Insult ic Lisa Lampanelli's lovg love-hate relatnship wh the gays

Photo: Ja Van HammI was lled "gay" middle school for my uy mic tennci, and Lisa Lampanelli would've f nicely to the posse that bullied me. Except she's sweat-and-cry hilar. And damn creative. Callg someone "gay"? So last ! The sult ic grilled more than at a o... * lisa lampanelli gay *

Johnny Louis/FilmMagic/GettyTwo and a half years ago, Lisa Lampanelli went on The Howard Stern Show and did the unthkable: She retired om nearly three s as a stand-up edian, durg which she rose to famy as the “Queen of Mean” on the Comedy Central Roasts of Jeff Foxworthy, Pamela Anrson, William Shatner, Flavor Flav, Larry the Cable Guy, David Hasselhoff and, y, Donald Tmp, Lampanelli simply walked away—beg, of all thgs, a life hasn’t told a sgle sult on stage sce. And asi om a handful of live appearanc like an upg storytellg show at a lol Connecticut theater, Lampanelli has almost entirely vanished om the spotlight. Which mak all the more excg to see her pop up among an imprsive array of female edians the new documentary Hysteril, premierg this Friday, April 2 at 9 p.m. on FX (and streamg the next day on FX on Hulu).“I really jt say no to so much stuff, but there was somethg about ,” she says of the film, which is directed by Andrea Nevs and produced by edian Jsi Kirson, on this week’s episo of The Last Lgh podst.Lampanelli’s first reactn to the documentary, which featur stori om edians—and former podst guts—like Margaret Cho, Kathy Griff and Iliza Shlger about the sexism they faced the dtry was, “My god, the girls had a hard time!”“Somehow the universe took re of me,” she adds. “I never got #MeToo’d, I never got sexually harassed.” Like Joan Rivers before her, Lampanelli says she existed a “sweet spot” where “we were kd of treated like male ics and nobody grabbed .”“Maybe was bee I was fat,” she jok, “but there are plenty of guys who like fat chicks so I have no ia.”Why Natasha Leggero Will Never Do Another Comedy Central RoastBelow is an excerpt om our nversatn and you n listen to the whole thg—cludg stori about roastg Donald Tmp (twice), petg on The Celebry Apprentice and her unlikely fd wh Joan Rivers—right now by subscribg to The Last Lgh on Apple Podsts or wherever you listen to haven’t seen much of you recent years bee, as some people might know, you retired om edy, which is somethg nobody do. It’s very, very unual to walk away om stand-up is weird, I thk, to walk away om anythg that you feel you had a llg for. I don’t thk I ever was a “ic.” I thk I was jt somebody tryg to nnect any way I uld. And I happen to be funny, so, “Hey, let's try this!” We jt want to fill that hole. And you know, once that thg stops fillg the hole and you feel like you’re fillg the hole your soul or heart wh life, then you don’t have to do somethg that don’t brg you that much joy there a breakg pot for you? Was there a moment where you said, “You know what, this is not workg for me, this is not givg me what ed to give me?”Everybody wants the breakg pot. But what was is I had started dog a lot of spirualy work and I took a lot of workshops jt to see what was gog on wh me. After my dad died, I had a lot of grief and I was like, how do you procs grief? So durg medatn—which I don’t do, I suck at medatn, I suck at all of that stuff—but you jt notice the thought and let go and you don’t judge yourself. So I started noticg whout judgment that every time I’d have a show, I’d be like, ‘Oh, yay, a show…’ [sarstilly] And I was like, you have to start noticg if there’s no joy, bee the dience might start to see that. So get out before you hate . I did the same thg wh two marriag. I do now wh other pursus or iends. You get out before you hate , and then there's honor . So was really not a breakg pot. It was more jt feel very different om the begng when you started dog edy? Did you fd a lot of joy those really early years?Probably the first 28 years were so joyful. Bee the first time— was like the first time I ate Betty Crocker cholate ostg right out of the n, you know what I mean? It felt jt like that. And then I turned to this sult ic, which was super badass bee no women were really dog that. And I was like, oh, this is awome. But after 28 years, I felt like I did everythg a ic needs to do, which is sell out Rad Cy, Carnegie Hall, nomated for Grammys, but still didn’t fill the hole. That’s passn and acceptance and self-love and nnectn wh people and thgs. But you know, ’s like 28 good eff’ years that you feel like, yeah, I’m to this, that’s a pretty good reer. That’s most people’s liv.I thk for people who know you om the roasts and sult edy, there’s a really tense ntrast between the person you were on stage and hearg you now talk about self-love and all the thgs. Did you feel like there was an anger to your edy that you were tryg to let go of? Is that part of what ma you want to move away om ?Insults and anger are two different thgs. The sults were wh love, which is why people would e back two or three tim. It’s like watchg [Don] Rickl or listeng to [Howard] Stern. So I always knew how to do the sult edy. It took me 20 years to learn how to do to not hurt an dividual’s feelgs. But if you and I had sat down as iends and talked real life, even while I was the edy bs, would have been jt like this. I was never sane off stage. So I thk snappg at people on stage, that was probably when the anger me out, but not the sults thg that did occur to me wh your cisn to walk away is whether you thought at all about gettg out before you uld get “nceled,” which has bee this huge thg now. Your edy is very risky and you make fun of all kds of ethnici and gay people. You’re kd of an equal-opportuny offenr that way, which is the Don Rickl mol. But did that occur to you at all? Like, do I want to stop dog this before someone tri to ncel me?Well, no, bee here’s how cluels I was. I didn't even know about ncel culture. I was so foced on myself and my reer and my own pa and anger and grief that I was like, “What, ’s wrong to do a joke about retard people? What, ’s bad to say the n-word even if you don’t mean ?” So I was still dog shows my way. I was kd of grandfathered , like Rickl was. So didn’t occur to me to retire bee of that. But I thk ’s a happy accint that I did. I thk a good by-product of retirg for me is that there will never be a trans kid the dience that I hurt. Even if ’s an accint, you should apologize. I’ll always apologize to an dividual. I’ve had cinc of people sayg I hurt their feelgs on stage and we talk about . I’ll never apologize to a group, but if ’s an dividual, he or she is gettg a chat and an apology for the documentary Hysteril, Nikki Glaser says she envi your abily to walk away. And I thk ’s te that there are so many ics who maybe would want to retire but feel like they n't or they’re jt pelled to keep dog edy. So there mt be somethg different about you. Maybe ’s not a pulsn for you the way is for so many of ;s a le that great movie, Soul, that jt ma me sob—and I get choked up even now—when he says somethg like, when a talent be an obssn, then ’s bad. Anythg you bee obssed wh is awful. So even though for 28 years was super fun, was always like, what’s the next thg? It’s never good enough. You sell out Rad Cy and the promoter says, “Next, Madison Square Garn!”There’s always somethg bigger to then you’re like, I’m a failure bee I didn’t do Madison Square Garn. And people don't mean to put on you, but they have hope for you. So edy, I don’t thk was a pulsn towards the end. It turned to a job. Those people paid money, so before I’m not enjoyg that part, let’s go. I mean, if you don’t notice your own life, you’re not gog to ever qu anythg. And by the way, I thk the ladi n qu and I love Nikki [Glaser] bee she’s so hont about everythg. And I remember when I retired, she was like, “I eak’ admire that you uld walk away.” It’s jt noticg you’re not as nnected you thk about your new reer life achg and embracg this more spirual si, do you ever thk about as kd of atong for anythg you did edy? Is there anythg that you regret or feel bad about that you’re tryg to make up for wh your work that you do now?I don’t thk so. Bee I don’t thk that’s what n motivate you. I thk everythg had to happen that way. Do I regret screamg at the dnk lady Vanuver bee she triggered me? She said somethg like, “We paid you. We get to yell whatever we want!” That for some reason always set me off. I go, “You’re not pretty, you’re not ugly, which means no one will ever notice you.” So y, there are thgs that I go, I probably ma somebody want to really kill themselv. But ’s a weird superpower I have that I don’t want to e anymore. So I n’t regret , but I wish I hadn’t had the chemistry and upbrgg that was looked at as the bt way to handle that. So we n only do better every week on ‘The Last Lgh’ podst: Stand-up edian and thor of the new memoir ‘Mixed Plate,’ Jo more at The Daily our top stori your box every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Insi go eper on the stori that matter to you. Learn more. * lisa lampanelli gay *

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Lisa Lampanelli was the latt st member to be fired om Donald Tmp's "Celebry Apprentice" but the edian managed to raise more than $100,000 for the Gay Men's Health Crisis anizatn. * lisa lampanelli gay *