How do queer men navigate an stutn not signed for them? Therapist Michael Dale Kimmel offers clu his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage. Check out an exclive excerpt below.
Contents:
MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET
Lookg for support wh gay open relatnships or monogamy? Our LGBTQ therapists are nonjudgmental about whatever relatnship stcture you choose. * gay open relationship *
Which Ik is a mon thg for gay men and I rpect his cisn. So after talkg and him sayg he’d be fe wh ( which I uld tell he was jt tryg to be brave for me and wasn’t totally fe wh ) I download a gay hook up app and started chattg to guys.
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As assiatn to more mastream culture creas, many gay men are shiftg their attus on non-tradnal relatnships—beg ls acceptg of them. * gay open relationship *
People satisfyg monogamo relatnships don't have reason to be I speak to gay men who are satisfyg monogamo relatnships, they're never angered. The guys are ually *, a gay man I terviewed, supports this notn; he thks open-relatnship shamg is a matter of projectn. The angry gay men are homonormative my experience, the gay men vehemently opposed to open/poly life tend to be the same men who thk bisexualy is a steppg stone to gay and that beg transgenr is a mental illns; men who don't see the value the word "queer" and don't believe gays should be supportg the Black Liv Matter movement.
However, as one gay man I terviewed, Noah, said, "I also thk that (whe) gay men's attus on polyamory are shaped very heavily by our succsful assiatn to mastream culture. Remember, one of the most wispread arguments agast gay marriage was that would lead down a slippery slope towards legalizatn of polygamy and other 'viant' (read: alternative) relatnship stctur. Acceptg polyamory as a posive force the gay muny means phg back agast the re world views of those naysayers.
But the gay muny has mostly opted for assiatn, so 's not surprisg that as a poly person I'm equently viewed wh spicn.
A study to be released next month is offerg a rare glimpse si gay relatnships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many. * gay open relationship *
"Though Noah said he hasn't faced direct discrimatn, he mentned that a growg number of gay men refe to date him bee they thk, "I am herently unable to give them the level of timacy that they crave or the level of mment that they sire. "Let's face , " he said, "open relatnships are as mon among gay guys as bread and butter! Wh assiatn to more mastream culture and the acquirement of rights, cludg that to marry, many gay men are shiftg their attus on non-tradnal relatnships--beg ls acceptg of all of that said, I still n't help but see the irony a gay man criqug how someone else lov.
And if love do nquer all, which I believe all gay and queer men believe, then we, as a muny, need to be supportive of other queer men. Instead of buyg to this borg, opprsive, homonormative gay culture, or losg our sense of openns as we ntue to assiate to the heteronormative mastream, I'd like to see gay men expand their notn of what gay is, what love is, and what a relatnship is. Jt bee a certa non-tradnal relatnship style wouldn't be our first choice, don't mean n't be the ial relatnship style for our gay brothers.
In this two-mute vio, Gay Therapy Center Founr and Director Adam Blum reveals some of the data on open relatnships the LGTBQ muny. * gay open relationship *
We're not only beg arrogant and close-md; we're begng to sound a lot like the Republins who work so hard to take away our if you're one of those gay men who are vehemently opposed to every type of relatnship but monogamy, I ask you to ask yourself: "Why? But they knew om the begng that their bond would be fed on their own terms, cludg what they ll “play” wh other the trial phase of the nstutnal battle to overturn the Proposn 8 ban on same-sex marriage nclus feral urt, gay nuptials are portrayed by opponents as an effort to rewre the tradnal l of matrimony.
Quietly, outsi of the news media and urtroom spotlight, many gay upl are dog jt that, acrdg to groundbreakg new rearch. A study to be released next month is offerg a rare glimpse si gay relatnships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many. Some gay men and lbians argue that, as a rult, they have stronger, longer-lastg and more hont relatnships.