Tacklg the Four Ma Arguments Gay Men have Agast Open Relatnships

Contents:

• MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET
• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
• GAY MEN OPEN RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?
• WHAT IS AN OPEN GAY MARRIAGE?

MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET

But they knew om the begng that their bond would be fed on their own terms, cludg what they ll “play” wh other the trial phase of the nstutnal battle to overturn the Proposn 8 ban on same-sex marriage nclus feral urt, gay nuptials are portrayed by opponents as an effort to rewre the tradnal l of matrimony.

Quietly, outsi of the news media and urtroom spotlight, many gay upl are dog jt that, acrdg to groundbreakg new rearch. A study to be released next month is offerg a rare glimpse si gay relatnships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many. Some gay men and lbians argue that, as a rult, they have stronger, longer-lastg and more hont relatnships.

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

And while that may sound untertuive, some experts say boundary-challengg gay relatnships reprent an evolutn marriage — one that might pot the way for the survival of the rearch at San Francis State Universy reveals jt how mon open relatnships are among gay men and lbians the Bay Area. The Gay Coupl Study has followed 556 male upl for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outsi their relatnships, wh the knowledge and approval of their nsent is key.

“Wh straight people, ’s lled affairs or cheatg, ” said Colleen Hoff, the study’s prcipal vtigator, “but wh gay people do not have such negative nnotatns. ”The study also found open gay upl jt as happy their relatnships as pairs sexually exclive unns, Dr. A different study, published 1985, nclud that open gay relatnships actually lasted of this is news the gay muny, but few will speak publicly about .

“The tradnal Amerin marriage is crisis, and we need sight, ” he said, cg the h perspective gay upl brg to matrimony.

GAY MEN OPEN RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?

“If novatn marriage is gog to occur, will be spearhead by homosexual marriag.

”Open relatnships are not exclively a gay doma, of urse. A versn of this article appears prt on, Sectn A, Page NaN of the Natnal edn wh the headle: Many Succsful Gay Marriag Share an Open Secret. Which Ik is a mon thg for gay men and I rpect his cisn.

WHAT IS AN OPEN GAY MARRIAGE?

So after talkg and him sayg he’d be fe wh ( which I uld tell he was jt tryg to be brave for me and wasn’t totally fe wh ) I download a gay hook up app and started chattg to guys.

Tacklg the Four Ma Arguments Gay Men have Agast Open Relatnships.

Some gay men really don't like the ia of open relatnships. I reached out to fd men like this, bee to be hont, 's very foreign to my way of thkg (I uld see how you thk 's not for you, but I don't que unrstand the anger when to other gay upl. The datg pool is already so small for gay men, and if you're exclively a bottom, there's the issue of tryg to fd a good top to date, bee God only knows the pickgs are slim.

It's also somethg I n empathize wh bee gay datg is hard as all 's the al: If the men are (or pursug) open relatnships, that means monogamo relatnships weren't right for them. The gay and queer muny should not have to abi by tradnal, heteronormative notns of relatnships orr to make easier for straight people to accept bee they're more "fortable" by the fact that we're siar to them. " Also, there are plenty of open relatnships - both gay and straight - that have worked out long-term.

for gay upl? Why Choose The Gay Therapy Center?

I had the opportuny to talk wh psychotherapist and thor Michael Dale Kimmel about his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage. MOC: Tell me about The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage.

MDK: I began offerg workshops for gay, bisexual, and transgenr men about eighteen years’ ago, and after a uple of years there were always a few guys who me up to me and said ( whispered ton), “You’ve got to put this stuff a book.

While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay weddg, there were virtually none that addrs what to do after the honeymoon is over (lerally and figuratively). ” — regard to gay marriage — to be ntroversial. The Gay Man’s Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage dar to ask the qutn: is monogamy or an open relatnship (or a batn of both) the bt way to stcture your marriage?

Same-sex marriage has been a long time g – a few thoand years or so - and now that ’s fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that ’s a bad ia to “rock the boat” by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents.

I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and malleable. MDK: I have been givg workshops on “monogamy or open relatnship” for many years, long before gay marriage was legal. While marriage wasn’t a possibily then, the qutns those workshops were basilly the same as those this book: as gay men, do we choose the monogamy of heterosexual marriage as our mol, or do we prefer an open marriage?

And yet, most gay marriag emulate whout much thought, assumg that ’s the “right” way to be married. As a psychotherapist for gay upl for many years’ now, ’s been que clear to me that “handbooks” for heterosexual marriage don’t really apply to our marriag several signifint ways: our marriag are more “signed” than “assumed. As gay men, we are ed to fg our own paths and fg our relatnships on our own terms.

And yet, when I work wh young gay (and bi, straight and trans) men, I see a sea change ahead. I wrote the chapter about “refg genr rol, " bee we have an amazg opportuny as married gay men to terme who we are as two men, married to each other.