Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAYS VS. STRAIGHTS: ANY DIFFERENC SEXUAL SATISFACTN?
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• THE GAY OR STRAIGHT TT
• STUDY HIGHLIGHTS DIFFERENC BETWEEN GAY, STRAIGHT SUICIS
• GAY OR STRAIGHT, A MALE IS A MALE IS A MALE
• BRAS OF GAY PEOPLE REMBLE THOSE OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF OPPOSE SEX
• HIV AND ALL GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN
• GAY DIVORCE AND STRAIGHT DIVORCE: THE DIFFERENCE

GAYS VS. STRAIGHTS: ANY DIFFERENC SEXUAL SATISFACTN?

It's amazg how ltle rearch has foced on this — jt two studi (1983 and 1991, and they provi only a cursory look at parative gay/straight sexual satisfactn). Dire cl long-term upl, but on average, men reta more sire than women, so we would expect men gay upl to feel the most sire, and women lbian upl the least, wh the men mixed-sex upl exprsg more libido than the women.

The only difference was that women, both lbian and straight, felt somewhat more satisfied wh non-genal rs than men, both gay and straight, prumably bee pared wh women, men tend to be more genal-foced. But bottom le: Contrary to nventnal wisdom, terms of sexual sire, munitn, and satisfactn, people homo- and heterosexual upl are much more siar than different.

In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn. And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay. Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh.

And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy. ”In March, some men will cry the need for an Internatnal Women’s Day, celebrated on the is Pri Month, a time to reflect on and celebrate lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr and queer history. There is a level of social and systemic privilege not afford to many members of the LGBTQ muny North Ameri, and certaly many untri around the is herently polilPri has been celebrated every year June sce 1970 after the 1969 Stonewall rts New York, when police raid the Stonewall Canada, Toronto’s Pri was lnched siar fashn after protts epted when police raid four bathho Febary 1981 and arrted hundreds of gay motive has always been — and should rema — polil.

THE GAY OR STRAIGHT TT

The slg back of hard-earned rights and protectns of LGBTQ people, particularly transgenr people, is difficult to when straight people ask why there is a need for gay pri or wonr why there aren’t straight pri celebratns, feels a lot like they are sayg ntributns by LGBTQ people — a mory group that fac nstant adversy — are simply not worthy of regnn. Subgroups at an creased risk of suicidal behavr, a new study sh a spotlight on the ways which suici among sexual mori differs om that of their heterosexual study, published late last month the Amerin Journal of Preventive Medice, is thought to be the first to e a large body of ernment data to exame suicis of gay mal and lbians. "Compared to heterosexuals, the report found gay men who killed themselv were likelier to have had a diagnosed mental health ndn, a history of suicidal thoughts or plans, an argument before ath and a crisis around the time of ath.

STUDY HIGHLIGHTS DIFFERENC BETWEEN GAY, STRAIGHT SUICIS

Like gay men, lbians were also likelier than heterosexuals to have had a diagnosed mental health ndn prr to suici and were likelier to have tried to signal their sire to attempt suici before dog study also pared the "most monly ed mechanism of jury” for straight and gay people who took their own liv. For gay men, the likelit method of suici was “hangg/strangulatn/suffotn" (38 percent); for lbians was “hangg/strangulatn/suffotn” (36 percent) and firearms (35 percent) that when pared to straight youth, lbian, gay and bisexual youth are five tim more likely to attempt suici, the study suggts “a need to nduct suici preventn activi across age groups, cludg youth.

”Another signifint fdg is that lbian and gay people are likelier than straight people to have reported a “prsed mood” or “timate partner problems and arguments” before dyg by suici. But as I’ll be monstratg, the major (and ltle regnized) siari between them ultimately suggt that a gay’s “sexual psyche” is much more plementary to a heterosexual male’s than ntrastg to .

GAY OR STRAIGHT, A MALE IS A MALE IS A MALE

Although I’ll be focg on the siari that profoundly lk gays and straights what sexually turns them on, I’ll start by enumeratg some differenc that do fact separate them. As the two thors put : “The vast majory of gay men prefer to masturbate while thkg about wboys, firemen, or David Beckham stead of drag queens, ballet dancers, or Elton John.

” And further: “On the televisn show Glee, the football player Fn and mohawked bad boy Puck are bigger turn-ons for gay men than the effemate gay character Kurt” (p. Ogas and Gaddam also observe that terms of excg the passn of gay mal, many of them need to know whether the porn mol or actor they’re watchg is gay or straight.

BRAS OF GAY PEOPLE REMBLE THOSE OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE OF OPPOSE SEX

And as opposed to porn for straight mal, where the man’s body is rarely highlighted, what we might term “gay heterosexual porn, ” ’s the woman’s body that’s almost cintal.

But returng to gay preferenc, is not cur—not to say, untertuive—that, overall, gays’ aroal would be more strongly activated by heterosexual mal than by fellow gays (where their attractn would much more likely be reciproted)?

HIV AND ALL GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN

But here, too, the dynamic would seem to dite that gays’ bras are “preload” to genr cu that (if anythg) are hyper-mascule, sce they’re generally attracted to mal more mascule than they are. And the thors further observe that though bottoms strongly outnumber tops gay porn, the tops “are the biggt stars wh the biggt fan bas and the biggt paychecks” (p. So, unsurprisgly, the genr cu operatg gays e them to be drawn toward other men and (also siar to most women) make them more fortable a sexually submissive, rather than domant, role.

In ntrast to most women—who fd graphic pictns of sex and private part close-ups a turn-off—heterosexual and gay mal are siarly tillated by such explic pictns of lt--acton. ” Also siar to nventnal heterosexual porn (and unlike porn tailor-signed for women), gay vios show very ltle tert prentg a narrative, or romantic prelu to the actual sex portrayed. In short, by addrsg the likelihood that gay men posss the same bra software targetg youth cu as do straight mal (and, once aga, distguishg both of them om women—who typilly sire their partners to be olr and more experienced).

Gays also search the Inter much more for athletic, full-bodied actors than for skny on, addnally parallelg a preference on the part of straight mal that’s unter to what much popular culture might have believe. Moreover, jt as straights reveal a penchant for BBWs (“big, betiful women”), so do gays show a strong tert Bears—hairy, olr, oversized gay men, who are yet warm and accsible. Ogas and Gaddam disvered lerally hundreds of gay s celebratg the phall, notg that many amatr s display assemblag of penis shot at close range, omtg altogether any acpanyg face or body.

GAY DIVORCE AND STRAIGHT DIVORCE: THE DIFFERENCE

“Feet, butts, and chts are highly popular both gay and straight porn, as are domatn, submissn, group sex, amatrs, and numero typ of squickier terts [and "squicky" is porn jargon for preferenc that, nventnally, would be viewed as repulsive]. Instead, gay guys like the same thgs as straight guys: youth, aggrsive and sctive matury, graphic tails of the body, large penis, ejaculatn shots, and anonymo, emotnls, nonmonogamo sex” (p.