I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight - The Doe</tle><meta name="article:published_time" ntent="2021-06-01T06:00:00+0000"/><meta name="thor" ntent="HistoryLsons"/><meta name="scriptn" ntent="A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay."/><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay."/><meta property="og:image" ntent="><meta property="og:image:alt" ntent="I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight"/><meta property="og:tle" ntent="I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight"/><meta property="og:type" ntent="article"/><meta property="og:url" ntent="><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image"/><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@TheDoe"/><meta name="twter:scriptn" ntent="A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay."/><meta name="twter:imageUrl" ntent="><script type="applitn/ld+json">{"@ntext":","@type":"Article","maEntyOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"},"headle":"I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight","datePublished":"2021-06-01T06:00:00+0000","dateModified":"2021-06-01T06:00:00+0000","thor":{"@type":"Person","name":"HistoryLsons"},"publisher":{"@type":"Organizatn","name":"The Doe","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"}},"image":[",",","],"articleBody":"Gog to seventh gra, I was really exced that I might be popular. I knew a bunch of other kids om the other feer elementary schools and, after puberty h me hard fourth gra (wh all the cintal Catholic shame about my sir and the explic nature of my fantasi), I felt awkward but super to girls—crazily to girls, sanely to girls. I hoped I would have girliends and iends, and feel more fortable my own sk. That hope lasted until the end of the first day of seventh gra. I was gog to play sports, bee playg sports was one way to be “ol,” pecially after three years of takg jazz and tap dancg class—ually beg the only boy a class of girls leotards. It was somethg that add to my girl crazs, even as iends qutned, gently, whether I was gay or not for takg dance class. So, I felt a need to do somethg “manly,” even though I had been part of the suburbs’ great pastime—soccer— the lol Catholic church league. Of urse, we need to take physils first to make sure we were healthy. While wag for one, all went wrong. I saw one of my iends om elementary school, Ali, so I sat down next to her. I thought she was cute, of urse, and liked her; she had lived my neighborhood, but she went out wh my iend, Dave, and not me. That was OK though. As we sat talkg, I did what awkward 12-year-old boys do to girls they like and teased her. It was not malic bee I had known her so long, but apparently seemed malic to some olr boys I didn’t know. They rose to her fense and began teasg me. It was savage. I pulled back to a fensive physil pose, holdg my right shoulr wh my right hand, which looked funny. But I was sred and fensive. They began to tease me for that awkward pose and said I looked like a girl and that I was a “femme.” Like most childhood trmas, I don’t remember how long I sat there as three boys told me I looked like a girl and asked me if I was gay. By the time I got home, I was broken. What began that day was six years of bullyg about my sexualy, lastg until I graduated high school.\r\nWhat Is Was Like Beg Bullied for Beg Gay When I’m Straight\r\nI am a straight, cis-genred male, so the bullyg was about who I wasn’t, not about who I was. However, was relentls. Middle school, like is for most people, was hell. I dread changg class bee if one of my tormentors saw me the hallways he’d scream, “FEMME! THAT KID’S A FEMME.” Some of the popular kids, who had been my iends, would shy away om me public spac, lt my low stat b off on them. The dreams I had of havg iends and beg popular were ad. Bee of middle school dynamics, my tormenters grew numbers as they roped their iends to their raveno wolfpack of sexualy-based bullyg. Several tim a day, while changg class, I endured screamed tnts and public huiatn. They didn’t have to touch me physilly bee they stroyed me emotnally. The sound of the bell rgg at the end of each class sent a shiver of terror down my spe bee I didn’t know if I’d be seen and tnted. I learned to change rout and flee, to keep my head down and hi, hopg that I would be unseen as I moved about my day. Eighth gra brought a severe se of chickenpox bee of urse did. It left me vered om head to toe sbs and pox marks. I remember now, wh shame, beg mean to another kid my class, who had bad ae, bee I wanted the foc off my sbs, supposed “femy” and homosexualy. The vic dynamics of that age and my sense of hopelsns ma me act celly sometim, even though never alleviated my torment. As wh seventh gra, I dread the end of the class bell, the b ri home, the random enunters at the mall. I did extracurricular activi every day, jt so I uld take the late b home om school to avoid my bulli.\r\nOnce the Bullyg Starts, It Don’t Stop\r\nNo matter what, one nnot flee forever. I always got ught. One event stands out. I had to take the regular b home one time, schleppg my heavy tenor saxophone. I got stuck stg near my tormentors bee of urse I did, wh my big se the aisle, my hand on the handle to keep om slidg. After endurg what felt like an eterny of slurs and sults, we arrived at the stop where a uple of them were gettg off. Each ma sure to step on the hand clutchg the handle to hurt me. I got home, went to my room and jt cried. I was cled to tear up when bullied, but this was one of those broken moments that etched self to my nscns forever. The mix of fear, rage at my powerlsns and sadns at my ongog huiatn didn’t often break me down, but, when did, I broke down hard. I endured middle school, earned high gras, was a good athlete and even had a girliend or two, though never for more than a few days—I always tried to hi her om the public lt my low stat her reputatn. I lived on high alert om my tormentors, aaid to date girls, though sperately wantg to do so bee of my ragg hormon. Still, I was ashamed of the ias those hormon engenred. It was a toxic stew and would not abate high school.\r\nThe Bullyg Even Had My Parents Thkg I Was Gay\r\nIn my first year high school, I had a specified lunch perd, as one do. Lunch had always been a sry time for me middle school, but I had luckily managed to avoid most of my tormentors. My luck would not hold. I was able to shelter among my sister’s olr iends through lunch, and tried to wear their skater inty as my own. I fally jt abandoned lunch and schled class place of lunch for my remag high school years—not the worst thg for an amic kid. It was around this time that my uncle died, and my parents somehow got wd of my torment. I’m not sure why wasn’t until high school, but the nversatn happened the r on the way home.  “But do you thk might be te? What did they say about you? Are you gay? Your uncle was gay,” my mom asked.  “No, mom, It hurts so much bee I am not gay, bee ’s not who I am.”  I don’t remember much more of the nversatn, but revealed somethg important about my recently ceased uncle. It was real, and filled me wh qutns about his life and ath.\r\nGettg Bullied at School Affects the Rt of Your Life\r\nFor three more years I endured abe. I was ually hungry om skippg my lunch perd and aaid to date girls, spe sperately wantg to; I worked as hard as I uld to be a great athlete and prove my manls. Some tormentors stopped. One even apologized bee his girliend, a iend, asked him to. Many more joed the actn. Durg the senr talent show, I was somehow asked to -host, and I dread . I’d spent years beg huiated the hallways and around town. If anyone screamed anythg, would be ont of an dience. They did, and I persisted anyway while ad si. The posive mpaign “It Gets Better” for gay youth was te for me, too. When I graduated, got better. However, I rry wh me ep emotnal wounds and a agily that manifts at random. Disappotments csh my spirs. I am still tryg to prove I am not gay, that I’m a straight, “appropriate” man.  I nnot image what LGBTQ+ youth feel, but I know their pa is real."}</script><meta name="next-head-unt" ntent="34"/><lk rel="preload" href="/_next/static/css/" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="/_next/static/css/" data-n-g=""/><lk rel="preload" href="/_next/static/css/" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="/_next/static/css/" data-n-p=""/><noscript data-n-css=""></noscript><script fer="" nomodule="" src="/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/pag/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/pag/narrativ/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/CF-eoEFdZ_ylY8H7FgQ2M/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/CF-eoEFdZ_ylY8H7FgQ2M/" fer=""></script></head><body><div id="__next" data-reactroot=""><div class="Toastify"></div><div class="bg-whe py-xs lg:py-sm Hear_hear__ubBbX relative z-50"><div class="ntent-width "><div class="flex flex-row ems-center"><button class="mr-xs lg:hidn leadg-0 foc:outle-none Hear_hamburgerButton__87mQF" aria-label="Open menu"><span class="Hear_hamburger__IDMFE text-black"><span class="Hear_hamburger__box__VZQzG"><span class="Hear_hamburger__ner__6Awt4 "></span></span></span></button><div style="visibily:hidn;transn:visibily 0s lear 500ms"><div class="fixed top-0 bottom-0 left-0 right-0 z-40 bg-black text-whe transn duratn-500 transform overflow-to -translate-x-full"><div class="flex flex-l m-h-screen pt-xs pb-sm px-md "><div><div class="flex ems-center jtify-between"><a tle="The Doe - Home" href="/"><svg viewBox="0 0 385 123" fill="none" xmlns=" width="150"><tle>The Doe Logo

when i was in first grade i thought i was gay

I grew up the 1980s and 1990s. Depictns of gay people were not flatterg. It seemed to me and om what my mother told me (She was a public health nurse.), all gay men had AIDS. The very few gay men I knew did die of AIDS, though was rarely spoken about. Other…

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SAME LOVEMACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWISTRACK 5 ON THE HEIST FEATURGMARY LAMBERTPRODUCED BYRYAN LEWISTHE THIRD SGLE OM MACKLEMORE AND RYAN LEWIS’S BUT ALBUM THE HEIST, “SAME LOVE” IS A POWERFUL SONG ABOUT MARRIAGE EQUALY FOR SAME-SEX UPL, AND HAS PLAYED A BIG… READ MORE JUL. 18, 20129 VIEWERS3.7M VIEWS286 CONTRIBUTORSTRANSLATNSFRANçAISSAME LOVE LYRICS[PIANO INTRO][VERSE 1: MACKLEMORE]WHEN I WAS THE THIRD GRA, I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GAY'CSE I ULD DRAW, MY UNCLE WAS, AND I KEPT MY ROOM STRAIGHTI TOLD MY MOM, TEARS SHG DOWN MY FACESHE'S LIKE, "BEN, YOU'VE LOVED GIRLS SCE BEFORE PRE-K"TRIPP', YEAH, I GUS SHE HAD A POT, DIDN'T SHE?A BUNCH OF STEREOTYP ALL MY HEADI REMEMBER DOG THE MATH LIKE, "YEAH, I'M GOOD AT LTLE LEAGUE"A PRE-NCEIVED IA OF WHAT ALL MEANTFOR THOSE THAT LIKE THE SAME SEX HAD THE CHARACTERISTICSTHE RIGHT-WG NSERVATIV THK 'S A CISNAND YOU N BE CURED WH SOME TREATMENT AND RELIGNMAN-MA, REWIRG OF A PRE-DISPOSNPLAYG GOD, AW NAH, HERE WE GOAMERI THE BRAVE STILL FEARS WHAT WE DON'T KNOWAND "GOD LOV ALL HIS CHILDREN" IS SOMEHOW FOTTENBUT WE PARAPHRASE A BOOK WRTEN THIRTY-FIVE HUNDRED YEARS AGOI DON'T KNOW[CHOS: MARY LAMBERT]AND I N'T CHANGEEVEN IF I TRIEDEVEN IF I WANTED TOAND I N'T CHANGEEVEN IF I TRIEDEVEN IF I WANTED TOMY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOVESHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE[VERSE 2: MACKLEMORE]IF I WAS GAY, I WOULD THK HIP-HOP HAT MEHAVE YOU READ THE YOUTUBE MENTS LATELY?"MAN, THAT'S GAY" GETS DROPPED ON THE DAILYWE'VE BEE SO NUMB TO WHAT WE'RE SAY'OUR CULTURE FOUND OM OPPRSNYET WE DON'T HAVE ACCEPTANCE FOR 'EMCALL EACH OTHER FAGGOTS BEHD THE KEYS OF A MSAGE BOARDA WORD ROOTED HATE, YET OUR GENRE STILL IGNOR AND "GAY" IS SYNONYMO WH THE LSERIT'S THE SAME HATE THAT'S ED WARS OM RELIGNGENR TO SK LOR, THE PLEXN OF YOUR PIGMENTTHE SAME FIGHT THAT LED PEOPLE TO WALK-OUTS AND S-SIT'S HUMAN RIGHTS FOR EVERYBODY, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCELIVE ON AND BE YOURSELFWHEN I WAS AT CHURCH THEY TGHT ME SOMETHG ELSEIF YOU PREACH HATE AT THE SERVICE, THOSE WORDS AREN'T ANOTEDTHAT HOLY WATER THAT YOU SOAK HAS BEEN POISONEDWHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS MORE FORTABLE REMAG VOICELSRATHER THAN FIGHTG FOR HUMANS THAT HAVE HAD THEIR RIGHTS STOLENI MIGHT NOT BE THE SAME, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANTNO EEDOM 'TIL WE'RE EQUAL, DAMN RIGHT I SUPPORT [TROMBONE INTERLU][CHOS: MARY LAMBERT]AND I N'T CHANGEEVEN IF I TRIEDEVEN IF I WANTED TOMY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOVESHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARM[VERSE 3: MACKLEMORE]WE PRS PLAY, DON'T PRS PSE, PROGRS, MARCH ONWH A VEIL OVER OUR EY, WE TURN OUR BACK ON THE E'TIL THE DAY THAT MY UNCL N BE UNED BY LAWWHEN KIDS ARE WALKG 'ROUND THE HALLWAYPLAGUED BY A PA THEIR HEARTA WORLD SO HATEFUL, SOME WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE WHO THEY AREAND A CERTIFITE ON PAPER ISN'T GONNA SOLVE ALLBUT 'S A DAMN GOOD PLACE TO STARTNO LAW'S GONNA CHANGE , WE HAVE TO CHANGE WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE , WE E OM THE SAME ONESTRIP AWAY THE FEAR, UNRNEATH 'S ALL THE SAME LOVEABOUT TIME THAT WE RAISED UP, SG[CHOS: MARY LAMBERT]AND I N'T CHANGEEVEN IF I TRIEDEVEN IF I WANTED TOAND I N'T CHANGEEVEN IF I TRIEDEVEN IF I WANTED TOMY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY LOVESHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARMSHE KEEPS ME WARM[OUTRO: MARY LAMBERT]LOVE IS PATIENTLOVE IS KDLOVE IS PATIENTLOVE IS KD (NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS PATIENT (NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS KD (I'M NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS PATIENT (NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS KD (I'M NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS PATIENT (NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS KD (I'M NOT CRYG ON SUNDAYS)LOVE IS PATIENTLOVE IS KD231EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

Same Love Lyrics: When I was the third gra, I thought that I was gay / 'Cse I uld draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight / I told my mom, tears shg down my face / She's like, " * when i was in first grade i thought i was gay *

Although this wasn’t the first rap song to fend homosexualy (See “Animal Style” by Murs), this was the first to see mastream succs. In 2015, twelve years after the US Supreme Court validated laws prohibg gay sex, and two years after the Court extend Feral regnn of same-sex marriag, gay marriage fally beme legalized s entirety all 50 a qutn about this songAsk a qutn *What have the artists said about the song?

When I was the third gra I thought that I was gay.

READG MY DIARY OM WHEN I WAS A TEEN MA ME REALIZE I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS GAY

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis "Same Love": When I was the third gra I thought that I was gay 'Cse I uld draw, my uncle was, and I kept... * when i was in first grade i thought i was gay *

If I was gay, I would thk hip-hop hat me.

I WAS BULLIED FOR BEG GAY AS A KID EVEN THOUGH I’M STRAIGHT

The thor shar how readg through her notebook om when she was an early teen showed her what she always spected: she knew she was gay. * when i was in first grade i thought i was gay *

"Man, that's gay" gets dropped on the daily. "Gay" is synonymo wh the lser.

Readg my diary nfirmed that I knew way before then that I was gay. The clud stuffg my bra, buyg a thong, skny dippg, stealg, kissg a boy, havg cybersex, watchg porn, and wrg "bch" on a school the most movg tail was somethg I had no rellectn of — I always knew I was gay. I am nfint that, had the Deidre who wrote the words been exposed to healthy reprentatns of queer love om an early age, she would have known that beg gay was OK.

WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE GAY?

A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay. * when i was in first grade i thought i was gay *

—and we n sometim sense early on that somethg about our ternal experience feels the fifth gra, when a iend of me sneered that I was gay as an sult, I thought maybe I had land on a name for what I felt. I wasn’t straight like I was supposed to be, but damn , I wasn’t this untercultural “gay” thg eher. I also helped start the Gay/Straight Alliance at my high school.

Eventually, this led me the oppose directn of what you might assume: My sexual boredom and sometim even disgt wh the men I dated led me to believe I was, and always had been, super gay after, my early 20s, I threw myself a new directn and got eply volved my lol queer muny. I tried donng a “homoflexible” label for a few years, but two boyiends later I had to s back and take a good look at my inty and why my perceptn of kept shiftg seemgly so I didn’t unrstand as I tried on the different labels was that isn’t simply our behavr that dictat who we are.

Content WarngI Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m StraightTread lightly—the ntent this narrative may be triggerg to some. It was somethg that add to my girl crazs, even as iends qutned, gently, whether I was gay or not for takg dance class. ” Like most childhood trmas, I don’t remember how long I sat there as three boys told me I looked like a girl and asked me if I was gay.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* WHEN I WAS IN FIRST GRADE I THOUGHT I WAS GAY

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17.6382C11.9398 17.5366 13.0503 17.1315 14.2571 16.3273C15.4638 15.6231 16.6684 14.6188 17.7716 13.4155C18.9755 12.2114 19.8785 11.0074 20.5807 9.90389L20.5807 9.90392L20.5822 9.90142C21.2838 8.69868 21.6948 7.58065 21.592 6.65534L21.5918 6.65433C21.4878 5.82245 20.9664 5.20513 20.0542 4.6983C19.3384 4.28937 18.2234 4.08887 16.9232 3.98885L16.9232 3.98882L16.921 3.98871C15.1998 3.90675 13.2773 4.02582 11.6513 4.12654C11.2887 4.149 10.9409 4.17054 10.6132 4.18874L10.6132 4.18857L10.6081 4.18921L9.80864 4.28914C9.80856 4.28915 9.80847 4.28916 9.80838 4.28917C8.09047 4.49134 6.47312 5.30005 5.26046 6.71482L5.26041 6.71477L5.25843 6.71729C4.14884 8.1295 3.54014 9.84879 3.74292 11.5724L3.7429 11.5724L3.74316 11.5742L3.74373 11.5782C3.84086 12.2581 3.93945 12.9483 4.22584 13.6395C2.93992 14.631 1.65415 15.7218 0.563179 16.9118C0.446754 17.029 0.392407 17.1993 0.392407 17.3636C0.392407 17.5285 0.447126 17.6994 0.564374 17.8167C0.621794 17.8741 0.704211 17.9284 0.783866 17.9682C0.861151 18.0069 0.949203 18.0386 1.01741 18.0386C1.24851 18.0386 1.36772 17.9194 1.468 17.8191L1.47044 17.8167L1.47048 17.8167L1.47237 17.8147C4.05847 15.0296 7.24136 12.9379 10.3286 11.4415L13.3051 11.9376L13.3049 11.9386H13.3174H13.4174C13.7605 11.9386 13.9823 11.7062 14.0886 11.3873C14.1492 11.2053 14.0859 11.0291 13.976 10.8918C13.8663 10.7546 13.7038 10.6467 13.5411 10.5925L13.5415 10.5914L13.5288 10.5895Z' fill='black' stroke='black' stroke-width='0.15'/></svg></div><a class="NavigatnInternalLk-cWEaeo knabMb navigatn__lk" href="/health" data-ttid="navigatn__ternal-lk" role="lk">Health</a></li><li class="NavigatnListItemWrapper-cxLZKD dsgTQs navigatn__list-em" data-ttid="navigatn__list-em"><div data-ttid="navigatn__nav-em-in" class="NavigatnItemIn-bpcxDt hLTmGs"><svg xmlns='' width='22' height='22' viewBox='0 0 22 22'><g fill-le='evenodd'><path d='M14.751 4.059c-1.75 0-3.203 1.309-4.016 2.242C9.922 5.368 8.47 4.06 6.72 4.06A4.726 4.726 0 0 0 2 8.779c0 1.866 6.623 8.133 8.652 10.01a.709.709 0 0 0 .996-.038.706.706 0 0 0-.04-.996c-4.905-4.536-8.2-8.304-8.2-8.976A3.315 3.315 0 0 1 6.72 5.467c1.809 0 3.416 2.342 3.432 2.367.261.388.902.391 1.17-.002.015-.023 1.616-2.365 3.43-2.365a3.315 3.315 0 0 1 3.31 3.312c0 .84-3.09 4.474-5.978 7.339a.7.7 0 0 0-.003.995c.133.135.31.209.499.209a.697.697 0 0 0 .496-.205c1.5-1.488 6.395-6.487 6.395-8.338a4.725 4.725 0 0 0-4.72-4.72'/><path d='M6.961 6.549L4.681 8.95a.704.704 0 0 0 1.02.97l2.28-2.4a.704.704 0 0 0-.025-.997.724.724 0 0 0-.995.026'/></g></svg></div><a class="NavigatnInternalLk-cWEaeo knabMb navigatn__lk" href="/sex-love" data-ttid="navigatn__ternal-lk" role="lk">Love</a></li><li class="NavigatnListItemWrapper-cxLZKD dsgTQs navigatn__list-em" data-ttid="navigatn__list-em"><div data-ttid="navigatn__nav-em-in" class="NavigatnItemIn-bpcxDt hLTmGs"><svg xmlns='' width='22' height='22' viewBox='0 0 22 22'><g fill-le='evenodd'><path d='M13.895 12a.692.692 0 0 0-.691.691 2.413 2.413 0 0 1-2.412 2.411 2.414 2.414 0 0 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data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd bjcNOB gydgrM">If You’re Not Sure You’re ‘Allowed’ to Intify as Bisexual, Read This</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ bZgCVT">There are so many ways to be bisexual.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gKcujo byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fzZOZR gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fPqUbj IWACp eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/melissa-a-fabello">Melissa A. Fabello</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2020-01-31T15:51:56-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd danQKH MlCHH">January 31, 2020</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP cAlrhp lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc bjtV lead-asset--width-small" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="For Years I Wasnt Sure I Was ‘Allowed to Intify as Bisexual" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE qDPBn ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN loMSDX"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd gVwuiM fNaHcW ptn__cred">Getty Imag/ Jena Arll</span></div></div></figure><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor" class="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor-jYVcDc djtEof"></div></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg fgMkJI social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>My bt iend and I were on the b g home om school the seventh gra, and we were almost at our stop. For the entire ri, she had been avoidg tellg me the name of her new csh, who had been leavg her <a href=">forlorn and mopey</a> for weeks. I was gettg impatient.</p><p>“I need to tell you somethg first,” she said, avoidg my ey. “I’m <a href=">bisexual</a>.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>“Okay,” I said slowly, elongatg the send vowel. I had never heard that word before. “What do that mean?”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Wh the nfince that the oler bt iend tends to exu when explag a sndalo new topic (at least middle school), she said, “It means that I like boys <em>and</em> I like girls.”</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="wua7ve"></div></div><p>And then I shouted, “Oh, my God, I’m that too!”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Bisexualy is more plited than that, of urse. Like her sister inti, such as <a href=">pansexualy</a> and omnisexualy, bisexualy impli an attractn to multiple (or all) genrs. (If you're wonrg, “<a href=">What is pansexualy</a>?" here's what you need to know). The simplifitn of beg attracted to men and women (pecially where the genrs are assumed to be cis) is not only rrect but also harmful. But as a kid whout a ep unrstandg of genr, I was nohels stck by my bt iend’s fn.</p><p>You see, growg up, I was nfed. Many queer kids have a siar experience: We’re prented wh only one optn of what relatnships look like—cis man pl cis woman equals te love forever!—and we n sometim sense early on that somethg about our ternal experience feels different.</p><p>In the fifth gra, when a iend of me sneered that I was gay as an sult, I thought maybe I had land on a name for what I felt. But I went home and asked my dad what that meant, and still didn’t f. I wasn’t straight like I was supposed to be, but damn , I wasn’t this untercultural “gay” thg eher.</p><p>I felt stuck. As I saw at the time, there were girls who were attracted to boys, and there were girls who were attracted to girls, but no matter how hard I tried, I uldn’t simply pick one. I was both—and I thought I was the only one.</p><p>Learng the word <em>bisexual</em> on the b that day a uple of years later was an unfettably powerful moment of validatn. Not only was there a name for what I felt, but I wasn’t alone after all.</p><p>Unfortunately, my road to strong, assured bisexual inty was riddled wh pothol, as is for many of . Over the urse of my life, bee I ternalized so much <a href=">stigma around bisexualy</a>, I’ve stggled wh claimg this inty that at first felt ctom-ma for me.</p><hr/><p>I started datg my first love, a woman, when I was 15. It was wh her that I had <a href=">my first sexual experience</a>. I was very fortable intifyg as bisexual then. I had csh galore, and genr felt irrelevant to my attractns. I also helped start the Gay/Straight Alliance at my high school. Sure, people mistook me for a lbian and hurled associated slurs at me, but I felt solid my bisexualy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="0qgo9"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="bluoo"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>When I later started datg a man, though, I felt a signifint shift. Sudnly, my peers qutned my queerns. Even my boyiend at the time told me, pot-blank, “No one is bisexual forever. You eventually have to choose.” But stead of qutng our msed-up unrstandg of sexualy, doubt started creepg to my heart stead: <em>Would</em> I eventually have to choose?</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>For many years after that, I dated cis men almost exclively, mostly as a rult of nvenience. I still intified as bisexual, bee I had csh, went on dat wh, and hooked up wh people of var genrs. But the love terts who tend to stick, who wanted me most, were cis men. I was even engaged to one before I graduated om llege! Eventually, this led me the oppose directn of what you might assume: My sexual boredom and sometim even disgt wh the men I dated led me to believe I was, and always had been, super gay after all.</p><p>So, my early 20s, I threw myself a new directn and got eply volved my lol queer muny. I dated only women for a few years, intified as a lbian, started a blog for queer femm, and eventually got to a long-term, live- relatnship wh a woman. I me out anew—only to be shocked when I later fell for a man all over aga. I tried donng a “homoflexible” label for a few years, but two boyiends later I had to s back and take a good look at my inty and why my perceptn of kept shiftg seemgly so drastilly.</p><p>What I didn’t unrstand as I tried on the different labels was that isn’t simply our behavr that dictat who we are. It’s also our ternal experience and how we choose to scribe . The normative unrstandg of bisexualy tends to falsely fe as a strict set of feelgs and actns: We’re told that bisexualy means havg equal attractn to multiple genrs and engagg wh them romantilly and sexually siar amounts. Not only is this an credibly rctive way to unrstand sexualy, but also leav many people grapplg wh whether they’re “allowed” to intify as bisexual when their experienc don’t align wh this narrow fn. That’s what happened to me before I realized I was thkg about all wrong.</p><hr/><p>It took years for me to realize that sexual fluidy (the experience of sexual inty as flowg and fluctuatg) is legimate. Now I’m fortable wh the ia that my attractns sometim shift, and wh that sometim inty chang, which are also valid.</p><p>But ’s worth qutng why bisexualy as a label kept slippg away om me, spe attractn to multiple genrs always beg a part of my sexual experience.</p><p>What do actually <em>mean</em> to be bisexual? And who is allowed to claim ?</p><p>Over the years, I’ve created and nurtured relatnships my muny wh other bisexual people, and women particular. I n’t tell you how many tim I’ve heard of this mon experience, which often throws people to a spiral of validatn: A cis woman is attracted to multiple genrs, but for var reasons has only ever engaged romantilly and/or sexually wh cis men. Maybe she regnized her attractn to others later life and is, at that pot, a <a href=">monogamo</a> life partnership already. Maybe she feels unfortable—like an imposter— queer spac, so she hasn’t been able to meet, let alone date, anyone except cis men. Maybe her cy, fay, or culture is nservative, and livg her life thentilly uld be dangero to her. She knows her heart where her attractns lie, but her experience betrays that. Is <em>she</em> bisexual?</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="9h8ay9"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-3"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt fIrqYK">Most Popular</div><ul class="RecircMostPopularItems-dCAajf gqcRrp"><li><div 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</span>Ashia Aubourg</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw bGBSrw ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="8psula"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs fObDao"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="5dliyb"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Well, yeah. If that’s what she wants to ll herself, which is up to her.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>When I was graduate school, workg toward a master’s and then a doctorate gree Human Sexualy Studi, I was troduced to the Orientatn, Behavr, and Inty (OBI) Mol. Popularized by Brent A. Satterly, Ph.D., and siar to s more famo precsors, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">the Ksey Sle</a> and <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">the Kle Grid</a>, aimed to be a simple amework for unrstandg the plexi of human sexualy experienc.</p><p>The OBI Mol poss that our orientatn (who we’re naturally attracted to), behavr (who we engage wh romantilly or sexually, cludg through <a href=">fantasi</a>), and inty (how we scribe ourselv) exist on pennt sl, and there are endls batns beyond the dictnary fn of any given sexualy. It says “not so fast” to the pervasive myth that orr to <em>intify</em> as bisexual, you mt be attracted to all (or multiple) genrs equally, and you mt be romantic and sexual wh all (or multiple) genrs equally. Sudnly, the puzzle piec of tryg to unrstand my own sexualy fell to place.</p><p>If you too have been grapplg wh your sexualy or sexual inty, here’s how the OBI mol suggts thkg of :</p><ul><li>Orientatn: Which genrs do you fd yourself naturally cled toward? Which genrs do you tend to be attracted to or have csh on? Who piqu your tert?</li><li>Behavr: Which genrs do you tend to have romantic and/or sexual relatnships wh? When actively datg, who are you searchg for? Which genrs do you fantasize about?</li><li>Inty: How do you scribe your ternal sense of sexual self? Which words feel ftg to you and do you feel fortable donng (even privately)? How do you see yourself as a sexual person?</li></ul><p>Here’s how that plays out for me: I fd myself attracted to people of all genrs, although some far more often than others. Most of my romantic and sexual behavr has been wh cis men and cis women, but not all of , and I choose not to actively go out of my way to date (particularly cis) men. I intify as bisexual and pansexual terchangeably bee those words scribe my experience of attractn to all genrs; I also intify as queer, particularly polilly. But I make a pot to e the term <em>bisexual</em> as often as possible to bat the notn that someone else’s ia of bisexualy f me.</p><p>Bisexualy n look like primarily beg attracted to and/or datg one genr, while also havg tert others. It n look like makg a nsc choice to date one group of people over another, spe broar attractn. It n look perfectly portned wh equal experience across genrs. Or, like wh my own experience, bisexualy n look like shiftg external behavr wh a static orientatn.</p><p>Ultimately, bisexualy isn’t a phase or a nfn or a burn. It’s a legimate experience and inty. And any outsi disbelief or ternalized imposter syndrome that up for likely isn’t the flt of bisexualy self, but of a culture that don’t give the tools to talk about ourselv thentilly.</p><p><strong>Related:</strong></p><ul><li><a href=">How Alice ‘The L Word’ Affirmed My Inty as a Bisexual Woman</a></li><li><a href=">This Is What It’s Like to Come Out Your 30s or Later</a></li><li><a href=">I’m a Bisexual Guy, and No, It’s Not Jt a Phase</a></li></ul></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="kyrj69"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="ContributorsWrapper-eNpWFu hEUvfU ntributors" data-ttid="Contributors"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="TextBlockWrapper-bNZsMC dTomOc StyledTextblock-SJflO kHgSzz disclaimer grid-layout__ntent"><p class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TextBlockText-gtrMkY iUEiRd Pbwma kQegaj">SELF do not provi medil advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any rmatn published on this webse or by this brand is not tend as a substute for medil advice, and you should not take any actn before nsultg wh a healthre profsnal.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div data-ttid="TagCloudWrapper" class="TagCloudWrapper-gGgndx iPNP ContentFooterTagCloud-krQmRG ZLGh"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudSectnHear-cOforY iUEiRd kgktQt kQQRmu">Topics</span><a href="/topic/bisexualy" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">bisexualy</span></a><a href="/topic/relatnships" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">relatnships</span></a><a href="/topic/love" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">love</span></a><a href="/topic/lgbtq" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">lgbtq</span></a></div></div></div></div><div data-ttid="ContentFooterBottom" class="ContentFooterBottom-jwWZfC kcbyiW"><div class="ntent-bottom-anchor"></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-footer" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-footer"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div 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summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How to Save Your Relatnship From the Social Media Comparison Trap" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Save Your Relatnship From the Social Media Comparison Trap</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">Even the most picture-perfect pairs go through rough patch.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="4 People on What Livg Whout a Rectum Is Like" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">4 People on What Livg Whout a Rectum Is Like</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">If you have a stoma, you n poop anytime, anywhere.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="7 Signs of Emotnal Abe That Aren’t So Obv" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">7 Signs of Emotnal Abe That Aren’t So Obv</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">It don’t have to be loud or vlent to “unt.”</div></div></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="1txihr"></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="3 Thgs to Do If You’re a Guy Stgglg Wh Your Body Image" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">3 Thgs to Do If You’re a Guy Stgglg Wh Your Body Image</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">Your food or fns route shouldn’t make you feel like sh.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-5" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="7 Therapist Red Flags You Should Never Ignore" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-5" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">7 Therapist Red Flags You Should Never Ignore</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">There are some not-so-obv thgs a mental health profsnal should never do.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-6" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Actually, ‘Bed Rottg’ Can Be a Very Leg Form of Self-Care" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-6" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Actually, ‘Bed Rottg’ Can Be a Very Leg Form of Self-Care</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">It’s lled rt, people.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-7" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Salma Hayek Showed Off Her Grays and the ‘Wisdom’ That Com Wh Them" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-7" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Salma Hayek Showed Off Her Grays and the ‘Wisdom’ That Com Wh Them</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">At 56, “everythg” about gettg olr has pleasantly surprised her.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm idzIpc" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-8" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="‘This Undid Me’: Brooke Shields on Her ‘Frighteng’ Postpartum Deprsn" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ 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