Is My Son Gay or Is a Phase? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• DEAR VOGUE, ‘GAY’ IS NOT A PHASEAIRBRUSHEDTHOANDS WANT THE MAGAZE TO APOLOGIZE AFTER THE THOR OF A CARA DELEVGNE PROFILE SUGGTS HER BEG GAY IS JT A ‘PHASE.’EY SHIREUPDATED APR. 14, 2017 10:34AM EDT / PUBLISHED JUN. 25, 2015 6:36PM EDT SUZANNE PLUNKETT/RTERSSOME 13,000 PEOPLE WANT ANNA WTOUR TO APOLOGIZE—AND HAS NOTHG TO DO WH HER SUMMER SELECTNS.DAYS AFTER THE JULY ISSUE OF VOGUE H THE STANDS, THE MAGAZE’S PROFILE OF MOL/ACTRS/INSTAGRAM-SENSTATN CARA DELEVGNE HAS SPARKED A FULL-ON BACKLASH.ROB HASKELL’S PROFILE ON DELEVGNE ONLY VOT A UPLE OF SMALL PARAGRAPHS TO HER SEXUAL ORIENTATN AND HER CURRENT RELATNSHIP WH SGER ANNIE CLARK (BETTER KNOWN AS ST. VCENT).BUT THE TREATMENT OF DELEVGNE’S BISEXUALY IS BOTH NFG AND NSCENDG. “HER PARENTS SEEM TO THK GIRLS ARE JT A PHASE FOR CARA, AND THEY MAY BE RRECT,” HASKELL WR WHOUT EVER ACTUALLY DIRECTLY QUOTG DELEVGNE’S PARENTS OR HER ON THE TOPIC.HASKELL PROCEEDS TO QUOTE DELEVGNE’S REFERENCE TO HER TUMULTUO RELATNSHIPS WH WOMEN: “WOMEN ARE WHAT PLETELY SPIRE ME, AND THEY HAVE ALSO BEEN MY DOWNFALL. I HAVE ONLY BEEN HURT BY WOMEN, MY MOTHER FIRST OF ALL.”THEN, HE ADDS HIS OWN MENTARY:“WHEN I SUGGT TO CARA THAT TO TST A MAN, SHE MIGHT HAVE TO REVISE AN OLD AND STUBBORN IA OF HERS—THAT WOMEN ARE PERENNIALLY TROUBLED AND THEREFORE ONLY WOMEN WILL ACCEPT HER—HER SE SAYS SHE NCES THE POT.”IT’S UNCLEAR OM THE TEXT WHY HE NFINTLY READS DELEVGNE’S SE AS A SIGN OF NCSN.WHAT IS CLEAR ARE THE REASONS WHY SOME REARS ARE PRETTY PEEVED BY HASKELL’S, AND ERGO VOGUE’S, TREATMENT OF DELEVGNE’S SEXUALY.VOGUE DID NOT RPOND TO THE DAILY BEAST’S REQUT FOR MENT BY THE TIME OF PUBLITN.“PEOPLE ARE QUICK TO ASSUME QUEER WOMEN’S INTI ARE A ‘PHASE’ AND TO REFE TO REGNIZE THE IMPORTANT RELATNSHIPS THEIR LIV—AN ATTU WHICH N E PRSN, RULT FAI REJECTG THEIR DGHTERS (OR FORCG THEM TO ABIVE NVERSN ‘THERAPY’), AND EVEN PUT YOUNG WOMEN AT RISK OF SUICI,” WR JULIE RODRIGUEZ, THE WOMAN WHO STARTED THE ONLE PETN RPONSE TO THE PIECE AT CARE2.RODRIGUEZ’S PLEA TO GET VOGUE TO “ISSUE AN APOLOGY TO THE LGBT MUNY FOR PUBLISHG THIS SENSIVE AND OFFENSIVE TERVIEW” HAS STCK A CHORD.IT’S MORE THAN 13,000 STRONG. CARE2 DID NOT RPOND TO THE DAILY BEAST’S EFFORTS TO GET TOUCH WH RODRIGUEZ.THE FAMOLY ICY WTOUR IS UNLIKELY TO PUBLICLY VE AND APOLOGIZE, PECIALLY WHEN HASKELL’S PROFILE IS, ADMTEDLY, FAR OM A BLATANT TIRA AGAST THE LGBT MUNY.IN THE NTEXT OF THE LONG AND SHAMEFUL HISTORY OF LGBT MEDIA ABE AND MISTREATMENT, HASKELL’S HANDFUL OF SENTENC ARE HARDLY THE MOST VRLIC OR NIGRATG.BUT SCRIBG A PERSON’S HOMOSEXUALY AS A “PHASE” IS ONE OF THE MOST FAIAR AND DISMISSIVE THGS MANY LGBTS HEAR WHEN G OUT OR TALKG ABOUT THEIR SEXUALY, OM LOVED ON WHOSE SUPPORT THEY HAVE SOUGHT.WEEKS AFTER S CONDé NAST STABLEMATE, VANY FAIR, HAD THE TRAILBLAZG CALYN JENNER ON S VER, S TREATMENT OF DELEVGNE MAK VOGUE LOOK TOTALLY OUT OF TOUCH.AT BT, THE PUBLITN SEEMS LIKE AN UN-LISTENG, UNAWARE PARENT SHGGG OFF THEIR TEEN CHILD’S G OUT AS A FAD.AT WORST, VOGUE APPEARS HOMOPHOBIC, TREATG DELEVGNE’S SEXUAL RELATNSHIP WH WOMEN AS A TEMPORARY, FLIGHTY FANCY OF HER YOUTH (READ: IMMATURY) AND DISTST OF MEN.DELEVGNE IS OPEN WH HASKELL ABOUT HER FEELGS.“I THK THAT BEG LOVE WH MY GIRLIEND IS A BIG PART OF WHY I’M FEELG SO HAPPY WH WHO I AM THE DAYS,” SHE SAYS. “AND FOR THOSE WORDS TO E OUT OF MY MOUTH IS ACTUALLY A MIRACLE.”DELEVGNE, SAYS HASKELL, “FELT NFED BY HER SEXUALY AS A CHILD, AND THE POSSIBILY OF BEG GAY IGHTENED HER.”“IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO ACCEPT THE IA, UNTIL I FIRST FELL LOVE WH A GIRL AT 20 AND REGNIZED THAT I HAD TO ACCEPT ,” SHE SAYS, ADDG SHE ONLY HAS EROTIC DREAMS ABOUT MEN.IF SHE EVER DO FD A GUY TO FALL LOVE WH, DELEVGNE SAYS, “I’D WANT TO MARRY HIM AND HAVE HIS CHILDREN. AND THAT SR ME TO ATH BEE I THK I’M A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRAZY, AND I ALWAYS WORRY THAT A GUY WILL WALK AWAY ONCE HE REALLY, TLY KNOWS ME.”DELEVGNE MAY HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT RELATNSHIPS WH MEN AND WOMEN, BUT HOW DID HASKELL EXTRAPOLATE OM THOSE ACUNTS THAT WAS HER LBIAN, RATHER THAN STRAIGHT, SEXUALY THAT WOULD BE THE “PHASE” SHE WAS GOG THROUGH?OR, ED, THAT SHE VIEWED ANY ASPECT OF HER SEXUALY AS A PHASE?THE “’S ONLY A PHASE” PRUMPTN THE VOGUE ARTICLE SPEAKS TO A VERY REAL PROBLEM FOR LGBTS. NO MATTER THE HUGE LEGAL AND SOCIAL ADVANC OF RECENT YEARS, MANY STILL HAVE THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATNS TREATED AS “JT A PHASE,” A TEMPORARY ABERRATN BEFORE THEY FALLY “SETTLE DOWN” TO HETEROSEXUALY.I KNOW ANECDOTALLY OM IENDS THAT IS BOTH TRATG AND HURTFUL TO BE TOLD THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN, THEIR CHOICE WHO THEY LOVE IS, SIMPLY A “PHASE.”BY 2015, SHOULD BE WELL TABLISHED THAT SEXUALY IS PLEX AND FLUID, AND SHOULD BE EQUALLY WELL TABLISHED THAT G TO TERMS WH OUR SEXUALY N BE PLEX AND DIFFICULT—AS DELEVGNE SAYS WAS FOR HER THE PROFILE.BUT IS VALIER AND SENSIVE TO BLHELY AME DELEVGNE’S BISEXUALY AS A FLEETG FAD. VOGUE SHOULD KNOW BETTER, NOT THAT ONE SHOULD BANK ON THE PUBLITN ISSUG AN APOLOGY.AFTER ALL, WTOUR STILL HASN’T APOLOGIZED FOR THE KIMYE VER. EY SHIRE

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

A few months ago, I me out as bisexual to my new gay iend.

For many people who aren't bisexual, I have to prove myself—and the fact that, no, I'm actually not gay—by openly havg sex wh people of multiple genrs at any given have nsistently asked me the sorts of qutns sce I was 14, the first time I publicly me out as bisexual. It started wh a close iend and branched off to other guys I spent time wh on var sports first, I thought everyone was attracted to people of multiple genrs too and that they’d ci to be eher straight or gay (or get tegorized à la Harry Potter’s sortg hat maybe).

DEAR VOGUE, ‘GAY’ IS NOT A PHASEAIRBRUSHEDTHOANDS WANT THE MAGAZE TO APOLOGIZE AFTER THE THOR OF A CARA DELEVGNE PROFILE SUGGTS HER BEG GAY IS JT A ‘PHASE.’EY SHIREUPDATED APR. 14, 2017 10:34AM EDT / PUBLISHED JUN. 25, 2015 6:36PM EDT SUZANNE PLUNKETT/RTERSSOME 13,000 PEOPLE WANT ANNA WTOUR TO APOLOGIZE—AND HAS NOTHG TO DO WH HER SUMMER SELECTNS.DAYS AFTER THE JULY ISSUE OF VOGUE H THE STANDS, THE MAGAZE’S PROFILE OF MOL/ACTRS/INSTAGRAM-SENSTATN CARA DELEVGNE HAS SPARKED A FULL-ON BACKLASH.ROB HASKELL’S PROFILE ON DELEVGNE ONLY VOT A UPLE OF SMALL PARAGRAPHS TO HER SEXUAL ORIENTATN AND HER CURRENT RELATNSHIP WH SGER ANNIE CLARK (BETTER KNOWN AS ST. VCENT).BUT THE TREATMENT OF DELEVGNE’S BISEXUALY IS BOTH NFG AND NSCENDG. “HER PARENTS SEEM TO THK GIRLS ARE JT A PHASE FOR CARA, AND THEY MAY BE RRECT,” HASKELL WR WHOUT EVER ACTUALLY DIRECTLY QUOTG DELEVGNE’S PARENTS OR HER ON THE TOPIC.HASKELL PROCEEDS TO QUOTE DELEVGNE’S REFERENCE TO HER TUMULTUO RELATNSHIPS WH WOMEN: “WOMEN ARE WHAT PLETELY SPIRE ME, AND THEY HAVE ALSO BEEN MY DOWNFALL. I HAVE ONLY BEEN HURT BY WOMEN, MY MOTHER FIRST OF ALL.”THEN, HE ADDS HIS OWN MENTARY:“WHEN I SUGGT TO CARA THAT TO TST A MAN, SHE MIGHT HAVE TO REVISE AN OLD AND STUBBORN IA OF HERS—THAT WOMEN ARE PERENNIALLY TROUBLED AND THEREFORE ONLY WOMEN WILL ACCEPT HER—HER SE SAYS SHE NCES THE POT.”IT’S UNCLEAR OM THE TEXT WHY HE NFINTLY READS DELEVGNE’S SE AS A SIGN OF NCSN.WHAT IS CLEAR ARE THE REASONS WHY SOME REARS ARE PRETTY PEEVED BY HASKELL’S, AND ERGO VOGUE’S, TREATMENT OF DELEVGNE’S SEXUALY.VOGUE DID NOT RPOND TO THE DAILY BEAST’S REQUT FOR MENT BY THE TIME OF PUBLITN.“PEOPLE ARE QUICK TO ASSUME QUEER WOMEN’S INTI ARE A ‘PHASE’ AND TO REFE TO REGNIZE THE IMPORTANT RELATNSHIPS THEIR LIV—AN ATTU WHICH N E PRSN, RULT FAI REJECTG THEIR DGHTERS (OR FORCG THEM TO ABIVE NVERSN ‘THERAPY’), AND EVEN PUT YOUNG WOMEN AT RISK OF SUICI,” WR JULIE RODRIGUEZ, THE WOMAN WHO STARTED THE ONLE PETN RPONSE TO THE PIECE AT CARE2.RODRIGUEZ’S PLEA TO GET VOGUE TO “ISSUE AN APOLOGY TO THE LGBT MUNY FOR PUBLISHG THIS SENSIVE AND OFFENSIVE TERVIEW” HAS STCK A CHORD.IT’S MORE THAN 13,000 STRONG. CARE2 DID NOT RPOND TO THE DAILY BEAST’S EFFORTS TO GET TOUCH WH RODRIGUEZ.THE FAMOLY ICY WTOUR IS UNLIKELY TO PUBLICLY VE AND APOLOGIZE, PECIALLY WHEN HASKELL’S PROFILE IS, ADMTEDLY, FAR OM A BLATANT TIRA AGAST THE LGBT MUNY.IN THE NTEXT OF THE LONG AND SHAMEFUL HISTORY OF LGBT MEDIA ABE AND MISTREATMENT, HASKELL’S HANDFUL OF SENTENC ARE HARDLY THE MOST VRLIC OR NIGRATG.BUT SCRIBG A PERSON’S HOMOSEXUALY AS A “PHASE” IS ONE OF THE MOST FAIAR AND DISMISSIVE THGS MANY LGBTS HEAR WHEN G OUT OR TALKG ABOUT THEIR SEXUALY, OM LOVED ON WHOSE SUPPORT THEY HAVE SOUGHT.WEEKS AFTER S CONDé NAST STABLEMATE, VANY FAIR, HAD THE TRAILBLAZG CALYN JENNER ON S VER, S TREATMENT OF DELEVGNE MAK VOGUE LOOK TOTALLY OUT OF TOUCH.AT BT, THE PUBLITN SEEMS LIKE AN UN-LISTENG, UNAWARE PARENT SHGGG OFF THEIR TEEN CHILD’S G OUT AS A FAD.AT WORST, VOGUE APPEARS HOMOPHOBIC, TREATG DELEVGNE’S SEXUAL RELATNSHIP WH WOMEN AS A TEMPORARY, FLIGHTY FANCY OF HER YOUTH (READ: IMMATURY) AND DISTST OF MEN.DELEVGNE IS OPEN WH HASKELL ABOUT HER FEELGS.“I THK THAT BEG LOVE WH MY GIRLIEND IS A BIG PART OF WHY I’M FEELG SO HAPPY WH WHO I AM THE DAYS,” SHE SAYS. “AND FOR THOSE WORDS TO E OUT OF MY MOUTH IS ACTUALLY A MIRACLE.”DELEVGNE, SAYS HASKELL, “FELT NFED BY HER SEXUALY AS A CHILD, AND THE POSSIBILY OF BEG GAY IGHTENED HER.”“IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO ACCEPT THE IA, UNTIL I FIRST FELL LOVE WH A GIRL AT 20 AND REGNIZED THAT I HAD TO ACCEPT ,” SHE SAYS, ADDG SHE ONLY HAS EROTIC DREAMS ABOUT MEN.IF SHE EVER DO FD A GUY TO FALL LOVE WH, DELEVGNE SAYS, “I’D WANT TO MARRY HIM AND HAVE HIS CHILDREN. AND THAT SR ME TO ATH BEE I THK I’M A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRAZY, AND I ALWAYS WORRY THAT A GUY WILL WALK AWAY ONCE HE REALLY, TLY KNOWS ME.”DELEVGNE MAY HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT RELATNSHIPS WH MEN AND WOMEN, BUT HOW DID HASKELL EXTRAPOLATE OM THOSE ACUNTS THAT WAS HER LBIAN, RATHER THAN STRAIGHT, SEXUALY THAT WOULD BE THE “PHASE” SHE WAS GOG THROUGH?OR, ED, THAT SHE VIEWED ANY ASPECT OF HER SEXUALY AS A PHASE?THE “’S ONLY A PHASE” PRUMPTN THE VOGUE ARTICLE SPEAKS TO A VERY REAL PROBLEM FOR LGBTS. NO MATTER THE HUGE LEGAL AND SOCIAL ADVANC OF RECENT YEARS, MANY STILL HAVE THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATNS TREATED AS “JT A PHASE,” A TEMPORARY ABERRATN BEFORE THEY FALLY “SETTLE DOWN” TO HETEROSEXUALY.I KNOW ANECDOTALLY OM IENDS THAT IS BOTH TRATG AND HURTFUL TO BE TOLD THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN, THEIR CHOICE WHO THEY LOVE IS, SIMPLY A “PHASE.”BY 2015, SHOULD BE WELL TABLISHED THAT SEXUALY IS PLEX AND FLUID, AND SHOULD BE EQUALLY WELL TABLISHED THAT G TO TERMS WH OUR SEXUALY N BE PLEX AND DIFFICULT—AS DELEVGNE SAYS WAS FOR HER THE PROFILE.BUT IS VALIER AND SENSIVE TO BLHELY AME DELEVGNE’S BISEXUALY AS A FLEETG FAD. VOGUE SHOULD KNOW BETTER, NOT THAT ONE SHOULD BANK ON THE PUBLITN ISSUG AN APOLOGY.AFTER ALL, WTOUR STILL HASN’T APOLOGIZED FOR THE KIMYE VER. EY SHIRE

I e out to gay people who meet me gay spac and to straight people who meet me straight spac. Dependg on where I am, how I prent, or who I’m wh, my bisexualy may or may not be bisexualy is pecially plited bee I experience most of my life gay spac as an activist who wr, speaks, and aniz primarily about LGBTQ issu. All the thgs n make people assume I’m gay stead of do people assume I’m straight.

Bis my beg more femme than some men, bisexual men are almost always stereotyped to be gay. I've even gone through breakups bee of the notn that I n't tly be girliend llege subscribed to this ia, eventually breakg up wh me after a few months of datg, bee her iends teased for havg a “gay boyiend. She said she didn't, but she uldn’t handle what others thought of my people like my ex and her iends assume my bisexualy is jt a steppg stone to g out as gay, they pruppose that bisexualy isn’t queer enough.

Bisexualy, to them, is half gay and half straight.