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, TOO ! MY MOUTH WAS OPEN. MY MOUTH WAS OPEN ON THAT!"I GOT A SR, OVER MY EYE TILL THIS DAY OM PLAYG THE FART GAME THE BATHTUB. ME AND MY BIG BROTHER ED TO PLAY . WE WERE POOR, WE DIDN'T HAVE MR. BUBBLE, WE PLAYED THE FART GAME."I THK 'S SMELLY !""I'M G.I JOE, I'M SWIMMG ON THE WATER..."AND MY BIG BROTHER WAS STG THE OTHER END OF THE TUB, AND MA SH THE TUB. HE WANTED TO ADD SOME EXCEMENT TO THE GAME.HE SAID: "AND THEN A BIG BROWN SHARK ME."I JUMPED UP AND SAID: "AAAAAH." CUT MY EYE ON THE SOAP DISH, BLOOD GHG OUT AND SH. SCREAMG, MY MOTHER RAN THE BATHROOM. SEEG MY BIG BROTHER ST THE BATHROOM WH A PIECE OF SH HIS HAND. I WAS LAY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WATER WH BLOOD GHG OUTTA MY G.I. JOE UP MY ASS...MY MOTHER: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOG ON OVER HERE?"CAN I HOLD SOMEBODY'S MERA. ANYBODY BRG A MERA?DO S FLASH GO IMMEDIATELY? LIKE I DON'T HAVE TO BE WAG LIKE MY NT AND SH: "WA A SEND NOW !" THEY TRY TO PRS AND THE SH DON'T WORK THEY BE GOG LIKE: "THERE'S SOMETHG WRONG WH ..." AND GO IMMEDIATELY THE FLASH. ARE YOU SURE? I'LL TAKE A PICTURE OF THE CROWD, FOR MYSELF. OK, Y'ALL E OVER HERE ON THIS NOW? YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL TAKE TWO OF THEM. THIS A'T NO STAMATIC MOTHERFUCKER! I GOT TO WA FOR THE FLASH AND SH! SEE, YOU GOT ME WAG. I SHOULD BREAK YOUR SH. SEE THE BROTHERS STG THE BACK GO: "ALL THIS MONEY AND HE TAKG MOTHERFUCKG PICTUR!" "I WANT MY PICTURE TOOK, I'D STEAL A R MOTHERFUCKER!" "HEY, MAN, I SAID ONE FUCK' PICTURE!" "YOU'RE GOG TO MY FUCKG FILM, MAN. COME ON, SH!" "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THK YOU ARE, MAN!" I'LL SEE YOU EXPLA THE LAST ONE TO THE GUY AT THE PHOTOMAT."THAT'S A PICTURE OF EDDIE MURPHY'S DICK..."YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD PICTURE? CAN ALL THE BROTHERS STAND UP? ALL THE BROTHERS THE DIENCE? STRAIGHT UP! EVERYBODY UP! STRAIGHT UP ! I'M SER ! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOG?WILL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER STAND UP? UP! AND ALL THE LADI GET THE MERAS UP. WE'RE GONNA SET THE RERD STRAIGHT HERE.WHEN I SAY GO...EVERYBODY WHIP OUT THEIR DICK AND GO: "WUUUHAAA"LOOK HOW FAST THE WHE DUS SAT DOWN. SOME OF THEM STILL STANDG. Y'ALL MT BE ITALIAN!WE GOT SOME SH ON . WE GOT ALL THIS SH! WE GOT SOME DICKS HANGG DOWN! DICKS DOWN TO THIS MOTHERFUCKER! YOU DON'T BELIEVE . WHE PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE . WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT ,WHE PEOPLE ARE THE ON THAT MA UP THE MOR."YOU KNOW, BLACK PEOPLE HAVE TREMENDO DICKS, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE !"YOU KNOW REMAS OF THE FIRST DICK WAS FOUND AI? BIG ASS PIECE OF BONE DICK ON THE FLOOR."WHAT IS THIS SH ?""IT'S AN OLD DRIED UP DICK.""THAT MEANS THE FIRST DICK BELONGED TO A BLACK MAN."DICKS. WE GOT THE SH FOR . WE GOT NICE ASS, TOO. WE GOT OUR SH ON. YOU SEE A WHE DU WOULD BE THIS SU LIKE THIS."ALL RIGHT, MAN ! ALL RIGHT, MAAAN !"I GOT A IEND, DOUG, THERE GO DOUG, MY IEND, DOUG'S ASS IS WAY UP HERE ON HIS BACK. A'T , DOUG? DOUG BE GETTG SH STAS ON HIS LLAR. AND RTRANTS BE REACHG FOR HIS WALLET:"LEMME GET MY WALLET"COZ WE GOT OUR SH HOOKED, ALL THIS IS HOOKED UP WH BLACK PEOPLE. CHE PEOPLE ARE FUCKED ALL AROUND, Z THEY GOT LTLE DICKS AND LTLE ASS. THEY DO AND S FUCKED UP THE WAY THEY WALK. THEY BE WALKG ALL LIGHT Z THEY A'T GOT NO SH PULLG THEM DOWN.NOW, A BROTHER'S DICK IS TOO BIG FUCKS UP HIS BALANCE SO HE'D HAVE TO DO ALL THIS SH..EVERYTIME YOU SEE A BROTHER A WHEEL CHAIR HE A'T ALWAYS CRIPPLED. HE'S GOT BIG SH HANGG DOWN! THAT'S WHY ALL THE BROTHERS MOL THEY DRAWERS THE NEWSPAPERS. THK 'BOUT . I'VE BEEN SEEG NEWSPAPERS EVERY SUNDAY MORNG.A WHE DU HIS HAVE NO BALLS THEY DRAWERS.SG AND SH. IF I HAD NO BALLS. I WOULDN'T BE SG THIS SH."I DON'T HAVE ANY DICK !"BROTHER BE STANDG A BROTHER MOLS IS DRAWERS THEY NEED AN EXTRA FOLD THE PAGE. THEY'RE SELLG UNRWEAR BUT THIS NIGGERS DICK IS MY FFEE."WANT ME STIR FOR YOU?"THAT'S SOME TE SH.WHAT'S TODAY'S DATE?DON'T GO TO OK-OUTS. I HATE OK-OUTS MAN. STAY AWAY OM OK-OUTS, IF YOU'RE LIKE ME STAY AWAY. I DON'T LIKE MY FAY E BY THE HOE, WH THE RELATIV I A'T SEEN SCE THE LAST OK-OUT.YOU GOT CERTA RELATIV YOU JT SEE AT THE OK-OUT. AND THEY GET ON YOUR FUCK NERV EVERY YEAR. MY UNCLE G E BY THE HOE EVERY YEAR. MY UNCLE G IS THE UNCLE THAT LIK TO WORK THE GRILL. AND DON'T LET NOBODY TOUCH THE GRILL WHEN HE'S AROUND AND SH.AS AS SOON AS HE WALKS THE HOE S LIKE:"GET AWAY OM THAT GRILL YOU DUNNA KNOW HOW TO START A FIRE""YOU DUNNA START NO FIRE, PUT THIS FIRE OUT. THIS A'T NO FIRE GODDAMN.""EDDIE. EDDIE GO OVER THERE GET ALL OF THAT WOOD I NEED HALF A TREE. CHOP THAT TREE.""CHOP DOWN THAT TREE AND GIVE ME THE WOOD.""AND CHARLIE GO GET ME GALLONS OF GASOLE OUT THE SHED.""TWO GALLONS OF GASOLE, YOU KIDS ROLL UP YOUR SHIRT WE'RE GONNA START A FIRE.""COME ON, YOU WANNA EAT? YOU WANNA EAT?""THEN SHUT UP AND PUT ON THE FIRE.""O.K. PUT THAT WOOD ON THE SI THERE.""O.K. GIMME THE GASOLE CHARLIE.""HOLD THE MATCH, WHEN I TELL YOU THROW THE MATCH ON THE GASOLE ALL RIGHT?""WHEN I TELL YOU RIGHT? WE GONNA MAKE A FIRE.WE GONNA EAT."HERE WE GO POUR THE GASOLE ON LIKE THIS.""WE NEED THE HOLE .. THAT GODDAMN LIGHTER FLUID OUT OF HERE WE N'T E THAT SH.""USG ALL THE GALLONS GASOLE ON THIS WOOD.""AND MAKE A FIRE, WE'RE GONNA EAT A HAMBURGER O.K.?""HERE WE GO, CHARLIE THROW THE MATCH.""NOW THAT"S A FIRE!""THAT'S A FIRE, LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT.""HE BE ALRIGHT, ROLL CHARLIE 'ROUND, ROLL HIM AROUND."AND UNCLE G IS MARRIED TO MY NT BUNNY. MY NT BUNNY GOT A MOTACHE AND SH! YOU KNOW ONE OF THEM LADY MOTACH? IT WAS REALLY OL, BACK WHEN SHE WAS 20.LADI HAD THEM LTLE TH ON AND SH. THEN WHEN THEY GET ABOUT 40 LIKE NT BUNNY THEY BE HAV' A BILLY DEE WILLIAMS' LOOK. THE SH IS BIGGER THAN A MAN'S AND SH !AUNT BUNNY WEIGHT LIKE 300 POUNDS. LIKE REAL HEAVY LADY AND SH. AND THE KIDS WERE SRED OF HER. YOU GOT THAT KID LOGIC GOG. I REMEMBER MY NT BUNNY E BY THE HOE.IT WAS LIKE. I WAS PETRIFIED Z SHE ALWAYS WANTED TO KISS ME AND TOUCH ME AND SOME SH.SOON AS SHE WALKED ON THE DOOR WAS LIKE:"COME HERE AND GIVE NT BUNNY A KISS, BABY."THEN YOU GO: "WAAAAA!"AND MY MOM WOULD SAY:"WHY DON'T YOU GO AND KISS YOUR NT BUNNY ?"KIDS DON'T GIVE A FUCK, THEY GO:"SHE'S GOT A MOTACHE!"WHY DO KIDS MOVE SO SLOW WHEN THEY BE CRYG?"STOP MAKG ALL THAT NOISE!""I SAID SHUT UP!"YOU BE MAD Z YOUR MOTHER H YOU. YOU BE STANDG THERE WISHG HATEFUL SH ON YOUR MOTHER."GOD PLEASE KILL HER !""I HOPE SHE GETS H BY A TCK AND DIE !""I HATE HER ! I HATE HER! I HATE HER ! I HATE HER!"SHUT UP OR I'LL E AND GIVE YOU SOMETHG TO CRY ABOUT. THAN MY POP STARTS TALKG. AND MY POP IS FUCKED UP EVERY 4TH OF JULY!"BLACK MEN LIKE TO CLAIM THE HOE WHEN THEY'RE DNK. MEN PERD I THK, LIKE TO CLAIM THEIR HOE. THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU DNK AND THEY'RE DNK. AND YOU THEIR HOE, THAT 'S THEIR HOE. MY FATHER STANDG THE MIDDLE OF THE OK-OUT SAYG: "IT'S MY HOE!""YOU KNOW THAT IS ? AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE , YOU GET THE FUCK OUT !""I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!""I DON'T GIVE A... I PAY THE MOTHERFUCKER BILLS THIS MOTHERFUCKER!""AND, HEY... KISS MY ASS IF YOU DON'T LIKE !""Y ! Y, MOTHERFUCKER, Y !"'S YOU KNOW WHAT IS? I'M DNK. SO WHAT? BETIFUL ! I'M DNK. I'M DNK ! SO WHAT? I'M DNK."YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT DNK MY MOTHERFUCKG KCHEN, I WAS DRKG OUT OF MY GLASS MY MOTHERFUCKER HOE.""SO, FUCK !"THEN HE ATTACKS THE WHOLE FAY, LIKE:"G! G, N I ASK YOU A QUTN?""WHY IS THE FIRE SO BIG?""WHY YOU MA THE FIRE SO BIG? LOOK AT THIS SH! IS A MOTHERFUCKER RIDICULO, G!""THE FIRE IS TOO MOTHERFUCKER BIG! WHY? YOU'RE G EVERY MOTHERFUCK' YEAR, G..."".. YOU BURN OUT MY MOTHERFUCKER BACKYARD! WHY?""I'M OKG MOTHERFUCKER HAMBURGERS THIS BIG?""I'M NOT OK' NO MOTHERFUCKG BRONTOSS BURGERS THIS MOTHERFUCKER!""THIS A'T THE MOTHERFUCKG FLTSTON, G! IT'S MY HOE, MOTHERFUCKER!""LOOK AT CHARLIE STANDG OVER THERE WH 3RD GREE BURNS ON EM.""IT DON'T MAKE SENSE NO. BUT YOU TAKE THGS TOO FAR G.""I TELL YOU GO AN CH, YOU GO 17 CH. TELL YOU GO 17 CH YOU GO.""GIVE A NIGGA ROPE GONNA BE A WBOY G.""WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN. EDDIE, GET THAT MOTHERFUCKG DOG AWAY OM MY PLATE.""I'M GONNA SHOOT THIS DOG.""I'M GONNA SHOOT THIS MOTHER... SHUT UP. I'M GONNA SHOOT . STOP CRYG.""STOP CRYG EDDIE, CUZ YOU N GET THE FUCK OUT.""YOU'RE GETT' THE FUCK...I KNOW YOU'RE SEVEN!""BUT YOU'LL BE A SEVEN YEAR OLD WALK' THE DOG NO HOE MOTHERFUCKER! "I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKG DOG.""YOU DON'T SPEND TIME WH THE DOG EDDIE. YOU DON'T FEED THE MOTHERFUCKER. YOU DON'T PET . YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE DOGS NAME IS ANYMORE DO YOU? "THE DOG DON'T GIVE A FUCK HE DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. THE DOG IS 3 YEARS OLD, DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. WATCH THIS: CO! WHERE THE FUCK IS GOG? THE DOG'S STUPID! 'CSE YOU DON'T SPEND TIME WH THE MOTHERFUCKER. I'M SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD ALL DAY AND E HOME TO FEED THE MOTHERFUCKG DOG? FUCK NO, I'M NOT FEEDG THE MOTHERFUCKER! YOU KNOW EDDIE, WHEN NOBODY'S HOME, WHEN NOBODY'S HOME YOU KNOW WHAT I DO? I WALK TO THE DOG AND I KICK THE MOTHERFUCKER! I KICK THE MOTHERFUCKER WH EVERYTHG I GOT, EDDIE! AND THEN I GIGGLE MY MOTHERFUCKG ASS OFF 'E I HATE THE MOTHERFUCKER! 'CSE YOU DON'T CLEAN UP BEHD ! THIS A'T SOBY-DOO MOTHERFUCKER WHY N'T YOU CLEAN THE DOG? THE DOG SHS ALL OVER THE HOE. IF NO ONE TELLS YOU, EDDIE, YOU DON'T CLEAN THE SH. YOU LET THE SH STAY FOREVER. SH BEEN THE N FOR 3 MONTHS, EDDIE. IT'S BEEN THE N FOR 3 MONTHS, YOU KIDS GO PASS YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON'T SEE . AND UNLS YOU'RE TOLD YOU WON'T CLEAN THE SH. THE SH IS HARD AS A ROCK NOW! IT'S LIKE MOTHERFUCK FURNURE THERE! "I WENT THERE LAST WEEK TO WATCH THE FIGHT, AND SAID FUCK I PUT MY DRK ON TOP OF , EDDIE! IT'S A FFEE TABLE NOW! WHY N'T YOU CLEAN UP SH? MY IENDS E OVER AND THEY OH THAT'S LOVELY. IT'S NOT LOVELY 'S A PIECE OF SH. 'CSE MY CHILDREN DON'T LISTEN!"THEN MY NT BUNNY WOULD FALL DOWN THE STEPS. ALMOST EVERY YEAR. EVER HAD A HEAVY SET NT FALL DOWN THE STEPS? MAKE A WHOLE LOTTA FUCKG NOISE! IT'S SRY, TOO, 'S THEY'LL BE LLG J ON THE WAY DOWN! AND NTS DON'T LIKE TO FALL STRAIGHT DOWN THE STEPS LIKE A KID,THEY BE TRYG TO BREAK THE FALL AND HOLD AND STOP THE SH. AND THAT'S WHAT MAK THE FALL TAKE A HALF HOUR THEN. REAL LOUD, LIKE:"LORD, J CHRIST, HELP MY LORD, PLEASE, J, PLEASE!""J, GOD, HELP, MY LORD, J, HELP ME I'M FALLG DOWN THE STEPS OH LORD J CHRIST PLEASE!""MY SHOE!""OH LORD J GOD HELP !""I'M HALF WAY DOWN NOW HELP MY LORD J !""LILIAN!""WHAT IS ALL THAT FUCK' NOISE?!""LILIAN! THE BCH IS FALLG DOWN THE STEPS AGA!""LILIAN! LILIAN!""WHAT'S WRONG, BUNNY?""I FELL DOWN THE STEPS!""BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS! BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS! EDDIE, GO GET YOUR NT BUNNY SOMETHG OL FOR HER HEAD!""WHAT HAPPENED?""BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS!""HEY, CHARLIE ! AUNT BUNNY FELL DOWN THE STEPS!""G! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WH YOUR WIFE? WHY N'T SHE WALK THE FUCKG STEPS? YOU E UP EVERY FUCK' YEAR, G, AND YOU BURN DOWN MY MOTHERFUCKER BACKYARD AND YOUR WIFE RIPS DOWN THE STEPS! WHY? I WORK HARD TO GET MY PLACE BETIFUL, AND THEN THE MOTHERFUCKER E OVER AND RIPS THE STEPS DOWN! LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKG STEPS! THEY'RE FUCKED UP, G! WHY N'T SHE WALK THE STEPS? YOU KNOW WHY SHE N'T WALK THE STEPS? 'CSE SHE'S A FAT HAIRY BCH! THAT'S WHY! THAT'S WHY, G! AND MY CHILDREN ARE AAID OF YOUR WIFE. EDDIE'S AAID OF HER! HE HAS NIGHTMAR ABOUT YOUR WIFE! I WENT TO HIS ROOM LAST WEEK, G, HE WAS THE BED SCREAMG, 'OH, HELP ME, HELP ME!' I JT WALK UP TO HIM, SHAKE HIM, ASK: 'WHAT'S WRONG?' HE SAID: 'AUNT BUNNY IS G TO GET ME!' HE'S AAID OF YOUR WIFE, 'S SHE HAS A BIGGER MTACHE THAN HIS FATHER!"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS, G! I FIGURED OUT ABOUT YOUR WIFE. AND I'M GONNA SAY . I FIGURED OUT ABOUT YOUR WIFE. I KNOW WHERE YOU MET YOUR WIFE. YOU TOLD ME YOU MET YOUR WIFE 50 YEARS AGO ON A MOTHERFUCKG MPG TRIP, AND THAT YOUR WIFE WAS PUERTO RIN. YOUR WIFE A'T NO MOTHERFUCKG PUERTO RIN! I THOUGHT SHE WASN'T OM THE FIRST MUTE 'S I WALKED UP TO HER I SAID: 'HI, MY NAME IS VERNON.' AND SHE SAID: 'HELLO, I'M BUNNY. GUNI GUGU!' WHAT THE FUCK DO 'GUNI GUGU' MEAN, G? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT SH IS AS TO THIS DAY. I THOUGHT I LEARNED SOME NEW SPANISH SH! I WENT UP TO MY IEND: "HEY, SANCHEZ! GUNI GUGU!' AND SANCHEZ SAYS: 'GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!'"I'VE BEEN WALKG AROUND FOR YEARS NFED. AND I FALLY FIGURED OUT ABOUT YOUR WIFE, WHERE YOU MET YOUR WIFE. YOU DIDN'T MEET YOUR MOTHERFUCKER WIFE ON NO MPG TRIP! .. WIFE IS A BIGFOOT, ISN'T SHE, G? YOUR WIFE IS A BIGFOOT, ISN'T SHE? THAT'S WHY THE BCH'S MTACHE IS SO MOTHERFUCKER THICK: 'E YOU SHAVED THE BCH DOWN AND TGHT TO SPEAK! I KNOW A MOTHERFUCK' BIGFOOT WHEN I SEE ONE! YOU BRG A BIGFOOT MY HOME, G? ON MY CHILDREN? THE BCH N'T TALK, SHE N'T WALK THE YER STEPS! SHE'S NOT TRAED WELL, G! SHE NNOT WALK STEPS. I BET SHE CLIMB THE FUCK OUT A TREE THOUGH, DON'T SHE, G?DON'T SHE ? DON'T SHE? BUT YOU HAD TO BRG HER OUT HERE! FUCK HER!"AND YOUR MOTHERFUCKG CHILDREN? THEY'RE BIGFEET TOO! THEY'RE HALF BIGFOOT, G, 'E THE MOTHERFUCKERS IS 6 YEARS OLD AND HAVE AOS 17 CH LONG. THEY'RE LTLE HAIRY MOTHERFUCKERS JT LIKE THEIR MOTHER. LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU KNOW HOW I FOUND OUT THEY WAS BIGFOOT? WHEN I TOOK YOUR KIDS FISHG LAST WEEK. I PUT THE MOTHERFUCKERS THE BOAT, G; AND I TOOK THE WORM AND I PUT ON THE HOOKS, AND THEY BOTH SAT THERE, AND PUT THE POL DOWN THE BOAT. AND SLAMMED THEIR FACE THE WATER, FOR 3 MS.AND I THK, 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE KIDS DO'?' THEN THEY START MOV' THEIR HEADS LIKE THIS AND THE MOTHERFUCKERS E UP WH FISH. I JUMPED BACK AND SAID, 'CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MOTHERFUCK SH?' THEN KID TOOK THE FISH OUT OF HIS MOUTH, LOOKED AT HIS BROTHER AND SAID: 'GUNI GUGU!' I SAID, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOG ON HERE?' NORMAL KIDS DON'T DO SH LIKE THAT, G! BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETH' MOTHERFUCKER: YOU N TAKE YOUR MOTHERFUCKG HAIRY FAT ASS WHE MTACHE BCH OUT THE FUCK. YOU N GO UPSTAIRS AND GET THE MOTHERFUCK' DOG AND SOP UP THE SH, AND TAKE EDDIE AND GET THE MOTHERFUCKER LONG ANGELA DAVIS AO-WARE MOTHERFUCKER KIDS OF PUT THEM THE MOTHERFUCKG GUNI GUGU-MOBILE AND GET THE FUCK OUT! AND IF MY WIFE DON'T LIKE SHE N GET THE FUCK OUT TOO!""YOU MISSED ME, BCH!"THANK YOU!OH, J.OH, SH... I'M WASHGTON D.C.!J ! CHRIST !THIS IS WHERE REAGAN LIV. NOT FAR OM HERE.HEY RON EVERYONE'S BOOG AND I A'T SAID SH.WELL, TELL SOMETHG WE DON'T KNOW, MOTHERFUCKER! IT A'T LIKE PEOPLE S AROUND GOG "REALLY DO SUCK?"SH'S CHANGG THOUGH, WE GOT BLACK POLICIANS NOW.WHO'S THAT BOY... HAROLD WASHGTON ?HAROLD WASHGTON SAID: "FUCK !"AND WON. I KNOW HE'S STILL STG AROUND GOG:"I REALLY WON THE MOTHERFUCKER?"AND JSE JACKSON SEEN THAT SH AND SAID:"FUCK , IMMA N TOO, FUCK ""JSE YOU N W" I SEE THE BROTHERS GOG. YOU N W JSE, Z YOU'RE BIGGER THAN MOTHERFUCKG HAROLD WASHGTON.""FUCK HAROLD WASHGTON.""FUCK HIM MAN, N FOR PRINT."AND JSE GOG: "YEAH, FUCK THAT SH."I'VE SEEN JSE THE GYM, WORKG THE FUCK OUT, TOO, FOR GETTG TO SHAPE. YOU KNOW HE GOT A CHANCE HE N W. WHE DUS LIKE TO DO SH LIKE FOR THE WRONG DU AS A GOOF.THEY GET DNK AND SH AND GO LIKE:"LET'S VOTE FOR JSE JACKSON!""I JT VOTED FOR JSE JACKSON !"AND NEXT DAY WOULD BE LIKE THIS: "HE FUCK' WON?"JSE KNOWS THAT SH N HAPPEN. HE GETS SHAPE. I'VE SEEN HIM NNG ROUND THE TRACK AND SH.I SAID: "WHY THE FUCK YOU GETTG SHAPE LIKE THIS?"HE SAYS: "S I'M GONNA BE THE FIRST BLACK PRINT.""I HAVE TO GIVE SPEECH LIKE THIS: MY FELLOW AMERINS!AS YOUR PRINT I FEEL AND DU BE GOG:"HE WON'T STAND STILL!"I A'T HOOKED UP TO ALL THAT RACISM SH.MY MOTTO IS, LIFE JT BE HAPPY WH THE MOTHERFUCKERS. I A'T TO ALL THAT RACISM SH. RACISM A'T AS BAD AS ED TO BE ANYWAY MAN…I MEAN S FUCKED UP BUT, THEY DON'T LL NIGGERS, NIGGERS NO MORE AND SH.WHE PEOPLE DON'T SAY . ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE'S NIGGAS AROUND. SO I GUS I WOULDN'T KNOW .I WENT TO TEXAS TO LOOK TO RACISM, ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO. I HAD A SHOW DOWN TEXAS, GOT OFF THE PLANE AND SH, WALKED UP LOOKG FOR RACISM.MY IENDS ALWAYS TOLD ME: "YOU BETTER NOT GO TO TEXAS! THEY'LL FUCK YOU UP!"AND WHEN A MORN DAY BROTHER HERE THAT SH"WHAT ! THEY A'T FUCKG NOBODY UP!"BROTHERS ACT LIKE THEY ULDN'T HAVE BEEN SLAV BACK 200 YEARS AGO. ITS LIKE MOTHERFUCKERS LIKED THAT SH."I WISH I WAS A SLAVE; I WOULD FUCK SOMEBODY UP!"" ME TO BALE SOME MOTHERFUCKG TTON.""I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE STREET AND SH.."HE WOULD ME UP AND SAY EY YO NIGGA BALE THIS TTON?""I'D SAY SUCK MY DICK MASTER.""SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKG DICK.""THAT'S RIGHT I A'T BALG A MOTHERFUCKER."THE FIRST DU THAT GOT OFF THE BOAT SAID THAT SH."BALE THAT TTON.""FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!"OTHER MOTHERFUCKERS SAY: "WE BALE THE SH, JT KEEP THAT SH AWAY.""JT KEEP THAT FUCK' SH AWAY OM ME."I GOT OF THE MOTHERFUCKG PLANE, WALKED UP, GOT UP, WALKED UP, MY BAG. ALL MY BLACK SH ON, BLACK LEATHER, BIG ASS MEDALLN AND SH ON LIKE THIS.LTLE WHE DU WALK UP AND SAY: "THIS YOUR BAG?"I SAID: "Y, MY FUCK' BAG!""WHY, MOTHERFUCKER? A BLACK MAN N'T HAVE A SUSE?"AND THE DU IS LIKE:"WHAT THE FUCK'S WRONG WH THIS GUY?"WASN'T THAT BAD AT ALL. I'M WD. I'M OUT OF BREATH. SWEATG AND SH.[FEMALE DIENCE MEMBER YELLS "DO MR. ROB!"]["SHUT UP, BCH!!" OM ANOTHER MEMBER THE DIENCE]Y'ALL DIDN'T KNOW I WAS A VENTRILOQUIST TOO.SH A'T AS BAD AS ED TO BE. YOU KNOW WHO GET REAL BAD NOW? CHE PEOPLE. THEY ARE THE ON WHO BE GETTG FUCKED OVER BAD. YOU BE TEAS' THEM AND SH. EVER GO TO A RTRANT AND ORR UP SOME FOOD.CHE DU WOULD BE THERE AND WHEN HE LEAVE YOU DO LIKE THIS:EVERYBODY MAK FUN OF CHE WHEN THEY ORR SOME FOOD UP AND SH.AND THEY'RE NICE GUYS, BE ALL URTEO AND SH. YOUR IENDS AND SH BE LGHG.AND HE LOOK OUT THE BACK AND SAY:"THE FOOD IS G RIGHT UP."HE BE THE BACK WATCHG :"VERY FUNNY. VERY FUNNY.""MAKE A SPECIAL WON-TON SOUP FOR HIM..."I WONR IF THEY HAVE, LIKE A MCDONALD'S CHA?CHE PEOPLE WOULD BE WALKG AND SAY:"GIVE ME A BIG MAC AND A STRAWBERRY SHAKE, A LARGE ORR Y AND A CHERRY PIE."AND DU SAY: "BIG MAC, STRAWBERRY SHAKE, LARGE ORR Y AND A CHERRY PIE, G RIGHT UP."THAT'S A FUCKED UP LANGUAGE TOO, CHE. HARD TO LEARN.I WANNA LEARN TO SPEAK SPANISH. THAT'S THE SH. YOU KNOW WHAT I'D REALLY WANT TO SPEAK? I'D LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK ENCH, 'S THAT'S SOME OL SH, FRENCH.YOU N SAY "I GOTTA SH" ENCH AND WOULD SOUND GOOD: JT SOUNDS GOOD.I DON'T LIKE THAT SH THAT ARABIC. THAT THE MOTHERFUCKERS BE SPEAKG THE [IMAT ARABIC LANGUAG]. THAT SH'S FUCKED FOR ME. IT SOUNDS NASTY AND SH, WOULD BE GETTG LIKE:THAT'S A WORD ARABIC: THAT MEANS SOME SH TO THEM!"COULD I HAVE A HAMBURGER CHEE ROLL?""NEVER MD, MAN.""I DON'T WANT NO HAKANA ON MY BREAD, MOTHERFUCKER!"SPANISH LANGUAGE.YOU KNOW WHY I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK SPANISH? COZ I WAS ALWAYS A RICKY RIRDO BUFF.WHEN HE WOULD GET MAD OF LUCY AND BE SAYG:I'D SAY: "GO ON RICKY CURSE THE BCH OUT."RICKY WOULD LOSE HIS MD. RICKY WAS OL AND SH.FOR THE FIFTI DI ARNAZ, RICKYRIRDO WAS A OL MOTHERFUCKER.HE HAD HIS BAGGI ON, POTED SHO, THE CLUB BABALOO AND SH.REMEMBER THAT SH?YOU BE ST' THERE LIKE THIS:HE HAD A OL ASS LGH TOO, WAS LIKE:"IT'S JTA RIDICULO !""HEY, FRED ! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS ?"TV IS ALL SCREWED...ANY KIDS HERE ?I MEAN, LTLE KIDS.I DON'T LIKE YOU BRGG THOSE KIDS DOWN HERE.HOW OLD ARE YOU, MAN ?HOW OLD?OH, YOU'RE GONNA BE FUCKED UPWHEN YOU LEAVE."DAD ! WHAT'S A DICK, WHAT IS THAT ?"HOW OLD IS THE OTHER GIRL, OVER THERE?OH, Y'ALL FUCKED UP NOW !Y'ALL THOUGHT I WOULD BE GOG LIKE THIS:YOU DIDN'T KNOW I'D BE SAYG: "A DICK THIS BIG!"THE KID'S GONNA BE WAKG UP AND:"A NEGRO'S DICK'S G TO GET ME MOM!"I'MMA TELL YOU ALL A JOKE YOU N TELL SCHOOL, ALL RIGHT, 'S I'VE BEEN TELLG THIS DIRTY STUFF.HERE'S A LTLE JOKE...Y'ALL N LISTEN TO TOO.I KNOW LOTS OF TIM PEOPLE SEEN MY SHOW THEN GO TO WORK AND TRY TO TELL AND FUCK MY JOK UP ON THE JOB AND SH.".. THEN HE SAID GUNI GUGU!""AND HE HAD A G.I. JOE UP HIS ASS!""HEY, I'M MR. T, I'LL RIP YOUR CK OFF WH MY ASS !"AND DU BE STANDG ALL:"YEAH, VERY FUNNY SH, RIGHT..."HERE'S A JOKE YOU N TELL AT SCHOOL, WHEN SCHOOL STARTS.EVERYBODY BE QUIET NOW. ARE YOU LISTENG GUYS?A BEAR AND A RABB ARE TAK' A SH THE WOODS. AND THE BEAR TURNS TO THE RABB AND SAYS: "EXCE ME, YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WH SH STICKG TO YOUR FUR?" AND THE RABB SAYS: "NO."SO THE BEAR WIPED HIS ASS WH THE RABB.I LIKE THAT JOKE.OH, SH !ANYBODY GOT BLE ?I'VE BEEN WATCHG A LOT OF BLE LATELY 'S I'M SO MAD WH . ONLY GOOD TV SHOW NOW IS STAR TREK. THAT'S SOME GOOD SH!I LIKE CAPTA KIRK, 'S CAPTA KIRK WILL FUCK ANYBODY!I'VE SEEN HIM BEAMED DOWN ON A PLA, EVER SEEN THAT WHEN HE'S FUCKED THIS DREAM BCH?YOU GOTTA BE A HORNY MOTHERFUCKER TO FUCK A DREAM BCH!I MEAN, I'M NO RACIST, BUT IF THE BCH IS GREEN THERE'S SOMETHG WRONG WH THE PSY!HE'LL BE FUCKG A MUTANT AND:SHIP BE GETT' ALL FUCKED UP. MR STT, I LIKE HIM HE MA ME LGH, HE'S NEVER OL AND SH. HE'S THE OPPOSE OF SPOCK. THE SHIP BE ALL FUCKED UP AND MR. STT SAY:"CAPTA, MY SHIP N'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS SIR. SHE'S ABOUT TO BLOW!""LET SPOCK HANDLE ."AND SPOCK SAY: "MR STT, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE PHASERS AND POT THEM AT THE DYLHIUM CRYSTALS AND POT THEM PHASERS AT THEM AND THEN E THE POWER OM THE PHASERS TO REGENERATE THE DYLHIUM CRYSTALS AND WE N GET OUT ON THE IMPULSE POWER.""MR SPOCK ! IT JT MIGHT WAX !""THE SH WORKED LAST WEEK, MOTHERFUCKER !"I GOT FED UP WH TV AND SH, Z I SEEN ALL THE STAR TREKS. I START WATCHG BLE. I WAS WATCHG POLTERGEIST LAST MONTH.I GOT A QUTN.WHY DON'T WHE PEOPLE JT LEAVE THE HOE WHEN THERE'S A GHOST THE HOE?Y'ALL STAY THE HOE TOO FUCK' LONG.GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOE!VERY SIMPLE: IF THERE'S A GHOST THE HOE, GET THE FUCK OUT!AND NOT ONLY DID THEY STAY THE HOE WH THE POLTERGEIST, THEY VE MORE PEOPLE OVER! STG AROUND GOG: "OUR DGHTER CARROLL-ANN'S THE TELEVISN SET."I WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE. IF I HAD A DGHTER, WENT DOWN TO THE PRECCT AND SAY"LOOK MAN, I WENT HOME MY FUCKG DGHTER'S THE T.V. SET AND I JT FUCKG LEFT."YOU N HAVE ALL THIS, I A'T GOG BACK TO THE MOTHERFUCKER. I JT ME DOWN SO WHEN SHE A'T AT THE SCHOOL YOU DON'T THK I KILLED THE BCH OR ANYTHG LIKE THAT. BUT SHE IS SI THE TV SET YOU N HAVE ALL THAT SH. THANK YOU."MR. MURPHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO SAVE YOUR DGHTER?"YEAH, I'M A MAN, SEE I TRIED TO SAVE HER I TURNED THE CHANNELS THE SH DIDN'T WORK. I GOT THE FUCK OUT. THE KID WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD THE MOVIE, THEY ULDN'T HAVE BEEN TO ATTACHED TO HER.IN THE AMYVILLE HORROR THE GHOST TOLD THEM TO GET OUT OF THE HOE. WHE PEOPLE STAYED THERE. NOW THAT'S A HT AND A HALF FOR YOUR ASS.A GHOST SAY GET THE FUCK OUT, I WOULD JT TIP THE FUCK OUT THE DOOR!LOU WALKER LOOKED THE TOILET BOWL, THE'RE WAS BLOOD THE TOILET.AND SAID, "THAT'S PECULIAR."I WOULD’VE BEEN THE HOE SAYG:"OH BABY THIS IS BETIFUL. WE GOT A CHANLIER HANGG UP HERE, KIDS OUTSI PLAYG. IT'S A BETIFUL NEIGHBORHOOD. WE A'T GOT NUTT TO WORRY, I REALLY LOVE . THIS IS REALLY NICE.""GET OUT!""TOO BAD WE N'T STAY, BABY!"YOU KNOW, I WANNA SAY SOMETHG. I THK MAYBE LIKE 30 YEARS AGO THERE WAS A WOMAN THAT WANTED TO SG, A BLACK LADY WANTED TO SG WAS HER NAME? MARIAN ANRSON? AND THIS PLACE WAS LIKE SEGREGATED AND SHE ULDN'T SG HERE. AND SHE ULDN'T SG THE PLACE. AND HERE WE ARE, LIKE NOT EVEN 50 YEARS LATER, A 22 YEAR OLD BLACK MALE ON STAGE GETTG PAID TO HOLD HIS DICK!GOD BLS AMERI! I GOTTA GO NOW.Y'ALL TAKE EASY, BYE BYE!9EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

In a new terview wh CBS Sunday Morng, the edian is takg another look back — but this time, ’s at some of the problematic jok that haven’t aged so a nversatn wh CBS’s Tracy Smh, the 58-year-old star was asked to reflect on homophobic jok he clud his ‘80s stand-up rout, cludg a b about havg “nightmar about gay people” 1983’s Delir.

(Photo: Michael Kovac/Getty Imag for Niche Imports)He add that he was unfazed, at the time, when his jok about AIDS and gay people received backlash.

Richard Pryor was bisexual and raised money for a gay rights anizatn. Eddie Murphy, for example, unleashed a blisterg seri of homophobic slurs his early standup rout – performanc for which he’s sce apologized. In 1977, Pryor headled a gay rights fundraiser where he talked on stage about enjoyg sex wh a man.

EDDIE MURPHY SAYS HIS OLD STAND-UP JOK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE MAKE HIM 'CRGE': 'I N'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT'

Pryor’s bisexualy was well-known among his iends, though some who were close to him still ny that he was gay.

“Wh that nfsn, Pryor beme perhaps the first major Hollywood celebry to talk graphilly about his own posive experience of gay sex – and certaly the first to do so ont of tens of thoands of people, ’ acrdg to an excerpt om the book, “Beg Richard Pryor” by Stt Sl. Raey sang openly about lbian relatnships and cross-drsg the early 20th century when homosexualy was seen as a form of mental illns.

As one cric asked, “What is Dave Chappelle’s problem wh gay people? Black ics like Pryor weren’t perfect when me to their sexual polics (Pryor end his gay rights fundraiser by gog after Whe gay people and tellg the crowd to, “kiss my happy, rich Black ass.

That’s right, the legendary Eddie Murphy managed to get his hands on the portra many years ago, thanks to the late Marv Gaye’s tate. 3 only did Gaye have the origal py that now li the hands of Murphy, but he ed the patg — created by legendary artist Ernie Barn — on the ver of his 1976 album “I Want You.

“After Marv Gaye passed away, I bought om his tate.

Eddie Murphy n adm that some of his jok om the ’80s jt don’t an terview wh CBS This Morng, the famed actor and edian reflected on some of his old homophobic jok wh reporter Tracy Smh.