Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

straight man turned gay

Could gay guys be the ultimate wg men for their straight, male iends?

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THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

* straight man turned gay *

When I was young, I was told the whole world was divid to heterosexual men and heterosexual women, bar a small number of unfortunate ‘homosexuals’ of both genrs and possibly an even smaller number a third tegory, ‘bisexuals’, who ‘swung both ways’; pl, fally, a ty band of wretched creatur who were physilly not que one thg or the other. He found that almost half his male terviewe had reacted sexually to both genrs; more than a third had had a homosexual enunter; and more than one ten reported roughly equally strong sexual rpons to both men and women.

That's the qutn Atralian news show You Can't Ask That posed to gay men s latt you're not faiar, You Can't Ask That is a miseri on the Atralian Broadstg Corporatn's (ABC) iview service where they ask "outrageo, unfortable, and shockg qutns to unver the tth behd some of the most margalized and misunrstood Atralians.

The article rais the qutn of changg sexual preference: Can a man whose past sexual practice has been almost exclively heterosexual change his practice to homosexual after beg sced by another man?

CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

Fdg out your partner is gay n turn your world upsi down and make you qutn everythg about your relatnship." emprop="scriptn * straight man turned gay *

The evince that the men experienced a genue change sexual preference, shows that life-long, exclive homosexualy, as articulated by gay rhetoric, is more a statement about the culture which occurs than the "sence" of homosexualy.

I TRIED TO NVERT MYSELF OM GAY TO STRAIGHT. IT DON’T WORK

Is 'Homosexual OCD' - the fear of beg gay, spe beg straight - jt ternalised homophobia, or a ser psychologil disorr? * straight man turned gay *

Somehow, the origal “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” premiered on Bravo two s ago this month, prentg five gay men – each specializg a specific liftyle area – as they scend upon a (ually) heterosexual male subject need of some support, whether was wh clothg choic, groomg, anizatn or perhaps an unrlyg issue around self nfince. It was a novel take on the makeover ncept, not only terms of beg one of the first monstroly succsful programs the then-nascent realm of realy TV, but also one of the first tl to feature not one – but five – gay people as the leads. Krsley agreed, sayg, “We meet people all the time who are probably their thirti now, who say, ‘I me om a very nservative fay, we were very relig, “Gay” was not somethg that was ever spoken about our home, and your show allowed to at least have that nversatn, if not make easier for me to e out.

He add that of urse, isn’t only gay people who approach them wh spiratnal msag, and that at the time the origal show aired, the st saw how their visibily as gay people wh a larger straight world was beg received firsthand. And for those who cricized the origal seri for rercg stereotyp by havg a gay fashnista or bety expert swoop to tidy thgs up, Colls creds his rint foodie Allen for a memorable moment at the show’s first NBC upont Los Angel back 2003, when he faced a slew of reporters and had the perfect retort.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

Gay sexual preferenc are surprisgly siar to those of straight men. * straight man turned gay *

“Ted fally grabbed , really grabbed a hold of the answer, which was like, ‘Yeah, we are, as a matter of fact, owng the clich around the fact that gays have a different perspective, have a unique visn and perspective of a lot of different thgs. My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM.

One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy.

CAN GAYS BEE STRAIGHT?

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project. Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no.

Bisexual men are perceived to sound more mascule than men who are straight, acrdg to a study of Atralian subjects.Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 people.In the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual. They were then asked to rate the men on their sexual orientatn g a sle om zero (exclively heterosexual) to 10 (exclively homosexual).Listeners were also asked to rate each man’s perceived level of femy or masculy the voic on a siar sle.The men volved the study were asked to rerd themselv on a smartphone recg the first two l of the Atralian natnal anthem.Voice sampl were then modified to remove any background noise while volume levels were ma the same to ensure nsistency.Rults om the study showed listeners uld distguish between gay and straight men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent, apparently nsistent wh prev rearch.However, the study participants uld not terme any differenc between bisexual and straight men’s voic wh any gree of accuracy. The thors said their rearch showed bisexual men’s voic were perceived as beg more exclively attracted to women pared wh both gay and straight men’s voic.Bisexual men’s voic were rated as more mascule than both gay and straight men’s voic.Rearchers claimed the abily to intify a man’s bisexual inty om his voice alone uld have cril social implitns such as helpg to rce feelgs of alienatn.‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone.“If this is the se, voice may be an important target of discrimatn on the one hand but may also unter the visibily many bisexuals feel (if their bisexual inti n be apprehend by their voice alone, whout explic disclosure required).“The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed.”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir cultur.And the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice sampl.The thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh bisexualy.As a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg straight.The study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

I uldn’t take my ey off thor Holn Sheppard tried to ‘pray the gay away’ and now knows the trma associated wh the Holn Sheppard It was a hell of a disvery: I was attracted to other sixteen, this terrified me. This was regular, sual and normal: every lson I’d ever imbibed about homosexualy was that was I’d grown up watchg a fundamentalist Christian show, The Donut Club, which preached, a creepy kids’ song, how “life whout God’s love is like a donut, ’e there’s a hole the middle of your heart”. "If [a patient] n accept his bodily homoerotic experience while stayg nnected to the therapist, " he wrote The Paradox of Self-Acceptance, "the sexual feelg soon transforms to somethg else: the regnn of eper, pa-generated emotnal needs which have nothg to do wh sexualy.

Both APAs have led that the therapi are unscientific and possibly harmful — not to mentn unnecsary, sce homosexualy was officially -classified as an illns 1973, and therefore n't be "cured. The few that did have "high-qualy" evince "show that endurg change to an dividual's sexual orientatn is unmon, " and that treatments tend to change sexual orientatn may e harm, cludg prsn and mental Dark AgHomosexualy was officially labeled a mental illns the U.

Another method was satiatn therapy, which a subject was told to masturbate over and over while verbally scribg his homosexual fantasi, until they disappeared — or, at least, "therapi" were generally effective — the person remaed attracted to the same sex — or over-effective — the person was trmatized and lost all sexual aroal entirely. They "were ed whout people thkg about whether they were humane, " Glassgold all treatments were so gome: Lnel Ovey, a Columbia Universy psychoanalyst and thor of Homosexualy and Psdohomosexualy, created a behavral method the 1960s.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

" His view mirrored the belief of many clicians at the time: that homosexualy was based on a phobia of the oppose non-aversive treatments followg this theory foced on buildg "tnal skills" like datg techniqu, assertivens trag, and affectn achg to crease teractns wh women.

IN THESE days when no TV s is plete whout a gay character or two, when openly gay men and women are erng ci, and when all thory matters of style and fashn has been ced to the queer eye, you might thk that succs-oriented heterosexuals would be lg up for nversn to homosexualy. We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys. Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

GAY OR STRAIGHT, A MALE IS A MALE IS A MALE

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships.

Among the upl, when the gay, lbian, or bisexual partner out, a third of the upl break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years and then spl; the remag third try to make their marriag work.

HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY

Crics, though, say the study's subjects may be ludg themselv and that the subject group was scientifilly valid bee many of them were referred by anti-gay relig Robert Spzer, a psychiatry profsor at Columbia Universy, said he began his study as a skeptic — believg, as major mental health anizatns do, that sexual orientatn nnot be changed, and attempts to do so n even e Spzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to dite otherwise.

Spzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientatn om gay to straight, and nclud that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he lled good heterosexual functng — a staed, lovg heterosexual relatnship wh the past year and gettg enough emotnal satisfactn to rate at least a seven on a 10-pot said those who changed their orientatn had satisfyg heterosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the same sex durg also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted homosexual feelgs. Spzer argu that highly motivated gays n fact change that preference — wh a lot of Study, Old DebateBut crics have challenged the study, even before was formally unveiled at today's ssn of the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's annual meetg New Orleans, which was jammed wh televisn meras reportg on the prentatn. Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroer, two psychologists private practice New York Cy, found that of 215 homosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientatn, the majory failed to do so.

"In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been sponnt and even suicidal themselv, for the oppose reason — "precisely bee they had prevly thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health profsnals that there was no hope for them, they had to jt learn to live wh their homosexual feelgs. "He said some velop such tremendo strs that they bee chronilly prsed, socially whdrawn or even Spzer says his study shows that some homosexuals makg some effort, ually for a few years, make the change.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

"The sample is terrible, totally tated, totally unreprentative of the gay and lbian muny, " said David Ellt, a spokman for the Natnal Gay and Lbian Task Force Spzer says while the people his sample were unual — more relig than the general populatn — don't mean their experienc n be dismissed.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* STRAIGHT MAN TURNED GAY

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73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 2qf7xf">{lor:#515150;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.3;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-2qf7xf exadjwu8"><p>Is 'Homosexual OCD' - the fear of beg gay, spe beg straight - jt ternalised homophobia, or a ser psychologil disorr?</p></div><style data-emotn="css 18k4ks7">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}} span{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0rem;text-transform:palize;}@media(max-width: 48rem){ span{le-height:2rem;font-size:0.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){ span{le-height:2rem;font-size:0.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span{le-height:2rem;font-size:0.875rem;}}</style><div class="css-18k4ks7 exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css 1eqkg5m">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-style:normal;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><addrs class="css-1eqkg5m ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 19e0noj">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-19e0noj ehvvd9m1"><style data-emotn="css 1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Nick Pope" tle="Headshot of Nick Pope" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />By <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="//thor/16323/nick-pope/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Nick Pope</a></span></addrs></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css 149neno">{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;max-width:m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2));} .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2);width:100vw;}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){ .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2) - 3.5rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){ .e152u5os0{paddg-left:0.1rem;paddg-right:0.1rem;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2));}}</style><div class="longform-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-149neno ewisyje2"><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body longform-body css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css am5pt0">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-am5pt0 et3p2gv0">Hunched nu the glow of his iMac, 17-year-old Darren* typed the words 'gay porn' to Google for the first time.</p><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"I didn't fancy men," he tells me. "I had a girliend, and only ever had sexual feelgs for women, but I jt uldn't shake the ia that I was somehow lyg to myself."</p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He plugged his headphon, clicked on an X-rated vio and took a ep breath. It was around 3am, the summer of 2007, and relentls fears of homosexualy had tormented him sce the start of the year. "I jt woke up one day and I was sudnly obssed wh . It felt like everythg I thought I knew about myself was fallg apart. It didn't make any sense."</p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He watched, expectg somethg signifint to stir upstairs or down. But there was nothg. Feelg equal measure victory and feat, Darren swched off the monor, laid flat on his bed and wrtled wh his doubts for a few more hours before fally surrenrg to sleep. He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same rult.</p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">After searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A has passed sce Darren's self-diagnosis and subsequent therapy, but 'HOCD' still remas a divisive subject wh some sectns of the psychologil healthre muny. Now 26, he is keen to raise awarens for what he believ to be a misunrstood and potentially life-g anxiety disorr.</p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"> "I was fobbed off by therapists who jt thought that I mt be gay. I don't want that happeng to anybody else."</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="7" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css ow0dpz">{borr:0.3125rem solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:100%;ntent:'';display:block;height:2.1875rem;left:50%;marg:-0.99rem to 0 -1.33rem;posn:absolute;width:2.1875rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css la9czl">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{ntent:'"';display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:3.4375rem;le-height:0.72;font-style:alic;paddg:0.3125rem 0.875rem 0 0;}</style><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"Oh my God, I've jt noticed a guy and thought he was good lookg. Do that mean…"</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="8" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Avy Joseph is an accreded</strong> Cognive Behavural Therapist and lecturer wh 25 years experience treatg anxiety disorrs. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr.</p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Someone will tell me that they were walkg down the street and saw a guy, and thought: 'Oh, he's really good lookg.' But then they thk: 'oh my God, I've jt noticed a guy and thought he was good lookg. Do that mean…'" </p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Acrdg to Joseph, 's at such nocuo begngs that a self-perpetuatg and all-nsumg obssn wh sexual inty n beg. "The more you sist that you mtn't have a particular thought, gus what happens? You're gog to have hundreds of them," he tells me. "That anxiety, and then you start to thk more unrealistilly. The abily to thk a probabilistic way go out the wdow. Then you ask yourself: 'How n I be absolutely sure that the thoughts won't e back?' And then of urse you start mandg certaty…"</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A monly held misnceptn about OCD is that sufferers are all fixated wh ntamatn and uniformy. The tth is, for many, OCD has nothg to do wh overworked light swch or pulsive hand scbbg, and all to do wh tsive, relentls, and often distrsg thoughts that swarm around their heads on a daily basis.</p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Ltle rearch has been published on the rat of sexual obssn OCD sufferers, but a <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="recent study g a sample of 293 subjects" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">recent study g a sample of 293 subjects</a> found that 25% experienced tsive sexual thoughts. And while analysis is srce, a Google search reveals a seemgly endls scroll of people sharg their 'HOCD' experienc on foms, and YouTube vios on the topic often wrack up tens of thoands of views.</p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Aaron Harvey, founr of non-prof OCD awarens project <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0"></a>, is a former sufferer who found aterny on the ter. "[There was] solace the stori of teens on YouTube, and hope om olr generatns sharg experienc and treatment remendatns. If were not for this muny, I may not have ma ," he tells me.</p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">From the age of 11, Aaron was plagued by sexually tsive thoughts, culmatg suici iatns at the age of 21. For him, was a full-time afflictn. "Sufferers will spend hours per day 'checkg' or 'ttg' themselv to try to get to the 'tth' about their sexual inty. I would nstantly check levels of aroal. Objectively asss my stctive attractn towards femal and my lack of tert the male form. I even had obssns that I was actually love wh my former partner's brother." </p><p data-no-id="15" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Acrdg to Aaron, four out of five people get tsive thoughts, but one fifty fd them much harr to dismiss, quickly velopg to an all-nsumg obssn.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="16" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"Sufferers will spend hours per day 'checkg' or 'ttg' themselv to try to get to the 'tth' about their sexual inty."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="17" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He says the tsive thoughts n often lead sufferers to make drastic life cisns. "They may go as far as to plan g out to fay and iends, all the while not believg they are gay. In relatnships they may whdraw om their partners emotnally and physilly, bee when you fear that you don't know who you are, you bee paranoid you may be sellg a lie to the person you love the most."</p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But what someone to fear the prospect of beg gay the first place? Darren says he grew up a "liberal-ish" hoehold and believ that homosexualy would have been accepted by his fay and iends, but 's easy to see how a ls tolerant upbrgg uld turn homosexualy to a e for anxiety. Aaron, for example, grew up a relig home Orlando, Florida, and attend a private Christian school: "Tryg to n om [what he'd been told were] vlent, blasphemo and v thoughts was extremely paful. I had no sense of inty. I had no ia who I was."</p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Rose Bretécher, btsellg thor of OCD memoir <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Pure O" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Pure O</a></em>, also experienced tsive doubts about homosexualy, nstantly fearg that her life as a straight woman was a lie. "OCD is sometim lled the 'doubtg disease', bee sufferers stggle wh this kd of uncertaty," she says. "The more I soul-searched, the worse the doubts and acpanyg sexual mental imag got. My sense of self was slippg away, g chaos, anxiety and prsn." She had no way of distguishg whether the thoughts she was experiencg were merely tsive or te reflectns of her sexualy.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="20" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 10klw3m">{height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="youtube" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><style data-emotn="css 63r9na">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;m-height:10rem;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;height:100%;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="css-63r9na ez8lbhw0"><style data-emotn="css 1msakm2">{width:3.125rem;height:3.125rem;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Youtube" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Youtube</a></div></div></div><p data-no-id="21" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="22" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="23" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">In November 2015, </strong><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em> UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '<a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=""World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay</a>' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD".</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">At the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers. "If you are experiencg HOCD … and the thoughts ," the se read, "you are not gay and when you do my Method to elimate this and your other anxieti you'll fd out why you thk you might be and why you certaly are NOT!"</p><p data-no-id="25" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In their report, <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em> revealed that Ln lacked any medil, psychiatric or psychotheraptic trag, ultimately managg to get his practice disavowed by two major mental health anisatns that had prevly featured as endorsements. He has sce troduced a number of veats on his webse, and remas as Google's featured rult for the search 'HOCD'.</p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em>'s skepticism wasn't aimed solely at Ln's shaky crentials and clumsy phrasg but also towards the credibily of sexualy-centred OCDs as a whole, and the ethics of therapists who seek to treat . They terviewed a number of proment mental health profsnals on the matter, who echoed the argument that the ncept of 'HOCD' was seeped homophobia and psdo psychology.</p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg."</p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">She went on to say: "People should be wary of the way this therapy is beg promoted, and there are no published peer-reviewed studi to back up the claims that are beg ma."</p><p data-no-id="29" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Profsor Dh Bhuga, a former print of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, also cricised the practice, tellg <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em>: "HOCD is not a regnised ndn. By 'creatg' such a ndn there is a ser danger of medilisg normal human emotns and turng lots of people who are var stag of g out, and for var reasons are stgglg to accept their sexualy, to 'ill' dividuals."</p><p data-no-id="30" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It's clear that the term 'HOCD', ed by onle sufferers and unregnised by the DSM (which only referenc obssns wh "sexual imagery"), n act as a muddyg misnomer the nversatn around tsive sexual thoughts. Even Bretécher believ the phrase is a "ltle misleadg", and the anisatn OCDUK has warned that such unendorsed acronyms provi unnecsary nfn to sufferers and mental health profsnals alike.</p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And yet spe the nmnatns, the treatment of tsive sexual thoughts has across-the-board regnn wh the OCD muny. Is jt a matter of semantics? Or do pot to a eper disagreement?</p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I asked Elizabeth Peel to clarify her "nversn therapy" ments. In rponse she wrote: "The pot I was makg was that 'Homosexual OCD', as I unrstand , is very siar to 'ternalised homophobia'. The ma issue is not to treat same-sex sexualy as somethg that is problematic."</p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Aaron believ this is a misterpretatn of the problem at hand. "The statement that 'HOCD is nversn therapy unr another guise' breaks my heart," he tells me over email. "It monstrat the pomp of amia and the fundamental divi between their muny and ours. Misrmatn is everywhere. And 's not jt msage foms, 's g om the mouths of therapists, relig unselors, psychologists and psychiatrists who fundamentally do not unrstand OCD. Th, the explosn of onle muni."</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">When Darren suffered a "kd of breakdown" 2007, he looked to the NHS for help. "The thoughts were gettg impossible to live wh, so I drove to the hospal and they sat me down wh what I thk was a psychologist. I opened up about how I was feelg, but he looked bored and said: "Well, maybe you're jt gay" and hand me a leaflet. That set me back a long way."</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="35" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"I'm certaly not terted nvertg gay men to straight men."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="36" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Peel's reference to gay nversn therapy</strong> - the wholly discreded and dangero effort to 'cure' homosexualy - certaly darkens the tone of the nversatn. And an age where even the <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice</a>, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods. After all, spe recent headways by LGBT groups and nunciatn om former Print Barrack Obama, gay nversn therapy is still legal across the US and only six stat have banned the practice relatn to mors. It's clear that, Ameri at least, the fight is far om over.</p><p data-no-id="37" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But uld be that this kd of soc-polilly vigilant thkg might impe our abily to engage wh this particular mental health disorr a nuanced manner? While attempts to dismiss the ndn may be well-tentned, they risk leavg sufferers whout proper psychiatric help.</p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"As a gay man, I'm certaly not terted nvertg gay men to straight men. Sexualy is anic as far as I'm ncerned," Avy Joseph says when I brg up the subject of nversn therapy. </p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"If a client who is gay but anx about the nsequenc of acceptg themselv or g out go to a therapist who has an agenda about homosexualy, then of urse that therapist isn't workg the bt tert of their clients. I image they exist, but I've never met one who would publicly say homosexualy is wrong. It's pletely uhil."</p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Rose Bretécher believ the accatn HOCD is jt 'ternalised homophobia' is rrect, but don't blame anyone for leapg to such a ncln: "People's unrstandg is only as good as the rmatn available out there – and awarens is still pretty poor. I thk cur skepticism is healthy and that personal ttimony alone don't prove much. But thankfully no-one has to take my word for – go read the huge amount of objective rmatn available on specialist OCD web-s and chari."</p><p data-no-id="41" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Joseph tells me that he has never had a gay person e to him wh tsive thoughts about heterosexualy, but ttimony exists on Inter foms, and the OCD Center of Los Angel stat that do happen. "Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty," stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt. "It is not exclive to heterosexuals. At s re, sexual orientatn OCD is the fear of not knowg for sure, paired wh the fear of never beg able to have a healthy, lovg relatnship wh a partner to whom one feels genuely attracted."</p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Which brgs to perhaps the most important qutn: how n a therapist tell the difference between an OCD sufferer experiencg tsive and irratnal sexual thoughts, and a person gog through a difficult procs of sexual realisatn?</p><p data-no-id="43" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You'd make an asssment," says Joseph, who practic a variant of Cognive Behavural Therapy lled Ratnal Emotive Therapy. "You'd ask qutns about whether they fd men sexually arog, or whether they have wet dreams about men, and whether they are exced by the ia of sex wh men.[…] If the asssment is that the person is not gay, bee you believe as a therapist that there is no evince, that do not mean they have ternalised homophobia. They're jt askg themselv: why did I have this thought?"</p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And the treatment?</p><p data-no-id="45" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"The person who has OCD is highly anx about this obtsive thought. Once they accept the thought, then be apparent that their OCD disappears. Instead of fightg the thought, they've accepted whout addg any meang to . The whole therapy I practice is based on acceptance."</p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And what if turns out that the patient is gay, after all? </p><p data-no-id="47" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"If someone is fearful of beg gay bee beg gay reprents to them abandonment by their fay, or rejectn, or experiencg vlence or abe, then you would help them to accept themselv unndnally as a gay man."</p><p data-no-id="48" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Ironilly, acceptance rts at the heart</strong> of both sis' arguments; acceptance of thought, sexualy and self. And 's impossible to know how far apart people actually stand on the issue, given the way that the ntroversy blurs the bate.</p><p data-no-id="49" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"If the path to treatment is facilated through an onle muny that has ed a theme lled HOCD, how is that hurtg people?" argu Aaron. "Onle muni sharg mon experienc to better unrstand their ndn is cril to a global society." </p><p data-no-id="50" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">That beg said, he strs that an OCD diagnosis om a clil psychologist is val. "Remember, everyone has tsive thoughts about sexualy. So tsive thoughts about your sexual inty alone are not enough to know you have OCD."</p><p data-no-id="51" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"> Ten years and two psychologists after that first, ght experiment wh gay porn, Darren still suffers recurrg bouts of OCD, but not around his inty as a straight man. "My anxiety n be fueled by a lot of stuff, but I jt do the same thg I was tght to do wh fears about sexualy. </p><p data-no-id="52" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Accept , let the thought pass, and move on."</p><p data-no-id="53" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong><em>Like this article? 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#15263D;text-align:left;width:-webk-f-ntent;width:-moz-f-ntent;width:f-ntent;borr-radi:2rem;display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.04rem;marg-top:-1rem;paddg:0.5rem 0.9375rem 0.25rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-ju94x7 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">Watch Next</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css un61">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg:0rem;m-height:to;paddg-top:1rem;text-align:left;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-un61 e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css b3y6x">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;} {posn:absolute;marg:0rem;}{ntent:"";display:block;height:0rem;width:100%;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.16) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 30rem) and (max-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.43) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((33% / 1.40) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.36) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.46) + 20px + 1.66em);}}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-b3y6x e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in .

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