No One Knows I’m Gay. Should I Tell People Now? - The Atlantic</tle><meta name="scriptn" ntent="I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach."/><meta property="kx:tle" ntent="No One Knows I’m Gay. Should I Tell People Now? - The Atlantic"/><meta property="kx:scriptn" ntent="I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach."/><lk rel="nonil" href="><lk rel="image_src" href="><meta property="article:thor" ntent="><meta name="thor" ntent="Lori Gottlieb"/><lk rel="ia:markup_url" href="><meta property="article:publisher" ntent="><meta property="article:opn" ntent="false"/><meta property="article:ntent_tier" ntent="metered"/><meta property="article:tag" ntent="fay"/><meta property="article:sectn" ntent="Fay"/><meta property="article:published_time" ntent="2019-11-25T12:00:00Z"/><meta property="article:modified_time" ntent="2022-04-06T21:32:43Z"/><meta name="robots" ntent="x, follow, max-image-preview:large"/><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Dear Therapist: I Will Probably Take the Secret of My Sexualy to the Grave"/><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach."/><meta property="og:url" ntent="><meta property="og:type" ntent="article"/><meta property="og:image" ntent="><meta property="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image"/><lk rel="alternate" type="applitn/rss+xml" tle="The Atlantic" href="/feed/all/"/><lk rel="alternate" type="applitn/rss+xml" tle="Bt of The Atlantic" href="/feed/bt-of/"/><meta name="referrer" ntent="unsafe-url"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-pable" ntent="y"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-stat-bar-style" ntent="black"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-tle" ntent="The Atlantic"/><meta name="keywords" ntent="ache of an rcerated self, male iends, good iends, people, medil advice, nvenient tth, solary , elrly mother, secret of my sexualy, male boss, te self, good news, md people, iends, female partner, solary nfement, basic human need, great relief, 65-year-old man, particular week, number of people, right girl, profsnal medil advice, tth, send self, eper level, others, likely feel, mental-health, heart ach, sexual orientatn, emotnal toll, love, signifint parture, medil ndn, difficult posn, Dear Therapist, Therapist, works of iends, available men, origal self, advice of your physician, letter, eded versn, exact oppose, mom, rmatnal purpos, self, old age, te self stays" emID="#keywords"/><meta name="news_keywords" ntent="ache of an rcerated self, male iends, good iends, people, medil advice, nvenient tth, solary , elrly mother, secret of my sexualy, male boss, te self, good news, md people, iends, female partner, solary nfement, basic human need, great relief, 65-year-old man, particular week, number of people, right girl, profsnal medil advice, tth, send self, eper level, others, likely feel, mental-health, heart ach, sexual orientatn, emotnal toll, love, signifint parture, medil ndn, difficult posn, Dear Therapist, Therapist, works of iends, available men, origal self, advice of your physician, letter, eded versn, exact oppose, mom, rmatnal purpos, self, old age, te self stays"/><meta name="" ntent="ar-therapist,fay,artherapist"/><meta name="" ntent="Lori Gottlieb"/><meta name="" ntent="2019-11-25T12:00:00Z"/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><script type="applitn/ld+json">{"@ntext":","@type":"NewsArticle","headle":"No One Knows I’m Gay. Should I Tell People Now?","alternativeHeadle":"Dear Therapist: I Will Probably Take the Secret of My Sexualy to the Grave","scriptn":"I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach.","url":","datePublished":"2019-11-25T12:00:00Z","dateModified":"2022-04-06T21:32:43Z","isAccsibleForFree":false,"hasPart":{"@type":"WebPageElement","isAccsibleForFree":false,"cssSelector":".article-ntent-body"},"publisher":{"@id":"},"maEntyOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"},"image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":720},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":405},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1080},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1080},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1200},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":900},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1600},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":900},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":960},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":540},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":540},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":540},"url":"}],"thor":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Lori Gottlieb","sameAs":"}],"articleSectn":"Fay"}</script><lk rel="preload" as="image" href=" imageSrcSet=" 750w, 828w, 960w, 976w, 1952w" imageSiz="(m-width: 976px) 976px, 100vw"/><meta name="next-head-unt" ntent="62"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-g=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="><noscript data-n-css=""></noscript><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/></head><body><div id="__next"><div data-tegory="story page"><div></div><nav class="Nav_root___6bX9" aria-labelledby="se-navigatn" data-tegory="Se Nav" data-event-module="se nav" id="ma-navigatn"><div class="Nav_maNav__yofcm"><a href="#ma-ntent" class="Nav_skipLk__Evjjd">Skip to ntent</a><h2 id="se-navigatn" class="Nav_visuallyHi__AbSDF">Se Navigatn</h2><div class="Nav_flexContaer__Q3LKQ"><ul class="Nav_leftContaer__cPQgJ"><li class="Nav_navListItem__cEyWT Nav_visuallyHiOnMobile__hxCGG"><a href=" class="Nav_navLk__5SUAA"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 87.83 134" class="Nav_bigA__XvGGC"><tle>The Atlantic

i dont want to be gay

I have for the last few years been very aaid that I may be gay. Deep down, I want to watch my wife have my children and have a really close relatn...

Contents:

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Kev Maxen, assistant ach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, is the first openly gay ach of a U.S. men’s profsnal league sport * i dont want to be gay *

You don’t need to be certa you are gay before talkg to someone or attendg an LGBTQ+ meetg. I have been out nearly 7 years now (age 16, sophomore year of HS). It is very homogeneo/ hetero-normative and beg a tholic stutn is not the easit environment for queer stunts.

Michael Sam beme the first openly gay player to be drafted when the then-St.

Kev Maxen, an assistant ach for the Jacksonville Jaguars, ma sports history after publicly g out as gay. Maxen’s disclosure is a historic one, makg him the first openly gay ach of a U. Maxen’s announcement two years after NFL star Carl Nassib beme the league’s first active openly gay player.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR U.S. PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY

* i dont want to be gay *

“I jt wanted to take a quick moment to say that I’m gay, ” the former Las Vegas Rairs player, 30, revealed a June 2021 Instagram vio.

“I don’t want to feel like I have to lie about who I am seeg, or why I am livg wh someone else, " the Jaguars' strength ach said a recent terviewAPThe NFL’s Jacksonville Jaguars strength ach, Kev Maxen, has e out as gay — makg him the first male ach a U. Related: Bucneers&#39; Carl Nassib, First Openly Gay NFL Star, Says &#39;I&#39;m Not Hidg&#39;“You have other ach who have signifint others, and they’re talkg about their signifint others, ” Maxen said. ”Related: 49ers&#39; Katie Sowers Will Be the First Female, Openly Gay Coach at the Super BowlThe ach, who primarily works wh the Jaguars’ offensive and fensive lemen to create a work out regime for the team, said a surge of recent support om those close to him gave him the urage he need to make the revelatn.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY

"Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's ee daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the bt of what PEOPLE has to offer, om juicy celebry news to pellg human-tert Maxen is believed to be the first male ach to have e out publicly as gay, there have been a few female ach U. This clus Katie Sowers, who had been an assistant wh the San Francis 49ers durg their 2020 n the Super to players, there have only been 16 the history of the NFL to e out as gay or bisexual as of September 2022, per Outsports. I hate myself for beg gay I’m not a very homophobic area but my fay would be disappoted.

I've always thought was wrong but I am gay i knew I always felt that way but I'm homophobic on the outsi and try to reprs beg gay through . (Kent Nishimura / Los Angel Tim) To the edor: I wonr if the LGBTQ+ muny realiz that the Supreme Court lg favor of a webse signer who didn’t want to create weddg s for gay upl n work our favor as well. (“How the ripple effect of the Supreme Court’s 303 Creative cisn uld swamp civil rights, ” Opn, July 12)As a gay man, I am always ncerned if the bs where I spend my money are supportive of my muny.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS

Charl Barkley is not aaid to take a polil stance and he emphatilly clared his support for LGBTQ+ people, attackg the homophobic boytt of Bud Light. He ed some strong words to illtrate his pot, llg homophob ‘a**hol'. My iends probably spect I am gay, but we have never discsed .

LETTERS TO THE EDOR: I’M GAY AND DON’T WANT TO PATRONIZE BIGOTS. THANKS, SUPREME COURT

Your iends, who might already spect that you’re gay, will get to know you on a eper level and likely feel much closer to you. There are many gay men who say "I'm not part of the scene" -- men who hate gay bars and, prumably, crowds of queer people general. Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

" Y, there are some good reasons to rce your participatn gay bars (time, money, health).

But you mt spend time wh others, whether that means havg a group of gay movie iends or queer gamers or playg on a gay sports team.

I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY…

Go to gay bars, even if they make you unfortable.

This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci. AIDS vastated muni of gay men and transgenr women, particularly gay men and trans women of lor.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Read the numbers: In four years, more than 5, 596 people the Uned Stat had died of AIDS, many of them gay men and transgenr women. But if I hadn't experienced all that adversy, I wouldn't be so furly proud to be gay. Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make.

Tmp has repeatedly attacked transgenr servicemembers, and gay men are still beg hunted and murred Chechnya. There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.

OPN I’M GAY. AND I WANT MY KID TO BE GAY, TOO.

For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.

Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at. Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual.

I’M MALE AND I AM AAID THAT I MIGHT BE GAY

The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept . I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology.

I FELT GAY ATTRACTN FOR YEARS AND DIDN’T WANT IT. COUNSELG HELPED SAVE MY LIFE.

Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man. They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg.

I DON’T WANT TO BE GAYJONATHAN KGTRACK 2 ON HOOKED ON A FEELG - SGLE PRODUCED BYJONATHAN KGNOV. 19711 VIEWER2 CONTRIBUTORSI DON’T WANT TO BE GAY LYRICSBEGGED ME TO E TO YOUR PARTYBUT I DON'T HEAR A WORD THAT YOU SAYYOU N SQUEEZE ME AND TEASE MEAPPEASE ME AND PLEASE MEBUT I DON'T WANNA BE GAYYOU SAY I'LL BE GLAD WHEN I GET THERETHAT YOU'LL SHOW ME A NEW WAY TO PLAYYOU N HTLE ME, BTLE MEFS ME AND MCLE MEBUT I DON'T WANNA BE GAYYOU N TRY ANYTHG THAT YOU WANT WH MEBUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE MY LIFTYLEYOU N FLUFF ME, REBUFF ME AND FFLE MEBUT YOU A'T GONNA [?] A SEYOU'RE TRYG TO GET WHAT YOU WANT OM MEBUT I'M JT GONNA DO MY WAYYOU N TUG ME AND BUG MEPLUG ME AND JUGGLE MEBUT I DON'T WANNA BE GAYYOU N TUG ME AND BUG MEPLUG ME AND JUGGLE MEBUT I DON'T WANNA BE GAYYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKEEMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUTTHIS SONG B IS UNREVIEWEDGENI ANNOTATN1 NTRIBUTORTHE B SI OF THE SGLE OF JONATHAN KG’S 1971 “HOOKED ON A FEELG”.EXPAND SHAREASK A QUTN ABOUT THIS SONGASK A QUTN *‌WHO PRODUCED “I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY” BY JONATHAN KG?WHEN DID JONATHAN KG RELEASE “I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY”?WHO WROTE “I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY” BY JONATHAN KG?HOOKED ON A FEELG - SGLE (1971)JONATHAN KG1. HOOKED ON A FEELG2. I DON’T WANT TO BE GAYCREDSPRODUCED BYJONATHAN KGWRTEN BYJONATHAN KGRELEASE DATENOVEMBER 1971TAGSPOPEXPAND COMMENTSADD A MENTSIGN UP AND DROP KNOWLEDGE ?GENI IS THE ULTIMATE SOURCE OF MIC KNOWLEDGE, CREATED BY SCHOLARS LIKE YOU WHO SHARE FACTS AND SIGHT ABOUT THE SONGS AND ARTISTS THEY LOVE.SIGN UPGENI IS THE WORLD’S BIGGT LLECTN OF SONG LYRICS AND MIL KNOWLEDGE

Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.

I jt hated myself dividually for why I’m gay, I don’t want to be gay, I jt wanted everythg be normal.

Those people are actors beg paid to do what the director tells them to do, and many are not even gay.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* I DONT WANT TO BE GAY

Dear Pnce: My dghter may be gay, but I hope not. .

TOP