Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?
• KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• AS A STRAIGHT MAN, HOW N I POLELY STOP MY GAY IEND FLIRTG WH ME?
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. Acrdg to Garfield, among the many obstacl to male-male platonic timacy, fear of homosexualy looms large. Straight men et that if they get too close, others will see them as gay; which their mds means feme (horrors!

S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. The mid 20th century this behavr beme associated wh gay inty, new at the time and seen as crimal and then sick. As a rult of this behavr-inty lk, sexual ngrs between gay and straight men creased nsirably, or at least went unrground.

Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors. This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. As turns out, the gay iend worried that if he hugged too closely his iend would thk he was g on to him.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy. As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved.

• Could a straight guy get dnk enough to fool around wh another guy jt bee “felt good”, or is more likely that he has some gay/bi/cur feelgs that perhaps he’s been reprsg? Even acuntg for the fact that he might remember some of what happened, don't mean he's bisexual, secretly gay, or that you're his magil "exceptn. I don't know many gay men (myself clud) who hasn't veloped a csh or had feelgs for a straight guy - cludg straight iends.

I've seen other gay guys that fell for a straight guy (typilly a iend) and wanted to lu themselv to believg that a relatnship was possible. It don't bother me that I fooled around wh another guy (other than the fact I enabled him to cheat); I'm gay after all.

KEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BARBIE’S GAY BT FRIEND—NOT HER BOYIEND

Ok, you experienced your straight csh g te, so now back off and al wh the 100 percent gays or bis that are sgle. You know your iend is gay, so your bra now se that as an opportuny to have that physil need fulfilled.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

I’ve told you that I don’t thk this mak you gay or even bi, but ’s not like you n jt prt off this post and show to your girliend as proof. So until they fd themselv a siar suatn, they don’t see how n be possible for a straight person to have a sexual experience wh a person of the same sex and not be gay or at least bisexual.

I read this thread earlier and told one of my very few gay iends about and he said the same thg had happened to him. For a long time, iendships between gay men and straight men – what some now ll “bromosexual” iendships – were unmon. Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men.

Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out).

AS A STRAIGHT MAN, HOW N I POLELY STOP MY GAY IEND FLIRTG WH ME?

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another. Many straight men hated to beiend gay men, fearg harassment, rejectn om their straight iends or beg lled gay. Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn.

At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship. Of urse, the tradnal notn that gay men and straight men nnot be close iends is herently homophobic and unte.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

We propose gay-straight male iendships are not only possible, but that they n grow to be extremely rewardg. If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg. Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood.

Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another. If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another.

Recent rearch has suggted that advice sharg uld be a ccial reason that straight women seek out gay men as iends. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys.