Gay men’s fears of long-term romance < Yale School of Medice

Contents:

• GAY MEN’S FEARS OF LONG-TERM ROMANCE
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• AFTER YEARS OF PROGRS ON GAY RIGHTS, HOW DID THE US BEE SO ANTI-LGBTQ+?

GAY MEN’S FEARS OF LONG-TERM ROMANCE

Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant. This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make. There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

And though not as physilly threateng, anti-gay slurs and lack of acceptance of sexual mori to muni and fai n also have vastatg psychologil nsequenc on gay and bisexual people.

Although there was a time which homosexualy was nsired a mental illns, is now clear through s of rearch that beg a sexual mory and of self is not a mental illns.

AFTER YEARS OF PROGRS ON GAY RIGHTS, HOW DID THE US BEE SO ANTI-LGBTQ+?

Rather, the experienc of homophobia, discrimatn, and stigma that LGB people are exposed to put the dividuals at a higher risk of velopg mental health issu due to chronic strs associated wh the experienc. Perhaps one of the first rearch studi to shed light on this topic was Ilan Meyer’s landmark 1995 paper on the impact of “mory strs” on gay men livg New York Cy.

The rults of the study monstrated that dividuals who belong to a sexual mory group wh a heteronormative society are prone to high rat of ternalized homophobia (lack of acceptance of one's own sexualy), stigma, and experienc of discrimatn and vlence. For stance, a gay man who liv a state wh no legal protectns agast discrimatn the workplace is likely to be very worried about losg his job if his inty is revealed.

However, spe changg laws and cultural norms, people still hold on to homophobic beliefs and act ways that promote willful ignorance and discrimatn that serve to put the muny at risk both physilly and psychologilly. If you’re lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, or queer(LGBTQ) or are explorg your sexual orientatn or genr inty, and you stggle wh anxiety or prsn, let’s start by puttg thgs to ntext.

In my practice, I sometim enunter men who are so obssively worried they may be gay or bisexual that tak up such a signifint amount of their daily life and thoughts and them nearly cripplg anxiety. Like those wh Obssive-Compulsive Disorr (OCD), he may exhib the same kd of repet behavrs, such as stg and standg over and over aga to see if they may appear gay the way he do . This may sound like ’s a set-up for a joke, or an ongog lgh le a s, but is a real disorr that some have labeled as Homosexual Obssive-Compulsive Disorr (HOCD), though the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs, the “bible” of psychiatry, has yet to regnize .

HOCD n sudnly occur for some men who, for example, fd themselv beg h on by other gay or bisexual men, mistaken for beg a gay or bisexual man, fd themselv attracted to another man or stumble onto gay porn that exc them. In my own clil experience workg wh the men, those who suffer om this may fd themselv obssively lookg at porn, eher gay or straight, to see if they bee sexually exced by eher.