There's More Than One Way for Gay Men to Have Sex | GQ

Contents:

• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• THE BIGGT MYTH ABOUT GAY SEX
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• GAY MEN & RADIL SELF-LOVE
• PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS
• MEN'S ENGAGEMENT RGS - GAY
• NOT ALL GAY MEN HAVE ANAL SEX

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

Beards are so sexually charged and erotilly ialized among today’s scffier populatns of gay men that one might fet the fact that beards are still, technilly, fetish objects.

Coprophilia is sexual stimulatn om fec, and while the general populatn’s rponse to is bound to be pretty strong, this fetish is more mon than you might spect, particularly among gay pig players, fistg enthiasts, and kky leather men. Dpe s populary wh a more niche sectn of the gay male populatn, is generally nsired an unhygienic fetish to explore, sce handlg and nsumg human fel matter rri wh certa health risks. Proment gay clothg brands like Nasty Pig and Cellblock 13 draw their sign spiratn om tried-and-te sports wear, and standard gay circu attire will always feature a pair of football pants wh the ont lacg beckongly open.

THE BIGGT MYTH ABOUT GAY SEX

Though they loved the sexual experience and wanted to have a future relatnship wh the person, they had mixed attus toward homosexualy and premaral sex. Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory.

If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self. In recent years, there has been a growg trend for sexualy to be seen as a spectm rather than as a llectn of discrete inti, such as straight, gay, lbian, or bisexual. It is also clear that the majory of the stunts are unlikely to be “closeted” or secretly gay: Some will no doubt transn to a gay, lbian, or bisexual inty, but others will ntue to intify as straight.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

Larry Craig, R-Idaho, a men's rtroom at the Mneapolis airport for allegedly lookg to engage gay sex wrote his June report that he "regnized a signal ed by persons wishg to engage lewd nduct. Craig told reporters today that he did nothg appropriate and said his guilty plea was a plac like men's rtrooms, airports and tra statns, tck stops, universy librari and parks, have long been plac where gay and bisexual men, particularly those the closet, ngregate orr to meet for anonymo time, people faiar wh cisg told, gay men began g a dified system of signals to dite to others that they were terted sex.

GAY MEN & RADIL SELF-LOVE

In an effort to curb lewd acts public — or as some gays argue, an effort to persecute gay men — unrver police began stg operatns plac known for sex solicg and employed the same s. Bee much of the signalg is self benign behavr, some gay rights activists and lawyers have admonished police partments for arrtg men who have done ltle more than tap their feet.

If a se like this went to trial, police officers would have to produce evince to say here is how we n say wh certaty this is was really a lewd act, " he plead guilty to the charg and therefore opted agast a, Craig nied beg gay and said he ma a mistake by pleadg officers, for the most part, only vtigate an area after members of the public have plaed about beg ed for sex, said Rich Gregson, executive director of the California Peace Officers Associatn. "Wh many other optns available for gay men to meet each other, Gershen Kfman, a profsor emer of psychology at Michigan State Universy and thor of the book "Comg Out of Shame, " said public cisg is practiced maly by eply closeted men.

Datg back to the ancient Greece, anal sex played a role the exprsn of same-sex sexualy (albe, wh fewer varieti of lube) art of anal sex is the thg that, both posively and negatively, has e to reprent gay men. I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad. Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective.

PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS

Our discsn was wi-rangg, begng wh her own marriage to a gay man and progrsg to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually beg a rock for other women siar suatns. Then somebody who was part of my social work rmed me, a uple of weeks before we were supposed to get married, that he had spicns that Robert was gay.

Admtedly, n feel difficult to do this bee shame and rejectn the gay muny is like a vic cycle — we show up to gay spac wh our shame and rejectn, we pick up more shame and rejectn, and we dish right back onto others.

Whens Has Never Existed Peacefully Ameri | The Culture that Creat “PV Gays” | A Gay Man’s Manifto for Love, Healg, and Growth | The Power of Makg a Visn Board | The 12 Gays of Christmas Part 1 & Part 2 | Improvg Our Datg Experience | Dear Fathers, Your Gay Sons Are Hurtg | Puttg an End to Ghostg | Refg “Comg Out” | Anti-Blackns | Self-Care | Emotnal Numbg | Complited Fah | Body Confince | Body Image | Lonels | Self-Talk | Self-Worth Part 1.

MEN'S ENGAGEMENT RGS - GAY

While qualative data document such self-intifiers as mascule-actg gay men who weigh more and have more body hair, there has to date been no quantative analysis of this group’s characteristics. In rponse, we nducted two large-sle studi of gay men intifyg as Bears (n = 469) to survey their self-reported physil, behavral, and psychologil tras. Keywords: Bears, Gay Culture, Gay and Bisexual Men, Self-teem, Masculy, ObyINTRODUCTIONThe gay muny is ultimately a heterogeneo one wh many subgroups and subcultur—one of the monali among them beg the sire to have same-sex enunters.

NOT ALL GAY MEN HAVE ANAL SEX

Bee there is a arth of general rearch regardg this muny, and no studi to date that e quantative methods, we cid to explore this muny quantatively—g an Inter-nvenience sample, followed by a purposive suggted, the Bear culture exhibs and valu a greater sense of domant (but not necsarily domeerg) “thentic masculy” parison to other subcultur wh the gay muny (e. In rponse and ntrast wh Leathermen, Bears mata their mascule inty whout adoptg negative hypermascule tennci to acmodate all partners, spe their size or body is some theoretil support for why the Bear inty spltered om the gay male mastream culture.

G., twks, partyboys, A-listers) that are anthetil to, and even antagonistic towards Bears, men who are hairier and heavier exist and adopt an inty to afont the stereotypil “alpha” gay male. Popular culture, the media, and Wtern hetero- and homosexual expectatns have normalized the ial male body as one that is lean, mcular, and v-shaped (wh broad shoulrs, a narrow waist, and a flat but well-fed stomach) (Olivardia, Pope, Borowiecki, & Cohane, 2000). G., poor self-image/self-teem) velop both heterosexual and homosexual men exhibg ls sirable physil tras (Beren, Hayn, Wilfley, & Grilo, 1996; Morrison, Morrison, & Sager, 2004; Pepl et al., 2009; Weer, 2009; Yelland & Tiggemann, 2003).

However, where mastream gay men report wantg partners wh those prevly stated, admired or revered characteristics (Moskowz, Rieger, & Seal, 2009), Bears may not (Manley et al., 2007). Whereas mastream gay men often do not engage sired or preferred sexual behavrs bee of fears of rejectn or judgment (Kamski, Chapman, Hayn, & Own, 2004), those the more acceptg Bear muny reject the fears due to their beg ultimately “feme” nature (Hennen, 2005). G., uratn, fistg, voyrism, exhibnism) (Grov, Parsons, & Bimbi, 2010) to the active existence of the Bear muny and regnn of this subculture by the larger gay/bisexual male culture, more rearch is need to explore the gree to which the prevly mentned physil, behavral, and psychologil differenc actually exist.