Are You Straight, Gay, or Somewhere Between? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• ARE YOU STRAIGHT, GAY, OR SOMEWHERE BETWEEN?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• GAY-STRAIGHT/GENRS & SEXUALI ALLIANC
• PEOPLE WHO ARE GAY, LBIAN OR BI HAVE MORE MENTAL HEALTH AND SUBSTANCE E PROBLEMS, SURVEY FDS

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

If you’re a young man, you might assume that eher you’re straight or you’re not, meang you’re likely gay and maybe bisexual. Yet the evince suggts that more young men intify or scribe themselv as mostly straight than intify as eher bisexual or gay bed. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

Tradnally, our unrstandg has been that if you’re male and have even a slight attractn to the same sex, then you mt be gay. He’s not a closeted gay man who fears beg gay yet wants to keep a slight, perhaps secretive, gay si by danglg his potential for guy sex.

He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort. Wh theater doors bolted shut for the next…foreeable future, we’re thrilled to see some Broadway talent pop up the pilot episo of Boy•Friends, a new edy based off the My Gay Boyiend web-seri.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

The show centers around two llege roommat, one gay and one straight, and their “journey through llege and to adulthood to bee the homo-hetero power uple of the ag. In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn. A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me?

And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay.

” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way. Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women.

ARE YOU STRAIGHT, GAY, OR SOMEWHERE BETWEEN?

When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic. A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them. A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way.

So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met.

Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh. And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy. Of urse, some intify as straight but are realy closeted bisexuals or gays by sexual orientatn—perhaps likely to e out at a later age (if ever).

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti. Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men.

A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight. In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.

Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage.

GAY-STRAIGHT/GENRS & SEXUALI ALLIANC

McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends.

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men.

McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend.

PEOPLE WHO ARE GAY, LBIAN OR BI HAVE MORE MENTAL HEALTH AND SUBSTANCE E PROBLEMS, SURVEY FDS

But tim are changg quickly, and McKie’s rearch unrsr the special bond that n velop between gay and straight iends to the benef of both. Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out). We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn. At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship. If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another. If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another.

In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys. Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person. We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships.

Such a nversatn the Hoe of Commons dg hall would certaly have been sndalo the 1960s, when this scene tak place, bee homosexualy was still illegal England at that time. Although Wtern society is now far more acceptg of gays and lbians, there’s still a strong tenncy among the general populatn to thk of sexual orientatn bary terms—you’re eher straight or gay.

Of urse, we n add a third tegory of “bisexual” to ver the range between "straight" and "gay, " but that his the varyg gre of straightns and gayns that Ksey found his subjects. As Northwtern Universy psychologist Jeremy Jabbour and his lleagu pot out an article recently published the Archiv of Sexualy, many rearchers today still thk terms of a three-way divisn of sexual orientatn to straight, bi, and gay.

” Likewise, bee of the many negative attus about homosexualy that rema our culture, some men may ll themselv “mostly straight” even though their preferenc are exclively for the same sex. If Ksey was right, then the “mostly straight” men should have some tras mon wh gay men, but at the same time, they should share more mon wh straight men.

In addn to reportg their mographic rmatn and self-perceived sexual orientatn, the rponnts also answered qutns tend to distguish between straight and gay tennci.