Is Flirtg Between Gay and Straight Men Okay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND
• IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?
• AS A STRAIGHT MAN, HOW N I POLELY STOP MY GAY IEND FLIRTG WH ME?

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men.

A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight. In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage. McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person.

Gay men also reported unique advantag to havg a straight wgman when pursug their own datg goals. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends. The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn.

For gay men, iendship qualy wh a straight male iend was particularly high when the iendship pre-dated the gay man g out. Havg a gay iend n open straight men up to thkg differently about LGBTQ people general. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI

McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend. But tim are changg quickly, and McKie’s rearch unrsr the special bond that n velop between gay and straight iends to the benef of both. This all got me thkg about my own iendships and those of my gay male clients.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

The bonds between gay men and straight women have been wrten about and featured popular media (i. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships.

Acrdg to Garfield, among the many obstacl to male-male platonic timacy, fear of homosexualy looms large. Straight men et that if they get too close, others will see them as gay; which their mds means feme (horrors! S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur.

The mid 20th century this behavr beme associated wh gay inty, new at the time and seen as crimal and then sick. As a rult of this behavr-inty lk, sexual ngrs between gay and straight men creased nsirably, or at least went unrground.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors. So 's no wonr hetero men would fear homosexualy and gay men particular.

This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. In his book, Garfield scrib the stiff hugs he would receive om a gay iend.

As turns out, the gay iend worried that if he hugged too closely his iend would thk he was g on to him. Few thgs n be a more soothg balm for gay guys than a close iendship wh a heterosexual man. For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved.

For a long time, iendships between gay men and straight men – what some now ll “bromosexual” iendships – were unmon. Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men.

AS A STRAIGHT MAN, HOW N I POLELY STOP MY GAY IEND FLIRTG WH ME?

Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out). We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

Many straight men hated to beiend gay men, fearg harassment, rejectn om their straight iends or beg lled gay. The growg acceptance of homosexualy, however, has allayed some of the fears.