Parentg a Gay Child | Psychology Today

Contents:

• FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
• RON DESANTIS'S FLORIDA BOARD OF EDUTN: HEY, WHAT ABOUT THE “PERSONAL BENEF” OF BEG A SLAVE?FLORIDA’S NEW AIN AMERIN STUDI CURRICULUM STANDARDS WILL FORCE PUBLIC SCHOOL STUNTS TO LEARN ABOUT SOME OF THE SUPPOSED UPSIS OF SLAVERY.BY ERIC LUTZJULY 20, 2023RON DESANTIS SPEAKS DURG A MPAIGN EVENT IOWA JULY 14.RACHEL MUMMEY/BLOOMBERG VIA GETTY IMAGSAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVERON DESANTIS’S WAR ON “WOKENS” SCHOOLS ASCEND TO DANGERO NEW HEIGHTS WEDNDAY, AS FLORIDA’S STATE BOARD OF EDUTN APPROVED NEW AIN AMERIN STUDI CURRICULUM STANDARDS THAT, AMONG OTHER THGS, WOULD FORCE PUBLIC SCHOOL STUNTS TO LEARN ABOUT SOME OF THE SUPPOSED UPSIS OF SLAVERY — A WHEWASHG OF HISTORY THAT THE STATE’S LARGT TEACHERS UNN CRIED AS A “BIG STEP BACKWARD” FOR TN.“GOV. DESANTIS IS PURSUG A POLIL AGENDA GUARANTEED TO SET GOOD PEOPLE AGAST ONE ANOTHER, AND THE PROCS HE’S CHEATG OUR KIDS,” ANDREW SPAR, PRINT OF THE FLORIDA EDUTN ASSOCIATN, SAID A STATEMENT BLASTG THE NEW AIN AMERIN STUDI STANDARDS. “THEY SERVE THE FULL TTH OF AMERIN HISTORY, THE GOOD AND THE BAD.”FLORIDA PUBLIC SCHOOL STUNTS MAY NOT GET THAT UNR THE NEW L APPROVED WEDNDAY, WHICH REQUIRE TEACHERS— A SECTN ON SLAVERY— TO NOTE THAT “SLAV VELOPED SKILLS, WHICH, SOME STANC, ULD BE APPLIED FOR THEIR PERSONAL BENEF.” IN A SECTN ON “RENSTCTN AND BEYOND,” A PERD MARKED BY JIM CROW AND ROUTE WHE TERRORISM ON BLACK MUNI, THE NEW L DICTATE THAT STUNTS MT BE TGHT ABOUT “ACTS OF VLENCE PERPETRATED AGAST AND BY AIN AMERINS,” WHICH, AS DEMOCRATIC STATE SENATOR GERALDE THOMPSON POTED OUT, SUGGTS CINTS LIKE THE OEE MASSACRE WERE “SPARKED BY VLENCE OM AIN AMERINS.”“THAT’S BLAMG THE VICTIMS,” SAID THOMPSON, WHO, AS THE WASHGTON POST NOT, HELPED PASS A 2020 LAW REQUIRG FLORIDA SCHOOLS TO TEACH ABOUT THE 1920 MASSACRE, WHICH A WHE MOB KILLED DOZENS OF BLACK RINTS OF OEE, FLORIDA, ELECTN DAY VLENCE. (MANNY DIAZ, FLORIDA'S TN MISSNER, PRAISED THE CHANG, SAYG THAT “THIS IS SOMETHG THAT IS GOG TO SET THE NORM FOR STANDARDS OTHER STAT.”)TWTER NTENTTHIS NTENT N ALSO BE VIEWED ON THE SE ORIGAT OM.THE NEW STANDARDS E AS DESANTIS, A NTENR FOR THE 2024 REPUBLIN NOMATN, LAT HIS WAR ON SO-LLED “WOKE” TN, WHICH HAS CLUD BOOK BANS, THE REJECTN OF AN ADVANCED PLACEMENT URSE ON AIN AMERIN STUDI, AND THE PASSAGE OF THE STOP WOKE ACT, WHICH PROHIBS THE STCTN OF MATERIAL THAT ULD MAKE SOMEONE FEEL “GUILT, ANGUISH OR ANY FORM OF PSYCHOLOGIL STRS.” HIS NCERN FOR THE POSSIBLE “ANGUISH” OF FLORIDA STUNTS DO NOT SEEM TO EXTEND TO BLACK STUNTS, WHO ULD BE FORCED TO LEARN ABOUT THE SUPPOSED “BENEF” OF SLAVERY, NOR DO SEEM TO EXTEND TO LGBTQ KIDS AND THEIR FAI, WHO HAVE ALSO BEEN TARGETED HIS BATTLE. DESANTIS EXPAND HIS “DON’T SAY GAY” LAW THIS YEAR, AND THE FLORIDA BOARD OF EDUTN VOTED WEDNDAY FOR L THAT TOOK EVEN FURTHER — CLUDG BY BARRG TEACHERS OM ASKG STUNTS THEIR PREFERRED PRONOUNS. DIAZ SAID THE MOVE WOULD PROTECT KIDS OM “UNWELE FLUENC AND DOCTRATN," PRAISG DESANTIS, THE LEGISLATN, AND THE BOARD FOR WHAT HE SCRIBED A STATEMENT AS THEIR “UNWAVERG MMENT TO THE HEALTH, WELLBEG AND SAFETY OF OUR STUNTS.” BUT, AS CRICS CHARGED, THE L NSTUTED AN LATN THE “POLILLY-MOTIVATED WAR ON PARENTS, STUNTS, AND TORS” FLORIDA. “OUR STUNTS SERVE CLASSROOMS WHERE ALL FAI ARE TREATED WH THE RPECT THEY SERVE AND ALL YOUNG PEOPLE ARE WELED,” JENNIFER SOLOMON, EQUALY FLORIDA PARENTS & FAI SUPPORT MANAGER, SAID A STATEMENT WEDNDAY. “INSTEAD, THE DESANTIS ADMISTRATN NTU TO WIELD THE STATE AGAST .”“STOP TURNG OUR KIDS’ CLASSROOMS TO POLIL BATTLEFIELDS TO SRE CHEAP POTS,” SOLOMON NTUED.BUT DESANTIS, OF URSE, SHOWS NO SIGN OF STOPPG: HIS RELENTLS CULTURE WAR HELPED LIFT HIM TO NATNAL PROMENCE, AND HE HAS MA HIS CENTRAL — NAY, HIS ONLY — PCH TO GOP VOTERS HIS SPUTTERG PRINTIAL MPAIGN. “WE’VE MA THE STATE OF FLORIDA THE PLACE WHERE WOKE GO TO DIE,” HE SAID AT A RECENT MPAIGN EVENT. “AND NOW, IS OUR MISSN AS AMERINS TO ENSURE THAT JANUARY 2025…WE LEAVE WOKE IOLOGY THE DTB OF HISTORY WHERE BELONGS.”MORE GREAT STORI FROM VANY FAIRRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, INHERG GRACELAND, AND MORETE CRIME, TE FAH: THE SERIAL KILLER AND THE TEXAS MOM WHO STOPPED HIMTHE TAN SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER WAS YEARS THE MAKG, NEW DETAILS REVEALWHY THE GEIA INDICTMENT AGAST TMP AND HIS ALLI IS THE MOST SWEEPG YETIVANKA TMP IS NOT LETTG HER DAD’S MOUNTG LEGAL WO RU HER SUMMER25 PERFECT TV EPISOS FROM THE LAST 25 YEARSA NEW SLIM AARONS BOOK CAPTUR A LOST WORLDFROM THE ARCHIVE: TOO HEPBURN FOR HOLLYWOOD (2006)MOST POPULARGEIA REPUBLINS SAY THEY'LL MOVE TO REMOVE FULTON COUNTY DA FANI WILLIS FROM OFFICE WH NEW STATE LAWBY ERIC LUTZOUR FLAG MEANS DEATH SEASON 2: EXCLIVE FIRST LOOKBY SARAH CATHERALLHOW MK, THIEL, ZUCKERBERG, AND ANDRESEN—FOUR BILLNAIRE TECHNO-OLIGARCHS—ARE CREATG AN ALTERNATE, AUTOCRATIC REALYBY JONATHAN TAPLERIC LUTZ
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED

The northern Italian cy of Padua has started removg the nam of non-blogil gay mothers om their children’s birth certifit unr new legislatn passed by the “tradnal fay-first” ernment of Prime Mister Grgia Meloni. Surrogacy is illegal Italy, and gay marriage has not been legalized.

“There is no discrimatn agast children, ” Fay Mister Eugenia Roccella told parliament when she troduced the bill June, explag that the children of gay upl would have accs to school and medil servic jt like those who only have one livg parent. Has a history of repeatedly sharg unfound nspiraci that man-ma chemils the environment uld be makg children gay or transgenr and g the femizatn of boys and masculizatn of girls.

The basels claim that chemils – particularly tap water – uld turn people gay has gaed populary wh nspiracy theorists over the years, most memorably wh nservative rad host Alex Jon, who said chemils the water were “turng the igg’ ogs gay. But for gay men, this procs is plited and expensive.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

The procs tak about two years and sts around $200, 000 per child - and prospective gay fathers don't meet eligibily creria for most health surance plans' fertily benefs, although this is begng to change. Brent Monsr, MD, recently helped lead a study to document tails of how gay men e assisted reproductive technology to build their fai, cludg qutns such as how many children they wish to have and how often their efforts succeed.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

As a gay person growg up a nservative environment, this was a challenge I thought about. I asked them how I uld start a fay as a gay man.

WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?

We don't take re of gay men... Your paper giv historil ntext for how shiftg attus toward LGBTQ fai have changed the climate for gay men who want to bee fathers.

There has been a lot of foc the scientific lerature on whether children turn out OK if they have gay parents. A gay uple New York State recently sued, sayg those creria are discrimatory.

RON DESANTIS'S FLORIDA BOARD OF EDUTN: HEY, WHAT ABOUT THE “PERSONAL BENEF” OF BEG A SLAVE?FLORIDA’S NEW AIN AMERIN STUDI CURRICULUM STANDARDS WILL FORCE PUBLIC SCHOOL STUNTS TO LEARN ABOUT SOME OF THE SUPPOSED UPSIS OF SLAVERY.BY ERIC LUTZJULY 20, 2023RON DESANTIS SPEAKS DURG A MPAIGN EVENT IOWA JULY 14.RACHEL MUMMEY/BLOOMBERG VIA GETTY IMAGSAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVERON DESANTIS’S WAR ON “WOKENS” SCHOOLS ASCEND TO DANGERO NEW HEIGHTS WEDNDAY, AS FLORIDA’S STATE BOARD OF EDUTN APPROVED NEW AIN AMERIN STUDI CURRICULUM STANDARDS THAT, AMONG OTHER THGS, WOULD FORCE PUBLIC SCHOOL STUNTS TO LEARN ABOUT SOME OF THE SUPPOSED UPSIS OF SLAVERY — A WHEWASHG OF HISTORY THAT THE STATE’S LARGT TEACHERS UNN CRIED AS A “BIG STEP BACKWARD” FOR TN.“GOV. DESANTIS IS PURSUG A POLIL AGENDA GUARANTEED TO SET GOOD PEOPLE AGAST ONE ANOTHER, AND THE PROCS HE’S CHEATG OUR KIDS,” ANDREW SPAR, PRINT OF THE FLORIDA EDUTN ASSOCIATN, SAID A STATEMENT BLASTG THE NEW AIN AMERIN STUDI STANDARDS. “THEY SERVE THE FULL TTH OF AMERIN HISTORY, THE GOOD AND THE BAD.”FLORIDA PUBLIC SCHOOL STUNTS MAY NOT GET THAT UNR THE NEW L APPROVED WEDNDAY, WHICH REQUIRE TEACHERS— A SECTN ON SLAVERY— TO NOTE THAT “SLAV VELOPED SKILLS, WHICH, SOME STANC, ULD BE APPLIED FOR THEIR PERSONAL BENEF.” IN A SECTN ON “RENSTCTN AND BEYOND,” A PERD MARKED BY JIM CROW AND ROUTE WHE TERRORISM ON BLACK MUNI, THE NEW L DICTATE THAT STUNTS MT BE TGHT ABOUT “ACTS OF VLENCE PERPETRATED AGAST AND BY AIN AMERINS,” WHICH, AS DEMOCRATIC STATE SENATOR GERALDE THOMPSON POTED OUT, SUGGTS CINTS LIKE THE OEE MASSACRE WERE “SPARKED BY VLENCE OM AIN AMERINS.”“THAT’S BLAMG THE VICTIMS,” SAID THOMPSON, WHO, AS THE WASHGTON POST NOT, HELPED PASS A 2020 LAW REQUIRG FLORIDA SCHOOLS TO TEACH ABOUT THE 1920 MASSACRE, WHICH A WHE MOB KILLED DOZENS OF BLACK RINTS OF OEE, FLORIDA, ELECTN DAY VLENCE. (MANNY DIAZ, FLORIDA'S TN MISSNER, PRAISED THE CHANG, SAYG THAT “THIS IS SOMETHG THAT IS GOG TO SET THE NORM FOR STANDARDS OTHER STAT.”)TWTER NTENTTHIS NTENT N ALSO BE VIEWED ON THE SE ORIGAT OM.THE NEW STANDARDS E AS DESANTIS, A NTENR FOR THE 2024 REPUBLIN NOMATN, LAT HIS WAR ON SO-LLED “WOKE” TN, WHICH HAS CLUD BOOK BANS, THE REJECTN OF AN ADVANCED PLACEMENT URSE ON AIN AMERIN STUDI, AND THE PASSAGE OF THE STOP WOKE ACT, WHICH PROHIBS THE STCTN OF MATERIAL THAT ULD MAKE SOMEONE FEEL “GUILT, ANGUISH OR ANY FORM OF PSYCHOLOGIL STRS.” HIS NCERN FOR THE POSSIBLE “ANGUISH” OF FLORIDA STUNTS DO NOT SEEM TO EXTEND TO BLACK STUNTS, WHO ULD BE FORCED TO LEARN ABOUT THE SUPPOSED “BENEF” OF SLAVERY, NOR DO SEEM TO EXTEND TO LGBTQ KIDS AND THEIR FAI, WHO HAVE ALSO BEEN TARGETED HIS BATTLE. DESANTIS EXPAND HIS “DON’T SAY GAY” LAW THIS YEAR, AND THE FLORIDA BOARD OF EDUTN VOTED WEDNDAY FOR L THAT TOOK EVEN FURTHER — CLUDG BY BARRG TEACHERS OM ASKG STUNTS THEIR PREFERRED PRONOUNS. DIAZ SAID THE MOVE WOULD PROTECT KIDS OM “UNWELE FLUENC AND DOCTRATN," PRAISG DESANTIS, THE LEGISLATN, AND THE BOARD FOR WHAT HE SCRIBED A STATEMENT AS THEIR “UNWAVERG MMENT TO THE HEALTH, WELLBEG AND SAFETY OF OUR STUNTS.” BUT, AS CRICS CHARGED, THE L NSTUTED AN LATN THE “POLILLY-MOTIVATED WAR ON PARENTS, STUNTS, AND TORS” FLORIDA. “OUR STUNTS SERVE CLASSROOMS WHERE ALL FAI ARE TREATED WH THE RPECT THEY SERVE AND ALL YOUNG PEOPLE ARE WELED,” JENNIFER SOLOMON, EQUALY FLORIDA PARENTS & FAI SUPPORT MANAGER, SAID A STATEMENT WEDNDAY. “INSTEAD, THE DESANTIS ADMISTRATN NTU TO WIELD THE STATE AGAST .”“STOP TURNG OUR KIDS’ CLASSROOMS TO POLIL BATTLEFIELDS TO SRE CHEAP POTS,” SOLOMON NTUED.BUT DESANTIS, OF URSE, SHOWS NO SIGN OF STOPPG: HIS RELENTLS CULTURE WAR HELPED LIFT HIM TO NATNAL PROMENCE, AND HE HAS MA HIS CENTRAL — NAY, HIS ONLY — PCH TO GOP VOTERS HIS SPUTTERG PRINTIAL MPAIGN. “WE’VE MA THE STATE OF FLORIDA THE PLACE WHERE WOKE GO TO DIE,” HE SAID AT A RECENT MPAIGN EVENT. “AND NOW, IS OUR MISSN AS AMERINS TO ENSURE THAT JANUARY 2025…WE LEAVE WOKE IOLOGY THE DTB OF HISTORY WHERE BELONGS.”MORE GREAT STORI FROM VANY FAIRRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, INHERG GRACELAND, AND MORETE CRIME, TE FAH: THE SERIAL KILLER AND THE TEXAS MOM WHO STOPPED HIMTHE TAN SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER WAS YEARS THE MAKG, NEW DETAILS REVEALWHY THE GEIA INDICTMENT AGAST TMP AND HIS ALLI IS THE MOST SWEEPG YETIVANKA TMP IS NOT LETTG HER DAD’S MOUNTG LEGAL WO RU HER SUMMER25 PERFECT TV EPISOS FROM THE LAST 25 YEARSA NEW SLIM AARONS BOOK CAPTUR A LOST WORLDFROM THE ARCHIVE: TOO HEPBURN FOR HOLLYWOOD (2006)MOST POPULARGEIA REPUBLINS SAY THEY'LL MOVE TO REMOVE FULTON COUNTY DA FANI WILLIS FROM OFFICE WH NEW STATE LAWBY ERIC LUTZOUR FLAG MEANS DEATH SEASON 2: EXCLIVE FIRST LOOKBY SARAH CATHERALLHOW MK, THIEL, ZUCKERBERG, AND ANDRESEN—FOUR BILLNAIRE TECHNO-OLIGARCHS—ARE CREATG AN ALTERNATE, AUTOCRATIC REALYBY JONATHAN TAPLERIC LUTZ

Why is important for the experienc of gay men seekg fertily re to be reflected the scientific lerature?

Cisgenr gay men are almost never clud this rearch, so as physicians we don't know anythg about their characteristics as reproductive health patients, even basic rmatn such as their mographics, clil cisn-makg patterns or out.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY

Our paper ed data om one of the very few fertily benef pani that do offer fertily verage to gay men. That gave a wdow to a natnal group of 119 cisgenr men, cludg five sgle men and 57 gay upl, who uniquely had fertily benefs.

It's important to keep md that our data reflect the experienc of dividuals who n afford reproductive medil re bee their employer-sponsored fertily benefs ver , and that is still an unual suatn for gay men. This data served as the foundatn for a grant applitn we've jt had approved to nduct a much larger populatn study that will give accs to rmatn on about 2, 000 embryo transfers annually gay men. A lot of people see a fertily doctor bee they have an unrlyg medil issue, whereas gay male upl ually have two possible sperm sourc, a young egg donor and a gtatnal rrier who has already had succsful pregnanci.

I thk that, bee of the medil factors, birth rat for gay upl uld serve as a morn standard for evaluatg the succs of IVF labs. We regnize that this may be bee a lot of gay men requt tws or may ultimately want two children, and fertily doctors may be transferrg two embryos to try to save their patients money so they only have to go through the fertily treatment procs once.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

But we need to ask: Are we puttg gtatnal rriers at unnecsary risk om tw pregnanci, and puttg gay upl at unnecsary risk of havg babi the NICU? Before I was an OB/GYN, I thought, "This is a health accs issue, and if gay men want tws we should rpect their tonomy. What do add to have physician-scientists like you, who are gay, answerg rearch qutns about this populatn of prospective parents?

I'm currently a fellow, and I have patients g specifilly to see me, not bee I'm the most amazg doctor but bee I'm gay, and they want a gay doctor. Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg. Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy.

The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of many parents reflect some genue predictive currency. Zucker, both psychologists, published a semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy 1995.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

Given that a small proportn of the populatn is homosexual, prospective studi require a large number of children. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women. And the same holds for gay men.