What About Ex-Ex-Gays? | Ask Dr. Brown

Contents:

• MY SO-CALLED EX-GAY LIFE
• FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY
• WHEN AN EX-GAY MAN RETURNS TO A GAY LIFTYLE
• EX-GAY IS HERE TO STAY
• WHAT ABOUT EX-EX-GAYS?
• WHY ARE HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS SO AAID OF “EX-GAYS”?
• HOW TO LISTEN TO AN “EX-GAY” TTIMONY
• ‘EX-GAY’ MEN FIGHT BACK AGAST VIEW THAT HOMOSEXUALY CAN’T BE CHANGED
• BISEXUAL CONFSNS, EX-GAY TTIMONI RECEIVE SRN
• THE EX-GAY CHRISTIANY MOVEMENT IS MAKG A QUIET EBACK. THE EFFECTS ON LGBTQ YOUTH ULD BE VASTATG.

MY SO-CALLED EX-GAY LIFE

Joseph Nilosi, a clil psychologist California who was then print of the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy (NARTH), the untry's largt anizatn for practners of ex-gay therapy. My mother might not have so easily found rmatn about ex-gay therapy had the Christian right not planted this stake the culture ad appeared 23 years after the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn (APA) classified homosexualy as a mental illns.

FORMER 'EX-GAY' LEARS DENOUNCE 'CONVERSN THERAPY' IN A NEW DOCUMENTARY

Foc on the Fay lled s new ex-gay mistry Love Won Out and talked about healg and rg for ex-gay movement turned the rhetoric of gay rights agast self: Shouldn't ex-gays be able to pursue therapy and live the liv they want whout facg discrimatn? Together wh the late Charl Soris, a psychiatrist who led the opposn to classifyg homosexualy as a mental illns, Nilosi formed NARTH 1992 as a "scientific anizatn that offers hope to those who stggle wh unwanted homosexualy.

Nilosi remas NARTH's most visible are no reliable statistics for how many patients have received ex-gay treatment or how many therapists practice , but the late 1990s and early 2000s, ex-gay therapy enjoyed a legimacy hadn't sce the APA removed homosexualy om s diagnostic manual. Whether or not the Christian right's alliance wh the ex-gay movement had nstuted a D-Day the culture wars, had succsfully challenged the prevailg ia that the bt choice for gay people was to accept themselv.

I read one of Nilosi's books, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexualy, that he tri to posn himself as a supportive father figure, typifyg the sort of relatnship that he believ his patients never had wh their own father.

WHEN AN EX-GAY MAN RETURNS TO A GAY LIFTYLE

What translated to the larger culture was: The father of the 1973 revolutn the classifitn and treatment of homosexualy, who uld not be seen as jt another biased ex-gay csar wh an agenda, had validated ex-gay therapy. Richard Cohen, the founr of PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays)-tend as the ex-gay unterpart to PFLAG (Parents, Fai, and Friends of Lbians and Gays)-was expelled om the Amerin Counselg Associatn for ethics vlatns. Among them were Alan Downg, the lead therapist of JONAH (Jews Offerg New Alternativ to Homosexualy), who ma his patients strip and touch themselv ont of a mirror; NARTH member Christopher At, who was nvicted of "unlawfully, tentnally and knowgly [g] peratn of" a client; and Exod-affiliated Mike Jon, who asked a patient to take off his shirt and do ph-ups for movement also suffered several high-profile fectns.

But the sprg of my sophomore year, the disparate parts of myself I had managed to hold together-the part of me that thought beg gay was wrong, the part that slept wh men anyway, the part of myself I let the world see, and the part that suffered silence-me undone. While took years of unselg to disabe myself of the ias I had learned while unrgog therapy wh Nilosi, was the first time I enuntered profsnals who were affirmg of my sexualy, and the first time I allowed myself to thk was all right to be gay. Interview highlights clu extend web-only answers and have been eded for length and clary: Interview Highlights Thomas on how he joed the "ex-gay" movement and Exod Internatnal I was out of the closet the '80s.

He also had a key posn wh Foc on the Fay, where he beme a well-known media figure ttifyg to his mment to heterosexual fay life and the tradnal, Biblil unrstandg of sexualy, which holds that a gay inty is a false nstct, not part of our human sign. But now, all that life has a reparative therapist who has worked wh thoands of homosexually oriented men seekg change, I believe I am a unique posn to speculate on the recent, John’s story is a utnary tale about ex-gay celebry. I will, however, speak of psychologil patterns I have seen other SSA (same-sex attracted) men who have gone om “ex-gay” back to “gay” their many SSA men, the ept problem they mt wrtle wh is not sexual inty, but re inty.

EX-GAY IS HERE TO STAY

This perdic disillnment leav behd vastated dividuals who have vted eply the person; John’s se, Anne, his wife of 20 gay muny wants to ame chang om ex-gay back to gay as proof that people who experience SSA were simply signed and created for homosexualy, but we would be ceived if we believed this simplistic re inty is the foundatnal problem, we spect a breach the primary attachment wh the mother. From my clil experience, there is a particular kd of client who, although he is eply dissatisfied wh gay life and do succeed velopg good heterosexual functng, will, over time, stggle to mter the self-disciple and matury to put a hard day’s work, e home to wife and fay, help the children wh the homework, have dner and settle down to a good nversatn wh his wife, and go to bed. ” Unrneath the boredom and rtlsns remas this ep, chronic ’s not jt about needg to fd a partner of a different genr; ’s about gettg attentn, flirtg, beg ma to feel special, distractg onelf om one’s chronic dissatisfactn wh life through parti and other high-animatn activi, such as the gay muny offers on s well-known, dg-saturated party circus.

Not only so, but the whole myth of homosexualy beg “nate and immutable” has been exposed, wh some gay activists even sayg that they don’t need to e the argument anymore, acknowledgg that sexualy is fluid.

WHAT ABOUT EX-EX-GAYS?

Regardg the notn that some people are born gay and n’t change – somethg that has been a central mantra of gay activism for s – the article not that, “many members of the LGBTQ muny reject this narrative, sayg only benefs people who feel their sexualy and genr are fixed rather than fluid, and qutng why the digny of gay people should rt on the notn that they were gay om their very first breath. Acrdgly, 2011, after I worked wh a group of several hundred Christians who hand out 2, 500 bottl of “J Lov You” water at a gay pri event Charlotte, North Carola, Wayne brand me an “anti-gay monster. Send, the term "ex-gay" has lots of different meangs (some lears like the term, while others don't), rangg om, "I ed to be volved same-sex relatnships, and I am no longer am, " to, "My romantic and sexual sir have changed om homosexual to heterosexual, " along wh everythg between.

WHY ARE HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS SO AAID OF “EX-GAYS”?

I know others who, through unselg or a ep spirual enunter wh the Lord, lerally went om homosexual to heterosexual (this is more mon than you might realize), and they have lived like this for s now. The bottom le is that homosexual practice, unr all circumstanc, is sful, and nothg n possibly change that fact, but is equally te that there is liberty and new life J, and those willg to take up the cross and follow Him will never need to look back.

The 19th century wrer Osr Wil is revered by many the gay and lbian muny but, believe me, if he were alive now, he’d be totally exasperated wh the whg, hysteril malntents who domate today’s gay lobby.

HOW TO LISTEN TO AN “EX-GAY” TTIMONY

If “ex-gays” exist, this means that people n change their sexual orientatn — and this means that the foundatn the homosexual rights movement, the ia that they are “born that way” and th nnot help themselv, go right out the wdow. Many ex-gays are aaid to e out of the closet bee of the harassment they will receive — their nam, phone numbers and personal rmatn posted on gay webs, attacked at ex-gay exhib booths, prs releas issued agast them, etc. ”3 This is an odd assertn, sce a tailed review of homosexual obuari showed several exampl of men who were happily married, who had children, and who nsired themselv “straight” sudnly abandong their fai and embracg the homosexual “liftyle.

But the “scientific” methods ed this study would make any legimate rearcher crge; the “study” managers did not terview a large group of “ex-gays;” they simply sought out people who claimed that they had been harmed (an tensive procs that took a full five years) and then nmned such therapy. In natns where “nversn therapy” has been banned, homosexual activists have liberately approached Christian unselors pretendg to want to bee straight, and have lied to them orr to strip them of their licens.

‘EX-GAY’ MEN FIGHT BACK AGAST VIEW THAT HOMOSEXUALY CAN’T BE CHANGED

As one leadg English homosexual activist said, “We want to root out therapists and psychiatrists who are practicg the techniqu and ultimately brg an end to them through exposg them, as well as disptg their meetgs. Psychologists and unselors the jurisdictns are forbidn to unsel homosexuals their attempts to bee straight — even if they want this unselg — but are perfectly ee to tell a straight person all about the many alleged benefs of homosexualy.

Spzer, who had been vicly attacked by homosexuals for years, and who was sufferg om Parkson’s disease, fally gave to the prsure and announced that he was repudiatg the rults of his studi this field. He spent 17 years a doomed marriage while battlg his urg all day, he said, and dreamg about them all recent years, as he probed his childhood unselg and at men’s weekend retreats wh nam like People Can Change and Journey Into Manhood, “my homosexual feelgs have nearly vanished, ” Mr. Smh is one of thoands of men across the untry, often known as “ex-gay, ” who believe they have changed their most basic sexual sir through some batn of therapy and prayer — somethg most scientists say has never been proved possible and is likely an men are often closeted, fearg ridicule om gay advot who acce them of self-ceptn and, at the same time, fearg rejectn by their church muni as tated oddi.

BISEXUAL CONFSNS, EX-GAY TTIMONI RECEIVE SRN

”But many ex-gays have ntued to seek help om such therapists and men’s retreats, sayg their own experience is proof enough that the treatment n Bzer, 35, was so angered by the California ban, which will take effect on Jan. He was tormented as a Christian teenager by his homosexual attractns, but now, after men’s retreats and an onle urse of reparative therapy, he says he feels glimmers of attractn for women and is thkg about datg.

THE EX-GAY CHRISTIANY MOVEMENT IS MAKG A QUIET EBACK. THE EFFECTS ON LGBTQ YOUTH ULD BE VASTATG.

Bzer, who plans to seek a doctorate psychology and bee a therapist ex-gays guard their secret but quietly meet support groups around the untry, sharg ias on how to avoid temptatns or, perhaps, broach their past wh a female date. The theori, which have also been adopted by nservative relig opponents of gay marriage, hold that male homosexualy emerg om fay dynamics — often a distant father and an overbearg mother — or om early sexual abe.