Monogamy or Bt: Why Are Many Gay Men Opposed to Open Relatnships?

Contents:

• CALIFORNIA VOTERS WILL BE ASKED TO REAFFIRM GAY MARRIAGE PROTECTNS ON 2024 BALLOT
• MANY BRONS HAVE CHANGED THEIR MDS ON GAY MARRIAGE
• CALIFORNIA STILL HAS AN ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE LAW ON THE BOOKS. VOTERS ULD REMOVE NEXT YEAR
• GAY MEN MONOGAMO RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?
• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
• GAY MEN AND MONOGAMY: DO WORK?
• “CHASTE HARLOTS” ON GAY MONOGAMY ISKCON
• NEW TRENDS GAY MALE RELATNSHIPS: THE CHOIC STUDY
• GAY MONOGAMY: I LOVE YOU BUT I N'T HAVE SEX WH ONLY YOU
• SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?

CALIFORNIA VOTERS WILL BE ASKED TO REAFFIRM GAY MARRIAGE PROTECTNS ON 2024 BALLOT

Acrdg to the Texas judicial missn’s 2019 warng, Hensley referred gay upl who wanted her to pri over their marriage ceremony to other people who would officiate. The ph to refe marriage to clu two persons of the same sex has relied heavily upon the perceived unfairns of nyg the legal and social stabily of marriage to mted, monogamo, same-sex example, their documentary, “Seventh-Gay Adventists, ” filmmakers Daneen Akers and Stephen Ayer follow three gay upl (cludg two male upl) through their daily activi, implyg that the upl are monogamo relatnships jt like a heterosexual married uple. Male homosexuals are very seldom monogamo; they overwhelmgly reject the type of relatnship most heterosexuals thk of when they thk of marriage: a long-term relatnship where sexual activy is strictly limed to one's marriage partner.

A classic, large-sle study by Bell and Weberg nducted durg the 1970s and published by the Ksey Instute found that forty-three percent (43%) of whe male homosexuals had had sex wh 500 or more partners, and twenty-eight percent (28%) had had sex wh 1, 000 or more partners. ”[2] In their 1997 study of the sexual profil of 2, 583 olr homosexuals published the Journal of Sex Rearch, Pl Van Ven, et al., found that “the modal range for number of sexual partners was 101-500. Only 29% of male homosexuals who scribed themselv as beg a long-term relatnship had been a relatnship lastg more than seven years, and only 9% had been a relatnship lastg more than 15 years.

Psychologist) reported that, a study of 156 mal homosexual relatnships lastg om one to thirty-seven years, only seven upl had a totally exclive sexual relatnship, and the men had been together ls than five years. [8] McWhirter and Mattison nsir monogamy to be a homophobic stage that gay upl pass through and out of; other words, McWhirter and Mattison nsir promiscuy to be fnal to male study of fahfulns marriage reported that 75% of men and 85% of women self-reported as beg fahful to their spoe, but a siar study of homosexual men, only 4. Dannecker terviewed 900 male rponnts livg a “steady” relatnship Bonn, Germany, and 83 percent of them (747 men) said that they had had equent homosexual ntacts outsi their “steady” relatnship wh the past 12 after study has found that even so-lled “mted relatnships, ” male homosexuals are not sexually exclive.

MANY BRONS HAVE CHANGED THEIR MDS ON GAY MARRIAGE

”Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen (both homosexuals and amic rearchers) recently published a study entled, “Beyond Monogamy: Lsons om Long-term Male Coupl Non-Monogamo Relatnships. ” Like every other rearcher who has studied the phenomenon, they found plenty of non-monogamo gay male upl, but most did not want to be terviewed: “We found long-term non-monogamo upl rather easily, but very few were willg to participate. And is not beg acknowledged by the homosexual rights lobby, bee pots out that behavr— the se of male homosexuals, extreme promiscuy—not mere same-sex attractn, is what is most problematic about the “homosexual liftyle.

CALIFORNIA STILL HAS AN ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE LAW ON THE BOOKS. VOTERS ULD REMOVE NEXT YEAR

A study of homosexual relatnships Amsterdam found that steady partners ntribute more than sual partners to HIV fectn, bee gays tend to engage risky behavr (unprotected anal terurse) more often wh steady partners than wh sual partners. Schwartz and Blumste also reported that lbian upl seemed more limed their range of sexual techniqu, and ls sexual as upl and as dividuals, than eher heterosexual upl or homosexual mal. 7:2-5) In short, all people mt at tim ny, modify, or ntrol their sexual natur for the benef of their fai and the larger male homosexual culture will not accept lims on ttosterone-driven sual sex, even wh “mted relatnships.

” It is potls to refe marriage to clu same-sex upl bee male homosexuals, who prise two-thirds of all homosexuals, have monstrated that they will not accept monogamy or sexual exclivy. But arguably the fact that the 1970s behavr was unnstraed by the threat of a fatal and curable illns means that perhaps the extraordarily large numbers of sexual partners are an accurate picture of how gay mal will act if left to their own preferenc. [10]Maria Xiridou, et al, "The Contributn of Steady and Casual Partnerships to the Incince of HIV Infectn among Homosexual Men Amsterdam, " AIDS 17 (2003): 1031.

” Vlence and Victims, 12 (1), 87-98; Waldner-Hgd, Lisa K., Van Gratch, Lda, & Magr, Brian (1997) “Victimizatn and perpetratn rat of vlence gay and lbian relatnships: Genr issu explored” Vlence and Victims, 12 (2), 173-184; Wt, Carolyn M (1998), “Leavg a send closet: Outg partner vlence same-sex upl, ” Jana L.

GAY MEN MONOGAMO RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?

I’ve heard upl, gay and straight, voice their anxiety that their partner liked the other person more, enjoyed some sexual behavr om the other person more, and so on. Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love. There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia.

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022. Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife. The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

GAY MEN AND MONOGAMY: DO WORK?

Californians will vote on a proposal to amend the state Constutn on the 2024 ballot to reaffirm gay marriage rights — a ut move that amid natnal anxiety after recent lgs by the nservative-leang U. Although there is no current threat to the legaly of gay marriage, and Print Bin signed a bill safeguardg last year, the Democratic-domant state Legislature is seekg to remove language om California’s Constutn that still f marriage as between a man and outdated state fn has been emed unenforceable and unnstutnal thanks to feral law, but LGBTQ advocy groups are askg voters to repeal and amend the California Constutn to stead explicly state that marriage is “a fundamental right.

A group of mps led by Ben Bradshaw, a gay Anglin, is lookg at ways to amend the legislatn to allow willg prits and parish to take part, which they argue uld also help boost dwdlg numbers the aisl. The angry gay men are homonormative my experience, the gay men vehemently opposed to open/poly life tend to be the same men who thk bisexualy is a steppg stone to gay and that beg transgenr is a mental illns; men who don't see the value the word "queer" and don't believe gays should be supportg the Black Liv Matter movement.

“CHASTE HARLOTS” ON GAY MONOGAMY ISKCON

However, as one gay man I terviewed, Noah, said, "I also thk that (whe) gay men's attus on polyamory are shaped very heavily by our succsful assiatn to mastream culture. Remember, one of the most wispread arguments agast gay marriage was that would lead down a slippery slope towards legalizatn of polygamy and other 'viant' (read: alternative) relatnship stctur. "Though Noah said he hasn't faced direct discrimatn, he mentned that a growg number of gay men refe to date him bee they thk, "I am herently unable to give them the level of timacy that they crave or the level of mment that they sire.

NEW TRENDS GAY MALE RELATNSHIPS: THE CHOIC STUDY

Wh assiatn to more mastream culture and the acquirement of rights, cludg that to marry, many gay men are shiftg their attus on non-tradnal relatnships--beg ls acceptg of all of that said, I still n't help but see the irony a gay man criqug how someone else lov.

Instead of buyg to this borg, opprsive, homonormative gay culture, or losg our sense of openns as we ntue to assiate to the heteronormative mastream, I'd like to see gay men expand their notn of what gay is, what love is, and what a relatnship is. We're not only beg arrogant and close-md; we're begng to sound a lot like the Republins who work so hard to take away our if you're one of those gay men who are vehemently opposed to every type of relatnship but monogamy, I ask you to ask yourself: "Why?

Last month, Gallup found that a rerd high of 71% of Amerins support , cludg a majory of are the nam of every Republin reprentative who opposed feral protectns for gay marriage:Robert Arholt (Ala. And I'm not jt talkg about sex my years of workg wh upl, I've noticed that gay upl typilly experience two challeng more tensely than do oppose-sex or lbian upl: petn and nflict. But, too much petn leads to nflict, and nflict a double ttosterone marriage n easily lead to arguments that late out of ntrol both verbally and the other end of the ttosterone spectm, I've noticed that creasg ttosterone levels are often related to lower levels of sexual satisfactn (and more open relatnships) gay upl their forti and fifti.

GAY MONOGAMY: I LOVE YOU BUT I N'T HAVE SEX WH ONLY YOU

If sex has been a major rnerstone of our marriag/relatnships and we h an age where our sexual sir and libido take a dive, we may hope that openg up our relatnship will be jt the panacea we're lookg be blunt -- ttosterone n make too horny when we're younger (creatg trouble marriag), and too disterted sex when we're marriage has been a long time g -- a few thoand years or so -- and now that 's fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that 's a bad ia to "rock the boat" by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents. I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and the double ttosterone marriage, "monogamy or open relatnship?

MDK: I began offerg workshops for gay, bisexual, and transgenr men about eighteen years’ ago, and after a uple of years there were always a few guys who me up to me and said ( whispered ton), “You’ve got to put this stuff a book. While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay weddg, there were virtually none that addrs what to do after the honeymoon is over (lerally and figuratively). Same-sex marriage has been a long time g – a few thoand years or so - and now that ’s fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that ’s a bad ia to “rock the boat” by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents.

While marriage wasn’t a possibily then, the qutns those workshops were basilly the same as those this book: as gay men, do we choose the monogamy of heterosexual marriage as our mol, or do we prefer an open marriage?

SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?

As a psychotherapist for gay upl for many years’ now, ’s been que clear to me that “handbooks” for heterosexual marriage don’t really apply to our marriag several signifint ways: our marriag are more “signed” than “assumed. Several relatnship studi have been nducted on gay male upl, and they’ve reached the same ncln: about 50% of gay male upl are monogamo the other 50% allow for sex outsi of the relatnship. A new study nducted by a gay uple of 41 years, Lanz Lowen and Blake Spears, terviewed more than a thoand gay men the US: 42% of the rponnts were sgle, 50% were monogamo relatnships, and 8% were non-monogamo relatnships.

However, sce we are particularly rpondg to one recent article (“Gay Monogamy”), we will try to mata a nsistent age for the term “monogamy” keepg wh the age that article.