Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY?
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• GAY... OR NOT GAY?
• GAY-OR-NOT-GAY
• GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY
• CAN PEOPLE STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• WHY GAY IS NOT OK
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg.

Keep md that even if you have a sexual experience wh someone of the same genr or another genr, that don’t necsarily mean that you’re gay. That means, for example, that you n be transgenr but also straight (for stance, you might intify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e. If you have had romantic experienc or fantasi volvg people who are the same genr as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but 's okay if you're a ltle nfed.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr. It very much appears that same-sex sexual attractn is not a choice but actg on is; so if you fe gay as the mere prence of same-sex attractn, then om everythg we unrstand, beg gay is not a choice. If, on the other hand, you nsir someone to be gay only if they act on their same-sex attractn then beg gay n be nsired a choice pendg on an dividual's behavr.

Whether science n ultimately prove the blogy of beg gay or not, 's important to support all adults their choic no matter how they intify. However, we admire those who've been urageo enough to say loud and proud, jt as we're amazed by the number of stars over the years who've felt they had to stand up and say, "I'm not gay.

While the gay and lbian muny rejoiced, the stud received bomb threats, sponsors JCPenney and Chrysler pulled their ads, and an angry Jerry Falwell dubbed the s star "Ellen Degenerate. Ellen retreated, regrouped, and ultimately reemerged wh the now multi-Emmy-wng daytime talk hour, "The Ellen DeGener Show, " and a betiful new bri, actrs Portia Jackman – Denied Beg Gay 2003Maybe the mors started bee the very straight Jackman took on the role of a very openly gay entertaer a mil, "The Boy om Oz, " and was flawls. Seems the rotten mt have started to outweigh the Wey and Gayle Kg – Denied Beg Gay for DesOprah felt the need to start nyg mors back 1997 when she appeared the g-out episo of "Ellen" and gossip lumnist Liz Smh leaked a tip that another unknown in was about to leave the closet.

AM I GAY?

The very outspoken (and lbian, we might add) edienne Rosie O'Donnell jumped on the story, sayg that after watchg footage om Oprah and Gayle's cross-untry vatn, she was sure they were "together, " claimg that people don't have to be physilly timate to be a uple.

As for her sexualy, Cynthia said she didn't nsir herself straight or gay, and that her relatnship was not the rult of some big epiphany that led to her g out. Apparently, the woman thg is forever: news of the uple’s engagement broke this Aiken – Came Out 2006Lots of people spected that "Amerin Idol" falist Clay Aiken was gay, but he refed to ment.

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

Yet when Aiken's iend and surrogate, Jaym Foster (rerd producer David Foster's sister), gave birth to his first child on Augt 8, 2008, Clay ma a cisn to tell the world he was gay as an example to his newborn son that he should always be te to McCormack – Joked About Not Beg Gay 2002Playg a gay character on TV n lead people to mistaken nclns. Such was the se for "Will & Grace" star Eric McCormack, who was nstantly beg ced as a gay man, spe the fact he was married and had a child. So mon was the misnceptn that when Eric hosted "SNL" 2002, his openg monologue revolved around the topic, wh flamboyant "dience members" explag they uld relate to McCormack bee they weren't gay McGillis – Came Out 2009McGillis is bt known as Tom Cise's sexy love tert "Top Gun, " and real life she was married and divorced twice and has two grown dghters.

McKellen had hidn his sexualy for years orr to protect his reer, but when the nversatn that night turned to Brish legislatn that would ban the promotn of homosexualy schools, Ian uld no longer hold his tongue. " The Amy Award-nomated actor was knighted 1991 for his ntributns to the world of Brish theater, but he's better known to ntemporary movie dienc as Gandalf the "Lord of the Rgs" films and "The X-Men's" Parton – Denied Beg Gay 2009Also no stranger to the "you're-gay-bee-you-have-a-very-close-same-sex-bt-iend" mors is untry superstar Dolly Parton.

Republin ngrsman Aaron Schock — who reprents Illois' 18th ngrsnal district — is known for one thg: beg pretty and probably-almost-certaly gay. Schock is anti-gay on the rerd and he's equently affirmed his straightns, but he may be feelg a gt of air this morng thanks to a sledgehammer wield by journalist Itay Hod.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

This is a new seri that nam people who are not publicly gay, but have been shackled by mors throughout their reers which warrant further discsn. Regrettably, social and blogil scientists have been plic by parg straights vers gays/lbians their rearch signs, while fettg everyone else who don’t intify as one of the.

Yet the mands for new rearch are real: Right now, we thk people are eher straight or gay, as if one drop of gayns mak you gay, even if this means distortg the sexual and romantic experienc of lns of teenagers and young adults who are neher gay nor straight.

The ratg sl aim to classify people not as "gay" or "straight" but rather dite that most people do not experience exclively gay or straight experienc.

GAY... OR NOT GAY?

Most people, regardls as to their sexual inty, do experience both homosexual and heterosexual feelgs and/or behavrs at different tim their liv.

GAY-OR-NOT-GAY

It n be hard for some people to know whether or not they are gay, but 's important to remember that cidg you are gay is a personal cisn and not a clil one. Some people that have homosexual experienc ntue not to intify as gay while others that have never had a homosexual experience and rather, jt have homosexual feelgs, may ll themselv gay.

"Wh time, someone who is gay will realize that not only are they sexually attracted to members of the same sex, but that this attractn is not transnal, or as often scribed 'jt a phase'.

GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT

However, the difficulti associated wh acceptg the feelgs and g out gay mean that many gay people don't intify themselv as gay until later on life. Homosexualy is still the rrect term clilly, but even though homosexualy is no longer nsired immoral, some people feel there are still negative overton to the word given s orig.

For example, a person may feel same-sex sexual attractn but not intify as "gay" whereas another person who behav sexually towards men and women may intify as "gay.

The oppose mp argu that gays are "born that way, " and th that sexual reorientatn therapy is effective, as well as cel and the latter perspective hs closer to the mark, the science of sexualy supports a more measured stance. There are no verified s of formerly gay people pletely riddg themselv of same-sex attractn, but do appear possible for some people who are predisposed to same-sex attractn to expand their sexual repertoire — velop attractns for oppose-sex partners as well, and even opt for the oppose sex exclively.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

As Diamond noted January the Archiv of Sexual Behavr, femal' sexual fluidy may emerge om the fdg that, across the board, they are sexually aroed by imag of both men and women (whereas men are typilly aroed only by members of their preferred sex) erotic plasticy may expla why women wh same-sex predisposns report better succs adjtg to heterosexual liftyl than gay men do. Sexual orientatn cements around puberty, and acrdg to Gelf Rieger, a sexual orientatn rearcher at Cornell Universy, " is que possible that there are several fluenc on formg a homosexual orientatn. Sce 1975, APA has lled on psychologists to take the lead removg the stigma of mental illns that has long been associated wh lbian, gay, and bisexual orientatns.

The prejudice and discrimatn that people who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual regularly experience have been shown to have negative psychologil effects.

This page provis accurate rmatn for those who want to better unrstand sexual orientatn and the impact of prejudice and discrimatn on those who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual. In the Uned Stat the most equent labels are lbians (women attracted to women), gay men (men attracted to men), and bisexual people (men or women attracted to both sex). Prejudice and discrimatn make difficult for many people to e to terms wh their sexual orientatn inti, so claimg a lbian, gay, or bisexual inty may be a slow procs.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY

There is no nsens among scientists about the exact reasons that an dividual velops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lbian orientatn. Public opn studi over the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s routely showed that, among large segments of the public, lbian, gay, and bisexual people were the target of strongly held negative attus.

More recently, public opn has creasgly opposed sexual orientatn discrimatn, but exprsns of hostily toward lbians and gay men rema mon ntemporary Amerin society. Severe antigay prejudice is reflected the high rate of harassment and vlence directed toward lbian, gay, and bisexual dividuals Amerin society.

Early the panmic, the assumptn that HIV/AIDS was a “gay disease” ntributed to the lay addrsg the massive social upheaval that AIDS would generate.

CAN PEOPLE STOP BEG GAY?

The associatn of HIV/AIDS wh gay and bisexual men and the accurate belief that some people held that all gay and bisexual men were fected served to further stigmatize lbian, gay, and bisexual people.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

On the social level, prejudice and discrimatn agast lbian, gay, and bisexual people are reflected the everyday stereotyp of members of the groups.

The stereotyp persist even though they are not supported by evince, and they are often ed to exce unequal treatment of lbian, gay, and bisexual people.

For example, limatns on job opportuni, parentg, and relatnship regnn are often jtified by stereotypic assumptns about lbian, gay, and bisexual people. On an dividual level, such prejudice and discrimatn may also have negative nsequenc, pecially if lbian, gay, and bisexual people attempt to nceal or ny their sexual orientatn.

WHY GAY IS NOT OK

Although many lbians and gay men learn to pe wh the social stigma agast homosexualy, this pattern of prejudice n have ser negative effects on health and well-beg. Although social support is ccial pg wh strs, antigay attus and discrimatn may make difficult for lbian, gay, and bisexual people to fd such support. Dpe the persistence of stereotyp that portray lbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several s of rearch and clil experience have led all mastream medil and mental health anizatns this untry to nclu that the orientatns reprent normal forms of human experience.

Furthermore, seems likely that the promotn of change therapi rerc stereotyp and ntribut to a negative climate for lbian, gay, and bisexual persons. Helpful rpons of a therapist treatg an dividual who is troubled about her or his same sex attractns clu helpg that person actively pe wh social prejudic agast homosexualy, succsfully rolve issu associated wh and rultg om ternal nflicts, and actively lead a happy and satisfyg life.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

The phrase “g out” is ed to refer to several aspects of lbian, gay, and bisexual persons’ experienc: self-awarens of same-sex attractns; the tellg of one or a few people about the attractns; wispread disclosure of same-sex attractns; and intifitn wh the lbian, gay, and bisexual muny. Like heterosexuals, lbians, gay men, and bisexual people benef om beg able to share their liv wh and receive support om fay, iends, and acquatanc. Th, is not surprisg that lbians and gay men who feel they mt nceal their sexual orientatn report more equent mental health ncerns than do lbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physil health problems.

Some adolcents sire and engage same-sex behavr but do not intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual, sometim bee of the stigma associated wh a nonheterosexual orientatn. Young people who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual may be more likely to face certa problems, cludg beg bullied and havg negative experienc school. Lbian, gay, and bisexual youth who do well spe strs—like all adolcents who do well spe strs—tend to be those who are socially petent, who have good problem-solvg skills, who have a sense of tonomy and purpose, and who look forward to the future.

Whether the youths intify as heterosexual or as lbian, gay, or bisexual, they enunter prejudice and discrimatn based on the prumptn that they are lbian, gay, or bisexual. For example, survey data dite that between 40% and 60% of gay men and between 45% and 80% of lbians are currently volved a romantic relatnship.