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Joe Kort, Ph.D., talks about his new book, "Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?"

Contents:

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

* i am gay and my boyfriend is straight *

I am gay and I'm love wh a straight, what n I do?

If you are gay and you are love wh a straight person, there is nothg you n really do. The club of gay people who have been love wh a straight. But do really make a difference if they are straight or gay, if at the end of the day they are someone who is not attracted to you?

Those lov are like fallg love wh a teacher, or a straight fallg love wh a gay, or fallg love wh a married person, or fallg love wh a sger or an actor.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

"I told my parents, 'I'm datg a woman right now, but I'm not gay.'" * i am gay and my boyfriend is straight *

But you need to know that if the person dont want to do somethg wh you, you need to pass no matter have to rpect that the person you like is straight jt like how he rpect and accept you beg Gay. In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn.

HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS "STRAIGHT""I TOLD MY PARENTS, 'I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY.'" {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017/8:00 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}KISSBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017 / 8:00 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS \"STRAIGHT\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"KRISTA MASIC","KEYWORDS":"OPN","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MANY BISEXUALS, MY G OUT WAS WAS DRAWN OUT AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE FIRST QUEER PERSON I EVER DATED WAS A TRANSGENR MAN. WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER, HE WAS NEARG THE END OF A SPENT INTIFYG AS A BUTCH LBIAN. HE HAD JT BEGUN TO REALIZE HE MIGHT BE TRANS, BUT HADN’T YET TAKEN ANY OUTWARD STEPS TOWARD {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I WAS 22 AND HAD JT MOVED TO SAN FRANCIS. UNTIL THEN, I HAD ONLY EVER DATED STRAIGHT, CISGENR GUYS—SOMETHG MY NEW PARTNER ACTUALLY LIKED ABOUT ME. IT MA HIM FEEL LIKE I WAS MORE ATTRACTED TO THE THE MAN HE ASPIRED TO BE THAN THE LBIAN HE STILL INTIFIED AS, BUT SPECTED HE MIGHT ONE DAY LEAVE BEHD.COUPLE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I LIKED THAT DYNAMIC: HIS MASCULY WAS GENTLE, ANDROGYNO, AND SUBVERSIVE, AND THAT'S WHAT DREW ME TO HIM. IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME BRAND OF MASCULY I'D ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO CISGENR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN I FALLY TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATNSHIP, I SAID, "I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FE MYSELF. I WASN'T YET READY TO EXPLA MY PARTNER'S -FLUX GENR INTY. (AT THE TIME, HE WAS STILL G HIS BIRTH NAME AND FEMALE PRONOUNS). I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A LBIAN, AND I FELY DIDN'T WANT E THE WORD "BISEXUAL." I HELD EVERY NCEIVABLE NEGATIVE NNOTATN TO THAT WORD: BISEXUALS WERE FAKERS AND ATTENTN-SEEKERS, PUNCHL OM BAD '90S MOVI. THEY WERE CISIVE AT BT, AND GREEDY AT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALSO BELIEVED THAT THE “BI” “BISEXUAL” RELIED ON THE THEORY OF A GENR BARY I WAS RAPIDLY LOSG FAH . (IN TTH, "BI" IMPLI ATTRACTN TO MEMBERS OF BOTH ONE’S OWN AND OTHER GENRS). ULTIMATELY, FELT EASIER TO FE MY SEXUALY TERMS OF WHAT WASN'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BUT THE LONG NIGHTS I SPENT TELLG MY PARTNER ABOUT ALL THE "GAY MOMENTS" MY CHILDHOOD THAT SUDNLY MA A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE—ALWAYS VOLUNTEERG TO PLAY THE GROOM PLAYGROUND “WEDDGS,” ASKG OTHER GIRLS AT A SLUMBER PARTY TO “PRACTICE” MAKG OUT, ROMANTIC IENDSHIPS WH A LONG LE OF TEENAGE BFFS— BEME CREASGLY APPARENT THAT I REALLY WASN'T STRAIGHT, EHER. I WAS AS ATTRACTED TO THE LGERG FEME ASPECTS OF MY PARTNER AS I WAS TO THE MASCULE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LUCKILY, I FOUND A LABEL JT FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO F ME LIKE A SEND SK: "QUEER." AND AS I EXPLORED MY NEW HOME SAN FRANCIS I MA DOZENS OF NEW IENDS WHO ALSO ALL SEEMED TO BE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, MY FIRST QUEER LOVE AND I BROKE UP—THOUGH WE LEFT ON GOOD TERMS. (HE LATER WROTE A LOVELY MEMOIR ABOUT HIS TRANSN AND OUR RELATNSHIP GOT A CHAPTER, FTGLY TLED "THE QUEER BIRDS AND THE BE."){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOON AFTER WE PARTED WAYS, I BEGAN DATG ANOTHER TRANS GUY WHO WAS PRETTY UNIVERSALLY PERCEIVED AS A CISGENR DU. IN THOSE EARLY YEARS OF FUMBLG THROUGH MY NEWFOUND QUEERNS, I WAS DIRE NEED OF ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT OM THE LGBT MUNY. BUT BEE OF HOW I LOOKED (MORE STRAIGHT THAN FEMME) AND WHO I WAS DATG (TRANS MEN), I FELT TRATED OVER BEG RENRED VISIBLE QUEER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PEOPLE GAY BARS WOULD REFER TO ME AND MY BOYIEND AS A STRAIGHT UPLE, OR TO ME AS A STRAIGHT WOMAN, WHICH MA ME FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN CASTRO BARS, OLR GAY MEN WKGLY UTNED ME THAT MY BOYIEND, WHO THEY PERCEIVED AS CISGENR, "MIGHT BE A LTLE B ON THE GAY SI." I BETTER BE "REFUL,” THEY'D TEASE, OR ONE OF THEM JT MIGHT SNATCH HIM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DURG PRI, A DNK WOMAN ONCE TOLD ME SHE LOVED SEEG STRAIGHT PEOPLE LIKE OUT SOLIDARY. SHE ADD THAT MY BOYIEND WAS REALLY CUTE, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY BEE SHE WAS "SUPER GAY.” AT THE TIME, I WAS CKED OUT RABOW GEAR OM HEAD TO TOE AND MY BOYIEND WAS WEARG A T-SHIRT THAT SAID "NOBODY KNOWS I'M TRANSGENR."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I NEVER OUTED MY TRANS BOYIEND (THOUGH HE OCSNALLY OUTED HIMSELF THE SCENARS), BUT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE LANGUAGE I NEED TO OUT MYSELF, EHER. INSTEAD, I GENERALLY HANDLED THE TRATNS BY SILENTLY FEELG SORRY FOR MYSELF. OR IF I'D HAD A FEW DRKS, SHOUTG THGS LIKE, "YOU HAVE NO IA HOW GAY HE IS—HE'S GAY FOR ME!" BEFORE STORMG OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS STRANGE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON THE OTHER HAND, I WAS ALSO WELL AWARE THAT MY ABILY TO PASS AS STRAIGHT—BOTH ON MY OWN AND THE NTEXT OF MY RELATNSHIP—EARNED ME A CERTA AMOUNT OF PRIVILEGE, PECIALLY THE WORLD BEYOND SAN FRANCIS. AND EVERY TIME I WATCHED MY PARTNER PEEK TO A SKETCHY MEN’S ROOM TO MAKE SURE WAS EMPTY BEFORE DARG TO GO , I WAS AWARE OF HOW BEG CISGENR GAVE ME PRIVILEGE, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT MA ME FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T PLA, LIKE I SHOULD BE NTENT TO SWEEP THE PLEXI OF MY OWN INTY UNR THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, A AND MANY RELATNSHIPS ACROSS THE GENR SPECTM LATER, I’M BETTER EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THE SUATNS. IN PART, THAT’S BEE I HAVE A MORE EFFECTIVE VOBULARY TO DO SO: I AM PROUDLY, UNAPOLOGETILLY BISEXUAL. AND STILL QUEER AF, EVEN WHEN DATG A STRAIGHT CISGENR MAN, LIKE I AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO THANKS TO MY EXPOSURE TO THE ADVOCY WORK OF ANIZATNS LIKE HRC AND BINETUSA, THE CREASED VISIBILY OF BISEXUAL CELEBRI LIKE ANNA PAQU, ALAN CUMMG, AND EVAN RACHEL WOOD, AND EVEN BISEXUAL YOUTUBE STARS WHO HELPED ME BUNK THE MYTHS I’D TERNALIZED ABOUT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MAKG A FEW OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL IENDS DIDN’T HURT, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, IF SOMEONE AT A GAY BAR ASSUM I’M STRAIGHT—BEE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT MY RELATNSHIP LOOKS LIKE—I TAKE AS AN OPPORTUNY TO OUT MYSELF (UALLY POLELY, AND WHOUT AS MUCH DNK YELLG). I PROUDLY REP THE B {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN REALY, A LOT OF BISEXUAL WOMEN ARE RELATNSHIPS THAT LOOK "STRAIGHT": MORE THAN 80% OF THEM MTED RELATNSHIPS REPORT HAVG A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSE SEX. (WHICH, AS A REMR, DON'T MAKE THEM ANY LS BI.) AND A LOT OF TRANS PEOPLE ARE QUEER RELATNSHIPS THAT MAY APPEAR HETERONORMATIVE OM THE OUTSI, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A STRAIGHT UPLE AT THE GAY BAR, KEEP MD THAT QUEER UPL E ALL DIFFERENT BATNS. AND THEY SERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND WELE LGBT SPAC, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR LOVE LOOKS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

This populatn is the foc of his new and much-need book: Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi? Number one is the high cince of male-female upl enterg my office bee the woman thks her man might be gay.

More often than not, he’s not gay or even bi. He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been havg sex wh men. A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me?

Am I gay? And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

That’s unual, bee most gay men, even most gay therapists, believe that if a guy is havg gay sex, he’s gay.

So how do you terme if a man is or isn’t gay? Most gay or bisexual men will say y. ” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way.

Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women.

17 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS SECRETLY GAY (& WHAT TO DO)

Another thg that I look for is homophobia.

When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* I AM GAY AND MY BOYFRIEND IS STRAIGHT

Is Flirtg Between Gay and Straight Men Okay? | Psychology Today .

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